Rollicking Start, Whimpering Conclusion, Mets Lose Another

It's been bugging me all during Spring Training and the beginning week or so of the season but I've finally come up with it, come up with who it is that John Maine reminds me of every time I see him.




Paul Giamatti playing Limbo in Planet of the Apes.

Sure, it's not immediately evident to the casual viewer but have a look in particular at the anguished grimace in Maine's face as he surrenders an early three run lead gifted to him by Carlos Delgado's first inning homer.

Go one, allow yourself to see it, the twisted mouth, the baleful eyes and well, yes, Maine has considerably less facial hair, but for comic relief, perhaps he should be encouraged to grow his facial hair thick, if he's capable, of course, just so during these incessant battles with inconsistency that Maine is so famous for we'd at least have something to distract ourselves with, something to take our minds off of the the grinding teeth, the clenching and unclenching fists watching Maine coming off the rails for no apparent reason and throwing away a perfectly good lead, a perfectly good chance at taking two of three from the Padres in the Shitty Field opening series.

"It just seems a lot of time it's just one inning that does me no good in a game," said Maine, who was reportedly visibly upset as he stood in front of his locker.

You know what makes a good team? I mean a good team worth watching? A good team worth rooting for?

A team full of people who are good at making excuses, that's what.

Because isn't that what every supporter likes to hear after another demoralising loss? A nice, neat little summation of the mysteries of getting paid not to do your job?

You know what John Maine? We don't need to listen to you sound remorseful standing in front of your locker after the game pointing out the obvious. Fix it. Why do our starters have such an excruciating yet common inability to find consistency?

"It is troubling, because it's happened a number of times," Jerry Manuel was quoted as speculating. "He is still growing, he is still trying to become a consistent guy, trying to maintain mechanics and fundamentals throughout a game. But again, when you have that type of stuff that he had tonight and struggle like he did in that one inning, that's kind of discouraging."

It IS discouraging Jerry, thanks for telling us what we already know.

Now how about "managing" to get this team of yours to play with some inspiration, with heart and passion, without putting us to sleep or driving us insane with stupid, simple errors and repeated moments of inconsistency that plague the team like indigestion? Isn't that what the "manager" is paid to do? Win? How about it?

How appropriate, with Willie and the Brewers coming to down that Jerry has these Mets playing with exactly the same kind of maddening inconsistency that stigmatised Willie's teams for so long.

You see? It wasn't Willie, it's these shitty players playing with mouthfuls of excuses. It's the core, a cowering, incapable bunch who can collect meaningless hits and fail when it counts.


Psst. Try opening your eyes when you swing

David Wright is a perfect example. Oh bully for him, a meaningless single extending a meaningless hitting streak on the season. Meanwhile, he's struck out 13 times in his last 33 at-bats. Both in the first and the fourth innings he bailed. This isn't him just struggling at the season's onset, this is the mark of his career - meaningless numbers.

Precisely the kind of clutch plate presence that has the Mets leading the league in runners left in scoring position. (Do they actually lead the league? I dunno, but it feels close enough like it to me so I'm going to put it in the books. Choke artists create masterpieces of gagging.)

Inning by inning, like water torture, the Mets disappoint.

There were only three exceptions last night, two seconds in more than two and a half hours of water torture where the Mets weren't making you sick.

Delgado's three run shot then Ryan Church's ballsy bunt single in the 8th, down three runs whilst Duaner Sanchezz gets him to second with an ill-advised and wild throw to first and then compounds the mistake by allowing a homer to Sweet Ramon down the left field line. Oh yes, have it, Duaner!

But the awakening doesn't last long.

Four of the special hologram balls pitched to Gary "Still Hitless as a Met" Sheffield are balls and Duaner looks to be on the ropes, but no. What happens? What can you bet your money on when the Mets are starting to rally or have runners in scoring position?

That's right, fans. Sweet feck all. Reyes grounds into an inning-ending double play and the only consolation at the minute is still the beating the Yankees took in the inaugural game in the "new" Yankee Stadium, the humiliation they suffered at home making the Mets meagre output during the first three games of the season almost epic and joyous by comparison.


Delgado, done wrong by a misguided ump.

Even behind by only one run, the reality was the best hope the Mets would have in the 9th was a hot Carlos Delgado. And whilst he kept it interesting, in the end, 11 pitches later, he was called out to end the game after a brilliant at-bat, done in by an umpire eager to get back to his hotel room and settle in for room service.

Next up to wipe our noses in it, Willie and the Brewers.