Where Are We, Exactly?

Pelf, battered.

Jaysus, and just on the heels of everyone from Dan Warthen to Viggo Mortensen singing his praises. Heartfelt praises. All for nowt. We're back to square one? Where's that gushing front door sinker?



The ready-made excuse for Pelf's malfunction was injury. Actually a muscle strain between his ankle and his shin Coming in a distant second place in the litany of excuses, fatigue.

He pointed out he had run hard beating throws to first base in the third and sixth innings.

You know, it's not like Pelf is some 45 year old veteran pitcher with a Mickey Lolich build. He's young and strong, supposedly. Yet a few brisk runs to first base and he's too knackered to pitch?

What is it with these pitchers?

Do they actually train at all? Redding gets a "tired shoulder".

We've got Pelf being exhausted by running to first base.

Then you've got Warthen calling Oliver Perez "out of shape" after his rubbish and worrying performance yesterday saw him use 92 pitches to walk a half dozen and give up six runs without even getting out of the 4th inning. Against whom, you enquire? The 1927 Yankees? Why no, young squires, against the festering and ulceric muppet collective calling itself the Detroit Tigers. A team that, you will be amazed to learn, is actually worse off than the Mets and even hate God at the minute.

Not even Oliver Perez hates God for crisskaes. Oliver Perez may be a fat, unprepared and unfocused garden-variety shit bag but at least he doesn't hate god. He just ate too many burritos at the Team Mexico all-day "training" buffet. And with obese teammates like Dennys Reyes, who looks like he's tried to swallow an elephant and a fatted pig like Vinny Castillo managing him, can you really blame him?

Are these the Mets or some beer league softball team? What's next? Johan is going to miss two starts because he is "enervated" from thumbing through the media guide?

Anyway, it all leads to worries. Worries and more worries. We thought Pelf was going to soar but now, maybe not. Perez is not only unreliable but now, after a fortnight in Mexico, he's out of shape as well. John Maine is about two pitches away from the disabled list.

I hate to sound, I dunno, sceptical, but basically, about 60-70% of the starting rotation is unsound at the minute and we're a little over a week from Opening Day.

Feeling anxious? Need a cuddle? Well, At least the bullpen seems ok.

How's that?

I thought so.

*****




Now, we're getting down to cutting time. Snip snip go the 25 roster spots. I'm not usually a fan of micro analysing roster spots, especially when grandiose, unsubstantiated generalisations and dystopian reactionarisms are generally more personally appealing, definitely the strong suit.

Nevertheless, it's Spring and it's what is called for so let me join the crazed wildebeests of the Spring Training Serengeti migration north:

Lefty benchers, Jeremy Reed and switch-hitter Bobby Kielty, Marlon the Magical Auld Man and Cory Sullivan. It's really a tough call but Kielty is a switch hitter and can play centerfield. You might figure that Marlon would be a tough cut as well given his history and Omar's infatuation with senior citizens. I'd say we go with the ginger kid:




11 pitchers: We know the starting five, the closer and the two set up men. That leaves some combination of Bobby Parnell, Brian Stokes, Darren O'Day I Say It?, Sean Green and Carlos Muniz. Reckon Muniz is the odd man out, let's hope. Nice balanced pen of practically nothing but righties.

3rd catcher? Better do, with Mr Cancel, Schneider and Castro on the auld whirling disabled table.

Extra utility infielder? Why yes. Mr Comeback of the Year, Potato Head Tatis can back up at third and play left, so that's sorted and Alex Cora. You can be sure auld Jose Valentin is going to make it. Why, because he's older than China, that's why! Isn't that enough?

Want to know what an interview with Omar is like when you're shooting to get signed by the Mets as a free agent?

Omar: How old are you?
You: 67, but it's a young 67. I feel almost 60.
Omar: Holy frijole, spring chicken, you're hired!

But about this infield/utility/roster spot situation, what is worrying, given Carlos Delgado's age, is that there isn't a proper candidate to back up Delgado at first other than...Marlon.

I reckon it's possible either one pitcher will be dropped out of the pen, at least in early April, or they are going to carry two catchers to make room for Marlon.

That's alot of auld people. Marlon, Cora and Valentin. Which makes that just about right. Need to keep that disabled list nice and full. And given the evidence that Omar is clearly running the show, not Jerry, when the roster whittling goes down and Omar luuuurvs his seniors.



Hey kid! Whattaya think about playing back up shortstop for the Metsies?