Archie Bunker's Army

It's hard to believe, even for one who, as early as March, had the Brewers penciled in as NL Central Champs , that the Brewers have not only seized a choke hold on that division but managed to accrue the NL's best record in the process. I mean, everyone whose anyone knows that, on paper anyway, the Mets are the best team in the National League. Only the seriously misguided and the delusionists, like Braves fans and Dodgers fans would believe otherwise. (and yes, Philadelphia has humiliated itself so much already this season there's no longer any reason for Mets fans to pile scorn upon that satire of a rambling speech wherein Jimmy Rollins verbalised, well, you know, seriously impaired fantasies about the Phillies being the team to beat whilst still in the heady clouds of Spring Training.) But the pernt is, here come these Brewers to Shea with the best record in the National League and what were the Mets going to do about it? First of all, thanks to Jorge Sosa who, for h...

Apologies to the night staff and beer porters who have patiently awaited the latest edition of the Mets What If Season. This Crystal Ball of Unhappened Circumstances is a bit blurry at the best of times and in the glorious haze of nearly watching the Yank Me's swept up in a neat little pile, reality took a little bite of time. In any event, one hopes in this series of uncertainty, Game Two will be followed swiftly by the simulated game three and so on. With the Cubbies swiftly floating out of the postseason as ridiculously as they entered it, the Mets late season swoon appears to be history. The second stellar pitching performance in a row begs the question of whether the Mets starting rotation is suddenly this good or has the Rockie offensive juggernaut and unfathonable dream team finally hit an intergalactic glitch in the fantasy ride to the World Series? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E - - - - - - - - - - - - Rockies ...

Oh, so many games Armando Benitez, ( coined many seasons past as Armandogeddon ), has blown for the Mets it's nice to see him blow one in favour of the Mets for a change. No worries, hermano, I gonna blow eet righ' pass dees mudderfunkkah. The guru of gross misconduct, primarily in the 9th inning, has, according to rumour, seen 106 moments of bases-loaded pitching potential prior to last night and in those 106 moments he has allowed 10 singles, four doubles, a triple, nine sacrifice flies, hit a batter, 11 walks, six grand slams and broken innumerable hearts. Oh but for a month of Armandogeddons So when skinhead David Wright strolled to the plate with the bases juiced, even with his sort of anemic start to the season he had to believe, we all had to believe, this was a rally just waiting to happen. And lo and behold after Armando had predictably rattled his way to a 3-0 count, Wright smacked that bases-loaded pitch from Benitez into the left-field corner for a two-run doubl...

For the Mets, their 20th win of the season against only 12 losses which kept them even with the Braves for first. But the real story was not Tom Glavine's 294th, Bonds ' 745th career homerun (250th non-steroid-enhanced blast), the real story was the unique punishment meted out by Manager Willie to his team for making such a debacle of the 5th inning on Monday night. The collective shaved heads. Sure, they say this was a spontaneous act of team-bonding but when you peel back the layers of relunctance you'll see the truth is this was a team punishment handed down by hair nazi, Willie Randolph. Yes, we've known all along he had a special fetish about facial hair but this next step into hair fascism, the symbolic act of group submission had all the fingerprints and hallmarks of a hair-mad manager gone mad. True, no more hats flying off Shawn Green's head, no more flashy-locked David Newhan. Just this boot camp appearance and perhaps a few celebrity look-alikes in ...

It was smooth sailing for Oliver Perez for four innings last night. Oh, a delightful little outing in fact, matching goose egg for goose egg with Barry Zero through four until the Mets managed to fart out a run in the top of the 5th thanks to Jose Reyes which gave them a 1-0. Then all hell broke loose in the form of Benjie Molina and his pair of homers. A three hour 5th, a three hour 5th... As we all recall with such bile it was his brother, Yadier Molina , whose homer decided Game 7 of the NLCS last season. But in the 5th it was a walk to open and then a two run blast by Molina, a blast which was questionable to begin with in sofar as it could have been a homer or it could have been a ground rule double depending on whether or not you're relying on the telescopic vision of an ump who has been known to blow calls in the past. But, ok, settle down, lads, 2-1, no worries. Two outs were obtained before Mr Zero singled (and yes, it was his bat the Giants paid 10 million a year for...

Thursday Night, 5-3 Victory over D'Backs 5 singles, a walk and 7 strikeouts were the best the D'Backs could manage against April's Pitcher of the Month, John Maine , who saw his ERA steady at an amazing 1.37 and his win count mount to 5 without a loss. Think Barry Zito is doing that for his six katrillion dollars a start? 2-3 with a 3.52 ERA is what he's doing with his new team for his six katrillion dollars a start salary. And what, lads, is John Maine earning per season? $391,000. Priceless? The victory comes with the added flavour of it coming against Randy Johnson , who at 43 and with an 0-2 record with a 6.50 ERA, has probably seen his better days behind him, whether he wants to believe it or not. A pale contrast to his soon-to-be 44 year old counterpart, Roger Clemens . The Mets offence against The Unit was powered by homers from the fast-approaching 49 year old Julio Franco (perhaps more amazing, he also stole his first base of the season...when most 48 yea...

Nine days ago the replacement second baseman Damion Easely cracked a 10th inning homer against the Rockies to tie the score and prevent a loss. You get signed in November from the Diamondbacks as a backup infielder and you probably believe, well, two homers in April as a backup and that's probably my year right there, right? Wrong. Unexpected success Last night his three-run shot in the 9th put the Mets ahead against a surprisingly stodgy Diamondback squad and for a night anyway, back up into first, albeit tied with the Braves and albeit only in light of the Braves having been idle last night but tied for first nonetheless. For the 3rd game in a row, Tom Glavine failed to reach career win number 294. You can put most of that down to bad luck or a dodgy bullpen but last night was not his finest. Pouring insult upon injury guess who got the win instead? Aaron Heilman , number one punching bag out of the bullpen. Now it says alot about the quality of the Mets bullpen that a gu...

"He's getting better and better," Doctor Willo said of the Mets' second acial discovery of the season. "I'm learning to trust him more and more." It's beginning to look like questions are being answered, sportsfans. One way to eliminate the competition... How many times did we ourselves write or did others write something along the lines during the offseason of well, the Mets look like a good team but the starting pitching... Well, ok the first two games of this series, both losses owed primarily to rubbish starting pitching, are not prime examples of improved water from the pitching well but on the other hand there's the growing stature of both John Maine , ( NL Pitcher Of The Month , whose pinpoint 1.35 ERA leads the Major Leagues and now, after a few hiccups, Oliver Perez who, bar the seven walk nightmare against the Braves on 11th April, is beginning to look like the Oliver Perez of 2004, he of the 2.98 ERA and 239 Ks. Last night, a victo...

Ok already for crissakes, we get it. Or at least we thought we did. Sweet jesus, loading the bases in the first inning by hitting a batsman and walking a pair, then letting those runners free with a Josh Willingham triple. And just like that, 3-0 and who amongst you was cautioning your mates, hand held up to quiet the cacophony of catcalls and verbal abuse, with the admonition that there were better moments to come for Mike Pelfrey . Not Ready For Prime Time Pelfrey? Yeah right. Whodda thunk it after that nearly-apocalyptic beginning, that ominous wave of nausea washing over us, that Pelfrey would then regain his pitching consciousness and instead of a complete meltdown like he so performed in such succinct yet vile fashion against the Rockies just last week, this new and improved Pelfrey would move on to keep all but three of the next 20 batters he faced from reaching base? Not I. If mere invectives were torrents of polonium 210 , Pelfrey would be withering away in a local hospit...

Shocking, perhaps. Emergency starter pitches like emergency victim. To the naked eye, Chan Ho "looks" like he knows what he's doing... No wait a minute - a 33 year old washout with four rotten starts for the Mets' Triple-A team and a 7.28 ERA in the minor leagues this season to boot gets the start for the injured El Duque and let's see what did we expect? Is LoDuca taking it away to keep the Mets from danger? Seven runs in four innings? Well, I've got no crystal ball but given his performance for the Zephyrs I'd say well, that's about spot on. O What Work In Being Incompetent! So what else could we expect, miracles? Well, dropping down the first 8 Marlins in order, we allowed ourselves to dream... Yeah, it'd have been nice. A pitching performance that didn't resemble Oliver Perez' wildest moments. Hey, Chan Ho - we've got one of 'im already. Walking the bases loaded in the third, meltdown? Of course, another replacement Met, ...

Now that I have returned from my secret mission I can advise that I am finally back from a brief sejour a Paris, the first thing to be unveiled was how the Mets did in my absence. Question One : Are the Mets In First Place? Indeed they are! Sure, it's only a half game over the bloody Braves, who also lost to the Rockies , but it's still a tender, precious lead, bound to grow in the weeks to come. Question Two : Any surprises? The Mets were to have faced the Rockies at Shea three times and then travel to DC to beat the pulp from the Nats over the course of three games. It not even mildly suprising that they did not sweep both series' but four out of six was sufficient pace to keep the Mets ahead of the Braves. Moises Alou leading the Major Leagues with a .397 batting average whilst leading the NL with a .434 average at night and tied for first in the NL with 11 multi-hit games? But in my book, the best surprise was Willie Randolph losing his cool on Saturday and the Mets...

If they aren't careful the Mets are going to set a precedent. First they lose two of three in Atlanta, fair enough, on the road. Now they lose two of three at Shea. Not only that but in both third games, the one on Hillbilly Hill in Atlanta and the one at Shea, the Mets bullpen uncharacteristically blew a lead. That boils down to losing four out of six against your top rivals for the NL East and no matter how you'd like to sugar coat it to make the swallow a little easier, (like the fact that it's still early in the season, blabla...) the issue remains uncomfortably familiar. A losing series against the Braves. Oh, they had us fooloed in the sixth inning alright. Mebbe even had the Braves fooled for a few minutes. Looks like I'm not the only one feeling frustrated... Down 3-1 in the bottom 6th and looking all the world like they wouldn't see light at the end of the John Smoltz the Mets bats suddenly awoke from their collective slumber which culminated with a base...

The intriguing case of Dr Perez and Mr Zambrano continued in delightful fashion on Saturday as the strike-throwing Oliver Perez showed up to yet again dispose of the Evil Braves , this time by throwing 6 2/3 innings of nine-strikeout, no-walk pitching that moved the Mets past Atlanta, 7-2, at Shea Stadium and back into first place. Against the Braves over the last two seasons has started four games against the Braves and is now 3-1 with a 2.89 ERA. Braves Killah . And then against the Rest of the League over the last two seasons he is 2-14 7.04. Not only were we shocked and amazed by this Braves Killah taking the mound but guess who showed up to play at Shea last night? That's right Carlos Beltran ! As previously documented herein Carlos has been well, withholding performances from Shea and battering opposing pitching on the road much to the bafflement and dismay of Mets fans. On Saturday however, he tied a career high with his four hits, which included a double and a triple. It...

"well today is grey skies tomorrow is tears you'll have to wait til yesterday is here" --Tom Waits, Yesterday Is Here I'm not going to go on some wild tangent, pissing on the season and its dreams simply because the Mets have lost three out of their first four games against the Braves this season. I could do that, mind you. I could piss and moan about Larry hitting a two-run homer in the first bloody inning before the indigestion of the hotdogs had even settled in, barking up the bile before the Mighty Mets batting order had even had their swings. I could whinge on and on about where the bloody 'ell were all those hits gone now that those bats were facing Braves pitching? And of course, I could harken back all the dark memories of years past when the Braves would toy with the Mets like Tomokawa teasing Sukemasa , the policeman mocking the retarded boy, and the Mets couldn't buy a victory that was meaningful when the Braves were in town. But I won't. No...

Shall we mark this day down in the calendar as the day the NL East race ended? Premature, it is argued by the trepid souls. Atlanta could in theory anyway, bash us in Shea right back down into second. After all, we'll be playing without Carlos Beltran . Right, the Road Beltran will morph into the Shea Beltran . The Road Beltran hit a homer in last night's winning effort against the Marlins. Fitted into the coveted number two slot in the batting order what with Paul Lo Duca giving his grapefruit finger a rest, the Road Beltran had four hits, including two doubles to add to his homer, two runs and two RBIs. For some men, that's a week's work. Home Cookin' Not So Good? The Road Beltran hits .385, smacks 4 homers and knocks in 14 runs in a mere 9 games. The Shea Beltran limps along with a .278 mark, powerless without a single homerun and 3 measely RBIs to its credit. Certainly this phenomenon cannot be explained by a disappointed and booing crowd at Shea, additio...

Who do you think was more shocked by last night's 9-2 battery of the Florida Marlins, John Maine , the almost throw-away afterthought in the Kris Benson-Jorge Julio trade or Dontrelle Willis, who was probably just a wee bit distracted by his wife's imminent child birth. "She said, `This baby is kicking my butt,'" D-Train said of his conversation with his pregnant wife prior to last night's game. "You will have a lot more starts that I can see. She is a tough lady. She understands. She told me to just go have fun." Fun as in what? Giving up four runs before you even retire a batter? As in losing your first game of the year and watching your ERA shoot up to Charlie Manuel blood-pressure levels; seven earned runs and 10 hits in 5 meagre innings? As in your 11-3 career record and 2.20 ERA in 17 starts against the Mets taking a bruising? As in watching the pitcher facing you no-hit your teammates for six innings? That's right - John Maine, poster ...

The long anticipated debut of the much heralded Fatty Garcia , the saviour of the Team To Beat pitching staff and pitching piñata to Mets hitters last night ended to the sour tune of 8 hits and 3 runs over a meagre 4 2/3 innings. Team to Beat or Beaten Team , one must wonder given the Phillies 3-9 start, worst since 1997 when they finished with a mere 68 victories - Last night at home they managed as many hits (8) as the Mets did runs. But good news, sportsfans. Not all the starting pitching was bad last night. Tom Glavine managed a nearly impermeable 6 innings of 6 hit, one run pitching albeit to the choppy tune of 5 walks surrendered on the way to gaining his 293rd career victory. Plucky. If Glavine pitches like this (4 starts, 3 victories, 2.73 ERA) when it's 46 degrees or colder and with a relentless 25 mph gusting wind in his gob, just imagine what he's going to pitch like in the humid summer months when he can firmly grip the ball without his fingers freezing to it...

And I don't understand why I sleep all day And I start to complain that there's no rain And all I can do is read a book to stay awake And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape -Blind Melon - No Rain Another day, another city, another rain out. Hell, they didn't even wait for the game to be delayed before postponing this one in Philly. Just one of those days you pull back the curtain, look out the window and mutter, fuck that, I'm not leaving the house today , and then curl back into bed. Just last week there was an outcry about baseball and weather when snow postponed a few bloody games over in Cleveland. So what are the jackals going to say about all these postponements due to rain? Is it ok, part of the bloody plan, everything right as rain if games are postponed due to massive rainstorms but god help us all if it bloody well snows at the start of the season? ***** Do you realise that if the rest of the season is rained out in their current position the...

Six games were postponed on Sunday due to rain but not in Atlanta. Not all Rain is Bad Rain... Whilst the Mets' rubber match against the Nats was rained out the Braves were busy beating the Marlins and extending their lead in the NL East to a full game. It also prevented The Team To Beat from losing another game and falling further out of the NL East race before it really starts. Of course with the Braves playing the Nats and the Phillies hosting the Mets, this could all change very quickly. John Maine opens this series taking the hill against the winter acquisition, Freddy Garcia . This is Garcia's long-awaited Phillies debut having begged out of his first scheduled start because of soreness in his right biceps. Maine, as we know, had the frigid cold to blame for his Home Opener performance that left bystanders less than overwhelmed by walking 6 batters. However, he has a 3-0 career record and 2.35 career ERA against the Phillies. ***** Meanwhile in the City of Brotherly ...