Who's On First?

Abbott: Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...
Costello: That's what I want to find out.
Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Costello: Are you the manager?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: You gonna be the coach too?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Abbott: Well I should.
Costello: Well then who's on first?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: I mean the fellow's name.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy on first.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The first baseman.
Abbott: Who.
Costello: The guy playing...
Abbott: Who is on first!
Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.
Abbott: That's it.
Costello: That's who?
Abbott: Yes.

from Abbott and Costello's infamous Who's On First? skit.

One thing which can be established as a certainty during the winter meetings is that until someone actually signs a contract, mad speculation, rather than serene contemplation, rules the day. From hour to hour, paper to paper, headline to headline, everyone attempts to outguess each other as to who is going where for what. One minute, Carlos Delgado is all but gone to the Orioles, the next, the Mets have offered Delgado and Piss Hand Alou contracts. On another channel, Omar Probes Sexson.

Realising that all bases have to be covered so to speak, the only similarity in rumour after rumour appears to be that other than Kris Benson and despite incessant scares, hints and innuendo, no free agent has signed with the Mets yet.

That's not always a bad thing. There is always the theory of addition by subtraction or better still, addition by not adding in the first place. Having commented previously on the merits or demerits of Delgado being signed for the Mets, I'll wait until rumour becomes truth or simply flies out the window forever.

Addition by not adding in the first place might well sum up the talk of acquiring Piss Hand Alou. I haven't commented on the possibility of signing Alou because frankly, I was hoping if we were all very, very quiet about it, it would go away like a bad dream. Not so. Preparing for the worst perhaps, the issue of Alou has already been examined over at The Metropolitans.

Another interesting rumour making the rounds has the Mets shipping the KazMan and Piazza to Boston for Manny Ramirez and Doug Mientkiewicz.

That's known as a steal in most parts of the world and considering the Boy Wonder Theo Epstein doesn't appear to be desperate or dumb enough to make such a deal, this might be a little of Omar's wishful thinking leaking out of his mind and into the papers.

Not only can't the Mets dump Piazza on anyone, but now he doesn't even return his manager's calls, big shot.

"He could be on an island, sipping piña coladas," new Met manager Willie Randolph said, dismissing the lack of dialogue with Piazza this winter. More likely he's too busy changing the colour of his hair to answer the telephone and doesn't want to mess up the latest dye job.