Archie Bunker's Army

Say what you will about Oliver Perez but his impression of the injured Victor Zambrano is almost unparallelled and his performance last night brought back distant memories of general incompetence and maladroit mound spectacles we had almost forgotten were possible. Rick Peterson and Willie look on with fascination at the blazing gracelessness of Ollie's outing. Working a mere 3 innings so as to give the well-rested bullpen some overdue work, Perez allowed a magical 12 hits and 7 earned runs to erase an early Mets 2-0 lead and allow the lowly Colorado Rockies to save some face at home by avoiding a humiliating sweep. Perez managed to squeeze 95 pitches in those 3 innings and as far as anyone can tell, only Mets killah Garrett Atkins hit anything but a single off of him. Atkins of course hit the nail-in-the-coffin homer off Perez in the fourth with none out and finished the series 8 for 11 at the plate against Met pitching. The only real low point to the loss was that it potenti...

It was 5-0 after an inning, 8-0 after two and 10-1 after three. After Jose Reyes' ground out to first in the first, Lo Duca's single and a pair of walks to Beltran and Delgado to load the bases, David Wright strolled up to the plate prepared to declare a full cessation of an annoyingly lengthy slump and put to rest one of the more lasting post-All Star themes for the Mets as in: What's wrong with David Wright? A few nights removed from being handed a break by an ump who saw his hit get knocked foul by third base, David Wright, I believe we can say with certainty, is finally back. And with him, the Mets, who won again by a convincing margin in the thin air, this time 11-3. Sweet swing back in form... Ah yes, nothing like a first-inning grand slam to ease the worries. Nothing like breaking a homerless slump that has lasted since 28th July in Atlanta. Nothing like knocking in FIVE runs to push your season total over 100 to declare a cessation of slumping. And all of ...

Steve Trachsel won his 14th game of the season against only 5 losses. I think that information, more than the Mets' 15 hits, more than Carlos Beltran's career highest 39th homer and career highest 109 RBIs, more than Kaz Matsui getting three hits and stealing a pair of bases in the Mets 10-5 pounding of the lowly Colorado Rockies last night is the most intriguing information of the evening. Trachsel is a phenomenon, number one with a bullet, the "ace" of the Mets new motley starting rotation. Beltran gives thanks for a handful of career-highs. And by motley starting rotation I mean without Pedro , without Glavine , without El Duque ; losses which would have crippled most teams but only present the Mets with more young and more journeyman arms to hurl with. Trachsel , Cy Young? John Maine ? Mike Pelfrey ? Dave Williams ? Oliver bloody Perez ? Do you SEE what they're doing here with this smoke and these mirrors?! Trachsel doing the crab pose... By givin...

In 1929 an astronomer named Edwin Hubble announced> a remarkable observation that changed our view of the world more than almost any other single discovery made this century. In every direction he looked, every galaxy in the sky was moving away from us. The nearby ones were moving relatively slowly, but the farther away a galaxy was the faster it was heading out. In 2006, in every direction we look, every NL opponent is moving further away from the Mets. Back on 28th June, a mere two months ago, the Mets were 47-30 and held a 12 game lead over the Phillies. The team nearest them in all the National League was the St Louis Cardinals, who at 43-34, were four games behind. In the American League, three teams; the Tigers at 54-25, the White Sox (51-26) and the Boston Red Sox (47-28) all had better records than the Mets. As of today the Mets actually have a better winning percentage than they did then, at 80-49. The NL East lead has expanded to a staggering 15 1/2 games and their n...

--Tom Waits Inside a broken clock, splashing the wine with all the rain dogs Taxi, we'd rather walk, huddle a doorway with the rain dogs For I am a rain dog, too Oh, how we danced and we swallowed the night For it was all ripe for dreaming Oh, how we danced away all of the lights We've always been out of our minds The rum pours strong and thin, beat out the dustman with the rain dogs Aboard a shipwreck train, give my umbrella to the rain dogs For I am a rain dog, too Oh, how we danced with the Rose of Tralee Her long hair black as a raven Oh, how we danced and you whispered to me You'll never be going back home Oh, how we danced with the Rose of Tralee Her long hair black as a raven Oh, how we danced and you whispered to me You'll never be going back home

Ok, so the Phillies had their fun one night at Brian Bannister's expense. They threatened, as early as the first inning when starter Oliver Perez required a a mound visit just three batters into the game having put two on board to set up Ryan Howard . If you recall, the other MVP candidate thrives on these situations and I don't know about you but I was certain the Mets were going to be down 3-0 with this a mere whiff of the futher pillaging to come. I mean this was Oliver Perez, after all. 2-10 with the Pirates and pitching in the minors before we traded for him. A casual throw-in in the Nady for Hernandez desperation deal. An Roseanne Barrish ERA. But he got Howard to ground out, struck out Burrell to get out of the inning and cruised for several innings thereafter. Out of nowhere, right? Oliver Perez , the punch line to the Xavier Nady joke. And similar perhaps to Bannister, Perez wasn't lucky twice against Howard. He faced him again in the 5th inning with ...

Brian Bannister appears to have become a bit delusional in his four months away from the Mets. "I got beat by the best hitter on their team and one of the best hitters in the league this year," Bannister dreamed after losing his first game of the season, " If you take him out of the equation, it might have been a different game ." A different game? Like the game Kellen Clemens was playing last night? Bannister is likely to prefer he's place on the mound rather than on a gridiron but the place he's going now to soothe those dreams of Ryan Howard-less worlds is Norfolk. Four months away, one night back. And a first loss to take with him as a souvenir. It started badly. Jimmy Rollins , Shane Victorino and Chase Utley began the game with singles, with Utley's scoring Rollins and sending Victorino to third. I dunno about you but this was a throbbing reminder of the back-to-back massacres we suffered in Philly last time around. Ryan Howard then nearly...

Maybe this wasn't a postseason preview after all. Maybe the Cardinals, losers of 18 of their last 26 games and victims of a simple sweep at Shea, are not destined to even make it to the postseason. As it is, following this loss they are barely holding on to a half game lead over the Cincinnati Reds who were in action against the Giants. But hey, that's the Cardinals' problem, we have our own headaches, like who to rest and who to play now that the games are essentially meaningless. Ok, were we fighting for the NL East or battling for a wild card spot, a sweep over the once-mighty Cardinals would have been a massive catharsis, a sweet nectar, a spicy bromide to placate our ulcers and inspire us through the dog days of the season. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. This is certainly better than ticking off game after meaningless game, twenty games back from the pack, watching professionals go through the motions, dreaming up new insults, finding new ways to describe m...

It must be nice to be Steve Trachsel . Oh sure, he labours like a shotputter on the mound. His face opens into a canvass of painful concentration when attempting to bunt. He gives up runs like a paedophile handing out candy to children and yet, somehow, in spite of the hours in between pitches , in spite of being the houseboy of Wine Spectator , in spite of surrendering Mark McGwire's record-breaking steroid-slathered 62nd homerun of the season back in 1998, in spite of last year's discectomy, in spite of 18 losses in 1999, all conspiring against him in an apocalyptic painting of chaos, bewildering inefficiency and guile, in spite of ALL OF THIS, Steve Trachsel is tied for the National League lead in victories with his 13th. Who else but Steve Trachsel could give up six hits, six runs and three walks in a mere five innings of work and still win with only the slightest tremor of uncertainty, backed by a massive 10-2 lead and winning his fourth consecutive decision, his 11th ...

Where to begin? Firstly, the question of the importance of a massive come-from-behind victory over St Louis Cardinals in a season where the playoff race for the Mets is no longer a question. THIS is what we paid for! Carlos Beltran's two-run walk-off homer in the bottom of the 9th off Jason Isringhausen might hardly be news. After all, Izzy is slumping, having been scored on in three straight appearances and four of his past five. He now has nine blown saves and his ERA has risen over three-quarters of a run to 3.54 since August 5. That's Braden Looper territory. Not good news for our postseason competition. But forget about Izzy, this is the Mets' forté, the late inning come from behind resurgence, the one-run victories that have marked this season like an animal marking its territory with a pungeant piss. This was our 11th walk off win and 27th one-run victory of the season. And how about this, Albert Pujols hits two homers, including a grand slam to go with a care...

For a season that began after a winter's long lament about Pedro's toe that went well into Spring Training it seems perhaps appropriate that the Mets have dodged another bullet to their starting rotation when it was revealed that Tom Glavine will not need season-ending surgery after all. How do YOU spell relief Tom? (hint: not J-o-r-g-e J-u-l-i-o) Glavine might be back starting as early as 1st September, long enough for him to pound a few stiff drinks and say a few silent prayers of thanks along with millions of Mets fans. (do we really number in the millions? Has a study ever been done?) What it means is that the post season hasn't been torpedoed before it even begins, as swiftly as the Mets took their strangle-hold of the NL East in April. What it means that in a season of minor injury tribulations that the team has overcome, we can focus once again on clinching homefield advantage in the NL playoffs. Or prattle on about the lack of threatening bats in the outfield shor...

Naturally with a double digit lead in their division, a 2-0 victory to complete a late season sweep over the lowly Colorado Rockies is hardly nerve-shattering news. What is nerve-shattering news is Tom Glavine's potential blood clot . Coldness in the finger of throwing hand is sufficient to stifle our delusions of grandeur. We won't know until later this week what affect this will have on the Mets' postseason. The possibilities are said to range from undergoing an angiogram and seeing that this is just an isolated incident and there is no problem OR he might need surgery which would finish him for the year. With Pedro already on the DL this means the Mets' postseason could be over almost as fast as the NL East race was this season. Steve Trachsel , in theory anyway, might become the de facto number one starter, hardly meant to strike fear in the hearts of opponents. Not surprisingly in the light of the news the Mets countered with the announcement that they'...

Stark poignancy thinking back 20 years and realising it seemed more like 200 until you see that alhough rapidly ageing, most of the gang from 1886 is holding up, more or less. I won't bother you with another nostalgic waxing of the good auld days - I'm quite content with this year's version of events and although the lads of 1986 are inspirational, let's not forget that the the following year they didn't even make the playoffs. So fleeting these momentary illusions of greatness. This year's version won their throwback polyester uniforms Dave Williams, who was recalled from Triple-A Norfolk to start in place of injured ace Pedro Martinez. Right-hander Aaron Heilman picked up the victory with two innings of scoreless relief before Billy Wagner finished off the Rockies for his 30th save of the season. Fot those intent on living the past, this refletion will keep you busy thinking about all the things you've already forgotten.

Yeah, that's it, go right for the cornball obvious headline because dames en heren , this is just what baseball is all about in August with a 14 game lead over your nearest rivals. Just a few days ago, kicking the tires on the Mets model which is to be unveiled in the post season some were gleefully clucking about the deep sleep that had overcome the middle of the lineup and bemoaning the paucity of quality starters. That's what happens when you lose three games by a combined 27-3 margin against your nearest divisional rivals. You start looking for cracks in the masterpiece, you start hearing an orchestra that lapses into occasional off-key variations. But no, this was just a thunderstorm in the mind. Glavine appears to have regained form, John Maine followed him with another steady outing and Steve Trachsel , historically the weak link in this chain goes out and wins his third bloody game of August to tie him with Glavine for the team lead in victories at 12. It isn'...

Call off the hounds! We've found the Missing Mets ! Jose Reyes rides the dirt to redemption. Who shall we thank for this resumption of our regularly scheduled Mets, Scott Mathieson ? John Maine ? Carlos Beltan or the return of Carlos Delgado from batting obscurity? Delgado, 1 for his last 24 and 4 of his last 41, 7 games on the trot without an RBI going into this afternoon's game awoke like the proverbial Van Winkle Boy with 2 solo homers, an RBI triple and four RBIs and the Carlos Boys combined, waking up the middle of the lineup, went a combined 7 hits and 7 RBIs in 9 at-bats with three homers. It's amazing what a dose of Scott Mathieson can do for a beleaguered side who had been bashed and humiliated for three straight games to a 27-3 tune. Scott Mathieson, a man without a mission. And after Pedro's scare , El Duque's 11-run debunking, Tom Glavine's heroic yet futile return from the bowels of rapidly sinking hopes, it was The Man We Got For Mr Anna Benso...

"I’m not Dr. Seuss," the pitching coach, Rick Peterson , said earlier this week about diagnosing Pedro. "I’m not even Dr. Phil." For the first night in three, a Mets starter wasn't pounded immediately into oblivion by the ferocity of the Phillies batting attack. Although he didn't earn a win because the Mets didn't provide him any run support, Tom Glavine eased, at least momentarily, the worry that the entirety of the Met starting rotation had been kidnapped and undergone some sort of ritualistic xenotransplantation. Ok, maybe not everyone was worried about that. Maybe they were more worried about Pedro's trip to the DL, or the fact that they've lost three on the trot to the Phillies and have been outscored by a 27-4 margin. "I can't be a whole lot more pleased with the way I've felt and how I've thrown," Glavine said 114 pitches later, clearly relieved that his career wasn't down the pisser just yet. And Willie Ra...

It was if they never stopped playing Game One last night. A night after Pedro and the Mets were ripped by the suddenly-hungry Phillies 13-0, the Phillies kept ringing in runs against Met starting pitching like it they were running up points in a pinball machine. This time it was El Duque's turn to suffer humiliation and scorn as the Phillies won again, 11-4. If Only El Duque had a calf to blame The primary difference between A and B was that Pedro had an excuse - he's had an MRI on a dodgy calf/ El Duque was simply pounded. Pounded to the tune of 11 runs which is more than in any other of his 176 previous starts and more than a Mets pitcher had allowed on all but two occasions in the team's 45-season history. They had allowed 10-plus runs in two consecutive games once -- previously -- 16 against the Yankees on July 2 and 11 against the Pirates in those games, both losses. The 24 runs scored by the Phillies in the past two games matched their output from Aug. 2-3 agai...

This must have been the ugliest game of the year in a season which has been otherwise beautiful. But there's no point in worrying about this collective bad hair day. Not when you consider that even the Mighty Mets of 1986 were blasted by the Phillies once, giving up 27 hits and 26 runs and losing by a 26-7 margin. Is it any wonder, looking at this delivery, that it resulted in a thirty pitch, four hit, six earned run, two hit batsmen, a walk, and a bases loaded balk swoon. This was a laughter - you hear that, kids? A laughter. A procession of unalleviated psychasthenias, misfortune and setbacks. A once-in-a-lifetime sort of chance to recall all those early years of mediocrity and frustration, all those moments of bile building in the course of season after season, all those Pre-Pedro years flashing back with a suddenness that set the teeth grinding against each other. It all started with Pedro feeling a "twinge" in his calf warming up. For you and I, a twinge is a sh...

What's next, the Mets sign Damon Berryhill and he hits 20 homers in the last two months of the season? In the latest Midas touch moment, Michael Tucker , cut by Washington four days before the season opener after hitting .158 in exhibition games-- hits the game-winning homer off Jon Rauch in the top of the eighth, a solo shot that was Tucker's first major league homer in more than a year. Michael Tucker, shocked as everyone else by his game-winner hitting .300 with 3 RBIs and a homer in his first 4 games with the Mets. Of course, the Nats helped the Mets complete this series with some pretty bush league fielding - 3 errors yesterday, general sloppy play overall leading one to realise why the Nats are 20 1/2 games behind the Mets and losing altitude. It ruined a perfectly brilliant pitching performance by Nats pitcher Tony Armas, who pitching better than he had in a month, didn't give up a single earned run to the Mets for seven innings and allowed only two hits. The Nats-Me...

With the NL East virtually sewn up and the postseason still nearly two months away, we turned to our wunderkind's scoreless streak for excitement last night and the kid nearly didn't disappoint. As you will have all read by now, John Maine went into last night hoping to increase a 23 inning scoreless streak and left last night's game having seen it ended but more importantly, having pitched brilliantly again before the bottom fell out. The first culprit was Nick Johnson , who blasted a shot in the 4th with two outs, Maine cruising with 26 scoreless innings to shave the Mets' lead to 3-1. Maine recovered to keep the Nats scoreless in the 5th but then in the 6th, Alfonso Soriano hit a 2-run shot with none out, his 37th of the season, to bring the score to 4-3 and after allowing another single, Maine was done for the night after 90 pitches. He pitched 5 1/3 innings, allowing four hits -- two of them home runs -- and a walk. He struck out six. Perhaps a storyline might ...