Wither Art Thou, Oh Mets?

Belated New Years greetings, au fait readers...

Still sleeping off the remnants of the beaten track yet the first thing I did upon returning home after a fortnight without newspapers and rumours or internet access was naturally to seek out all the breath-taking breaking news, the wheelings and dealings of Omar as he turned the Mets back from laughingstocks into serious contenders.

The Answer Is: Glad I didn't hold my breath.

Now, I'm not going to go all bitter and bile this time around. It's a new year and although there is no new perspective on the dithering and all-round lack of action from Omar, well, lack of productive action it should be clarified...anyway, no news is sometimes good news considering I might instead have come home to something like Mets Trade Heilman, F-Mart and The Peoples' Pelfrey To Philadelphia for Mike Lieberthal.

So instead we can be comforted by notions such as Keeping An Eye On Joe Blanton.

The only sentence of consequence I could pick out of this desperate bit of speculative journalism was:

"Minaya, who is off to Israel today as part of a week-long trip with prominent agent Arn Tellem and a Seeds of Peace delegation, was unavailable for comment Friday."

And naturally I was thinking to myself gee, just imagine all the hot young pitching talent coming out of Jerusalem and Tel Aviv these days it's amazing no other GMs thought of going to the Middle East in search of young unsungs now that the Carribean and Latin America are already being vacuumed out of any potential talents over the age of 12. How bloody, utterly innovative.

Seeds of Peace?

How about some Seeds of Walter Johnson for the starting rotation? Or Seeds of Sandy Koufax?

About Big Train:

"His fastball looked about the size of a watermelon seed and it hissed at you as it passed."
-- Ty Cobb, Detroit Tigers

And watch Sandy K Mickey Mantle:


But, back at Reality, Inc. there are no such seeds awaiting harvesting so what is one to do about the starting pitching, the bullpen, the lingering doubts about Carlos Delgado's return to form, Castillo's knees and left fielders to fill in for Moises 120 games out of 162?

And you know what? All this nagging in the back of the head is annoying. Make this the make-or-break for every body. Let them all play for their Met careers. Sure, there will have to be more substantive additions than Angel Pagan, but let's face it. There are no magic elixirs out there. There is no one man to come stumbling out of the sky to save the Mets and there never was.

"Angel" Pagan indeed. How is that possible? Do Pagans believe in Angels? I want the Mets to sign Jesus Pagan Superstar instead. He hit .231 at Chattanooga last season before being felled by a mysterious battle with gastroenteritis. A man who could hit a homer out of Hell and watch it land on the Moon. A man who could created wind tunnels when he swung and missed, knock the toupee off of the head of the butcher in the centerfield bleachers without ever hitting the ball. That's who I want to hear the Mets gave up a few minor leaguers for.

Rather than a Wish List I'm going to put together an If List, as in:

1. IF Carlos Delgado puts up his 2004 numbers...
2. IF Moises Alou plays as well as 2007 but for 150 games...
3. IF Pedro has another last Cy Young in him...
4. IF Billy Wagner learned, just for one season, not to choke
5. IF Luis Castillo's knees last 140 games and a restrung hero emerges (not bloody likely)
6. IF Willie doesn't outmanage himself in tight situations.
7. IF whichever na'er do well Omar ultimately selects as his innings-eating number three pitcher behind Pedro and Maine actually eats those innings all season and eats them with surprising effectiveness...
8. IF Omar can only sign three more catchers he will inch that much closer to the Guinness Book of World Records for catchers signed in one season...
9. IF Ryan Church can please be traded anywhere, for anyone...
10 IF Duaner Sanchez can return to pre-taxi form...

And of course, no post completely sanctioned by the Commission without an obligatory Bird That Makes Your Head Spin pic.


Itsmetsforme said...

i was just coming over here to rag on you for posting at a slightly slower pace than omar is designing the world champion 2008 mets.

lucky for you, you're back in the saddle, otherwise you'd have to endure my withering barbs.

Itsmetsforme said...

good post, by the way.

now that i've digested it, i'm really looking forward to your 2009post.

sanchez said...

I'm hungry for a burger.
not just any burger but a burger bursting with lots of omar blood and all sorts of talented lefties in the bun. the kind of burger that drips down the side of my face, down my chin.
the kind of burger that makes me forget the fucking mets don't have any fucking pitching.
get me one of those burgers, please

Jaap said...

IMFM: These slows posts are in direct correlation with the slow-mindedness of the front office. I feel like a Communist standing in an 8 hour long queue for bread in 1972 Moscow only to find, upon getting to the front of the queue, that the bread is sold out.

Jaap said...

dear sanchez,

Get off the vegetarian train already, stop listening to that creepy girlfriend of yours and eat some goddamned red meat for crissakes before you have an aneurysm. Please. No more bloody Omar Hamburger posts. I've got a reputation amongst the peace-loving, carrot gnawing, unwashed hair crowd that I have to uphold for the purposes of subscription rates and the related advertising revenue....