Closing For The Winter

Sad news revealed to avid ABA readers this morning when Jaap Stijl, founder and head (only) writer for Archie Bunker's Army announced he will miss the majority of the postseason and the better part of the winter with a combination of writer's block, repetitive motion strain and no telephone line through which to run the internet.

"Naturally we are disappointed not to have been able to finish out the season," Stijl's publicist, Vladimir Kopf mentioned to reporters at a smoked-filled press conference this afternoon. "Mister Stijl was looking forward to the rampant speculation of which player would be targeted for a billion dollar free agent payoff, which trades would be pondered and executed, who the Mets will get to fill in next season's closer role and who will be their first baseman, among other issues."

Stijl, who currently lives in an auld Roman market town in Warwickshire, could not be reached for immediate comment on the news but has authored several hand-written notes on the matter. It appears he greatly regrets not having been able to appear on the Mets end of the season roundtable and to make end-of-the-season assessments and grades of each player like so many other bloggers in the last of the month.

Rumours that Stijl had entered a substance abuse programme or was undergoing deprogramming from a frog-worshipping cult were strongly denied as absurdist fodder created by news-hungry jackals prone to speculation.

"Mr Stijl is off for the reasons stated, there is no hidden agenda."

Stijl will return sporadically to this website during the coming months and when special Mets news merits and will return full time again shortly before the onset of Spring Training.

To all his readers he wishes a speedy recover from the inevitable depression sure to overcome them and all and reassures them that his time on the Writer's DL will be over before they know it.


One Slice of Piazza To Go

Muchas Gracias, Miguel. Where will we ever find another two-hot catcher?

Awww, go'wan and give us the horns just once more, for auld time's sake...

Meanwhile, back in the loony land of Tio Pedro, our star hurler prepares for the end of baseball and full concentration on the football season with his orange inflatable football helmet.

And here, greeting Mets future closer, Aaron Heilman:

Mets Closing In On Winning, Take Sole Possession of 3rd

By my calculations, if the regular season lasted until December 18th, the Mets would finally be in first place at this rate.

Last night another game, another meaningless victory over the Colorado Rockies, this time by a 3-2 margin which moved them into sole possession of third place. Fish, eateth our dusteth.

The victory was due, in large part, to Marlon Anderson putting a curse on the Rockies in the middle of the game:

Marlon's black magic stifles Rockies catcher Danny Ardoin.

The game also saw rookie Mike Jacobs raise the bar higher still on Met fan expectations for next season with his 10th homer of his reasonably young season.

A Tale of Two Pitchers

Kris Benson, 7 1/3 innings giving up only six hits and two runs sparked vague memories of

Tom Glavine shutting out the Rockies the night before.

Ok, one's a righty and one's a lefty, but they have the same set jaw, the same short hair and oh, well two different wives.

Tom's wife, Chris, cutting up pieces of Tom's auld Braves uniform whilst their son Jonathan, looks on. Chris and Tom are well involved in fighting childhood cancer.

Meanwhile, Anna Benson, sitting around looking trampish, as she does best. Anna's husband, Mr Anna Benson, spends most of his free time discussing philosophy and keeping his wife out of bar room brawls.


Meanwhile, Bradon Looper will undergo surgery to see if the misfiring synapses in his brain which cause him to throw gopher balls at crucial moments in the game, can be repaired.

In related news, Aaron Heilman earned his 5th save of his young season as a closer and will simply have to be called upon to do the same next season as opposed to spending billions of pesos on someone like Billy Wagner.


Notice how serious Willie has been of late about the Mets finishing big?

Now he's got Marlon Anderson starting in right field over Victor Diaz who still cannot field and still has no plate discipline.

Anderson hit a moon shot last night to help the Mets to victory.


Anyway Kids, the Army is off on hiatus for the next month so barring any unforeseen face time with a computer in the next 30 days, this will be the last post of the season. If you wish to be informed via email when the Army returns at the end of October, please drop a line and yea shall be duly notified.

Adios and good luck for the last two games, yea suddenly streaking Mets!