Mets New Hobby: Losing Ugly

You could go a long way in life making up empty excuses and bromidic slogans about losing, can't you? Not long ago, the signing of Johan Santana had every pundit drooling saliva which formed in the pattern of Mets Are The Team To Beat. Now look at them. Mutts.

Mets performance leads to a slight variation on the fit bird spread...

Lose a 6-2 lead, well hell, that's nothing, how about losing an entire season long choke hold on first place in compellingly choking fashion?

Double plays in five straight innings squashing any tic of hope as the Brewers tried over and over to GIVE this game to the Mets only to see the Mets didn't appear to want to take it.

No, we'd rather bounce into double plays every effin inning and complain about the quality of the dirt on the base paths. (Well, no one actually did the last bit to my knowledge but why let reality get in the way of a good whinge...) You don't hear see Willie crying in his Cornflakes over this one. Maybe he's a little miffed:

"If we're going to be a solid ballclub," he said, "we can't play
like that."

That's great news, Willie. That you've sussed that bit out anyway. Brilliant. Problem is, this is YOUR problem, just as it was last season and no one is going to sit on their hands waiting for you to finally figure out how to cure the Mets Malaise. Art Howe was the master of telling us how they couldn't play "like that" and win. Look where it got him, Willie. The corner of Ridicule and Irrelevancy. Better watch your step.

Soooo, what did we leave out? Double plays, stooopid baserunning (that means YOU, Brady Clark), dodgy fielding blech, blech, blech.

Bring me a bucket!

Sadder still, they couldn't even touch Steroid Boy after he'd loaded the
bases. I mean Guillermo Mota gives up runs like Paris Hilton gives up cheap sex to whatever creepy, slobbering monkey will have it. If you can't score against Mota well, you just aren't playing baseball, are you?

Pretty much every outing last season which featured Mota was a shit sandwich but stick him in a Brewers uniform and well, I won't say magic, after all, two walks, wild pitch and two hits in an inning's work, but the Mets couldn't do anything with him. Mota was a Run Tease. The Mets couldn't score off this bastid even after he'd practically HANDED them the lead.

And Shea, recognising a good outlet for their growing bile, gave him a good hometown booing when he left the field. Not sure if that was for last season or failing to give up that three-run homer he would have done if he were in a Mets jersey. Carlos Delgado, you should be ashamed for popping up to end the inning against this muppet. They should make him wear a Guillermo Mota mask the rest of the season for that one.

It's like Shea visitors no longer have any ability to judge good from bad. The new Shea motto: If it moves, boo it. How do you boo Johan Santana AND Guillermo Mota in the same series? These guys aren't even pitching in the same universe...

But on the bright side perhaps we've discovered a Mets Song we can all get behind. The lyrics are real simple to remember and go something along the lines of BOOOOOOOOO!

Predictably, Oliver Perez was all over the jernt with his pitches.

This ent no winter league game, hermano...

No big surprise, you can set your watch by Ollie's rubbish outings and inconsistency. But even for him, I mean jeez, hitting the first batter you face and then giving up a home run? Does it get any more crap than that? And the crazy part is, he still had a bloody lead and couldn't hold it.

Mind you, even with yesterday's hideous outing, his ERA was still a respectable 3.38, outperforming The Franchise in his three starts to date. Still, ugly ugly, Oliver. Baaaad Oliver.

And where did this Welcome Back Kapler come from? 2 homers and 5 RBIs in two days meant he almost single-handedly put the Mets down but for the fact that there were plenty of other homers and runs generally to his teammates.

So many the Mets lost both games and tumbled below .500 in a division being led by the Minor League Marlins, a division whose baseball is as appealing as a Sunday picnic in Chernobyl. And Kapler? He's got nearly a quarter of the total of his career-best homeruns in one season (18 in '99 with theTigers)

The funny thing is, it ent the new guys who are effin it up for the Mets.

Schneider and Church, ridiculed for the lack of quality in return for
Lastings Milledge, had 5 of the Mets' 14 hits and are hitting .324 and .326
respectively. Lastings is "only" hitting .308 but expect that average to
soar upwards when he comes to visit Shea this week.

Should we lament Brian Bannister pitching in the rags of the Royals in lieu
of at Shea?

No, better still - how about we have a larf about David Letterman hitting David Wright with a pitch in the back. Or listen to Scotty Schoeneweis puckering up his lips to blow the Mets fans a kiss:

"I don't really want to care about the fans anymore," he said. "If they want
to boo, let them boo. I'm not going to take them out to dinner."

Shit, there goes my free meal. From a very bitter man.

And if that's not enough, the hunger pangs, the losing nights, the general ugliness of the entire affair, why not pull up a seat and listen to Hillbilly Wagner wax poetic about his favourite fans:

"If they're booing for ridiculous reasons, you just let them look like
idiots and go about your business,"
he said. "Their expectations are high, just like ours. It's been 11 games and we've got a lot of baseball left. But they're booing now because they must have expected us to go undefeated this year."

Yeah, that must be it, Billy. Just be glad the Mets are floundering. It saves you from coughing up cheap losses in clutch games, your favourite past time.


sanchez said...

Here we go again. Anyone else fail to be surprised by the news that Pedro's recovery has been pushed back?

Anyway, is it too early to start up some Fire Willie blog?

Itsmetsforme said...

this post has some of your best lines yet.but oh those birds.

I laughed at this one particularly because i tuned in to that game late and didn't have to see this:
"But even for him, I mean jeez, hitting the first batter you face and then giving up a home run? Does it get any more crap than that?" If i had seen that, i'd have just a few more grays and be just a bit more outraged when this joker and his agent rake the Mets over the coals in free agency.

Losing brings out our creativity methinks. Hard to write about a boring winning team, eh? So we've been historically blessed in that sense. At least thats what Johan tells me.

Jaap said...

Well, if losing brings out our creativity, IMFM, Shea must be filled with bloody Einsteins and Tolstoys every night, eh?

Jaap said...

oh sanchez, stop whingeing - it's not like YOU'RE paying their salaries. Give them time right? Hahahaha. Perhaps you should begin that website you speak of and send us the link when it's finished!