Archie Bunker's Army

We're in strange limbo at the moment. With intrasquad games coming up tomorrow and Wednesday, Met followers have been treated to the daily drama of Pedro's toe and the usual pattern of questions about weaknesses and strengths. The Meat and Potatoes of the Mets batting order discuss the latest Crack whore video ... So far all we know is that the collective wisdom says Mets are good only on paper so far and so much hangs in the balance of not only Pedro's health, but the rest of the starting rotation's dubious but still potentially dangerous abilities and the enormous question mark of whether the combination of Duaner Sanchez and Jorge Julio is going to be sufficient to give Billy Wagner games to save. You could chew your fingernails over who will play second and who will bat second but these are idle preoccupations of minds wilting with anticipation for what the arms will bring. When you aren't freezing your arse off waiting for tickets , that is. I mean dedicati...

Simply had to include this photograph of Kaz Matsui reaching for the stars in Spring Training yesterday because it's the most athletic move we've seen him make in two years. Signing Kaz Matsui two years back was somewhat imperative for a limping Mets franchise, or so I we thought. Yes, he's disappointed mightily but now he's come full circle. The expectation is not only that he'll fail where others would have succeeded, but that his season is doomed before it even begins with Brett Boone sputtering along attempting to rebound from a horribly ageing season and Anderson Hernandez looming on the horizan. The interesting part of this of course is that the Kaz Man is playing in the last year of a thus far wasted contract, Boone is playing for his career and Hernandez is trying to stay in the Major Leagues. All of them are playing a high stakes game from which the Mets can only benefit. One of them is going to have a great Spring and one of them is going to be the st...

(gracias to the Waffler The Atlanta Journal-Constitution, better known to the civilised world as toilet paper, report that Chipper Jones might withdraw from the upcoming World Baseball Classic. His 18-month-old son, Shea, had a serious intestinal virus and was in and out of an Atlanta hospital for a month. The toddler's condition has improved and stabilized, but Jones wants to make sure Shea is OK before deciding whether to go to Phoenix March 2 for the start of the United States' team training camp. -- Awwwww, god speed to Shea. Chippah can break a leg. ***** Asian Balls Are "Different It doesn't take much more than a surface examination to see the main differences between the Rawlings WBC ball and the balls used in Asia. Cowhide, Rawlings' covering of choice since 1974, presents a challenge to pitchers who are accustomed to the horsehide balls used in Japan and elsewhere in Asia. Although a layman may no...

For lack of any other massive story lines on the first day of Spring Training, there is of course, always time to talk about The Toe. Pedro did some long tossing and clad in his new, custom-made, toe-cushioned cleats, pronounced himself reasonably fit, under the circumstances: "It's improving," Martinez said. "I'm feeling more comfortable. It's going to take a little time, but I'm very optimistic about the way things are." And whilst we’re on the subject, in particular, it’s the sesamoid bone -- a small bone that protects the tendon that flexes the toe – which is the bone of contention, so to speak: So study hard, boys and girls, this could potentially be the story of the Mets’ season and while we won’t bother worrying too much about it just yet, best to bone up on the area in question once we are overwhelmed with medical jargon to explain why the season is going up in flames… On an encouraging if not outright sensationalist note, it appears that the...

Is it possible? Relaxed rules in the clubhouse, outbreaks of facial hair and salsa music? Is Willie on Chill Pills already? So says he about how he intends to loosen the reigns a little bit, let hell break loose, not all hell, just bits and bobs of it, or so we think. "For instance, if I feel like saying it's OK to wear a goatee this year," he says with a deranged twinkle in his eye, "I might even change that eventually. It could be music or whatever. I'm not saying I'm going to change that. I'm just saying if I feel like that, I'll do it. I never feel like I'm a taskmaster, going for the whip. I just go with what I feel for the team." The first sore hammy has yet to be strung and already Willie is at his mid-season enigmatic best. What if he allows goatees and Crazy Jug Band sounds, but only on the road? At home it's back to the smooth shave and headphones: There's no telling the lengths Willie will go to relax a clubhouse tha...

After several months haitus rehabilitating his writer's elbow and typist's fingers, quaffing a significant supply of real ales and tea biscuits, Jaap Stijl announced his return to the editororial staff at Archie Bunker's Army and pronounced himself "One hundred percent healed, one hundred percent healthy and eager to put the past behind us, eager for the season to begin." Looking as though he had spent the winter months with his fingers in newspaper portions of fish n chips, elbow deep in malt vinegar and mayonaise, Mr Stijl caustically denied rumours of an extensive rehabilitation programme and reiterrated his commitment to being part of the Mets blogsophere that will "revel in the making of history, in the rebirth of the Mets in the NL East and a return to casual domination." Refusing to take questions from reporters, Mr Stijl asked that readers and colleagues alike "end the endless speculations of the universe and focus on the business at hand....

Well, the second full offseason of free agent signings and trades is nearly completed and Omar, for better or for worse, has been one busy beaver, adding 15 new players to the roster since the end of the disappointing 2005 season and sending 20 more players off to new horizons. The latest bit of manoeuvring leaves one scratching one’s head even harder than the one before it, scratching hard enough in fact, that tufts of hair might come falling out soon as the starting rotation is bled yet again and another mediocre reliever is brought in to the mix. No one will mistake Kris Benson for Cy Young, not even now that he’ll have Leo Mazzone on his side. And we’ve already visited the puzzling nature of the Seo for two Dodger nobody trades, one we might add who was supposed to have been the set-up man for Wagner already. In Benson we lose an opinionated female (and let’s face it, Anna was always more interesting than Kris) and gain another set-up guy for the bullpen more mediocre than the ...

Ahh, so that's what it means to be a Met supporter in these fading days of the baseball winter: scanning the back pages of the bloody Asahi Shimbum looking for warm bodies. Yes, it's true. Kaz Ishii has finally taken the hint that he's no business pitching in the Major Leagues, especially not when there's so much good home cookin' he can consume to build up his stamina for the World Baseball Gimmick and pitch his way back to Double A ball in some sweaty southwest cowpoke outpost. I'm happy for Mr Ishii and wish the other Kaz Man would join him swimming across the Pacific back home where he can pad his stats in the waning years. Now, in his place we have the inexplicable signing of yet another what the fuck is HE doing here in a Mets uniform miserable sort of non-prospect like Yusaku Iriki . Right. Offseason report: starting catcher who can throw to second base in less than four hops? Check. Dominating fireballing closer signed off our own division rivals...

After an unseasonably quiet holiday season, Omar returned to business and traded Jae Seo and lefty Tim Hamulack to the Dodgers for righty relievers Duaner Sanchez and Steve Schmoll. On the surface, this appears to be a desperate deal where once again, Omar may have gotten rid of value and received Dodger rubbish in return not unlike losing Phillips last season and getting Kaz Ishii in return. Maybe Omar should stop dealing with the Dodgers altogether. Granted, Seo’s solid pitching performance in the second half of last season was in all likelihood given his track record, a fluke. Seo has had flashes of futility in almost equal shares as his argument for being a solid number four for the Mets and it’s a loss that can go either way. If Sanchez proves to be a solid setup guy then this is a good trade. IF, the magical word of the baseball offseason. Schmoll, who split time between the Dodgers and AAA (not unlike Seo last season with the Mets), finished with an unattractive 5.01 ERA. ...

So, here we are, Christmas Eve, over three months since the Mets Memorable Meltdown put the boards over the windows of the 2005 season and we’ve already had several Thanksgivings in between. Well, what’s under the tree, Santa Omar? (which in his native tongue of course, would mean “Saint” Omar which might be taking the giddiness levels a little too high even in the wake of the signings of Pedro, Beltran, Delgado and Billy Wagner over the last two seasons.) Isn’t this more fun than “Moneyball” and the nickel and dime gaming? Think about those names. Four All-Stars in two seasons and a stable of at least two can’t-miss future All Stars in David Wright and Jose Reyes to join them. No matter how much money you have – look at the A’s over the years and the Yankees since the franchise back was dislocated by a disheartening bottom of the 9th, Game 7 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks – it’s still about what kind of team is put together. Chemistry, relaxed clubhouse, steady hand in the dugou...

Well, we didn't land Barry Zito and thank christ, no more movement towards Manny Ramirez. We didn't trade for Javier Vasquez nor did we dump Mrs Kris Benson in some fundamentalist outpost in Kansas. We didn't beef up our bullpen and we didn't solve the question of our starting second baseman. However, we did land Jose Valentin , a .170 hitter for the Dodgers last season with a torn ligament in his right knee. Valentin can play third, second, short and in the outfield. Here he is laughing it up with Steroidose Canseco as Jose passes Jose the syringe all clandestine-like. And if that isn't enough to set your heart a-pitter-patter, they then revealed that they're closing in on the amaranthine wonder, Julio Franco. (Here he is, back in the day when men were men and they didn't need little girly things like fielding gloves to catch baseballs) ***** What does it all mean? Disaster for the Mets? Hardly, just busy hands with nothing meaningful to do. On the o...

Not long after having traded two prospects to the Marlins for first base slugger Carlos Delgado, the Mets announced the purging of two more prospects to the Marlins, this time for Mike Piazza Lite. On its face this Piazza Redux smells like a snoutful of desperation with no sign yet pointing as to what the desperation was based on. Granted, Gabby Hernandez is no Scott Kazmir, nor is he even Yusmeiro Petit, just a single A pitcher who looked spectacular for Hagerstown and abysmal for Port St Lucie in the Florida State League last season. He could go either way. However, with two free agent catchers available on the market, two free agent catchers we might add who would have cost zero prospects in return, Omar opted to give away two more young pitching prospects in return for a 33 year old catcher who quite likely has already seen his better days both at and behind the plate whilst plying his trade for the Dodgers a few years ago. In case we'd forgotten, 33 is not exactly the optima...

According to Fox's Dayn Perry , there is still alot to accomplish this offseason before the Mets and Omar can begin patting themselves on the back, alot of holes to fill, alot more reality to sketch into this situation comedy: "Sign Ramon Hernandez. The Mets sorely need a catcher, and Hernandez is clearly the best one on the market. He's Piazza's clear superior with the glove, and he'll approximate Piazza's decline-phase level of production with the bat. Kaz Matsui isn't passing muster as a regular. Make him a utility infielder and trade for someone like Julio Lugo or Todd Walker, or sign D'Angelo Jimenez on the cheap. Execute the rumored Kris Benson and a prospect-for-Javier Vazquez swap. Vazquez has exceptional command indicators, and going to Shea from hitter-friendly Arizona will help his numbers greatly. Sign Jacque Jones. The Mets have a fly-ball staff, and they need another capable outfield glove to replace Cameron's. Install Jones in right a...

Isn't it wonderful when all your dreams come true? On the same day the Mets introduced the new-and-improved, no-longer-a-Met-hating-Marlin but a lover of all things New York Carlos Delgado power-slugger we so sorely needed, the flame-throwing closer we so sorely lacked last season announced he has chosen us to be his suitors. For a cool $43 million over 4 years, Billy Wagner has joined the Mets and Delgado bringing us two for two on the "Oh please can we have a power-hitting first baseman and fireballing closer to end our woe and misery and nearly a decade and a half of Braves domination?" Wagner of course, we figured we had in the bag - after all, the choice between Philly and New York hardly seems a fair comparison. But to hear the soothing tones of a shaved-headed Mr Delgado saying all the right things, that he will stand for "God Bless America" and any bad feelings between him and Mets management lingering from last year's negotiations are over, that he ...

I’ll be curious to see how Mr Delgado reacts to being traded from his first choice to his-not-choice after only one season. I reckon eventually, he will toe the line, will he shave his goatee? This man chose not to come to the Mets after they’d signed Pedro and Carlos because he thought the Marlins had a better chance than the Mets and because he didn’t like that Omar played the racist, hey let’s all be Island Hispanics card. Will he like the Mets any better now that he can become a free agent after next World Series? Only if the Mets win the World Series. Otherwise, they gave up their best pitching prospect and a first baseman who may or may not be good. On the other hand, when the Mets were pursuing this Jackal Delgado, they wanted that final corner piece of power that they didn’t have because they didn’t get him. If you look at the 2005 Mets, you see on the one hand, nil contribution from Petit and on the other hand, a decent contribution from Jacobs that no one expected. They exp...

There are many different prisms through which to view the Mets offseason potential. Mine happens to be very far away yet I can feel the blemishes of the Mets as if they were my own. Priority One would be to keep Pedro from pitching either in the Dominican Winter League or in the World Baseball Classic. His arm is hanging by a thread as it is with a very nearing ceiling on the number of pitches he has left in it before it’s left lying in one of the backrooms of the Hall of Fame and really, the Mets should insist that for their investment he save Dominican ball and any other pitching cameos for after his contract with the Mets run out. He’s too valuable to the Mets chances to allow his whim to do otherwise. Do Our Business, not Yours. That said there are more than enough holes in the Mets every day roster to spend months speculating on how they might be plugged. Power Bat V. Bullpen Stopper : The two sorest points of the Mets season last year were arguably the lack of a big bat in ...

Sad news revealed to avid ABA readers this morning when Jaap Stijl, founder and head (only) writer for Archie Bunker's Army announced he will miss the majority of the postseason and the better part of the winter with a combination of writer's block, repetitive motion strain and no telephone line through which to run the internet. "Naturally we are disappointed not to have been able to finish out the season," Stijl's publicist, Vladimir Kopf mentioned to reporters at a smoked-filled press conference this afternoon. "Mister Stijl was looking forward to the rampant speculation of which player would be targeted for a billion dollar free agent payoff, which trades would be pondered and executed, who the Mets will get to fill in next season's closer role and who will be their first baseman, among other issues." Stijl, who currently lives in an auld Roman market town in Warwickshire, could not be reached for immediate comment on the news but has authored ...

Muchas Gracias, Miguel. Where will we ever find another two-hot catcher? Awww, go'wan and give us the horns just once more, for auld time's sake... Meanwhile, back in the loony land of Tio Pedro , our star hurler prepares for the end of baseball and full concentration on the football season with his orange inflatable football helmet. And here, greeting Mets future closer, Aaron Heilman:

By my calculations, if the regular season lasted until December 18th, the Mets would finally be in first place at this rate. Last night another game, another meaningless victory over the Colorado Rockies, this time by a 3-2 margin which moved them into sole possession of third place. Fish, eateth our dusteth. The victory was due, in large part, to Marlon Anderson putting a curse on the Rockies in the middle of the game: Marlon's black magic stifles Rockies catcher Danny Ardoin. The game also saw rookie Mike Jacobs raise the bar higher still on Met fan expectations for next season with his 10th homer of his reasonably young season. A Tale of Two Pitchers Kris Benson, 7 1/3 innings giving up only six hits and two runs sparked vague memories of Tom Glavine shutting out the Rockies the night before. Ok, one's a righty and one's a lefty, but they have the same set jaw, the same short hair and oh, well two different wives. Tom's wife, Chris, cutting up pieces of Tom's au...

Is Willie Hearing Footsteps? The Devil Rays officially announced that Lou Piniella will not be their manager next season, opening the door to all sorts of rampant speculation. No doubt the monkey trust at Wilpon & Co. are quite happy with their fling with .500 under Willie Randolph but oh, how many must be itching to see him back in New York.