Archie Bunker's Army

We've been looking all over the place for that elusive litte W these last few weeks but far away from home, boys and girls, what we've learned is that the elusive little W is very hard to find. So we had send Uncle Petey out to see if he could find a W anywhere, under the bushes, on top of the roof, in the sewage system, underneath the skirts of women, behind D cups, at the bottom of hot plates filled with chicken and ribs, and Uncle Petey, boys and girls, as he's done so many times this year, was able to return triumphant, long-lost W in hand. ***** Uncle Petey threw 8 innings of 8 hit ball, allowed only two of these contemptible Cardinals to come home and struck out seven of them en route to his first victory in three starts and the first Mets W in what seems like months but in reality is "only" a little over a week. Uncle Petey in his very special FDNY search and rescue hat throwing the magic orb in the hopes it would land somewhere near the magical W we ...

"I told Mike that. And I told him that if I could rewind the game so that he wouldn't get hit, I'd take a loss. That's how strongly I feel about it." Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa on Mike Piazza's beaning and a 4-2 victory for the Cardinals. Don't worry, Mikey, it was only a dream... Of course with 91 wins to their credit already, the most in baseball, three in a row against the Mets and a massive 14-game lead in the NL Central, after his relief pitcher beaned Mike Piazza in his first game back after four weeks off, Tony LaRusso can afford to be magnaminous and offer to give away victories in exchange of taking away a beaning by his own bean-headed pitcher, Julian Tavarez. How strongly does Mr LaRussa feel about it, really? Would he be willing to take 10 losses, or perhaps loan 10 victories to the Mets? Will he tell his players to lie down quietly for us on Sunday? No, no and no. Piazza later approached the Cardinals clubhouse in search of Tavarez bu...

What do we call the 9th loss in 10 games, and the 5th loss in a row on the road? Why, we call it road kill , of course: Oh, so many different ways to lose baseball games and yet so few games left to lose them in. Last night, ladies and gentlemen, we present to you The Moon Shot: Larry Walker's epic, gargantuan bomb in the 8th that handed the Mets another come-from-ahead loss on the road, another Don't-Cry-For-Me-Metropolitans sort of loss begging to bring this season to a screeching halt, hit rewind and start all over again about two weeks ago... (The Larry Walker Bomb, a 457 foot homerun, the longest home run hit by a Cardinal at Busch Stadium this season.) But no, for Seo, an inspirational pitching performance ruined, unfortunately, his massive personal winning streak snapped. Ruined by a vote of no confidence in the bullpen that saw him out there in the 8th at all to begin with as the century mark for pitches loomed. Facing facts, there was really no one in that bullpen ...

"camera got them images camera got them all nothing's shocking... showed me everybody naked and disfigured nothing's shocking..." --Jane's Addiction, Ted, Just Admit it ***** The Mets are the girl who stops returning your calls, deletes your emails unread, pretends she doesn't know you when you see her on the street until gradually, day by day, it sinks in that hey, this girl isn't into you anymore. And so have the Mets, told us, by actions, deeds and performances, that hey, they just aren't into keeping this season interesting for us anymore. What else could explain 10 losses in 13 games during the most important stretch of the season? Granted, all but three of those games were on the road but the wildcard playoff spot isn't awarded for best excuses, it's awarded for most victories. Let's face it, Arizona and 32 runs in two days was our season's orgasm - it's been over for weeks and it's only now that we've figured it out...

Ok ladies and gentleman, my cup of disappointment officially runneth over. "Awww, c'mon," the Mets tell me collectively, rubbing my head, "We're only 10 and a half games out of first and five games from the NL Wildcard! We've still got 22 games left! Mathematical elimination is still 20 games away!" exclaims Willie Randolph's half-eaten Subway sandwich to me from the rubbish bin of an empty, dismal clubhouse. Indeed. Now that those pesky Braves are finally out of the way, all that's left looming on the horizon of doom is a four game set in St Louis against the best team in the league. The nightmare is almost over and the real party can begin. Well, maybe it won't be that much fun, but at least we'll be at home. Yes, back to Shea where we are an indominable 41-27, the only place left on this rapidly shrinking season upon which to make our final stand. Washington, Atlanta and then Florida, bingbangboom. Then back on the road to Wash...

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of...

Just like the running gag every year wherein Lucy’s latest clever little ruse to persuade Charlie Brown to try one more time to kick the football only to create her equally creative excuse for yanking it away at the last minute and sending Charlie Brown flying to the ground, so are the Mets in Turner Field: the running gag, doomed to failure, a new excuse every time. And yes, things have gotten so bad here at Archie Bunker's Army we are in fact, relying on fucking Peanuts cartoons to find analogies for the Mets ridiculous inability to beat the goddamned Braves. Tonight the predictable was even more predictable than ever. After inching along, inning after inning, failure after failure, the Mets finally tied the score at 2-2 in the 8th inning only to see Chipper "Larry" Jones blast a 2-run homer to give the Braves a 4-2 victory in the bottom of that same inning: not even a gasp of surprise from anyone. Let's face it. Chipper Jones expected it, Turner Field expected ...

Remember this image because you haven't seen it much this season and you probaby won't see it again, a rare species called Kaz Matsui and LOOK! He's driving in a run! Imagine that! So, the Mets won today. Big fucking deal. They've already lost the first two games, the Marlins weren't even watching any more, they were too busy laughing and holding up Shingo Takatsu placards. Ho boy, that Mets train sure is rollin' now! Thank christ for Jae Seo you say? Why, because he pitched brilliantly and deserved the win? Didn't Benson do that yesterday? Oh wait, hang on! In the fourth, Cliff Floyd blasted his second two-run home run in as many games, this one to deep center field to put the Mets ahead, 4-0. The homer was his 29th of the season, and his first back-to-back home run games since June 24-25, when he hit three in two games against the Yankees. A spark? A flame? Nahhh, don't tease us. We already had it with Carlos Beltrans' infamous night against Phi...

Did we really need the refresher course on why Shingo is Shit? The Chicago White Sox, a team virtually guaranteed to make the playoffs this season, dumped Shingo Takatsu early this season and small wonder: In 28 2/3 innings of work for the Sox he'd allowed 30 hits and 19 runs, including 9 homers. Was this really the man you wanted coming into the game for his Mets debut with the bases loaded and Miguel Cabrera at the plate? A man who hadn't pitched in a game since July 16th??!! Jerky or Jerk-Off Sidearm Motion? Who Cares, Send Him Back To Japan! "You don't have to know everybody," Willie said of his bone-head decision to experiment with the reliever in his bullpen he was least familiar with. "It's not like he's a rookie. He's been around the block a few times. He had 19 saves last year. He's been in tough spots before." Oh. Been around the block a few times? Been in tough spots before? Willie! You could say the same thing about Em...

Listen, you can piss and moan all you want about Victor Zambrano's tetchy return for this first start in 10 days but you can't avoid peering down into the abyss that is the Mets recent run production, a pittance; 17 runs in 8 games, the source of their recent swoon. Their record in those 8 games is 3-5. Last night yes, Victor Zambrano looked like a lumberjack attempting to perform delicate brain surgery with a hacksaw: 12 hits allowed, a walk and a hit batsmen, all within about 110 pitches too many as the Marlins barely took advantage of the opportunities presented to them to ease away with a 4-2 victory and D-Train's 19th of the season. D-Train v. Zzzz-Train The loss was the Mets third in a row, quite a comedown from the heady victory on Ramon Castro's three run shot a mere four nights ago when the world was our oyster and the Phillies looked demoralised. Now it is the Mets who are scraping their bellies at the bottom of the cesspool, falling 3 1/2 games behind the ...

It's so rare an occasion when we can blame Larry Young for ruining our game against the Phillies this afternoon. "But we can and Larry Young should be hung from the highest rafters we can find." --Plato ***** (Hey, Kaz, Is It The Price of Oil That's Got You Down?) Sure, Glavine screwed himself and us all at once with his mishandling of Burrell's bat on ball that blew the double play that would have sealed the fatal inning. Yes, Glavine, as it turns out, was his own worst enemy. Down 2-0 and now help from his teamates save for Reyes' triple - another stroke of paint in his work of art that Reyes will be if he has another season of playing without dodging hamstrings or other injuries... But Larry Young is a chimp for the absurdist strike zone he created, fandazzled us with his imagination of the parametres of Larry Young's Strikezone . A creative chimp, but a chimp, nonetheless. Larry Young is a chimp for making everyone think he was throwing out Charlie ...

"It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail." -- Gore Vidal It was all there for the taking: the NL wildcard lead was ours and under normal circumstances, racing ahead to a 2-0 lead with Pedro on the mound against a team who had only won four of thirteen against you, the chances were pretty good that this morning, the Mets would be leading the NL Wildcard chase. Instead, struggling to get his fastball over 85 mph, Pedro gave up four homers and five runs on eight hits in seven innings of work which resembled that more of a minstrel than a maestro and the result was a deflating 8-2 loss to the struggling Phillies. (Mets' Melancholy Baby After Giving Up A Second Homer To Chase Utley) Meanwhile, the Phillies ace, Randy Myers, got it done. Myers (12-6) allowed six hits and struck out seven, improving to 6-1 in his last 10 starts. He has yielded only three runs in 14 innings at Shea this season, going 2-0 in two starts and the Phillies are now 9-1 in his last 10 starts. ...

"We've got a lot of young guys on that field. On the positive side of it, they don't really understand what's at stake." - Cliff Floyd, finger on the pulse of the Mets success. Isn't it nice when someone else's bullpen blows it for the night? Just listen to the disgust from Philly's Daily News in the aftermath: "As they entered their 22-game stretch against playoff contenders, the Phillies needed to be sharp in every aspect. They knew this. They were anything but...The Phillies stranded two runners in the second, fourth, fifth and sixth innings. That is their chronic problem. Only the Diamondbacks have stranded more runners." Come from behind, 6-4 victory for the Mets. It isn't hard to imagine the shoe being on the other foot. (Charlie Manuel lets Fieldin Culbreth have it over Culbreth's call of Kenny Lofton out at homeplate, who tried to score on Chase Utley's single in the fifth inning. Manuel was ejected from the game by Cul...

Did we really need those 32 runs in 2 games against the Diamondbacks? Couldn't we have saved a few for the Giants? On the heels of a five game winning streak, the Mets lost their second consecutive game to the hapless San Francisco Giants, this time by a 4-1 margin. They scored a total of three runs in their three game series yet miraculously, managed to win at least the series opener. Seemingly relaxed David Wright and why not? Unlike his teammates, Wright is still hitting: He batted .481 with three homers and 10 runs during the road trip. Giants starter Noah Lowry allowed five hits while striking out six in eight innings while the Mets, fielding a watered-down batting order without Cliff Floyd, Mike Piazza and phenom Mike Jacobs, went 0 for 8 with runners in scoring position. They are now hitless in their last 24 times up with men in scoring position. Now they return to New York after consecutive losses to begin a stretch against their National League East rivals. Neverthel...

Admit it, you were getting spoiled for awhile there, weren't you? Five straight road games, five straight wins was a nice run but having scored only two runs in their first two games of this series, the streak was bound to come to an end as the Mets fell one hero short of a victory. Last night with the Giants' Jason Schmidt pitching just well enough to outduel Tom Glavine, the Mets were beaten 2-1 when they only managed four hits and did nothing with the six walks Giant pitchers surrendered. Ironically, it was former Mets closer Armandogeddon, earning his 250th career save, who got the final out after Victor Diaz doubled with two out in the 9th and Jose Offerman walked to put the go-ahead run on base before Chris Woodward's fly ball to centerfield feel short of a dramatic homer. Wright In A Less Heroic Moment After Striking Out In 9th Against Armandogeddon Back in the 7th, you could feel momentum swing once and for all in the game when the Mets failed to capitalise on a vis...

Five months after disc herniation and back surgery, not having pitched in the Majors in nearly 11 months and having seen limited rehab duty in the minors, no one was quite sure what to expect from Steve Trachsel on Friday night when he faced the Giants. Steve Trachsel 1993 Bowman #172 Rookie Card There is little doubt however that many would have expected eight innings of two-hit shutout pitching, including 5 2/3 no-hitting innings to start the game, Trachsel's reentry into the Mets starting rotation. And after the 1-0 win, their fifth win in a row on the road, now a mere four games behind the Atlanta Braves and one and a half behind the Phillies for the NL Wildcard, it might be officially whispered that the Mets are running the table in a way they've been waiting for all season long. "He made tons of big pitches," Giants manager Felipe Alou said of Trachsel's debut. "It is hard to believe that a guy making his first start would be so sharp. You do not find...

With a four-game sweep on the line against the Diamondbacks, Pedro Martinez began the first inning, as he often does, on a less-than stellar note. He walked Craig Counsell and after getting Chad Tracy to fly out, watched Ramon Castro throw out Counsell trying to steal second base only to then hit Luis Gonzalez and walk Tony Clark. But then he struck out Troy Glaus to end the inning and thereinafter, summoned his vintage Pedro, striking out the side in the 2nd and holding on to another flirtation with a no-hitter until Gonzalez's one out single in the 6th. He finished his night after 100 pitches having allowed only two hits and no runs in six innings of work and left with a 2-0 lead. Victor Diaz drove in two runs with a sac fly and a solo homer in the second inning. For a change, the bullpen held the lead for him and afforded Pedro his 13th victory of the season against five losses. The erratic Bradon Looper earned his 26th save of the season with a scoreless 9th inning. After t...

The Mets home may be Shea Stadium and they may have had taken turns looking miserable all around the country on the road this season but it would appear, given three games, three victories and a 32-5 run margin over their last two games alone, that the Mets and Bank One Ballpark are new-found friends. The argument could be made that at 58-69, the Diamondbacks are not exactly playoff fodder and this perhaps would explain in part why the Mets suddenly look like an offensive road juggernaut as opposed to the mincing, feeble powderpuffs they've more closely resembled on the road this season up until now. But something more protean would appear to be at work over these Mets these last several days since they left Shea. They've developed a swagger. All season long one of the more conspicuous absences from the lineup has been a power bat from first base. Ever since the failed effort to sign Carlos Delgado was painted over with the quick signing of Doug Mientkiewicz, first base has ...

"I feel a different energy right now. If you are a manager you're attuned to your team, and I feel good about [the road trip]." - Willie Randolph, as they began their seven-game road trip out West. "We're playing great and we're playing hard," said game hero Ramon Castro after last night's victory. "We never give up. We're a team, so we're playing together, and right now we're a winner." Right now, yes. They are winners. Last night, second game into a road trip that seemed destined to dismantle their season, the Mets finally pushed past five victories over .500 for the first time all season with a lopsided 14-1 steamrolling of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Believe it or not, this is the first time since May 18, 2002 !, that their record was at least five games above .500 - that's over three years of the combination of mediocrity and misery felled with one victory. They'd tried to do it two other times this season, June 8t...

Like an amnesia patient gradually recalling a past life, Tom Glavine, Met, is finally starting to remember how to pitch like Tom Glavine, Brave. Allowing only five hits and a lone run in eight innings of seemingly-forgotten artistry, Glavine lifted his record back to .500 (10-10) and lifted the Mets to their 64th victory of the season and their 5th in the last 7 games with a 4-1 victory over the Arizona Diamondbacks. Since the beginning of July, Glavine has made 10 starts, has a 2.97 ERA and a 5-3 record to show for it. not to mention four earned runs over his last 22 innings pitched. "He’s throwing cutters," Arizona manager Bob Melvin said. "He’s throwing into left-handers, throwing changeups to left-handers, and it used to be just sinkers and changeups away for effect and go back out there. He’s pitching in a lot more and he’s manipulating the baseball off his fastball." Last night he threw 113 pitches and had retired 14 in a row at one point before reluctantly s...