Archie Bunker's Army

Nothing changes but the new ways the Mets find to lose. Last night, a blown four run lead in the 7th, today, a blown one run lead in the 8th. Different goats every night. A veritable smorgasbord of goats, losers and chokers. Nothing changes but the new ways the Mets find to lose. How about a nice strikeout by David Wright with two on and none out in the 9th? By god, gone for a few days and what happens when I return? Mr Wright continues a season-long audition for Mr Wrong, Mr Can't Hit When It Matters. Not unless it's another rally-killing double play in the third inning. Why not strand base runners, 14 of them, for good measure including 3 in the bottom of the 9th today when Omir Santos popped up to end the game? Santos of course, knackered no doubt running back from the bullpen to pinch hit for Ramon Castro , was afforded the opportunity to win the game on his birthday but why should he be any different from his higher paid, more respected team mates who fade in late i...

If increasing their stature as League Laughingstocks was their goal, the Mets have certainly seen great success in getting swept by the Cardinals, each game a progressively bigger, demoralising disaster. Pobrecitos . If Santana had pitched in this series he'd probably have been hit in the head by an errant throw to first by David Wright . Maybe the Mets are the anti-Cardinals. NOTES Oh goody, Sheff in Left . Omir behind the plate. Am I the only one who still thinks "PITCHER" every time I see Rick Ankiel's name in the batting order? (Or at least he made that diving, fully extended catch to steal Sheffield's extra base hit and then hit that homer.) You know what the best thing about this mlb.com tv thing? No bloody commercials. Not a peep about watery American lagers. Just silence. It's wonderful. In the 5th, bases loaded, 1 out for David Wright . Whattaya think? 4 base hits in one inning. Result, 1 run. Met Inefficiency at it's finest. Cardinals...

This is what you call a baseball game devoid of any inspiration. You know what words of encouragement and hope the genius manager had to say after the game, a third consecutive Mets loss? “We can’t continue to perform and pitch in this manner and expect to be champions of this division.” Jeez Jerry, are you sure about that? Are you absolutely certain that the Mets can't expect to be champions of the division if three of their five starting pitchers look like they'd struggle in Triple AAA let alone the Major Leagues? No doubts slinking around in the back of that clever little mind of yours that a continued streak of clutchless hitting and meek capitulation night in and night out is precisely the formula that will win the NL East? Captain Mediocre fell to 0-2 with a 7.47 ERA in three starts to open the season. John Maine , you aren't ready to come back yet. You belong in Buffalo with Ollie and Pelf learning how to be pitchers instead of clubhouse furniture. Among this t...

You'd be hard pressed to find someone who looked less like a Major League baseball player last night than The Magical Murph tripping over his own feet out in left field in the 8th, falling on his arse, lamely reaching up to try and catch it but letting yet another easy fly ball to fall safely to ruin another game. Sure, left field is not his normal position but jaysus, it's not like he was chasing a sinking line drive, is it then? This was pretty much a routine fly ball, easy out. Nonetheless whilst he will no doubt absorb most of the blame for last night's 6-4 loss make no mistake, the loss was a collective effort, a farcical adventure of miscues, weird plays and the usual incompetence. But whatever percentage of blame Murphy deserves is irrelevant. There is now clearly a problem with his fielding and despite his gorgeous swing and precocious bat, he may well have to be removed from the lineup. There's simply nowhere out there to hide him. Don't wanna get my un...

Thanks to the good lads at Flushing University, you can now read my most recent column here and which is excerpted below: Although I wasn't around when Teatro all Scala opened in Milan in 1778, something tells me the reviews of the Salieri's opening performance of Europa riconosciuta in the world's greatest opera house weren't overrun with laudatory verses about the spaghetti alle vongole being sold during intermission. Yet after a week's opening run of official baseball at Citi Field the recurrent observation by the media and even fans seems to focus more on the ponderous abundance of quality nosh than it does on the quality of play on the field. Happy reading and let's hope the change of venue does the Mets some good.

Although Jerry Manuel didn't reveal this is in the post-loss press conference he found so hilarious , the Mets have indeed discovered a three star recipe for losing they find agreeable. You start with an opposing pitcher who doesn't have his right stuff, at least early on, and you fill up the bases with Mets. Oh, you'll also need a mediocre club behind them on the one side and of course on the other side an absurdly talented and well paid team of 9 players on the other side who you will need to be able to put up gaudy numbers for at-bats that don't matter, just so the expectation is raised high enough. Then, instead of driving all those runners home like the normal chef would do, (here is the secret for those of your trying this at home), you leave those runners on base so that even if you do manage to squeak out a run or even two, the lead isn't so insurmountable that the opposing team becomes demoralised. Next you allow whatever slim you have to slowly drizzle a...

I don't know if I can make it through a full season of these constant references to the fucking concessions at Shitty Field. First inning of this game, Mets trying to open up their typical early lead and there's a camera shot of a half dozen fat guys sucking down spare ribs and watching the bloody game on the telly! What is the point of paying all that money down just for a ticket to WATCH BASEBALL LIVE AND IN PERSON so you can stuff your face the minute the game starts at some other location "in" the stadium which frankly, is becoming little more than a glorified Food Court with a baseball field. Second inning, shots of brunch at the Escelsior coupled with a shot of hot dogs being sold in the stands followed by more brief musings by the announcing booth about, you guessed it, concessions. Ralph Kiner complaining about the size of the broadcast booth in the 3rd. Nice story about Ernie Lombardi, slow as a one-legged man, letting wild pitches/passed balls go and runs...

I suppose we shouldn't be picky. A win is a win, right? Maybe Santana should be developing secret handshakes with the Mets bats rather than the players who swing them since that seems to be getting him no where. A brilliant Johan Santana start, seven innings worth of it, and flowed by the intimidating precision of the Mets 1-2 knock out punch from the bullpen in the form of Putz and K-Rod saw the Mets shut Brewers batters down for the day. Completely. Shhhh, we're trying to enjoy this. Don't ask aloud why the Mets only scored one run and even that, barely so. Don't spoil the party by bemoaning more pathetic plate performances - that the Mets for example, went 0 for 5 with runners in scoring position. Sorry, I'm not buying the Yovani Gallardo as the Mexican Cy Young comparison just yet After all, Santana doesn't complain. Look how they treat him: four runs in support in three starts. Is that taking the piss or what? Four runs in three starts? That's n...

Bases loaded none out, Carlos Delgado to the plate, just what you'd want to start off the first inning. Not a grand slam, but a shot to the warning track, knocks a run home. But Beltran , struck out in an at bat with a 3-0 count and men on 2nd and 3rd. What? The Mets getting a clutch hit with the bases loaded? You've got to be kidding! Ramon Castro , whose two run homer the night before nearly tied the game for the Mets, got his shot with the bases loaded one batter later and was walked to make it 2-0. You'd had to be hating life at that point if you were a Brewers fan, more despondent even than a Mets fan watching your starting pitcher walk a run home in the first inning. And when Castillo hit a grounder in the hole that JJ Hardy managed to stop, Brewers fans must have become even more deranged watching Hardy's inexplicable throw to no one somewhere near third base to make it 3-0. A real knee-slapper, that first inning. Except for the fact that the Mets had ...

It's been bugging me all during Spring Training and the beginning week or so of the season but I've finally come up with it, come up with who it is that John Maine reminds me of every time I see him. Paul Giamatti playing Limbo in Planet of the Apes. Sure, it's not immediately evident to the casual viewer but have a look in particular at the anguished grimace in Maine's face as he surrenders an early three run lead gifted to him by Carlos Delgado's first inning homer. Go one, allow yourself to see it, the twisted mouth, the baleful eyes and well, yes, Maine has considerably less facial hair, but for comic relief, perhaps he should be encouraged to grow his facial hair thick, if he's capable, of course, just so during these incessant battles with inconsistency that Maine is so famous for we'd at least have something to distract ourselves with, something to take our minds off of the the grinding teeth, the clenching and unclenching fists watching Maine com...

When Jason Johnson faced Johan Santana the other day, you expected a low scoring, tense affair between two of the best pitchers in the National League and that's precisely what you got. "All Fords are exactly alike, but no two men are just alike. Every new life is a new thing under the sun; there has never been anything just like it before, never will be again. A young man ought to get that idea about himself; he should look for the single spark of individuality that makes him different from other folks, and develop that for all he is worth. Society and schools may try to iron it out of him; their tendency is to put it all in the same mold, but I say don't let that spark be lost; it is your only real claim to importance." -- Henry Ford Last night, Jackie Robinson Night with everyone wearing number 42, with the ever-unpredictable Ollie Perez facing Kevin Correia , who last season was one of the worst pitchers in baseball, the last thing you expected was a low scorin...

The good news is, Shitty Field , including "Taste of the City" features a 41 percent increase in concessions over Shea Stadium. The bad news is that, new home or not, new faces or not, it's the same shitty team of underachieving tossers being put out on the field, a psychic extension of futility that no food can possibly sate. Where am I? Is this Shitty Field? Hey Sheffield, can you do THIS? HEY! Anyone want to practise catching fly balls to the outfield for the next 24 hours straight? Maybe then somebody will catch them once in a while. HEY! Anyone got a spare 365 days to count the build up of runners the Mets leave on base? Can Reyes still out-run the cat? Losing to San Diego in your ball park début, losing with former Mets Duaner Sanchez and Heath "Can You Find The Medicine Ball In My Belly" Bell getting the final six outs, losing with another fielding gaffe in the outfield, losing with a balk by Pedro Feliciano, losing with a lack of timely hitting, ...

40 some odd miles by bike to Bath and back today just in time for the Mets pre-game. Too knackered to really give this any considered commentary so the plan is just add a few inning by inning sort of mundane and obvious observations. The kind I am highly paid to provide you... Hellooooooo, Marlins! How was that for a first inning? Jose Reyes adds to his caught stealing total (now double his amount of successful steals, way to use that head for speed, Jose) and then Josh Johnson's 98 mph fastball struck out David Wright . You can actual hear the ball sizzle on the telly broadcast. Second inning highlight, everybody's hero, The Magical Murph makes his first true bonehead play of the season, dropping an inning ending fly ball for no apparent reason, to allow the Marlins to stay alive and go ahead 2-0. A two run lead against Johnson looks formidable. Marlin announcers race to the finish... At one point, a foul ball is hit into the seats, an adult male jumps up and snatches...

I had it all figured. Rather than bow to the whim of Fox TV to watch the game in full (as those of you reading are likely all aware, because of profit-seeking arseholes the start of the game falling under Fox's exclusive MLB broadcast window on Saturdays because of the start of the game being pushed forward due to a bunch of shite fireworks and a concert by some untalented muppet going by the name of Flo-Rida ), I decided to wait out the game and wake up in the morning to watch it now, fresh, as though it had never happened and IN FULL since the rebroadcast has not idiot's rules and I could watch the game in full. In England, it's easy not to have the result blown in advance since no one else is watching, so don't try this at home, folks. Fox TV executives hard at work at figuring out how to screw the Mets fans. So for those of you who didn't see the first two innings thanks to Fox or the Marlins or Flo-Rida, I am now in a position to reveal about the only intere...

The less said about Friday's hideous 2008 flashback, with Darren O'Day working in the 9th and surrendering the winning run, the better. Hey, at least we don't face them on the last game of the season again.... Well, the hell with it: The Marlins' bullpen, thought by many to be their Achilles Heel, pitched 4 innings, gave up 7 hits and 4 runs, ruining a brilliant outing by Anibal Sanchez , who stifled the Mets through the first 5 innings. They tried to give the game away, they really did. But not even a rubbish bullpen can give away games facing the likes of Alex Cora with two on and two out in the 9th. With a bench comprising of automatic outs, the chances of a rally in these circumstances appear to be unlikely. In fact, we might be looking at the scenario of, like last season, scoring often and early and hoping the Mets can hold on. Not with that bullpen though. Where's my bullpen? Yes, Putz and K-Rod do their jobs. (so far) But when you're sticking O...

I don't know how you summarise the surreality of an Ollie Perez start better than this simple little article : "All my pitches were working," Perez said. "They were taking chances." That was the extent of Perez's explanation for what went wrong. When asked if he knew what Perez meant by that, catcher Ramon Castro said, "No." Pitching coach Dan Warthen? "I don't understand," Warthen said. Think YOU'RE sick and tired of sucking, Ollie? Oh I think we all understand. We've seen this enough. It was the Reds, early in the season. Where's the incentive to stay focused? Oh sure, he can slap it together for a pair of innings, excitement of his first official start of 2009 and all but look, there isn't any pressure, it's in Cincinnati, it's a weekday afternoon, there's about 12 people in the stands, who is going to care? Not Ollie, that's who. Maybe Ollie and Reyes can form their own, The Lack of Concentrati...

Oh yeah, bullpen queasiness has been sorted alright. What looked after Monday like an imposing bullpen looked on Wednesday rather like an inept fire department. If after one mere game you were under the delusion that every day was going to be a cakewalk, a play-it-as-they-drew-it-up-on-the-board sort of sleepy victory, no doubt your Mets skin became a little more calloused after the gruelling 9-7 victory over what looks to be a fairly mediocre Reds team. But they got there eventually.... Not only did the quintuple of Bobby Parnell , Pedro Feliciano , Sean "I get hit hard every day" Green , Mr Poootz and K-Rod allow 9 base runners and three runs over 4 innings (5 of which were gifts, free passes, attempts to give the game away) but K-Rod nearly blew an ugly, ugly save by nearly giving up a game-losing homer to Lance Nix , a career .235 hitter. Yeah it "only" made it to the warning track but a little gust of wind the other way and the Mets would be looking at a ch...

I don't often torture readers with poetry or prose but this was passed along to me by a mate and is prefaced on baseball so in the absence of a Mets game to skulk over, enjoy your pre-game hours today with a little reading: Body and Soul BH Fairchild Half-numb, guzzling bourbon and Coke from coffee mugs, our fathers fall in love with their own stories, nuzzling the facts but mauling the truth, and my friend's father begins to lay out with the slow ease of a blues ballad a story about sandlot baseball in Commerce, Oklahoma decades ago. These were men's teams, grown men, some in their thirties and forties who worked together in zinc mines or on oil rigs, sweat and khaki and long beers after work, steel guitar music whanging in their ears, little white rent houses to return to where their wives complained about money and broken Kenmores and then said the hell with it and sang Body and Soul in the bathtub and later that evening with the kids asleep lay in bed stroking their hus...

The Mets have the best Opening Day record in baseball so if you were feeling cocky before yesterday's Opening Day game you might have considered to yourself the preferred methods of victory: Lopsided drubbing wherein Wright , Delgado and Beltran all homer and the Mets jump to a lead so large and so early, say 13-0 by the 3rd inning, that Johan can leave the game as soon as he's reached the minimum innings to earn the victory. "To get in a close game and perform on Opening Day, that says a lot about those guys. We know that K-Rod likes the big stage. J.J. is a guy who's taken a different role, but now he sees how significant that role is. And Green came in to relieve Johan Santana. It was big for us to have that particular combination work out the way it did today." -- Jerry Manuel Or nail-biter result showcasing the shiny new bullpen featuring the glorious new closer and holds your interest throughout. Church making a stumbling catch in right field in the 2nd ...