Archie Bunker's Army

Sad news revealed to avid ABA readers this morning when Jaap Stijl, founder and head (only) writer for Archie Bunker's Army announced he will miss the majority of the postseason and the better part of the winter with a combination of writer's block, repetitive motion strain and no telephone line through which to run the internet. "Naturally we are disappointed not to have been able to finish out the season," Stijl's publicist, Vladimir Kopf mentioned to reporters at a smoked-filled press conference this afternoon. "Mister Stijl was looking forward to the rampant speculation of which player would be targeted for a billion dollar free agent payoff, which trades would be pondered and executed, who the Mets will get to fill in next season's closer role and who will be their first baseman, among other issues." Stijl, who currently lives in an auld Roman market town in Warwickshire, could not be reached for immediate comment on the news but has authored ...

Muchas Gracias, Miguel. Where will we ever find another two-hot catcher? Awww, go'wan and give us the horns just once more, for auld time's sake... Meanwhile, back in the loony land of Tio Pedro , our star hurler prepares for the end of baseball and full concentration on the football season with his orange inflatable football helmet. And here, greeting Mets future closer, Aaron Heilman:

By my calculations, if the regular season lasted until December 18th, the Mets would finally be in first place at this rate. Last night another game, another meaningless victory over the Colorado Rockies, this time by a 3-2 margin which moved them into sole possession of third place. Fish, eateth our dusteth. The victory was due, in large part, to Marlon Anderson putting a curse on the Rockies in the middle of the game: Marlon's black magic stifles Rockies catcher Danny Ardoin. The game also saw rookie Mike Jacobs raise the bar higher still on Met fan expectations for next season with his 10th homer of his reasonably young season. A Tale of Two Pitchers Kris Benson, 7 1/3 innings giving up only six hits and two runs sparked vague memories of Tom Glavine shutting out the Rockies the night before. Ok, one's a righty and one's a lefty, but they have the same set jaw, the same short hair and oh, well two different wives. Tom's wife, Chris, cutting up pieces of Tom's au...