Hey Kids, How About Another Broken Heart?

Just like the running gag every year wherein Lucy’s latest clever little ruse to persuade Charlie Brown to try one more time to kick the football only to create her equally creative excuse for yanking it away at the last minute and sending Charlie Brown flying to the ground, so are the Mets in Turner Field: the running gag, doomed to failure, a new excuse every time. And yes, things have gotten so bad here at Archie Bunker's Army we are in fact, relying on fucking Peanuts cartoons to find analogies for the Mets ridiculous inability to beat the goddamned Braves.

Tonight the predictable was even more predictable than ever. After inching along, inning after inning, failure after failure, the Mets finally tied the score at 2-2 in the 8th inning only to see Chipper "Larry" Jones blast a 2-run homer to give the Braves a 4-2 victory in the bottom of that same inning: not even a gasp of surprise from anyone. Let's face it. Chipper Jones expected it, Turner Field expected it and so did the Mets, "new" or otherwise, who still can't shake the Braves.

Let's see, who can we excoriate today?

Public Enemy #1: Carlos Beltran


(Tried to find an image of Carlos counting wads of cash with one hand and striking out with the other but you'll have to settle for the dreaded bobblehead doll)

A few nights ago it was a tepid, repuslive little dribbler to first base with two men on and two outs that ended the game.

Today he came to the plate exactly when you want him coming to the plate: bases loaded, one out, money. Down 2-1, ready to explode and shift the momentum of the season. Here's our boy. Instead, a shallow fly to centerfield which, though not entirely his own fault, was not only useless and ineffective, but resulted in an inning-ending double play.

He came up again in the top of the 9th, the Mets down 4-2, once again representing the last out of the game and the tying run and hmmmm, which did he choose? Well kids, our superstar, the leader of the New Mets, struck out on three straight goddamned pitches against Kyle Farnsworth a bloody Cub reject for gawd's sake, even if the last one was allegedly flying in at 98 mph. Game over.

I'm thinking maybe that should be Carlos' new nickname for this road trip. "Game Over" Beltran. Yeah, once, like last season when he was tearing it up for the Astros, that might have meant game over as in game winner. Instead, game over means Carlos Beltran is up...game over, Mets lose again.

Public Enemy #2: Manny Acta


Here he is writing apologies to fans until his hand cramps for every stupid decision he's made as Mets third base coach.

He often acts as if he's coaching third base in a different game, perhaps a different league even, perhaps still for Licey under the hot sun of Santiago in a Dominican League day game.

Instead of causing disasters as the Mets third base coach he might better serve in some other capacity for the team, like gathering sweaty towels from the lockeroom and collecting little plastic cups of spit and sunflower seed shells from the dugout. Something harmless and out of the way.

Acta is the third base coach who waved Victor Diaz home in the 7th on Beltran's shallow pop fly to Jeff Francoeur who only has the best goddamned arm in baseball with 11 assists in like the first month of his career to tie for the lead in the league before he's even shagged his first groupie. Maybe some of the fans are uninitiated as to Francoeur's cannon but good grief Manny, isn't that your goddamned job to know this? Don't send a runner home on a shallow fly against the guy with the best goddamned arm in baseball! Don't stick your head a deep fryer and most of all, don't blow a goddamned rally by wasting an out at home plate.

3. And let's give a kick to auld Mike Piazza whilst he's still down because after all, it was his birthday yesterday and we wouldn't want him to think he is forgotten already, before he's even retired and/or left the team.


Mike Piazza Number One Bowler and Creep Magnet (jesus, look at that guy on the right, is he even human?

(and the guy on the left - is that Morrie the Wig Man from Goodfellas?)


*****

Steve Trachsel came out in the 8th inning having thrown 97 pitches and yes, we can understand Willie being a little bullpen-shy after that aborted foetus of an outing by Shingo Takatsu who should be out on the next whaler to Yokohama by now, but let's see, Trachsel has had TWO outings all season, don't you think he'll be a little fatigued getting ready to face the meat of the Braves order yet again nearing the century mark on pitches? Why was Señor Hernandez sitting on his hands instead of warming up in the bottom of the 7th? Because the idiotic call of Manny Acta ended the inning suddenly and without warning or because well, no one got around to thinking about it because they were all so certain Beltran was going to earn his goddamned money for a change and blast a season-turning grand slam homer to make the score 6-2!

You will note an increase in blasphemies and cursing over the last several days and this we will attribute to something I like to call Mr Met Chancres. Mr Met Chancres are vile little outbursts of frustration, self-loathing and pity after every subsequent Met loss. The blog, with each loss, is growing less PG and less PC and becoming more and more like the walls of the bathrooms at CBGBs. Incoherent, hateful and full of curse-laden bile.

So this was the 20th loss for the Mets at Turner Field in their last 24 games after all the magical little September firsts out there we've been forced to endure. If it's Labor Day folks, it must be time to flush your Met fantasies down the terlet.

That's my advice. Don't play Charlie Brown to Lucy's football. Don't read the rubbish about how loose these kids are, how whacky they feel, how the past means nothing and this is a new season.

These are the same goddamned Mets as every other season. Excruciating and sadistic.

*****

Shall we bother to note that Pedro, who is about due for a season-ending torn rotator cuff, will take the mound against John Smoltz to try and recreate the magical game 6 pitcher's duel of the season, the "other" time the Mets season was about to extinguished before being saved?

*****

At the time of this writing, the Nats had beaten the Marlins meaning, well, not much until we've got the Astros and Phillies scores but either way, the Mets will probably end Labour Day either 3 or 3 1/2 games from the wildcard lead. Hey, that isn't much! These kids could still come back and make the playoffs!

And there goes another Chipper Jones homer into the stands.