Archie Bunker's Army

If the Mets were to take try and take solace in being shut out by the very big-name free agent they shunned in the offseason, they could convincingly point out that even without Barry Zero Zito they have the second best team ERA in the Major Leagues and the second best record. Come to think of it, Zito, Pedro, Glavine, El Duque, Maine, Oliver Perez...that's a few too many arms anyway... Of course second best being what it is, there's always room for improvement and Barry Zero, for one night anyway, demonstrated what might have been. He threw seven shutout innings allowing six hits and striking out a season-high seven batters. He was heartily booed at every plate appearance. Adding insult to injury, he wasn't even impressed by the quality of trash-talking from Shea. "Not creative at all. Just blatant expletives," he said of angry Mets fans voicing their hatred over missing out. Of course, all the quality Shakespearian trash-talking was spent on Barry Bonds. To...

Ah, what schadenfreude to watch your former headache inherited by another. Back in those sad, sad days long ago when Armando Benitez blew leads and ballgames pitched for the Mets one would struggle for myths and metaphors to describe the depths to which our hearts sank with every Armando foible. It will be marked as a Mets victory but the truth of the matter is, is was a Giant loss. Welcome to Armandogeddon , annoying little Maddog Giant fans with your expensive little Barry Zero toy and tainted soon-to-be homer king named collapsing over the weight of his mighty steroid head and unable to play . Another day, another blown save You hold a lead going into the final three outs, out comes Armando and away go your hopes and dreams in a mushroom cloud mixed of arrogance, stupidity and the hacking, choking, choking, choking disappointment. With a one-run lead and a Giant victory three steps away, Benitez walked Jose Reyes with none out and you could smell, right then, the storm brewin...

It was a profitable weekend following what might have otherwise been a demoralising conclusion to the week. Three Met wins, three Brave losses and the cushion in the NL East is now a burgeoning 4 1/2 games. Just like that momentum is reversed and the Mets are back on track, two games ahead of their 97-win pace of last season. But don't worry, there's something new looming on the horizan to fret about. Ironically the team the Mets can't seem to beat, the dreaded B-team, have nothing to show for their last two weeks save for that series victory over the Mets. Over that span, despite taking 2 out of 3 from the Mets, the Braves have gone 4-10. They fell to 12-13 for May and are in danger of becoming irrelevant. That's right. Irrelevant. Meanwhile, the other evil force to compete against, the Philadelphia Phillies, have used May to turn around their disasterous, humiliating April, going 15-9 this month and although they are still 6 1/2 games behind the Mets they are no...

I don't know if you can say these were really "problems" in the typical sense - sure, John Maine , April's Pitcher of the Month, had limped through May like a three legged dog, losing his last two in a row and allowing 11 earned runs over three starts. And sure, Carlos Delgado had been hitting more like Carlos Marcello than himself all season but the Mets were still leading the National League in victories going into Saturday's 7-2 victory over the Marlins. The victory was the Mets' 6th straight in Florida. Maine has a bit of a history already against the Marlins having taken a no-hitter into the 7th against the Marlins back on April the 18th and Delgado, since Willie moved him out of the cleanup spot in the order, has gone 8 for 16. Pow - Right to the Moon, Alice! His two shots traveled an estimated at 451 and 447 feet, respectively meaning the length of nearly three football fields of homeruns. Impressive for a man who is not hitting anywhere near his w...

The bitter taste of Brave in the mouth didn't have to last too long. After losing yet another series to Atlanta, the Mets waited until the 9th to burst out with 5 runs to give yet another undeserved win to Aaron Heilman . I say undeserved because in theory anyway, it never would have been his to earn had he not given up the tying run in 8th... Technically, Joe Smith should have profited from his scoreless and hitless inning of work in the 7th and even moreso, El Duque , for his outstanding return from the DL which saw 6 scoreless innings of bedazzlement and joy on Cuban Night in Miami. El Duque Coming out of his DL shell... So when Heilman allowed a one-out triple to the weak-hitting Miquel Olivo , then hit Aaron Boone and walked .197 hitter Todd Linden to load the bases in the bottom of the 8th, well perhaps he was simply positioning himself for a win that would place him level with starter Tom Glavine with 5 wins, one less than team leader Oliver Perez . Did Heilman purposely...

No loss is a good loss. Especially not to the Braves. Especially especially not when it's your ace against their ace, two modern quasi-pitching legends dueling it out whilst innocent batters stand by, helpless. And most super duper especially not when it means you've lost your third straight series to your biggest division rivals. The story of the Glavine career with the Mets. Good but not better than Smoltz. David Wright , the erstwhile cornerpiece, (the co-happy face of the franchise along with Jose Reyes ), and the author of the phrase "There is a reason the guy has got 150 saves and 200 wins now," struck out three times. Once with the bases loaded which was followed by an impressive bat and helmet throwing tantrum. Reyes of course, 3 for his last 23, popped up to end the game with two men left lingering on base. And that wasn't even against Smoltz. That was against Flubber Wickman who looked like he might just eat the ball, the infield and half the st...

Oh no, we're not going to be lulled into lame efforts to come up with some unprecedented Oliver or Ollie or Golly quip that shatters the transcendental mind with its perplexing and simultaneously rivoting evocation of the man who appears to own the Atlanta Braves from the pitching mound. Instead, something profane and completely irrelevent... It is confirmed after stuffing the Braves silent and turning his record against them this season to 3-0 with a 1.31 ERA that Oliver Perez controls the Braves like Makhdoom Shah Mehmood Hussain Qureshi controls penniless 17-year-old villagers from Punjab. And this comes on the heels of that ugly and demoralising loss in the first game of this series and importantly, seals first place for the Mets leaving Atlanta regardless of what happens Thursday Night in the trillionth Glavine v Smoltz duel of this decade. Two and a half game lead over the Chopheads. Just 24 hours ago we were dancing a morbid little waltz of revulsion, swallowing gobfuls...

He looked good for an inning anyway. Three batters, two strikeouts. The following inning, a pair of doubles and a single made it 2-0 before he'd even gotten his first out. But he wriggled out with a K and a fortuitous double play. By the third inning, which again started like the baseball version of a motorcycle ride through Chernobyl ; walk the pitcher, surrender a double, walk Renteria , bases are juiced no outs, you may have begun worrying. After all, many of us already knew it was all just a matter of time. This game was being played in Atlanta, of course. And whilst last season it appeared the Mets franchise had put the long and painful history of humiliations to rest once and for all, it now appears the Pandora's Box of losing has been sprung open. Ok, this isn't theatrics or hysterics class. It's one loss with two games to play. Yes, it's the 5th loss in 7 meetings , a discernable pattern, but it is not necessarily fate and hey, even if it is, who's...

Exhaustion gets us all. I for one, up until 4 in the morning watching the rare live appearance of the Mets on UK television, am too tired to even bother constructing a pathetic "clipped" word play headline relating to some heretofore no-name now going by the name of Tyler Clippard . "Hopefully it will carry over," manager Joe Torre said about the rare Yankee success, grasping at straws in the postgame lockerroom. Hopefully WHAT will carry over, Joe? Losing two out of three to your arch rivals? Yes, it'd have been nice to sweep the Yankees. But let's be realistic here. What are the chances the Mets would sweep the Yankees AND the Braves, back to back? I'm betting on slim and so what this loss means is that there's still a good chance of sweeping the Braves, who are currently on a 2-6 tailspin to reality since the 13th of the month. How's that for spin? What is hard to spin is John Maine's pitching this month. Just after winning Pitcher o...

A lasting image - and I don't mean a Mets minor league Milledge apologising for freedom of song but I do mean the image of the Yankees retreating with their tails between their legs, intentionally walking David Wright three times in a row after he'd hit homers, colossal homers in his first two at-bats. And yeah, this game seemed like a laughter, a lark, a long-awaiting de-pantsing of the fabled Bronx franchise. It didn't feel like a Subway Series it felt like the Mets playing an exhibition against one of their minor league teams. And when they "let" him bat...bam! That's what happens when you jump to an 8-2 lead after four innings and your ace, Tom Glavine , earns his 295th victory without hardly breaking a sweat. A vague Yankee comeback effort and Scott Schoeneweis conspired to keep this game from remaining a side-splitting laughathon but in the end, another pair of runs in the bottom of the 8th via a two-run pinch hit single by Julio Franco was sufficien...

In England, we call it a "local derby" (pronounced DARby), and what it means is that two teams (usually football/soccer) from the same city meet and whilst bragging rights are at stake, a derby is each supporters' chance to beat the shit out of the other sides' supporters. In some cities they move the kickoff time from the traditional 3 pm kickoff to noon, not to augment the sense of an auld cowboy "High Noon" but because, the theory goes, if the match kicks off earlier there is less time for the supporters to get pissed up in the pub before the match, thus less drunken violence. Of course, drunken violence is really not much different from regular match day violence during a derby between say, Birmingham City and Aston Villa - the hatred is so intense that even with hundreds of bobbies armed with truncheons trying desperately to pen them in, bricks will be hurled, bottles smashed and blood spillt. ***** So the idea of the Mets playing the Yankees, the NYC ...

What was it Hall of Fame Cubbie Ernie Banks used to say? Let's play two ...? Yeah, let's play 162. Against the Cubs. Me so hoooorny... After taking three of four from them, two of which were last at-bat sort of thrillers led by Carlos Delgado , the Mets have proven what Lou Piniella , the Cubs Nation and the rest of baseball already knew. The Cubs bullpen sucks. Maybe even worse than the Phillies' bullpen. That's like being blind AND having polio. Ok, they managed to hold that 10-1 lead the other night, sure. But a 5-run 9th on Thursday night gave the Mets an 8-batter rally and emotional 6-5 victory, redeemed Carlos Delgado's day and blasted the Mets to a 1 1/2 game lead over the Braves in the NL East. ***** You have to admit, it was exciting. Ryan Dempster was the sacrificial goat last night, entering the 9th for the Cubs with a seemingly sufficient 5-1 lead to earn a split in this four game series. David Newhan , the first batter up, singled. Ok, Ramon Cast...

Sosa Shushes Cubbie Bats This is the way it has to happen both in the absence of Pedro (and for the time being El Duque ) and in the absence of any big name free agents inked over the winter. Unknown pitchers have to rise from the scrap heap of starting pitchers and thrill us all. Jorge Sosa, whose Spring Training ERA was more bloated than Fat Mo Vaughn's midsection, has stepped up his domination from Triple-A to the Majors, pitching seven-plus innings of one-hit ball after a massive rain delay to earn his third win in three starts for the Mets. "He's been unbelievable." Paul Lo Duca gushed afterwards. Joe Smith came on in the eighth and allowed the only Cub to score. And after a flawless start (what was it 16 outings without allowing a run?) Mr Smith is starting to look vaguely Mr Human but not to worry. You get the feeling about these Mets that as one cog disappears another takes its place. The Damion Easley Homer Experience , another unexpected source of endl...

I'm beginning to sense a theme here. Or a pattern in the sounds of the washing machine or something. They take two of three against the Giants , but a 9-run fifth inning meltdown in the opener causes them the sweep when they lose 9-4. They take two out of three from the Brewers , but the game they lose sees the Brewers score 8 runs in the final two innings and they get absolutely battered by a 12-3 margin. And now, after a thrilling walk home walkoff victory to open the series, the Mets get gutted in a six-run sixth inning to lose 10-1. Souvenirs from Shea last night... I hate to be graphic, kids. But at times the Mets play like a constipated man who has overdosed on Hydrocil , takes a stroll down the street and then is suddenly so overcome with the need to loosen his bowels he simply drops his pants and takes a huge dump right there, on Main Street, in front of everyone and to everyone's shock and horror. Relieved, he wipes himself with the kerchief of a shocked and frightene...

It might not be the most heroic of stories. Poets won't recreate Carlos Delgado's 10 pitch, tension-filled walk with the bases loaded last night to squeeze home the winning run in the Mets' 5-4 win over the Cubs. But it was still the Night A Walk Moved The Mets Into First . A comparatively mild regular season homeplate walk-off victory celebration even by It's Mets For Me standards. Forget about the entirety of the game leading up to the bottom of the 9th for a moment. Point is, the stage was set for an extra inning affair. It could have gone on for hours, days, weeks. Anything is possible. The Mets were one out away from moving the game into the 10th and Michael Wuertz was in to make it stay that way. Not that the Cubby bullpen wouldn't have been battered an inning or two later anyway but Cubby bullpen ineptitude is not necessarily something you want to be counting on if you're hoping to get to bed before dawn. But then Jose Reyes , the second-to-last...

It might not be the most heroic of stories. Poets won't recreate Carlos Delgado's 10 pitch, tension-filled walk with the bases loaded last night to squeeze home the winning run in the Mets' 5-4 win over the Cubs. But it was still the Night A Walk Moved The Mets Into First . A comparatively mild regular season homeplate walk-off victory celebration even by It's Mets For Me standards. Forget about the entirety of the game leading up to the bottom of the 9th for a moment. Point is, the stage was set for a loss. The Mets were one out away from losing to the Cubs and Michael Wuertz , who has not had a save opportunity all season, was in to save the game for the Cubs. But then Jose Reyes , the second-to-last Met to shave his head and the single most exciting player in baseball singled to exhale a gasp of hope. Reyes then distracted Wuertz from first causing him to throw innumberable times over to first, over to first, over to first for what? To keep the fastest man ...

Ok, maybe nobody really believed the Brewers were the best in the National League, despite their record. After all, they're such disbelievers in Milwaukee they've set up a Pee Your Pants for the Brewers website inclusive a list of people ready to do just that if the Brewers make the playoffs. Well on Mother's Day, another absurdist's day of Pink Bats, they did not look like the NL's best or even playoff contenders. Sure they had a moment of grand delusion on Saturday afternoon but Sunday they came crashing back down to reality. Not even their undefeated starting pitcher Chris Capuano could save them as the Mets won convincingly, 9-1. But rather than spend an entire column bashing the Brewers, (that they did not submit weakly to a sweep is to their credit,) we can allow Billy Wags to do it for us: "Did you see us? Did you see all the talent we had on the field at one time?" Billy Wagner asked with his hillbilly twang. "I mean we kicked their bu...

Ouch. JJ Hardy isn't kidding around is he? Sure, only Saturday morning I was questioning the source of his unprecedented surge not only in hitting but in power, (slight elbow to the ribs, kid, wink, wink, no steroids here, just great coaching...) And then he goes off on Saturday and hits a bloody grand slam and drives in 5 runs over the last two innings of the game as though he were personally insulted by the proposition that his rise this season might not be entirely on the up and up. What's his secret? Protein Supplements? Carrot juice smoothies? Jim Skaalen? You see, years ago, a kid would suddenly gush forth new and unprecedented numbers and you'd stand there with big eyes going wow and figuring that it must have taken alot of glasses of milk and millions of hours of batting practice to make such strident improvements in such a short period of time. Youth after all, is about improvement and back in the early days, a transformation like Hardy's would be the stu...