Psst: Wanna Hear A Good Joke? It's Called The Mets

"The reality of this is coming here to Pittsburgh and getting swept, me, I feel embarrassed, I don't think it's fun. I think we should find a way to play better and to focus more on what we need to accomplish."

--Carlos Beltran, proving that in fact it was his own teammates making him sick these last three days, not some mystery not-swine flu.


Mets fan tries to drown her sorrows as quickly as possible...

Ok, my patience for making excuses for the Mets losing to the Pirates is officially exhausted now that the Mets have lost all three games to the Pirates that weren't mercifully rained out.

I mean when the only way you can avoid a loss is praying for heavy downpours, your team has hit new lows. Huh? What's that? Nothing gets lower than the ass clown circus we saw in LA? Nothing more repulsive than losing a game because one of your players fails to touch third and another makes a child's error in the outfield before another throws the ballgame a hundred yards over the catcher's head? Well ok, maybe this isn't the season's lowest moment but getting swept by the Pirates, a Pirate team only the night before gutted by the callous fire sale of one of it's best players (sold to the Braves, no less!), is certainly one of the low moments of this young season.

I'm tired of listening to how so and so is hurt, or puking his guts out or pissing out of his arse every five seconds in the team clubhouse or watching Minor League players, rubbish Minor League players no less, we aren't talking superstars-in-the-making for crissakes. Tired of hearing about how the farm system sucks so bad we can't even dream about making a trade for a few decent players because nobody wants our Triple A roster of veteran castaways and over-hyped kids who can't even hit Triple A pitching or get out other Triple A batters even when their careers depend upon it.

Or funnier still, after hearing how rubbish our farm system is, how there is no hope in the future and no chips to bargain with, listening to the Mets Brainwash Collective try to sweet talk us into thinking no first round pick in the draft is no big deal - sure it's not a big deal, even if they had the first pick in the draft the Mets would find a way to cock it up, I mean LOOK at the farm system now - where is the evidence that the Mets have any proclivity at all for evaluating young talent? And what has that farm system produced on this team anyway? David Wright, the streakiest hitter on Earth who inexplicably strikes out more than 20 times more than he homers? Mr Puppy Face Poster Boy who has mastered the language of clichés and disappointment? How about Jose Reyes whose enthusiasm and speed is watered down by his inability to focus and the fact that he's got the baseball IQ of a carrier pigeon and the body with the fragility of a china doll? Good, young talent indeed.

O yea glory days of rant and rave...

And to think, this was one of those rare Mets games I didn't have to watch into the pre-dawn hours, a game I could enjoy during tea, a game I was looking forward to figuring surely the Mets wouldn't lose three in a row to these second-raters before realising about 10 pitches into Pelf's start hey, the Mets are a team of second-raters themselves, where's the advantage?

Shall we scratch our heads bald wondering what in the hell Pelf was doing out there today?

What's Pelf's excuse going to be after this one? Stomach flu? Cat got his tongue? Dog ate his book on Minor League hitters? Couldn't get his pitches down? Only missing by inches? Too sunny? Too cloudy? Too windy? Just trying to get my ERA back up near 5.00 where it deserves to be? What, can't a guy try and perfect his Ollie Perez imitation?


Why doesn't this tit have the bloody keys to Jerry's Dog House?

And Daniel Murphy? How about booting ball in the 5th like Pelf needed help giving up runs today, and THEN making us all gag with concern when you nearly booted another showing us some first class first base fielding yips? Or how about getting picked off first (ok, the Blind Ump at first base who basically blew every call he made all day, equally inept favouring both teams, called you safe, but you were clearly out, bonehead...)then pretty much not getting called out when you were pretty much thrown out at 3rd that same inning before finally getting called out at home another batter later only when you were so blatantly out even Helen Keller could have seen you were out by a half mile? I mean you had Keef pissing himself in hysterics with the futility of it all. He couldn't help himself, laughing at you and these Mets to the point of tears. And sure, Danny Boy, you had an RBI single but how much longer is Jerry going to give you to play your way out of the lineup?

Sick, sick, sick.

I'm trying to remain optimistic. Really, I am.

I think to myself well, FMart is starting to show a little more promise, Beltran is angry, that must be a good thing, David Wright didn't strike out in every at-bat so maybe his Hot-n-Cold O-meter is swinging back to lukewarm. Alex Cora is back, bandaged thumb and all. Putz looks like a candidate for elbow surgery so at least he won't be torturing us with his mediocrity much longer. (Speaking of which, is this the new Mets MO for crappy players, make them disappear on to the DL or force season-ending surgery upon them?)

We've got Emil Brown coming off the bench to pinch hit for us for crissakes, how bad can it be, right?