Archie Bunker's Army

Passport photos reveal remarkable difference... 10. Discovery of forged Venezuelan birth certificate indicating Yorvit's actual date of birth was 1998 meaning he wasn't old enough to legally sign a contract. Met's officials insisted they were "never fooled" by the magic marker goatee Yorvit had drawn in to "make himself look older." 9. A cymnical tactical ploy in the difficult, ongoing negotiations to sign Mike Defelice as the new starting catcher because "two passed balls in 16 games" is a marked sign of defensive improvement. 8. Omar wanted to call him Yorvit Torrealba but Jeff Wilpon insisted he be called Yorman Bazardo . 7. Andrew Mongelluzzi's touching revelation that the Mets never even offered a one year contract to Paulie gave the Mets brass a guilty conscience. 6. Endy Chavez, a fellow Venezuelan, revealed that in Venezuela slang, "Yorvit" means "no arm, no bat" as in "El tiene yorvit" 5. Me...

Right. Now I'll be getting excited about the 2008 season. The Mets are announcing they've agreed to terms with Yorvit Torrealba to be their new starting catcher. Yeah, but you're no Yorvit Torrealba, baby... This is like someone telling me they've set me up on a blind date with a famous fit English actress and instead of Keira Knightley , it's bloody Joan Collins showing up at the front door. Right, call me back when it's 1950 again, Joanie. In any event, let's also put it this way: Not an Upgrade . It's too early in the offseason to start spitting sunflower seeds of bitterness but what, history of shoulder problems, absolute shite at throwing out runners, miserable batting average away from Coors...where's the bloody upside to this - that he's younger than Paul Lo Duca ? The real pisser about this is that, you just watch now, the Rockies will go ahead and sign Lo Duca who will hit like 40 homers at Coors Field next season where the high alt...

There are quite alot of former Mets masquerading as free agents at the moment. It makes you wonder which of them would be of the most use to the Mets if they were to suddenly reappear in the auld Orange and Blue and what a wonderful send off for Shea down Memory Lane: Kris Benson : What's not to like? Mets need starting pitching, Kris Benson is a starting pitcher. Sure, a right handed starter coming off right shoulder surgery. He'll be available on the auld cheap-ola, we can all hold vigil whilst he tests it out in Spring Training, averting our attention from waxing nauseously on that 7 game lead into the sticky, mosquito-scented Florida twilight and give us Anna Benson Headlines , the greatest comic in the history of baseball player wives. Met career: 39 starts, 14-12 record, 242 innings pitched, 130 earned runs surrendered. Kenny Rogers : Just look at all he's done since he left the Mets in that fabled NLCS 1999 meltdown: The 2005 shoving the cameramen, kicking th...