Mets Sign Tatis - World Series Virtually Assured....

The key man to Major League Baseball's 2010 season has finally decided on which team is the lucky winner in the Fernando Tatis Sweepstakes.

After months of nail-biting competition, the NY Mets finally emerged as the victors, securing the signature of baseball's most coveted player and virtually guaranteeing their first World Series appearance since 2000.

YES! The man who can walk and somehow balance a batting helmet on his head at the same time is nearly a Met...


Intentional Sabotage Or Crazy Like A Fox?

One can only imagine, watching the parade of free agents either ignore the Mets or be ignored by the Mets, that there is an ongoing Free Agent Conspiracy meant to disable any early Spring hope Mets fans might be silly enough to feel inspired by as the doldrums of winter rattle on.

Give me happiness or...Give me Mets...

Granted, each free agent pitching pursuit came with his own set of problems. Ben Sheets is injury-prone. Randy Wolf was overpaid (3 years $30 million to the Brewers who are becoming the Mets of the Midwest having given Willie Randolph and Rick Peterson jobs), Joel Pineiro's name was too confusing too spell plus he wanted to get paid on the basis of a career year he's not likely to repeat (yes, before last season, his ERAs in the previous five seasons: 5.15, 4.33, 6.36, 5.62, 4.67...)

Then you had Jon Garland going to the Padres for pennies which was the signing the Mets are going to regret not making all season. Not that Garland is going to win the Cy Young but what was there about an innings-eater, a durable and reliable starter on the cheap not to like when you're promising a rotation of Johan Santana and a cast of supporting starters who struggle to reach the fifth inning most times out, if they aren't injuring their delicate frames, that is...

The 42 year old John Smoltz remains but he's not really an option. He's not even a white flag of surrender, which almost makes it certain the Mets won't sign him.

Welcome the New MR MET

Most front offices would prefer the pie-in-the-sky Fernando Nieve filling in that fifth slot in the rotation behind Maine and Pelf and Pray For Help as well as pretending it's only a matter of time before Oliver Perez starts to emulate Santana. I mean wouldn't they?

And there's always the argument that it isn't possible for Maine and Pelf and Perez to pitch worse or get injured more than they did in 2009 so there can only be improvement - in which case, why panic buy in a free agent market of over-priced nobodies and has-beens? In which case, you can almost see the point the Mets front office is making by making no point at all.

Yes, yes, I know - defending the Wilpons and Minaya's mockery of his job sounds mad. And it is.

The Princes of Chaos are pretty much number one on everyone's target list of shit hounds and horror stories but for a minute anyway, I'm going to see their crazy and raise them a straight jacket.

It's so crazy it just might work.

Of course it doesn't really explain trading away bullpen stability in Brian Stokes for Team Cancer Junior but look, Omar's off season is not successful unless he's bringing trouble or overpaying for it.

Two years ago it was Luis Castillo's absurdist re-signing at a financial cost so high he is now untradeable and will be lingering like the odour of a watery Mike Francesa beer fart long after Omar has been sacked. Last year it was giving Oliver Perez that completely whacked contract, bidding against himself as though he's subsidising broken down latino players to make up for bad MLB pensions.

And this year Jason Bay, despite a dodgy physical future and even dodgier fielding, was the one to win the Captain Crazy sweepstakes.

But Bay had a perceivable upside so to make up for it, Omar simply HAD to trade for Gary Matthews Jr. Just to make sure.

Now it all might play out as rightly this season as wrongly as it played out last season.

You could argue we MUST have karma on our side by now, what with two late season collapses and the worst injury nightmare season in baseball history last year and conceivably, this is the argument the Mets are making.

The problem is, everyone is already so sick and tired, only Mets players, who don't have any choice in the matter, are buying it.


Heart Attack And Vine

Well since there appears to be a day or two pause in the incessant march of incompetence in the Met front office have some Tom Waits instead:


Picking Pineiro to Repopulate Rotation?

I've always just assumed Omar was going to sit pat and point out best case scenarios rather than get down to adding some shade and depth to the starting rotation. I mean, not dealing with problems and taking the most impractically optimistic position is his speciality, is it not?

So I wasn't too enamoured with any of the rumours. Until this one.

Actually, it's not even a rumour, it's just an observation. Work horse starter for a rotation that chocka with question marks and guys who rarely pitch very far out of the 5th inning.

For a second, I almost got excited. Then I remembered that Beltran is already going to miss the first month of the season and predictably, the Mets front office fumbled even something as simple as surgery in spectacular fashion. At least they are consistently incompetent. You just know you needn't bother raising your hopes and can instead raise the white flag before the season has even started.


Me Carlos, Me Angry

I'm going to enroll in the school of thought that says let's piss off the guy who pretends to be the team leader but bunts with men on base instead of going for the multi-run homer.

Please let Carlos Beltran play mad.

He owes the team some leadership. Being content hasn't worked. maybe being mad will.


What The Hell Will Omar Do About The Pitching?

In a weak effort to see what, if any prospects there are to resolve the dismal prospects for the 2010 Mets and in particular, the shambles that is currently the pitching staff, I've unearthed the following:

The Mets, to put in it in the local parlance, are fecked.

Although Chewy hasn't pitched in organised baseball in several years, he is rumoured to be on Omar's radar having recently thrown two innings in the Inter Galactic Winter Leagues this month...

First of all, what they desperately need as you all know, is at minimum, starting pitching, ideally, a strong number two starter and innings eater.

Newsflash: there isn't one available and the one guy, Jon Garland, who at least qualifies as an inning eater (though certainly not a number two starter), is rumoured to want to stay on the West Coast.

What that means is that barring some unforeseen miracle, as in ANY of the Mets starters not named Johan Santana suddenly learning how to pitch more than five or six innings, pitch them effectively and stay injury-free, the Mets rotation will be as big a mess this season as in 2009.

Of course you could make the argument that Punching Bag Perez, Fragility Maine, and Mouthguard Mike cannot POSSIBLY be as ineffective, injured and pathetic as they were last season but those kinds of thoughts should be reserved for the optimistic mewlings of Spring and the last time I looked out the window, even in England, we're still buried in snow.

So we're back to the issue of A)rubbish returning rotation B)no one on the radar who might make a legitimate number two.

Now, on the basis of Omar's track record, I would suggest the likely signings to "bolster" the staff will be Noah Lowry, who hasn't pitched in the Majors since 2007, Odalis Perez, who didn't pitch in the majors at all last season, and Mark Prior, who hasn't pitched in the majors since 2006.

If that doesn't get you excited, how about re-signing Livan Hernandez or asking John Smoltz to come here and perform a season-ending Tom Glavine imitation? Oh right, the Mets won't be close enough in 2010 to have a "must win" Game 162.

Why not Jenny Finch? Unlike any of the usual suspects she would look fantastic in a Mets uniform. She also sometimes plays first base, which, considering the current first base prospects can only be of benefit and let's face it, her chances of succeeding are about as good as any of the other pitchers whose names are being bandied about as potential Met signings. And she'd come for a helluva lot less money.

The only catch? Well, if you go by her blog, it would appear she's a bit wrapped up in motherhood at the moment.

Next stop, huge overpayment for Joel Pineiro....