Archie Bunker's Army

Fresh from St Malo (not the secret site of the Mets Cognitive Training Camp as oft rumoured)the Army returns to find Bankrupt Field has officially hosted its first baseball game . Believe it or not, the new field was reviewed in England : "Thousands are losing their jobs and new skyscrapers are scratching around for tenants, but judging only by its baseball, no-one would know that New York is gripped by recession." So whilst I can't say I was at the game, or at the Field, or in New York or even the United States, here are my Opening Observations and Mailbag which to date is without a soundtrack: 1. Jerry is not coy about Danny Murphy nor should anyone else be : What started as a a faint infatuation, a possible platoon in left field because a relegation of the NL's Mr Potato Head Comeback Player of the Year graduated to a first date and now, a full on relationship. Jerry says Murph (candidates for exploitative nickname; The Murphster , Murphopolis , Murphomania ...

Pelf , battered. Jaysus, and just on the heels of everyone from Dan Warthen to Viggo Mortensen singing his praises. Heartfelt praises. All for nowt. We're back to square one? Where's that gushing front door sinker? The ready-made excuse for Pelf's malfunction was injury. Actually a muscle strain between his ankle and his shin Coming in a distant second place in the litany of excuses, fatigue. He pointed out he had run hard beating throws to first base in the third and sixth innings. You know, it's not like Pelf is some 45 year old veteran pitcher with a Mickey Lolich build. He's young and strong, supposedly. Yet a few brisk runs to first base and he's too knackered to pitch? What is it with these pitchers? Do they actually train at all? Redding gets a "tired shoulder". We've got Pelf being exhausted by running to first base. Then you've got Warthen calling Oliver Perez "out of shape" after his rubbish and worrying per...

Does throwing a baseball really require this much facial struggle? John Maine continued work on his new Tim Redding Impersonation against the Braves yesterday. He has now given up 14 earned runs in 11 innings this Spring. Redding, in case you've forgotten, allowed 14 runs and five home runs in 2 1/3 innings, which included a stint against the University of Michigan before being "shut down". You'd be thinking rightly that perhaps he should be working on his Mike Pelfrey Impersonation but it's Spring and the Spring has been full of little niggles and worries. There's still two or maybe three starts to ease the fears. Or two or three starts to increase the agony of recognition that Maine isn't ready. Maine says his slider isn't yet moving the way it needs to, and the velocity on his fastball is down a couple miles per hour because he is coming off off-season shoulder surgery. Maybe he will be joining Redding in the Weak Shoulder Sisterhood , or m...

Interesting review of the difference between the differing reactions of Hanley Ramirez and Jose Reyes to moving from lead off to third in the batting order : Ramirez was willing to take on more responsibility, even if it puts him in an unfamiliar role. Reyes was unwilling to shoulder a more important role with the Mets. Eyeng too beezee buying diapers to bat tercero, meng! Of course whilst the article clearly is a criticism of Reyes' lack of enthusiasm for the move and the related perception that he is somehow less of a ball player or worse, less of a team player, is not entirely unwelcomed given Reyes last two September swan dives batting lead off. Yes, Reyes is an absolute force, perhaps one of the more disruptive forces in baseball and certainly one of the biggest keys to the success of the Mets offence, when he is "on". All of which makes the September nose dives all the more harmful to the Mets chances for success. Unfortunately, until he does something to reverse ...

Reason 1,003 why the WBC is a real piss taker : the Mets' finest young infield talent with an IQ over 12 (thereby disqualifying a certain shortstop who shall remain nameless) not only fouls a pitch off his foot in the first inning thereby bruising his big toe and cracking the nail on it, but visibly limps back to his position at third base at the end of the inning. Now, if you're a Mets manager lording over a meaningless Spring Training exhibition game in a steady downpour, undoubtedly, for safety's sake alone and considering the MEANINGLESSNESS of the an international exhibition game, you would undoubtedly, immediately remove David Wright from the game and stick some other flunky out there to take his place like Potato Head Tatis or in the case of the USA, Brian McCann , even if he is a reserve catcher because I dunno, not only is it only the WBC but the bloody game is for seeding purposes only , USA have already qualified for the next round... But apparently if you...

Now try that when it actually matters. Ok, we can be happy that David Wright hit the game-winning two-run RBI single to knock Puerto Rico out of the infamous WBC but jaysus David, how about a little hyperbole with your breakfast there, laddy? "That situation is what you dream about when you're a kid," he said. How's that? Now, presumably he means hitting a game-winning hit generally speaking, not in the WBC considering nobody dreams about hitting the game-winning hit in the WBC, do they? Ok, maybe there's some 7 year old kid in Caracas or Habana who is dreaming that or maybe even in Seoul or Kyoto, who knows but David Wright, one suspects has not wasted any time dreaming about the WBC especially considering those fantastic fades the last two Septembers. So how about some of those game-winning RBIs for the Metsies there, Mr Dreaming About the WBC ? Actually, we're more likely to be crying about it than dreaming about it this summer. First of all, I don...

Let's start with the starting pitching: Jerry Manuel was asked after Thursday night's game what he could say about Tim Redding. "Ooooh," the Mets manager said, shaking his head. He looked around the desk in his office, then underneath, searching for something. "Let me find something I can say about Redding," he said. "Hmmm." That Jerry Manuel...some days he's like the Frankie Boyle of Flushing Meadow ... 14 runs in 2 1/3 innings over 2 starts? Redding could have had both arms surgically removed and pitched by spitting the ball out of his toothless mouth and still had better results than this. Shoulder "fatigue"? What kind of rubbish reasoning is that? Oh, I'd have been a great pitcher but this shoulder of mine keeps going out on its own partying into the wee hours of the Port St Lucie night, carousing in strip clubs with my wrist in the back rooms of strip clubs and then when it's time to pitch, the old shoulder, well you...

Co-authors of the latest best selling book; How To Ruin An Already Floundering Franchise... The latest rumour is that Jerry is peeved that Omar the Idiot , playing minion to the Wilpons waning finances, made a fool of Jerry by cutting Duaner the day after Jerry had insisted there was hope for Duaner yet. Omar, a competent GM? Surely yea jest! I can't really say I disagree with dumping Duaner . We haven't got all summer to find out if he's going to reach pre-accident performance levels and frankly, you've got to consider he was hardly setting the world aflame with his pre-Met performances with the Diamondbacks, Pirates or Dodgers. I reckon the cab crash merely knocked him back to the level of mediocrity he was most comfortable at. Nevertheless, Jerry's mouth was forced fed his own foot by Omar and Jerry is not at all pleased. Bully for Jerry. Don't take management's bullshit. Omar is a GM who, flush with cash, is a champion at making obvious free agent...

Never before has one taxi ride cost someone so much. Things were rolling well for Duaner Sanchez . It was July 2006 and, having been acquired in a steal from the Dodgers for Jae Seo (remember THAT muppet?), he had accumulated a 5-1 record with a 2.60 ERA in 49 relief appearances and was well on his way to Bullpen Superstardom. Then came the taxi crash. He was in the backseat on his way to a Dominican restaurant when his cab was broadsided by a Ford Crown Victoria that had cut across three lanes. Sanchez never saw it coming. Bam! Dislocated or maybe even broken shoulder, a few surgeries and, some 2 years and 7 months later, give or take a few weeks, the Mets have sent him packing . In addition to ruining his career and knocking him back into mediocrity, apparently it has ultimately cost him some $1,405,687, too. According to media sources, because the release preceded March 15, the Mets were obligated to pay only one-sixth of his $1,687,500 salary for 2009. Tricky, those Mets. Of ...

Where's that god-damned panic button when you need it? "I just don't feel good out there," John Maine said of his pitching thus far. "I'm trying to do something different mechanically every pitch. It's not working. I just feel terrible out there." This is after pitching against the bloody Italian team, not the defending World Champions. Now Maine isn't the ace, but he's one of the replacements for the top being consider once the truth finally comes out about Santana's elbow twinges . You know what's happening on the Phillies? Hot Lips Hamels threw two scoreless innings in his Spring debut . And look what else! The back end of the rotation, who may have been called upon again, once the truth finally comes out about Santana's elbow twinges, have all taken turns preparing to suck . Fat Fredd y has been virtually useless, Livan was good in his opener but then went on to cause as many concerns as the earlier start caused good feel...

Steroid Boy has done it again. You wonder why those little gerbils running around in that wheel inside Steroid Boy's head aren't put down to prevent Steroid Boy from speaking because frankly, every thing he's said in 2009 is either a lie, an absurdity or just plain stupid. Yesterday he admitted lusting after Mets shortstop Jose Reyes of all people. "I admire his sharp wit, his on the field leadership, his clear baseball intelligence and most of all, his intense concentration and unbreakable focus on the baseball field." A-Roid said of Reyes. Oh, ok, I made that up, the quote about Reyes anyway. Thought the comedic relief might do your belly some good. What A-Roid really said was: "I wish he was leading off on our team, playing on our team. That's fun to watch. Anytime you have that type of speed ... I mean, we have a guy in Gardner that'll be fun. That's probably the most you can have, watching those guys run." What he REALLY fancies...

Well, Sunday was the last real sort of Mets exhibition to be played until after the World Baseball Classic is over and they went off in style with a 13-1 pummelling of the Astros that couldn't have been hopeful to the Astros pitching coach. David Wright , Jose Reyes , Carlos Beltran and Carlos Delgado are all off to their respect WBC teams now along with JJ Putz , K-Rod , Oliver Perez , Pedro Feliciano and Alex Cora . The first game of the WBC, China against Japan, is in three days and the American team will face the Canadians next Saturday. ***** Good news in that Johan isn't going to fly back to NYC for an MRI because he's feeling much better . He might still miss Opening Day which is a real pisser but apparently, this elbow stiffness is just a result of trying to do too much too quickly in preparation of the WBC that the Mets later officially told him not to play in. Nonetheless, the concern caused a little shit storm of its own, enough so to prompt Richard Justice t...