Archie Bunker's Army

I WILL be back. And so will the Mets. Rah rah with my pig flu pom poms. With this blood I do rededicate myself to the parody of a Mets fan.

I suppose it's self-evident; the lack of daily updates or comments are indicative of a general malaise that no young call-up, no veteran return and certainly no series of meaningless games against division rivals can alleviate. Seriously, are we to get excited about the 10th homer of the season? David Wright's two homers in one game against the Phillies to reach the big 10 milestone, is nothing but a reminder of how few homers he's hit this season, how little the game itself meant, perhaps a blessing in disguise, sparing us of another September Collapse . Yes, a come-from-behind victory over the hated Phillies in most seasons and in most circumstances would have been cause for righteous joy, unbridled euphoria and instead, we can only yawn and scratch and think yeah, so what? Because that is where we are in this miserable season. Not even a pair of homers by Wright, a come-from-behind victory and a homer in the first inning by Carlos Beltran , another too-little-too-late ...

I suppose if you'd looked at the promotional scheme for the season back in April or even May you might have imagined that even something as exciting K-Rod Bobblehead Day would have taken a back seat to the heat of the pennant race and that maybe K-Rod's 30th save of the season would be the cause for great relief or celebration. Hell, K-Rod probably thought as much himself. Instead, as we know, a simply meaningless early September game pairing easily the two most disappointing teams in the National League and perhaps in ALL of baseball. Why isn't this guy a Mets target? Watching the Cubs is like holding up a mirror to the Mets but for the fact that they didn't lose half their team to injuries this season. And of course, the Cubs are already talking about having someone like Chone Figgins on their radar to sign in the offseason . Who have the Mets got on their radar? Re-signing Carlos Delgado to a long-term contract? Ok, the Mets won yesterday, whoop. They beat th...

It's as though the minute Carlos Zambrano was out of the game the Mets came to life. Only Super Sully could solve Big Z last night... Other than a solo homer by Scott Sullivan to give them a 1-0 lead they held until Angel Pagan let a pop up drop in front of him for a double (which was actually an out considering the ump blew the call on Francouer's bullet to 2nd base that should have rendered a slow-moving Milton Bradley out), the Mets' Batting Order of Mediocrity had been predictably silent. Fortunately, the Cubs, whose own batting order is equally mediocre, were equally silent, even in a bases-loaded nobody out situation in the 7th when Lou pinch hit for Zambrano like a fool and watched the inning dither away . And by the time Zambrano was gone in the bottom of the 8th, the score was knotted at 1-1 and the Cubs bullpen was ripe for attack. Especially with John Grabow , shattered in every appearance at Shitty Field, on the mound. Tatis pinch hitting for Murphy , sin...

I can't say as I really care that Pat Misch avoided pitching in a 13th consecutive loss without a victory for his team to avoid a rather ignominious start to his Major League career. Misch officially ent pisch no more with his first career victory Sure, it's good to see the guy pitch his second consecutive quality start for the Mets since arriving off the waiver wire from San Francisco but let's face it, watching this Nowhere Man pitch a meaningless game for the Mets in the beginning of September only reminds us all that at least this season there can't be a September collapse. Nor can I find much comfort in the too-little-too-late news that Carlos Beltran is inching his way back to recovery . After all, much like David Wright's return from concussion the night before, it only underscores the waste and futility of the hideously injury-prone 2009 season. Even if Wright went 3 for 4 with 3 RBIs and showed encouraging signs that he won't be plate-shy after gett...

Well it's taken all of a miserable season but it's finally beginning to look like the Mets terrible fortunes are turning the corner. Two days ago, to great relief the Mets found out there were "only" bone chips to be removed out of Johan Santana's elbow and "only" the rest of the season would be lost. Time to take the rest of your miserable career off, buddy. Yesterday, to everyone's vast relief it was revealed that Oliver Perez FINALLY requires season-ending knee surgery. The only caveat of course is that the surgery won't be career-ending but when the doses of good news are finally dripping down I guess we shouldn't get too greedy. Taking his place on the roster is the venerated Lance Broadway , who if you recall was the fodder we got from the White Sox in return for Ramon Castro . Ramon is hitting a whopping .192 for the White Sox, one of the few players in history who isn't doing better once he left the Mets. Broadway of course, th...

The good news is Johan Santana gets the rest of the season off. Now he'll have time to find a replacement for that ridiculous pimp coat... C'mon, we didn't need him any more, the season is lost and the fact that surgery will be to remove bone chips rather than restructure an elbow is the best news the Mets have had all season. This is a sign the worst is almost over, hurray! (Ok, the worst is NEVER going to be over with the Mets and this miserable franchise but for a few seconds anyway, hope reared its ugly, predictable head...) So, despite the good news, this wouldn't be the Mets if there weren't questions raised about whether or not the Mets mismanaged Santana . The question is not a stretch, certainly. The Mets mismanage everything they come into contact with. Any situation is a vulnerability, a potential for mismanagement and if it is associated with the Mets, with the Wilpons or Omar , you can be pretty damned sure if there's a way to cock it up or ma...

Say what you will about the Mets this season but the predictability of their miraculous injury run has finally reached its zenith with the news we've all been waiting for: even his own teammates predict season-ending surgery for Johan Santana . And to think, poor Jeff Francoeur and his dodgy season-ending thumb is merely back pages news by comparison. If that doesn't turn him off the Mets, nothing will. This is the guy who never missed a game due to injury in his career before joining the Mets. (and to call them the "injury plagued Mets" is the understatement of the season - if DL casualties were victories, the Mets would have already won the World Series. have a look . The only two things left are Jerry Manuel to have a heart attack in the dugout and the Omar v Adam Rubin Steel Cage Match wherein Omar is mortally wounded and spurts ketchup from a fake head injury before tearing up that dreadfully unfair Oliver Perez contract and awarding him a new restructu...

I have to be honest, after Oliver Perez gave up that homer to Adam LaRoche (the solo homer in the 3rd, not the three run homer he gave up to Matt Diaz in the 2nd)that gave the Braves what seemed at the moment, reasonably to be an insurmountable 4-0 lead, I switched it over to watch Pedro pitch. Just for the sake of my own sanity, you see. Oliver Perez has that effect on people. The familiar post-gopher pose of Perez Fortunately, after watching Pedro earn the final out of the inning, a rain delay sent me back to the Mets game, just in time to see Angel Pagan rattle that line drive off of Derek Lowe's left hand that signalled the beginning of the unexpected deluge of runs, 8 in all, in the bottom of the 4th inning. Lowe was not the same after that line drive Before that of course, it was just plain painful, having our noses rubbed in it like that, Lowe v Ollie, what could have been v what is. But instead, we were treated to a franchise-record 10 hits in one inning, two each b...

It's been a long time. Over two months since the Mets won a walk off game and finally, in honour of the ailing David Wright , the Magical Murph drove the game-winning single after the Giants brought in lefty Jeremy Affeldt special just to face him. This on the back of an unusually well pitched game from Big Pelf meant that the Mets have now taken two of three from the weak-hitting Giants in this meaningless four game series. (Well, meaningless for the Mets who are now reduced to the role of spoilers.) The only other runs the Mets scored came in the 4th when Luis Castillo hit a two-run homer, one of the rare occurrences in baseball. I know, it's only two wins but I couldn't help but think looking out at these Mets today that this team, despite the absurdist run of injuries that have left them with a second string side, still have some marks of a reasonable job by Omar. Now before you go crazy, think you've got the smart pick-up of Sheffield , the last remaining big...

It was shocking to see the Mets come storming back in the 8th inning with three runs to tie the game last night. What were the odds? I won't say it was shocking to see Frankie Boy surrender that 10th inning lead off homer to Bengie Molina to lead of the 10th last night. Frankie Boy's been slipping so fast it seems inevitable we're going to pick up the paper one of these days and read that he's got some sort of physical ailment that's going to require season-ending surgery. It's just that kind of season and Frankie Boy has been that kind of rubbish since the All Star break and perhaps since the Mets' bottom dropped out. 4.91 ERA in July, 12.79 ERA in August. This is definitely a downward spiral. And I wouldn't say it was shocking that the last remaining All Star in the Mets every day batting order would get clocked in the skull by a fastball. Wasn't it just a matter of time before something happened to David Wright given how the season has go...

As with nearly every Met victory, the temptation to giddily proclaim a new beginning is tempered by the reality of the season and the roster. Last night the Mets showed up in strange throw-back uniforms, with a starting pitcher recently converted from the bullpen and sent fans home with a pleasing and fully unexpected 3-0 victory. In only his second start of the season, Bobby Parnell outdueled former Met target, Barry Zito needing only Angel Pagan's lead-off homer in the bottom of the 1st inning to earn his first win as a starter. Parnell looked promising - with a high 90s four and two-seam fastball with a hard slider he baffled the Giants for 6 shutout innings allowing only three singles. Of course, the Giants' recent run shortage might have been attributable - they have now scored only 21 runs over their last 8 games and rank ahead of only the Mets in the least amount of homers hit this season. But a victory is a victory, meaningless as it may be to start off a meaningles...

Hey, folley me logic here... the Mets didn't play thus they didn't lose. It's a beautiful day. It could be more beautiful if I read that Omar got sacked or the team in unison was put on waivers but for today, I guess I'll settle for: We didn't play, thus we didn't lose." I think that was a variation of Descartes but if there's any confusion, two birds making out is a nice image to share on an off day: It's not Mets but it's pretty, innit?

Frankie Boy came awfully close to blowing another save last night, giving up a run in the 9th before striking out Miguel Montero to seal the 6-4 victory. It didn't "feel" like a victory. It felt more like a loss avoided. A new Mets creation, the victory that feels like a loss. Or maybe it's just the season generally but after a hideous road trip against two crappy NL teams, to be grateful just to avoid a sweep seems like a small consolation. The damage to everyone's psyche has already been done. Do you realise that Frankie Boy's ERA on the road this season is 4.76? Do you realise that Frankie Boy's ERA in five appearances in August is 21.60? How's that for your star closer, number one off season acquisition? It sucks, that's how it is. And let me tell you something, you should be thanking the stars that the Mets are so far out of the playoffs because if they were in the middle of a pennant race or preparing themselves for another September c...

What a collection. Now Ain't This Exciting?!! Veteran, Future-less Nobody Scott Sullivan leading off and playing centerfield. Veteran Future-less Has-been Fernando Tatis batting third and playing third base. Wanna-Be-But-Can't-Hit-MLB-Pitching-Anymore Daniel Murphy playing first base and batting "clean up" (c'mon Jerry, a joke's no good if you beat it to death for crissakes). Veteran, Future-less Nobody Jeremy Reed batting sixth and playing left field. Veteran, Future-less Has-been Brian Schneider catching and batting eighth with his .198 batting average just percentage points better than Has-been pitcher, Livan Hernandez , who lasted a mere 4 hideous innings only to give way to Never-Was With The Ugliest Beard In Baseball Tim Redding . What a collection of losers. What a shining testimony to Omar Minaya's incompetence as a General Manager. And Jerry, if you're going to give the ONLY remaining uninjured All Star a day off to rest, give him the ...

Loss compounds loss, injury compounds injury and the Mets have seen their season sink to depths they will not recover from. Even the underwear models are saddened by these Mets Now we can all know again what it's like to be a Royals fan or a Nats fan; supporters of perennial losers. Oh sure, there were two years when the illusion of not being a loser lasted until September but even that turned into disaster and the franchise has now found its rightful place; the symmetry of an impoverished farm system, rotten luck, poor calibre stars, lack of charisma and vitally, an absolute dearth of leadership from ownership down to the bat boy. So, after a weekend of lacklustre losses in San Diego the Mets turned their attention to Arizona, to the D'Bags, a team that had inexplicably given them a thumping at home just as easily (losing three of four at Shitty Field), it appears as they would on the road, a team mired in their own baseball hell of mediocrity. The Padres and Diamondbacks are...

Not that it mattered one iota at the end of the day but for feck's sake, is there any reason to keep Tim Redding g on the roster any more? What good is keeping these toss pot on the team when he can't even close out a simple inning against the Padres without walking home a bases loaded insurance run for them? (Actually, is increasing your lead to 5 really an "insurance" run, especially against the meagre Mets batting order?) the usual suspects of loserdom. Yes, the Mets travelled all the way to San Diego just to lose, just to humiliate themselves yet again and there's little more to report about it so I'll keep it necessarily brief. All one can reasonably hope for is that the MLBTV feed won't include Tony Gwynn commenting on his own son's at-bats again.

Well, you had to like the beginning; Niese looking sharp, David Wright hitting a first inning two-run homer. going down like he'd been shot by a sniper hot, cold and.....hot again Of course, an inning later, Wright commits an error at third and Niese hurts himself. He wouldn't be a proper Met if he didn't. That's the way these Mets roll, one debilitating injury after another. And the funny part of course is Nelson Figueroa and his 10.57 ERA warming up in the bullpen. Why not just take the pistol, point it to the head and fire? But a two-run triple off the bat of Figueroa, his first RBIs of the season? Wow. Four and a third shutting innings after that embarassment a few nights ago? Nice comeback. An improbable 9-0 laughter over the Cardinals, fired by solid pitching (including Bobby Parnell who, if rumour is any indication, may get a chance to start this season) and offensive outbreaks by Angel Pagan and Wright, who combined for 6 hits, 3 runs and 6 RBIs all by...

Sure, you can say that Sean Green surrendered the game-breaking grand slam to Albert Pujols in the top of the 10th last night and blame him but let's face it, in the top of the 9th with a two run lead and your star closer, the guy you signed in the offseason precisely for this kind of situation, coming in, that's a game you win right there or you can forget it. Tragic, Frankie Boy. Simply tragic. So Frankie Boy , maybe it's best the Mets are all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs already. Just think of the heart ache we'd be spared us in September when he gives up a few key runs in vital pennant-losing losses against the Phillies or Marlins or Braves to see the Mets knocked out of the race. Note to D'oh-Mar (who we all know despite the desire of every Mets fan is going to be back next season whether we like it or not because that's how the Wilpons roll, lathered in stupidity....): better make sure to re-sign Hillybilly Wagner next season to you...