Why Not A Little Pissing And Moaning For A Change of Pace?

Ok, we've all had time to digest the recent flurry of moves Omar put on the rest of baseball (bar the Yankees who defied the times and threw money at anything that moved, outbidding themselves where needed just to feel secure...)and having digested we're perhaps beginning to discover a little too much time on the toilet as a result?

Let's start with K-Rod himself.


Have it, Phillies Wankers...

It's admirable that he's out there shooting off his mouth before he's even found a home in the NYC area for his family.

Sure, K-Rod represents half of the one-two punch Omar has thrown to rejuvinate the Mets rubbish bullpen but let's look at reality for just a tick here...the Phillies, after their leader proclaimed them the team to beat in the Spring of 2007 and even after the Mets team leader proclaimed the Mets the team to beat in the Spring of 2008, won the NL East both times and of course, the World Championship in '08, deservedly or not.

So claiming to be the team to beat, you have to admit, rings a little hollow, sounds a wee bit unrealistic in the face of facts, like someone coming in from the AL West might sound to the the trained NL East ear. I would like to hear the Mets keep their mouths shut this season, keep their throats unrestricted by any kind of choking motions or sounds and go out and win the World Series in 2009.

I mean new faces or not, the credibility of the Mets after two consecutive seasons barking out at shadows whilst the Phillies were taking it all is well, comical almost. They're skating on thin ice as it is.

Yeah, that's right because while I'm thinking of it, I'm starting to get bitter all over again.

So I don't want K-Rod, no matter how well intended, talking smack about being the team to beat when just the thought makes half the team collapse in choking fits and wind themselves so tight they'll all have pulled muscles and trousers stained by urine from pissing themselves in terror before even reporting to Spring Training.

And I don't want any other Met thinking he's got to show some leadership by talking smack about being the team to beat.

Let's be clear. The Mets are NOT the team to beat. They will not be the team to beat unless they win the World Series. That's it. Everyone just laughs at us.

It kind of reminds me of that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail where the the Black Knight gets his arms and legs cut off by King Arthur but refuses to concede defeat whilst left lying there on the ground trying to pretend "it's only a flesh wound". Mets choke like dogs last two seasons? Pshaw, nothing. We're the team to beat.

Making it worse perhaps, I've only recently discovered that K-Rod comes out to close games to this rubbish song called Sandungueso signalling his entry:



Sung by this Puerto Rican lad who sings/plays something called Reggaeton music, which has its origins in Panama and in the instant case, played for a Venezuelan. Gonna be a weird summer.

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Ok, onward to the set-up guy who came over as part of a 12-player, 3-team deal, the cream of the deal, J.J. Putz.

Still feel good about this, even when I'm trying to feel cynical. I mean to get rid of Heilman AND get a guy like Putz not to be your closer but just your bloody set-up man, well, that's quite a coup.

This is what they said in Seattle Times afterwards, which I think is most telling:

"As necessary as it was, losing Putz hurts. When healthy, he is one of the best closers in baseball. He was also the sea of tranquillity in the Mariners' dysfunctional clubhouse.

But a lockdown closer like Putz loses his value on a 101-loss team like the Mariners. They got seven players for him, and they need quantity as well as quality.

Maybe the most intriguing player in this trade is Aaron Heilman, a 2001 first-round draft pick once considered one of the gems of the Mets' pitching staff.

After a string of blown saves, Heilman practically got booed out of Flushing, but he still has a talented arm. And he's only 30. Heilman wants to be a starter, and far away from the barking dogs of Shea, maybe he can relax and enjoy the game again.

So they know Putz is still good and they blame booing and not getting to be a starter for Heilman's lack of success. "Away from the barking dogs of Shea", I like that. I think I'm going to use that as an excuse, even though I'm nowhere near Shea. It can be an excuse in many languages:

Tengo que conseguir alejarse de estos perros ladrando de Shea!

Ich muss weg von diesen Bellen von Hunden Shea!

我得擺脫這些狗的叫聲謝

Я должен получить уйти от этих лай собак из Шей

Anyway, I've got a feeling Putz is going to my favourite guy coming out of the pen firstly because he doesn't play some weird salsa/reggae hybrid when he enters the game, he plays a good auld hardcore bit to get everyone pumped up. Secondly because he's going to be all the more effective as a set-up guy with the other team already shitting themselves about facing K-Rod. Could be quite interesting.

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Hard not to like seeing Heilman, Schoeneweiss and Smith get swept away in a matter of hours/days.

“We’re happy to acquire Connor Robertson,” Mets General Manager Omar Minaya said in a statement after the Schoeneweiss dump.

You mean, we're happy to get rid of Schoeneweiss?

How can anyone really be happy about acquiring Connor Robertson? He's a 27 year old who barely got up into the Major Leagues last season and when he did, he sucked. I'm not saying he's a bad person or anything but let's be honest, as much as losing Schoeneweiss is addition by subtraction, this addition of Robertson is little more than, oh jeez, at least he'll be closer to his brother David the Effin Yankee.

I mean even this bit by a Diamondbacks article about non-roster-invitees can't even find anything good to say about him:

"There’s no use reposting his major league stats here so we’ll just wish Connor the best of luck."

Is Robertson the sort of guy who could actually make us MISS Schoeneweiss? I hope not.

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Lastly, I would be doing my readers a disservice not to drop a few bitter remarks about the abundantly overpaid Luis Castillo still scheduled to be wearing a Mets uniform next season.


Castillo performing his offseason training of sitting up from a lying down position.

3 years, $18 million.

Anytime you want to call Omar a genius just remember that.

"I know he didn't have a good year, I know it's tough for him to come back. But this guy's been an All-Star, and a two-time World Series winner, a .300 hitter for 10 years."

Great, Omar. Let him retire and be proud of his career but for feck's sake, let's not compound the absurdist error of the contract you gave him by keeping him on the team and worse still, making weird suggestions about batting him lead off.

But watch this, mateys. Luis Castillo is going to be the Comeback Kid.

That's my other prediction for 2009 early on, along with I'll never say or even think "goddamnit! Why didn't we sign Oliver Perez to an astronomical, multi-year contract when we had the chance?!".

Luis Castillo fools us all and wins Comeback Player of the Year.

Yeah. Right about the time he stops walking around the bases like Fred Sanford, that is.



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To be fair, there is really nothing out there too appealing as far as starters go.

So here's my take on the irony of 2009:

Except in games where Johan pitches, there won't be any leads for the bullpen to blow out there.

I mean, you can just see it, can't you?