Let's Face It: The Mets Suck; Lose to Nats 4-2

We all had a day off from suffering. The road trip from hell is over. We weren't playing the Braves and we weren't playing the St Louis Cardinals.

Hey Tom, Would You Trade That Extra Million To Be Back With The Winners In Atlanta?

We'd had a day's rest. We were home and we were only playing the Nats.

So Mets, most every fan was waiting, just waiting for any excuse in the world to keep believing in this season, keep believing in you, stand back the doubters who are beginning to grumble and mumble about Willie not being much of a manager after all, keep making the obscene calculations required to keep the Mets in the race for the NL Wildcard.

Stoic and Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Screw Joe Torre-Light, Let's Have A Heaping Dollop of Lou Piniella!

And how do the Mets repay this thin line of hope drawn in the salt?

They lose to the Washington Nationals like a troupe of fucking baseball clowns, that's how.

What did the day off and playing at home do to reverse the momentum on a choking, gagging, cowardly and gutless slide that saw them lose two of three to the Phillies and Marlins, get swept by the Braves and nearly get swept by the Cardinals?

Did their enemic hitting improve? Well, let's see, four innings of flailing for three hits and two runs and six strikeouts against a guy pitching for the Nats in Hector Carrasco, a reliever for crissakes, not even a starter, who hadn't started a game since 2000 doesn't sound like it. A guy who had appeared in 557 major league games and started just one of them and was only doing so last night because the scheduled starter John Patterson was out with a sinus infection and bronchitis that turned into a slight asthma attack and should have turned into a Mets Bat Attack.

Were the Mets inspired after Carrasco finally left, to take it out on the Nationals' overworked bullpen? Not at all. They did even worse against the bullpen, pinching out a mere two more hits and, how do you call it, oh yeah zero runs with precisely the kind of bone-headed running mistakes and lack of attack that have plagued the Mets offense all season.

Fundamentals anyone? What exactly is it that Willie Randolph has done with these kids all year? Six months after Spring Training and the Mets are still making the same kind of stupid mistakes they should have already gotten out of their system. Costly fielding errors, costly baserunning errors, costly costly costly lack of clutch hitting, same as always, same fucking song skipping on the same fucking record all fucking season long. Does this LOOK like a well-managed team to you?

How did out Boy Blunder Beltran perform? His usual clutch performance kiddies. Oh For Three - just about right for him. No hits, no clutch and no use. He twice left the tying run on base and heard his fair share of boos last night. Get used to it you jesus-loving choke artist. You were paid millions to come here and produce and night after night after night of failing to do so may hurt your little christian sensibilities but you'd better get used to it, or start performing because people are only going to become angrier at you and before long the boos will turn into batteries and coins.

Beltran Missiles, Anyone?

Then again, what difference would it have made with people like Jose Offerman forgetting to run to second on Matsui's single up the middle and instead, getting thrown out by the centerfielder??! Or Jose Reyes getting picked off of first as if he forgot there was a game going on and he wasn't just standing there counting mosquitoes.

And just to keep things predictable and even, closer Bradon Looper put in another foul and destructive performance, just to make sure the game was out of reach for the Mets final turn at bat by surrendering a run of his own in the 9th to make the score 4-2.

You notice Frank Robinson got tossed from the game? Did you notice how infuriated he got about a missed check swing call on the Mets' Victor Diaz, how he was ejected by home plate umpire, the King of the Douchebags, Jeff Nelson and then engaged in a prolonged, heated exchange with crew chief Joe Brinkman?

You notice how Willie Randolph sat on his fucking hands all night as if he were afraid to show some emotion lest people not thing he was Joe Torre incarnate? Note to Willie, meat head, even Torre gets tossed from games once in awhile!

Was Tom Glavine the man upon which to build your sand castle of hope? Not at all. When we needed a strong start at home to keep everyone interested he proceeded to allow more runs in the third inning -- three -- than he had in any one of his previous six starts. Choke? Ineffective? Loser? Past-his-prime? Waste-of-money?

Or is this just a man trying to outpitch the ineffectiveness of Met bats in his starts? The lefthander was 4-5 with a pair of no-decisions despite a 2.47 ERA in the previous 11 starts. Why? Because they scored as many as three runs for him only once and managed just one run in four of his starts, getting shut out in the other.


Not much more to say. No point in noting how the NL Wildcard teams performed because the Mets just dropped out of it once and for all.

Ten Things I'd Like To See Before Season's End

1. Carlos Beltran hit a homer with men on base to win a game.
2. Willie Randolph to lose his cool, get thrown out of a game, throw bats and balls and a water cooler out on the field, tear up the locker room and later try to come back out into the dugout wearing a fake mustache and glasses costume.
3. Bradon Looper as set-up guy and Aaron Heilman as closer the rest of the season.
4. Carlos Beltran batting leadoff. Let's face it - he doesn't hit for power and he barely hits at all but the one thing he CAN do is get on base and although he does a good job of hiding it, he appears to have some speed as well. And let's not worry about your bloody 3-4-5 hitters Willie, they've done sweet fuck all the entire season, experiment a little, see if you can come up with a few different possibilities in that little pea of a brain of yours.
5. Give Pedro the rest of the season off. Save him for next season on the off-hand chance the Mets will be competitive.
6. Ditto Tom Glavine. His heart has been broken by a lack of run support too much for one year. Let him leave the team early, take in a few Braves games for the rest of the summer.
7. Stick Anderson Hernandez in there in the number two slot behind Beltran and playing second base and see what he can do. Pressure is off now on the season, give him the exposure, see if he's a possible answer to the question why the fuck are Kaz Matsui or Miquel Cairo still out there doing that?
8. Start your christmas shopping early Omar - get a bead on your target for a slick-fielding, power hitting for average on base sort of monsterous first baseman. Your work is cut out for you, no doubt, but that IS your job after all. You appear to have fallen asleep since Spring Training.
9. Fire Manny Acta as third base coach and make him the clubhouse cabana boy.
10. Have a nice Good Riddance ceremony for Mike Piazza on the last home game of the season. We might have gotten something for him this past offseason if everyone hadn't been so afraid of dumping Franchise Boy over for a few minor league prospects. Instead, we'll be stuck with nothing in return.


Anonymous said...

How about a Manny Acta human pinata night? Or a Kaz Matsui Sushi Night? What ever happened to Kaz Ishii? Is he pitching important post-season games for the Kyoto Fighting Dragons yet?

Kyle in Newport News said...

You have a gift for maintaining a tone of fury, frustration and fuck-all through paragraphs upon paragraphs without ever becoming the least bit tired, obnoxious or grating. That makes you just the sort of writer up to the task of covering the Mets these days.

And this throwaway line?

"And how do the Mets repay this thin line of hope drawn in the salt?"

That was glorious. I second your wish list in its entirety, and point out a conundrum that Willie has set up for himself: In the latest Mets Notes at Mets.com, he says (1) September is not a time for auditions because (2) He wants to win as many games as possible this year. Does that causation seem as backwards to you as it does to me?

Jaap said...

Thanks for the uplifting message, Kyle. In these dire days it's nice to have something tangible and edifying about this miserable experience.

Willie's statement shows he doesn't really fathom what the fuck he's on about -- to care about wins after they no longer matter is like caring how you spend your last fifty cents after you've already pissed away your entire inheritance on booze, pills and whores.

It should be clear that gaining experience for potential "future" Mets should be the top focus given how sadistically inept the "present" Mets have been. But maybe the upper management doesn't want to have to admit having paid such an enormous payroll for naught and having to endure watching their farm club upstarts outperform the millionaires on the field.

As always, thanks for reading.

Anonymous said...

The brand is named after the famous American tattoo artist Ed Hardy. He was Abercrombie Hats a very famous tattoo artist and has published many ed hardy Hats books on tattooing techniques. But the ed hardy Caps tattoo has become a trademark through the efforts of a company called Christian Audiger. This company has ed hardy Hats been very famous and very powerful in the garment sector. In his opinion, desirable to create a brand called Ed Hardy and use art as a major selling point for the brand. This company buy ed hardy has been a great success and Ed Hardy clothing is a clothingbrand most famous.