7.10.08

Mets Abandon Playoffs

In a bizarre announcement the Mets decided yesterday to abandon their efforts to advance further in the Second Annual What If The Mets HADN'T Blown It Again fantasy playoffs.

"The season is over," an anonymous team source reported exclusively to Archie Bunker's Army in the wee hours of the morning. "We now believe our participation in some sort of weird 'what if' scenario is actually counter productive to moving forward from the humiliation of a second consecutive September collapse," the anonymous source, head covered by a blue and orange balaklava, reitterated in terse tones.

Later, the Qatar-based Arabic news channel, Al Jazeera, announced receipt of the audio tape purportedly from Mets third baseman David Wright. Portions were broadcast in which Wright bitterly denounced Archie Bunker's Army for furthering the myth that Ollie Perez was capable of the pitching performance alleged to have taken place in Game 3 of the Second Annual What If The Mets HADN'T Blown It Again fantasy playoffs and for insinuating parenthetically or even subliminally that he (Wright) had a history of padding his stats with meaningless hits and empty RBIs, choking repeatedly when the game or season was on the line.

It was further rumoured that the results of Game 4, wherein Pedro turned back the clock and pitched 8 scoreless innings to clinch the series against the Cubs was "so fantastical" that censors feared it might cause temporary insanity in some readers.

Jaap Stijl, author of the aforementioned blog was unavailable for comment but Award-winning author Buzz Bissinger (or someone impersonating him) said "This guy or his stupid blog, whether we like it or not, is the future for Mets fans who find themselves year after year mired in a senseless reality."

Sources close to Stijl insisted the fantasy post season was merely a defence mechanism against he inevitable tide of WFAN callers demanding the Mets sign Manny, K-Rod and CC as the only means of salvaging the franchise.

8 comments:

jdon said...

So wait a minute. Did we forfeit or what? Did we quit? What the hell?

Tommyjoebillyjimbob said...

wow wow wow shocking. wow

I.M. Forme said...

i think Jaap just suspended his campaign. Happens all the time in American politics.

katherine said...

Is it finally over, jaap? Is it safe to come back? I know it's laughable, pathetic, but I found your satire too painful.

Remember the Gladys Knight and the Pips song "It should have been me!", in which a woman disrupts her ex-boyfriends wedding? Everytime I hear about the postseason, that's just how I feel, and I want to make a big embarrassing scene, crying and screaming in public.

jdon said...

Do you blubber in public, Katherine? Don't you know that there is no crying in baseball? Shame on you. Besides, you should treat this blog like a shoulder for you to put your head on when you feel compelled to cry.

jdon said...

jaap, where are you-? Are you on hiatus, or under medication? Omar is babbling again.

jdon said...

jaap, where are you-? Are you on hiatus, or under medication? Omar is babbling again.

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