9 Run Outburst In 5th Mortally Wounds Mets

It was smooth sailing for Oliver Perez for four innings last night.

Oh, a delightful little outing in fact, matching goose egg for goose egg with Barry Zero through four until the Mets managed to fart out a run in the top of the 5th thanks to Jose Reyes which gave them a 1-0.

Then all hell broke loose in the form of Benjie Molina and his pair of homers.

A three hour 5th, a three hour 5th...

As we all recall with such bile it was his brother, Yadier Molina, whose homer decided Game 7 of the NLCS last season.

But in the 5th it was a walk to open and then a two run blast by Molina, a blast which was questionable to begin with in sofar as it could have been a homer or it could have been a ground rule double depending on whether or not you're relying on the telescopic vision of an ump who has been known to blow calls in the past. But, ok, settle down, lads, 2-1, no worries.

Two outs were obtained before Mr Zero singled (and yes, it was his bat the Giants paid 10 million a year for) and then B-Met Easley, former hero and hitter of late-inning homers, allowed another runner to accumulate in a sort of baseball chinese water torture, this time via error. Then Shawn Green did his bi-monthly Laurel and Hardy impersonation in right field, losing a fly ball "in the lights" and responsible for another run.

I have to admit, if I'm Oliver Perez, my concentration is beginning to wane by then. I'm probably seething on the inside and finding it very difficult to focus on the next batter. Really the inning should have been over after Randy Winn's grounder was muffed by Easley but I mean c'mon for crissakes, if you're gonna put two balls in play that in theory should end the inning and the defence is collapsing in flames all around you, well, where's the motivation?

Instant Poll:
Was the Mets 5th Inning Performance Uglier Than Mr Scientology Without A Tee Shirt?

Willie disagreed, noting of the errors and pitching focus "You still have to get out of it." and even Oliver Perez himself was forced, likely at gunpoint, to concur: "The errors are part of the game.", he added, and probably sotto-voce, "I just wish they'd happen during someone else's start

So there you go, poof. Three-run homer courtesy of Rich Aurelia to make it 6-1. Earthquake. Who is going to recover from that?

It took a walk to Barry Bonds and another base hit, this time by Ray Durham before Doctor Willio woke up in the dugout from his trance, no doubt contemplating all the great flicks he was going to watch at the SF International Film Festival.

And Lino Urdaneta, I believe your audition is over. It isn't often a man with an infinity ERA gets another chance after being bounced out of the league for a few years but Lino has taken that opportunity and basically rendered it irredeemable. Oh where are thou now, Ambiorix Burgos?

Mr Zero, former object of off-season desire and purported cure-all for the starting pitching ailments the Mets don't appear to possess and now persona non grata in Queens, did manage to pinch out a barely deserved victory to even his pimply record to 3-3 on the season (which ironically is the same record of Oliver Perez, the far cheaper option) but Zito Zero won with neither grace nor awe-struck capacity.

He did not, as rumoured, spit silver dollars from his mouth like a sort of inverted Trevi Fountain nor did he shit gold in between innings. If he had, Shawn Green no doubt, would have dropped it.

It's a sour loss, this business, this falling apart, gutted, all pieces coming together in gross misharmony and worse still, watching that cad Mr Zero chalk up an undeserved victory of vengeance.

But we'll see at season's end where the Giants stand in the scheme of things and see who'll have the last laugh.

No, wait the last laugh is here.

What's a Barry Zero post worth if it doesn't have a gratuitous photo of that slag he once shagged?


sanchez said...

man, that pic of John Ravolta is disgusting! thanks, made me forget for a second about the Mets!

Dolly Parton said...

Is he breast feeding with those tits? Jesus.