What Could Have Been And Will Never Be...

If the Mets were to take try and take solace in being shut out by the very big-name free agent they shunned in the offseason, they could convincingly point out that even without Barry Zero Zito they have the second best team ERA in the Major Leagues and the second best record.


Come to think of it, Zito, Pedro, Glavine, El Duque, Maine, Oliver Perez...that's a few too many arms anyway...

Of course second best being what it is, there's always room for improvement and Barry Zero, for one night anyway, demonstrated what might have been.

He threw seven shutout innings allowing six hits and striking out a season-high seven batters. He was heartily booed at every plate appearance.

Adding insult to injury, he wasn't even impressed by the quality of trash-talking from Shea. "Not creative at all. Just blatant expletives," he said of angry Mets fans voicing their hatred over missing out.

Of course, all the quality Shakespearian trash-talking was spent on Barry Bonds.

Tom Glavine, the Mets' number one starter, also threw seven innings although they were not scoreless, they were in fact like many Glavine starts, beautifully imperfect. Close but no cigar. A strange habit the Mets have of not scoring enough runs for their ace against the aces of other teams.


"As a player, you want somebody who's passionate about you. You don't want to go into a situation feeling like you're having to prove to them how good you are." - Barry Zito

Glavine has averaged three runs per no-decision this year, and two runs per loss. He's allowed an average of 1.8 runs in his five wins.

Last night, whilst the undercard was the Zito-Glavine duel, the significant buzz was created by the return of two Steroid Stars: Barry "Alleged" Bonds, the soon-to-be homerun king of the world, who returned to the regular lineup on Wednesday and was held homerless. And Guillermo Mota, fresh from steroid suspension, returning to pitch the final two scoreless innings for the Mets.


"Doctors ought to quit worrying about what ballplayers are taking. What players take doesn't matter. It's nobody else's business. The doctors should spend their time looking for cures for cancer. It takes more than muscles to hit homers. If all those guys were using stuff, how come they're not all hitting homers?" - Barry Bonds, May 21, 2002

Bonds, of course, got the usual treatment he gets all over America: Jeers, boos, catcalls, sarcasm and at times, downright hatred. That's not just because of the steroid allegations. That's because he's rarily been embraceable. He is proud, arrogant and successful and those traits, combined and magnified by the thought that he may one day surpass Hank Aaron and has already surpassed The Babe, all with the cloud of steroid cheat hanging over him, makes him one of the most loathed players in baseball.

Mota's reception was significantly less hostile, firstly because he's a Met (hypocritical, perhaps but realistic - you aren't going to boo your own player so long as he performs,) and secondly because unlike the cryptic admissions by players like Bonds and Giambi, Mota fessed up when confronted, plain and simple.


"I used extremely poor judgment and deserve to be held accountable. To my teammates and the entire Mets organization, I am sorry. I truly regret what I did and hope that you can forgive me." - Guillermo Mota

You make a mistake, you pay for it and you should be a free man. Guillermo Mota, with something to prove, will be a massive addition to an already-strong bullpen. We know Abiorix Burgos is already gone but what will happen to Joe Smith's innings considering how often Willie used Mota last season? Perhaps, dream of dreams, the terminally dissatisfied Aaron Heilman can finally be used for trade bait.

The only question is, what is it the Mets really need these days?

Certainly not Barry Zero.

*****

Ok, the Braves beat the Brewers (who doesn't?) and moved back to within four games of the NL East. The Phillies, well, just keep on losing.

Balk, Balk, Boom

Ah, what schadenfreude to watch your former headache inherited by another.

Back in those sad, sad days long ago when Armando Benitez blew leads and ballgames pitched for the Mets one would struggle for myths and metaphors to describe the depths to which our hearts sank with every Armando foible.

It will be marked as a Mets victory but the truth of the matter is, is was a Giant loss.

Welcome to Armandogeddon, annoying little Maddog Giant fans with your expensive little Barry Zero toy and tainted soon-to-be homer king named collapsing over the weight of his mighty steroid head and unable to play.


Another day, another blown save

You hold a lead going into the final three outs, out comes Armando and away go your hopes and dreams in a mushroom cloud mixed of arrogance, stupidity and the hacking, choking, choking, choking disappointment.

With a one-run lead and a Giant victory three steps away, Benitez walked Jose Reyes with none out and you could smell, right then, the storm brewing like air thick with humidity and deep, dark clouds rolling in.

Armandogeddon was only moments away.

(As an aside it should be noted that Reyes is no longer walk-shy. In fact, he, Moises Alou and Paul Lo Duca are the ONLY Mets who do not have more strikeouts than walks this season.)

The easily and oft-rattled Benitez then balked Reyes to second saving Jose the energy of running there on his own. For this, we thank first base ump Balkin' Bob Davidson.

Nevermind that Benitez induced both Endy Chavez and Carlos Beltran into outs, one by sacrifice, the other by ground out. Reyes danced on third with the revived Carlos Delgado coming to the plate and Armando Benitez sprung a leak, blew a gasket, flew the coop of steadied closers directly into that manic wind of blown saves and nightmare finishes.


"I just tried to put some pressure on him," Reyes understated, "and it worked."

"I think he was startled by Reyes," crew chief Randy Marsh noted afterwards, pointing out the obvious. "Both balks were pretty obvious."

The second balk of course, sent Reyes home to tie the game and sent Benitez into his stalking-around-the-mound shell, that shell we knew would burst open with a Armando-sized mistake which Delgado would nail deep to right center field for his 414th career homer and another come-from-behind Mets victory, their 15th of the season. The homer tied him with Darrell Evans for 40th place on the career homer list.

Perhaps the only surprise was that it took 5 pitches, two balls and two foul balls, before the victory lap was launched.


Mob scenes at home plate are the status quo these days...

*****

The dramatic finish should not distract us from noting that yet again Oliver Perez proved his mettle with a solid seven inning, 8-strikeout performance. Yes, he started rockily surrendering two first-inning homers, but settled down thereafter to retire the next 14 Giant batters.

The Slump is officially over. Delgado now has 11 hits in his last six games, including four home runs -- including the two last night.

With the Braves having LOST AGAIN, hoo-haa, the Mets' growing NL East lead has blossomed to five full games. Another week of this and the NL East race will be over.

Mets Prove Many Ways To Fry A Fish

It was a profitable weekend following what might have otherwise been a demoralising conclusion to the week. Three Met wins, three Brave losses and the cushion in the NL East is now a burgeoning 4 1/2 games. Just like that momentum is reversed and the Mets are back on track, two games ahead of their 97-win pace of last season.

But don't worry, there's something new looming on the horizan to fret about.

Ironically the team the Mets can't seem to beat, the dreaded B-team, have nothing to show for their last two weeks save for that series victory over the Mets. Over that span, despite taking 2 out of 3 from the Mets, the Braves have gone 4-10. They fell to 12-13 for May and are in danger of becoming irrelevant. That's right. Irrelevant.

Meanwhile, the other evil force to compete against, the Philadelphia Phillies, have used May to turn around their disasterous, humiliating April, going 15-9 this month and although they are still 6 1/2 games behind the Mets they are no longer the laughingstocks. Yes, their pitching outside of Cole Hamels, is lamentable but that doesn't mean they couldn't come to Shea next week and batter our own pitchers with their increasingly potent batting order. A batting order that has had to gimp along without a whimper from last year's NL MVP Ryan Howard who, fresh off the DL, returned on Sunday to hit a pair of two-run homers.

Of course these worries are unfounded.


What, we worry? We're just getting warmed up...

The Mets are rolling along with suprise after surprise: Jorge Sosa, unable to make the team in the Spring earned his 4th win of the season in yesterday's game. John Maine may have recovered from a half-month of sluggishness to regain his form and Oliver Perez has emerged as a surprising staff ace, all whilst El Duque languished on the DL and Pedro continued working on a late summer return.

The mammoth Aprils of Carlos Beltran and Jose Reyes slowly give way to the recoveries of David Wright and Carlos Delgado.

The loss of Shawn Green and Moises Alou off-set yesterday by Endy Chavez playing in right field, an incomprehensibly improved defence over the spastic advantures of Shawn Green, replacement second baseman Damon Easley playing left field and getting a pair of hits, and the replacement replacement second baseman Ruben Gotay making another subtle if not harmless cameo appearance as the strength of the Mets bench is glorified.

The bullpen, steady for most times this season, spectacular at others, pulled the Mets through like a determined plough horse yet again. Pedro Feliciano's clutch out to preserve Sosa's game in the 6th inning, followed by Joe Smith and his seemingly endless supply of perfect outings, followed by Aaron Heilman's predictably shaky appearance and Billy Wagner's 30th consecutive save.

What started as a team with many question marks save for a scary batting order has emerged in the first two months not only as the NL's finest team, but a confident, domineering force.

Yes, the Phillies humbled by their stumbling, bumbling April are looming on the horizan and the Braves are an ever-difficult puzzle to solve but who would seriously question the credentials of these Mets as they simple step over one obstacle after another without missing a beat?

It again speaks volumes of their team character that they were not demoralised by the frustrating if not predictable series loss in Atlanta and instead simply focused on the next task at hand - sweeping the Marlins in Florida. That the Phillies helped us by sweeping the Braves and simultaneously burgeoned their own fleeting hopes is merely another one of those bumps on the horizan the Mets will simply step over again on their way to their second consecutive NL East title. A dynasty of their own on the horizan.

Marlins Good Medicine For Maine and Delgado

I don't know if you can say these were really "problems" in the typical sense - sure, John Maine, April's Pitcher of the Month, had limped through May like a three legged dog, losing his last two in a row and allowing 11 earned runs over three starts. And sure, Carlos Delgado had been hitting more like Carlos Marcello than himself all season but the Mets were still leading the National League in victories going into Saturday's 7-2 victory over the Marlins.

The victory was the Mets' 6th straight in Florida. Maine has a bit of a history already against the Marlins having taken a no-hitter into the 7th against the Marlins back on April the 18th and Delgado, since Willie moved him out of the cleanup spot in the order, has gone 8 for 16.


Pow - Right to the Moon, Alice!

His two shots traveled an estimated at 451 and 447 feet, respectively meaning the length of nearly three football fields of homeruns. Impressive for a man who is not hitting anywhere near his weight. He's hitting .235 and weighs an estimated 265 pounds. His 5 homers represent only 11% of his hits whereas in his career, about 23% of his hits have been homers. In theory, he should have 10 homers already this season so not only is he not hitting, he isn't hitting for typical power, either.

But for a night anyway, 2 monster shots and 5 RBIs is about a week's worth of work this season. And yes, hitting 5th in the order means the Marlins pitchers went with the averages, walking David Wright 3 times to get to Delgado. And Wright is only hitting .265 so what does that say about pitcher eagerness to face Delgado?

For the second night in a row, the Mets suffered injuries against these Marlins though. One night after Shawn Green suffered an English football-style injury, Paul Lo Duca was hit on the elbow by a Marlin pitcher and newcomer Carlos Gomez suffered hammy troubles.

It meant that Endy Chavez was moved to right field, where he made yet another spectacular catch and David Newhan took over in left field. Not even the patchwork outfield could fell them.

Gomez's injury doesn't look too bad - "I can do almost everything now." he said. The only time I experience a little pain is when I squat." - well good news for the Mets, bad news for his toilet habits...


One inning in, Delgado was showing some determination...

Of his pitching improvement, Maine didn't credit facing the Marlins but instead hinted that "It was an attitude thing. I was just fed up with the way I was pitching."

Is that all it takes?

Or the aggressive approach, the balls kept low in the strike zone? Not unlike Delgado's decision to stop pulling the ball so much, which allowed him to take two away pitches deep?

*****

Keep an eye out: the Phillies took another from the Braves, again showing the Mets how easy it can be to do it, dropping the Braves to 3 1/2 games off the mark and bringing the Phillies above .500 for the first time all season.

First In NL To 30

The bitter taste of Brave in the mouth didn't have to last too long.

After losing yet another series to Atlanta, the Mets waited until the 9th to burst out with 5 runs to give yet another undeserved win to Aaron Heilman.

I say undeserved because in theory anyway, it never would have been his to earn had he not given up the tying run in 8th...

Technically, Joe Smith should have profited from his scoreless and hitless inning of work in the 7th and even moreso, El Duque, for his outstanding return from the DL which saw 6 scoreless innings of bedazzlement and joy on Cuban Night in Miami.


El Duque Coming out of his DL shell...

So when Heilman allowed a one-out triple to the weak-hitting Miquel Olivo, then hit Aaron Boone and walked .197 hitter Todd Linden to load the bases in the bottom of the 8th, well perhaps he was simply positioning himself for a win that would place him level with starter Tom Glavine with 5 wins, one less than team leader Oliver Perez.

Did Heilman purposely allow the tying run to give himself starter-like win totals?

"Champagne ... shampoo," Aaron Heilman once said. "They sound the same."

You see he's only pitched about 21 innings for his 5 wins. Glavine has had to pitch more than three times that number of innings to earn his 5. Those who argue Heilman is just taking advantage of his reliever role would point out he has appeared in 22 games whereas Glavine has been in "only" 11.


Only 10 starters in the NL have more wins than Heilman the "reliever" this season...

However way you work it out, intentionally or not, once the Mets roared back with 5 runs in the top of the 9th to make it 6-1, not even Miguel Cabrera's homer off of Billy Wagner in the bottom of the 9th could prevent the Mets from winning their 30th game of the season, the most in the National League.

Perhaps funnier still, testing the limits of the We Can Lose 2 Out of 3 Every Series To The Braves And Still Be World Champions theory, they stretched their NL East lead to 2 1/2 games when the Braves were defeated by NL East laughingstocks, the Phillies.

You see, the Phillies aren't afraid of beating the Braves like the Mets are and look where it gets them: The Phillies are still 6 1/2 games behind the Mets...

"There is a reason the guy has got 150 saves and 200 wins"

No loss is a good loss. Especially not to the Braves. Especially especially not when it's your ace against their ace, two modern quasi-pitching legends dueling it out whilst innocent batters stand by, helpless. And most super duper especially not when it means you've lost your third straight series to your biggest division rivals.


The story of the Glavine career with the Mets. Good but not better than Smoltz.

David Wright, the erstwhile cornerpiece, (the co-happy face of the franchise along with Jose Reyes), and the author of the phrase "There is a reason the guy has got 150 saves and 200 wins now," struck out three times. Once with the bases loaded which was followed by an impressive bat and helmet throwing tantrum.

Reyes of course, 3 for his last 23, popped up to end the game with two men left lingering on base. And that wasn't even against Smoltz. That was against Flubber Wickman who looked like he might just eat the ball, the infield and half the stadium of fans if he didn't get off the mound and back to his buffet table soon.

And of course for Tom Glavine, 11th loss in 18 starts against the Braves, showing opening game loser Jorge Sosa a thing or two about pitching against your former team.

Glavine can hardly be blamed. Whilst Smoltz was getting his 200th victory to go with his 150 saves, Glavine was watching his potential win number 296 slip through his fingers but the Mets, me boys, the Mets were LOSING for the 6th time in 9 tries against these Braves.


Yeah, but where's his hair?

*****

Meanwhile, was that our future ace taunting the Phillies last night?

That doesn't even considering Marlins lefty Scott Olsen, who last year said he hated the Phillies because they dominated the Marlins, and he angrily screamed at Philadelphia's Chase Utley from the mound after walking him Tuesday.

Funny, the Mets are dominated by the Braves and yet that sort of anger, that sort of fire, that sort of indignation of being beaten time and time again by the same team doesn't appear to exist in the Mets.

Maybe someone needs to start a bench-clearing brawl the next time the Mets and Braves face each other. Maybe losing meekly isn't such a pretty thing after all.

Braves Held Scoreless in 3-0 Victory

Oh no, we're not going to be lulled into lame efforts to come up with some unprecedented Oliver or Ollie or Golly quip that shatters the transcendental mind with its perplexing and simultaneously rivoting evocation of the man who appears to own the Atlanta Braves from the pitching mound.


Instead, something profane and completely irrelevent...

It is confirmed after stuffing the Braves silent and turning his record against them this season to 3-0 with a 1.31 ERA that Oliver Perez controls the Braves like Makhdoom Shah Mehmood Hussain Qureshi controls penniless 17-year-old villagers from Punjab.

And this comes on the heels of that ugly and demoralising loss in the first game of this series and importantly, seals first place for the Mets leaving Atlanta regardless of what happens Thursday Night in the trillionth Glavine v Smoltz duel of this decade. Two and a half game lead over the Chopheads. Just 24 hours ago we were dancing a morbid little waltz of revulsion, swallowing gobfuls of painful memories and thinking to the sweet jesus baseball lords overseeing yet another Met disaster out there in Turner Field that perhaps these bastids have our number yet again.

And all this, gone. Erased by a little pitching magic making Braves mere mortals. Erased by a few baseball bounced off Brave bodies by the indominable Mr Perez.

Erased by concerns so pronounced about the whereabouts of the Carlos Delgado we once traded for that Willie was playing musical chairs with the batting order to accomodate him, batting him sixth where he emerged not only unscathed, but downright optimistic: "the best four at-bats I've had all year and they were back to back to back ..." he sang late into the smokey Atlanta night.

It was a funky, creative batting order. Shawn Green batting second. Of course that won't help Jose Reyes' Coming Down To Earth .265 batting average for the month of May to date but you've got to be impressed by Willie's determination not to let these stinkin' Braves get to the Mets again this season.


Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters

So the fat was pulled out of the fire, lads. For a night. We've given up worrying about David Wright's batting slump since he hit yet another homer again last night and we've moved on to Delgado's and perhaps after that we will solve the rubic's cube of what is happening to Scott Schoeneweis' once-promising season.

Confusing Dreams With Reality

He looked good for an inning anyway.

Three batters, two strikeouts.

The following inning, a pair of doubles and a single made it 2-0 before he'd even gotten his first out. But he wriggled out with a K and a fortuitous double play.

By the third inning, which again started like the baseball version of a motorcycle ride through Chernobyl; walk the pitcher, surrender a double, walk Renteria, bases are juiced no outs, you may have begun worrying.

After all, many of us already knew it was all just a matter of time.

This game was being played in Atlanta, of course. And whilst last season it appeared the Mets franchise had put the long and painful history of humiliations to rest once and for all, it now appears the Pandora's Box of losing has been sprung open.

Ok, this isn't theatrics or hysterics class. It's one loss with two games to play. Yes, it's the 5th loss in 7 meetings, a discernable pattern, but it is not necessarily fate and hey, even if it is, who's to say the Mets can't win the NL East without beating the Braves?

And out came the coaching visit to the mound as we watched or listen to the indestructible myth of Jorge "Kaiser" Sosa eroding like the Mars ice caps.



What do you think they discussed?

The decentralisation of social systems in the post-Roman era? The writings of transcendentalist philosopher William Godwin? The haze and smell of wildfires in the dreadful Atlanta air?


Evidence of the lengths Atlanta will go to for a homefield advantage.

What they discussed, whilst they were having their little pow wow on the mound was how the hell Jorge Sosa was going to get out of this little mess and how Sosa shouldn't feel bad if he pitches like crap against his former teammates. After all, Rick Peterson seemed to mouth: Look at what Tom Glavine did after he left Atlanta for the first two or three years...

With that, Sosa could relax. Gracias a Dios, he seemed to think to himself. If Tom Glavine couldn't pitch his way out of a wet paperbag the first half dozen or dozen times he faced his former teammates, what hope did little Jorge Sosa have?!

So Sosa let Chipper get his RBI sac fly to Endy Chavez in left.

He let Brian McCann single another run in to make it a nice and comfortable 4-0 margin and then he walked Jeff Francoeur to load the bases with one out.

Maybe he was lonely and wanted another visit to the mound.

Or not. Andruw Jones was seduced into an inning-ending double play grounder; Reyes to Easley to Delgado and the inning was over far less disasterously than one might have imagined. A 4-0 was a hole but it was not an insurmountable hole.

That insurmountable hole was dug by Aaron Sele.

It was the bottom of the 6th and hell, the Mets were down 5-1 anyway and seemingly certain to go nowhere when Sele, who like Sosa, had a 1-2-3 first inning debut, started to what, I dunno, get lost in reflections of how he was a co-winner of the Tony Latham Memorial Award for player with the "most enthusiasm" in the Florida Instructional League in 1991?



In any event, any vestige of hope for a Mets victory quickly burnt up faster than the Cutty Sark after Sele surrendered a 3-run homer to Braves starting pitcher Kyle Davies.

And so this first game of the series ends, after the euphoria of the near-sweep of the Yankees, with a typical, perhaps even predictable, 8-1 loss to the Braves in Atlanta.

But not to worry.

Even the miserable Yankees, much like these Braves, were capable of beating the Almighty Red Sox in the first game of this most recent series between two bitter ribals.

The next day the universe returned to normal and they were pounded by the Saux, 7-3.

The question is whether a sign of the universe returning to normal is yet another Braves victory over the Mets or will it be the moment the Mets take the last two games of this series and shush up the NL East race for the season?

"It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If 'is' means 'is and never has been' that's one thing - if it means 'there is none', that was a completely true statement,"

You Can't Win Them All

Exhaustion gets us all.

I for one, up until 4 in the morning watching the rare live appearance of the Mets on UK television, am too tired to even bother constructing a pathetic "clipped" word play headline relating to some heretofore no-name now going by the name of Tyler Clippard.

"Hopefully it will carry over," manager Joe Torre said about the rare Yankee success, grasping at straws in the postgame lockerroom.

Hopefully WHAT will carry over, Joe? Losing two out of three to your arch rivals?



Yes, it'd have been nice to sweep the Yankees. But let's be realistic here. What are the chances the Mets would sweep the Yankees AND the Braves, back to back?

I'm betting on slim and so what this loss means is that there's still a good chance of sweeping the Braves, who are currently on a 2-6 tailspin to reality since the 13th of the month. How's that for spin?

What is hard to spin is John Maine's pitching this month. Just after winning Pitcher of the Month for April he's been pitching, well, basically like crap. In fact, in his last three starts, Maine is 0-2 with a 6.19 ERA and 12 walks in 16 innings. That's not even pitching like crap. It's pitching like...second hand flatulence.


Consolation in another moon shot. May is Maine's April and vice versa...

As for Clippard, how would you like to have all these creepy douchebags invading your comment space vainly and pathetically endeavouring to latch onto your new found fame?

We won't dwell on the law of averages catching up on the Subway Series. The Braves are coming to town...

Cowardly Yankees Lose Again

A lasting image - and I don't mean a Mets minor league Milledge apologising for freedom of song but I do mean the image of the Yankees retreating with their tails between their legs, intentionally walking David Wright three times in a row after he'd hit homers, colossal homers in his first two at-bats.

And yeah, this game seemed like a laughter, a lark, a long-awaiting de-pantsing of the fabled Bronx franchise. It didn't feel like a Subway Series it felt like the Mets playing an exhibition against one of their minor league teams.


And when they "let" him bat...bam!

That's what happens when you jump to an 8-2 lead after four innings and your ace, Tom Glavine, earns his 295th victory without hardly breaking a sweat.

A vague Yankee comeback effort and Scott Schoeneweis conspired to keep this game from remaining a side-splitting laughathon but in the end, another pair of runs in the bottom of the 8th via a two-run pinch hit single by Julio Franco was sufficient to keep the lid on the 10-7 victory.

Meanwhile, Schoeneweis, perhaps the only unhappy Met on the roster this minute, continued his inexplicable slide - his last three appearances have been embarassments and in that span he's allowed 8 hits, 11 runs, 4 walks and 3 home runs in three innings of "work". According to the NYT, his earned run average was 1.29 when the Mets left the West Coast on May 9. Through Saturday, it stood at 6.88.

But enough of the depressing news.


Yankee Killah

Endy Chavez continued to dazzle us, this time with a four hit game that saw his batting average rise to .390 (.469 during day games). The day before it was his outfield assist and two-run homer that led the Mets to victory so we've reached the point to contemplate Chavez being an official Yankee-killah. Maybe Lastings Milledge should try to write some raps songs about it.

Hard to fathom he was in the Mets' minor league system from 1996 until we lost faith and he was selected by the Kansas City Royals in the 2000 Rule V Draft. Another coup by Omar, righting the wrongs of the past.

Then again, Chavez was hitting in the coveted number two slot in the batting order between Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran - if you wanted to take the time to go through every box score this season you'd see that Mets batters, regardless of who it is, have hit .432 from the number two slot in the batting order. (well, I didn't really go through all the box scores, I'm relying on a very dodgy memory...)

In all, yesterday's victory means the Mets win this round of the Subway Series regardless of what happens on Sunday. A sweep would be nice but the damage, quite frankly, has been done.

Mets Dump Bronxettes In Opener, 3-2

In England, we call it a "local derby" (pronounced DARby), and what it means is that two teams (usually football/soccer) from the same city meet and whilst bragging rights are at stake, a derby is each supporters' chance to beat the shit out of the other sides' supporters.



In some cities they move the kickoff time from the traditional 3 pm kickoff to noon, not to augment the sense of an auld cowboy "High Noon" but because, the theory goes, if the match kicks off earlier there is less time for the supporters to get pissed up in the pub before the match, thus less drunken violence.

Of course, drunken violence is really not much different from regular match day violence during a derby between say, Birmingham City and Aston Villa - the hatred is so intense that even with hundreds of bobbies armed with truncheons trying desperately to pen them in, bricks will be hurled, bottles smashed and blood spillt.



*****

So the idea of the Mets playing the Yankees, the NYC derby so to speak, sort of pales by comparison if you're talking about the fans and coppers in their riot gear, but I don't have to tell you that the massive media hype, the incessant radio and television chatter leading up to a Subway Series far surpasses anything in England, save for perhaps Saturday's Wembley Re-Opening For the FA Cup Final.

*****

It's about bragging rights.

It used to be about Big Brother v. Kid Brother, Corporate Whores v Blue Collar, Pinstripe Tradition v. Blue and Orange Upstarts.

But over the years there has been a subtle change in Queens, a subtle shift in the balance of power as the Mets have begun to overtake the Yankees not only in the win column but also in the battle for the local media's attention; the Battle for the Back Page.

Now it's about a young, talented, up and coming franchise versus an old and creaky franchise with alot of history but alot of baggage. The Mets are about optimism and the future, the Yankees are about holding on.

*****

So was it odd that the night the Mets opened this most recent Subway Series against the Yankees at Shea, the latest geriatric hope, Roger Clemens was warming up in Tampa Bay, looming in the distance like Dietrich leading his army of Huns to Bern?

The Yankees are seeking to find their future in their past.

The Mets are here and now. The team to beat, for a change.

*****


Looks like someone chose the wrong franchise...

And last night's Subway Series victory, a game utterly lacking in controversy but showcasing precisely why the Mets are so much better than the Yankees, simply drove the sad point home for all those Bronxette wankers-turned-wannabes.



You can't sum up a game like this with one name but Endy Chavez did his level best to outshine an entire team of pinstriped pariahs; his amazing spin and throw to second, nailing Pretty Boy Damon trying to stretch a single to a double in the first inning and a game-winning two-run homer in the 5th earned him man of the match marks.



And Oliver Perez, another stolen feather in the cap of Omar Minaya, outpitched the Yankee Boy Blunder, Andy Pettitte and inning by inning, minute by minute, the current superiority of the New Mets franchise was a stake driven into the heart of the Yankee faithful.

The first inning told it all in a way.

After Damon was thrown out at second, in the bottom half of the inning the Mets' own daring leadoff hitter Jose Reyes, that baseball bundle of speed and joy, beat a Damon throw home to give the Mets their early lead.

So the series isn't over, the verdict isn't in, but with the Mets riding high in the NL East and the Yankees floundering 10 games behind the Red Sox in the AL East, you get the feeling that the shoe is finally on the other foot.

Hey, let's have a season of Cub games.

What was it Hall of Fame Cubbie Ernie Banks used to say? Let's play two...?

Yeah, let's play 162.

Against the Cubs.


Me so hoooorny...

After taking three of four from them, two of which were last at-bat sort of thrillers led by Carlos Delgado, the Mets have proven what Lou Piniella, the Cubs Nation and the rest of baseball already knew. The Cubs bullpen sucks. Maybe even worse than the Phillies' bullpen. That's like being blind AND having polio.

Ok, they managed to hold that 10-1 lead the other night, sure.

But a 5-run 9th on Thursday night gave the Mets an 8-batter rally and emotional 6-5 victory, redeemed Carlos Delgado's day and blasted the Mets to a 1 1/2 game lead over the Braves in the NL East.

*****

You have to admit, it was exciting.

Ryan Dempster was the sacrificial goat last night, entering the 9th for the Cubs with a seemingly sufficient 5-1 lead to earn a split in this four game series.

David Newhan, the first batter up, singled.

Ok, Ramon Castro lined out to right and the lead looked secure, but then Carlos Gomez, who is hitting .417 since his call-up, singled to center.

Carlos Beltran came to the plate in the unusual role of pinch-hitter for Burgos-Burgos and walked on six pitches to load the bases. Ok, hands up, who was thinking about Game One of this series? Especially when Dempster walked Endy Chavez thereby allowing a run to score.

What was going through Sweet Lou's mind at that point? Suicide? Fire bombing the bullpen?


Sudden rainout might have saved the Cubbies?

Dempster remained in the game to pitch to Ruben Gotay, likely because with Gotay's .217 batting average you're willing to take the chance on a double-play grounder to end the game.

But no! Gotay shocks and amazes by singling to left field to drive in Gomez and suddenly it's 5-3 with the bases still loaded.

Then it's time for a little bullpen alchemy and Scott Eyre comes in to replace Dempster. "I didn't do my job today," said Dempster in what was likely the understatement of the baseball season. "I put (Eyre) in a tough situation there, having to come in trying to save my garbage. And it sucked because we could have got out of here with a split and won a game and gone home. And to have some negative feelings after a game like that, when everybody played so well ... We've just got to keep our heads up and go play a good game (today) and leave this here."


No matter. David Wright slaps an RBI single and it's 5-4.

Now blood is in the air. It's like they've been dumping chum in a pool full of sharks for the last 30 minutes in preparation of throwing Dusty Baker in head-first.

And then Carlos Delgado, who walked to give the Mets the win in Game 1, singles in both Chavez and Gomez and the Mets win, humiliating the Cubs, shocking the fans and sending Shea in mid-May hysterics.

*****

You can say alot of last night's victory.

"I don't know," Sweet Lou said. "I'll be honest with you. I'll tell you the truth. These guys got to do it. I don't know what else to say."

This is the baseball managerial equivilent of saviour?

Shhhhhh

Sosa Shushes Cubbie Bats

This is the way it has to happen both in the absence of Pedro (and for the time being El Duque) and in the absence of any big name free agents inked over the winter.

Unknown pitchers have to rise from the scrap heap of starting pitchers and thrill us all.

Jorge Sosa, whose Spring Training ERA was more bloated than Fat Mo Vaughn's midsection, has stepped up his domination from Triple-A to the Majors, pitching seven-plus innings of one-hit ball after a massive rain delay to earn his third win in three starts for the Mets.

"He's been unbelievable." Paul Lo Duca gushed afterwards.

Joe Smith came on in the eighth and allowed the only Cub to score. And after a flawless start (what was it 16 outings without allowing a run?) Mr Smith is starting to look vaguely Mr Human but not to worry. You get the feeling about these Mets that as one cog disappears another takes its place.

The Damion Easley Homer Experience, another unexpected source of endless fun and excitement, hit a two-run homer in the fourth to give the Mets all the runs they could possibly need even though they went on to make it an 8-1 laughter in the end and take the second of three games against the miserable little Cubs.


Sosa departs, promising more good times to come

*****



Meanwhile one has to wonder about the rigidity of an organisation that stifles individuality in its players to the point that "further action" is hinted at to deal with Lastings "Gangsta" Milledge's rap song that apparently offends Mets bigwigs because its lyrics are sprinkled with sexually explicit words and uses the word "nigga" like it was the new dollar bill.

But c'mon.

L Millz fancies himself a gangsta rapper. He isn't going to pen little sonnets of love or bang away on an accoustic guitar singing Bob Dylan covers, is he?

Sure, that would make people feel more comfortable but he isn't enciting riots or calling for Jihad. Not yet anyway. Let's save the indignation for something serious.

I mean, its rap music for crissakes. What lyrics are he supposed to use? Sometthing nicked off some gospel choir? Words like "ho" and "nigga" are pretty much the standard currency of rap music lyrics.

Please ome down from this holy place of politically correct versimilitudinous indignation. All of you.

I know, I know. Plenty have it in for Lastings already. He's got a little too much flash and closet creepiness for the buttoned down Mets organisation. If he hadn't drooped so badly last season in his stint for the Mets he'd have been a red-hot commodity in the winter trading season and would likely be somebody else's headache by now.

But if he's got a bad attitude on the field, i.e., doesn't hustle, doesn't work hard to improve, or if he's getting busted off the field for shooting fellow gangsta rappers in drive-bys or is holding up banks or starting his own uprisings, go ahead and castigate him.

But this silly business about rap lyrics, christ. You might as well just put it in his contract that he's not allowed to write or perform rap songs to begin with. Or yeah, feel free to perform rap songs, just make sure they're lilly white and have plenty of references to your love for jesus.

Be real. Either cut out his tongue or leave the poor bastid alone.

And please stop with the self-righteousness about lyrics. Wasn't one Imus-style immolation enough?

Cubs Club Maine and Mets, 10-1

I'm beginning to sense a theme here.

Or a pattern in the sounds of the washing machine or something.

They take two of three against the Giants, but a 9-run fifth inning meltdown in the opener causes them the sweep when they lose 9-4.

They take two out of three from the Brewers, but the game they lose sees the Brewers score 8 runs in the final two innings and they get absolutely battered by a 12-3 margin.

And now, after a thrilling walk home walkoff victory to open the series, the Mets get gutted in a six-run sixth inning to lose 10-1.


Souvenirs from Shea last night...

I hate to be graphic, kids. But at times the Mets play like a constipated man who has overdosed on Hydrocil, takes a stroll down the street and then is suddenly so overcome with the need to loosen his bowels he simply drops his pants and takes a huge dump right there, on Main Street, in front of everyone and to everyone's shock and horror.

Relieved, he wipes himself with the kerchief of a shocked and frightened bystander, pulls his pants back up and carries on down the street, whistling to himself with satisfaction, albeit with one eye out for anyone who might lob a brick in his direction or summon the local constabulary, and then goes to work again as if nothing ever happened.


Sign outside Shea Stadium ticket office last night...

*****

John Maine (5-1) started if off innocuously enough and gave up seven hits and three walks in five innings, though he managed to escape by allowing only three runs.

And now for some more breaking bad news...Maine has now been underwhelming in three consecutive starts. Enough to make you wonder that whatever was baffling batters early in the season is decreasingly effective and perhaps it's time for him to have a session or two with Rick Peterson...

But the man taking the dump on the sidewalk in the middle of Mets Street last night was none other than Scott Schoeneweis, who was also a culprit in that ugly loss to the Brewers, allowing 3 runs in the final 1 1/3 innings that night.


Have I just thrown up in my mouth or was that an accidental dose of Vagicil I just swallowed?

Last night, among other sins, he gave up a spectacular, lunar grand-slam to Aramis Ramirez and ended the night with some hideous numbers: TWO THIRDS of an inning pitched, 3 hits, 2 walks and 5 earned runs surrendered. That's not just taking a shit in the middle of Mets Street, buddy. That's leaving your intestines in that steaming pile, as well.

Ugh.

So what's happening with Scott Schoeneweis? Last two outings: Two full innings pitched, five hits, three walks and eight earned runs surrendered. That's a two-game ERA of 36.00. Ok, it's not infinity but it makes you wonder if Schoeneweiss hasn't forgotten to tell us about a torn rotator cuff he's recently suffered or that the pact with the Devil he signed expired four days ago.

Prior to these last two outings he'd pitched eight games in a row without giving up a run. Is the aura wearing away? Is this cardboard bullpen suddenly wet and collapsing under the pressure of the season?

Ha, blips on the radar, lads. No need to worry.

Just let the Mets keep taking their periodic public dumps so long as they win all the other games in between and frankly, there's nothing to complain about. If you're going to lose, lose big. And then carry on with the business at hand.

*****



The bald headed Shawn Green, despite his homer, is now proven to be no faster as Alfonso Soriano threw out him out at the plate in the 2nd inning.


Where are you going with those Spock Ears, homer boy?

*****

Lastly, rather than get worked up into a lather about John Maine's suddenly humanistic approach to pitching or Scott Schoeneweis' rapidly rising ERA, why not hearten ourselves with unfounded rumours that border on delusions of grandeur?

Yup. The guy out there throwing those gem innings of near-perfection against the Mets last night, according to some wishful thinkers, might be a Met before we know it.

Carlos Zambrano, who, we might add is in ongoing negotiations with the Cubs for a new contract, is only their ace. Why would the Cubs want to resign him when they could let him go to the Mets as a free agent. Makes perfect sense.

If you're some haiku-spouting, new-ageistic, cross-legged little baseball tart trying to sell a shitty line of cut-rate, child-slavery manufactured women's baseball apparel, sure. Makes perfect sense.


And after you buy this silky Yankee jersey off my naked back, Mets fans, I've got a free agent ace hurler to sell you...

Carlos Zambrano. Good one.

Can we agree on something? Just one bloody little thing?

Can we not openly fantasize about every goddamned starting pitcher with the potential of a winning record who the Mets face this season?

(Not unless it's Dontrelle Willis, of course...)

*****

PS: You didn't really think the Braves were going to lose two in a row to the Nats, did you? So say goodbye to first place for another night...
When do the Braves begin the Major League portion of their minor league schedule?

Mets Walk Into First Place

It might not be the most heroic of stories. Poets won't recreate Carlos Delgado's 10 pitch, tension-filled walk with the bases loaded last night to squeeze home the winning run in the Mets' 5-4 win over the Cubs. But it was still the Night A Walk Moved The Mets Into First.


A comparatively mild regular season homeplate walk-off victory celebration even by It's Mets For Me standards.

Forget about the entirety of the game leading up to the bottom of the 9th for a moment.

Point is, the stage was set for an extra inning affair. It could have gone on for hours, days, weeks. Anything is possible. The Mets were one out away from moving the game into the 10th and Michael Wuertz was in to make it stay that way. Not that the Cubby bullpen wouldn't have been battered an inning or two later anyway but Cubby bullpen ineptitude is not necessarily something you want to be counting on if you're hoping to get to bed before dawn.

But then Jose Reyes, the second-to-last Met to shave his head and the single most exciting player in baseball singled to exhale a gasp of hope. Reyes then distracted Wuertz from first causing him to throw innumberable times over to first, over to first, over to first for what? To keep the fastest man on the basepaths from doing the inevitable?

Ha. The entire stadium knew what was coming. Even those poor little Cub fans glued to their transister radios and WGN plasma screens knew what was coming.

When Wuertz finally threw home instead of first, it was a pitch-out, the sort of thing that's supposed to catch runners trying to steal second but not Reyes. No sir. Wuertz could have spun and thrown directly to second instead of home and Reyes still would have beaten the throw.

You remember what they used to say about Cool Papa Bell?

The same applies to Reyes. He's so fast he can turn off the light and be in bed before the room gets dark!

So now Wuertz is rattled. There's the winning run dancing off of second ready to run like the wind and naturally, Wuertz proceeds to walk Endy Chavez on four straight pitches. I mean, naturally. Shea is going crazy and Wuertz is seeing his life flash before his eyes stuck all alone out there on the mound with Carlos Beltran and Carlos Delgado to follow.


Life isn't over, it just feels that way for a few hours...

Now we all remember a little too bitterly perhaps, how Beltran stood there with the bat on his shoulders in Game 7 of the NLCS. He did the same again only this time, the pitcher on the mound wasn't made of ice and stone and this time the first three pitches weren't strikes, but balls. One pitch later Beltran had his Ball Four to load the bases.

And then came Carlos Delgado.

Frankly, if your Wuertz you've got to be almost happy to see this guy. Delgado is sort of the weak link in the lineup these days. If there was anyone lumbering to the plate that might have picked up Wuertz's spirit, it would have been the .212-hitting Carlos Delgado, even if he had managed to get his weekly hit already that night.

But here was where Delgado showed his years of experience, his irreproachable character, his courage, distinct un-Alyssa Milano-hood, his charms even for a man struggling to hit his own weight which, according to mlb.com, hovers around the 265 pound mark and would be a struggle for quite alot of players to reach whether they were Bud Harrelson paper thin or humming to themselves in a designer track suit with their middle fingers pressed against the thumbs humming for world peace and harmony whilst hitting .221...

Oops, off on a tagent for a moment there...pernt is, Delgado was not some stiff who was going to rest his bat on his shoulder whilst three straight strikes flew down the pipe, even if he wasn't hitting his weight. It was the Cubby bullpen who had to be worried.

"The bullpen -- we thought that would be the strong point of our pitching staff," Piniella muttered prophetically, "I haven't seen it."

10 pitches, let me count the ways...(and let's not forget here that Wuertz is STILL on the mound, Loooooou is still motionless in the visitor's dugout, thinking about his options in Triple-A...)

Two balls to start it rolling. Couldn't you just sense that Wuertz's career was flashing before his eyes, that this might be his moment of zen when he realised he'd be better suited selling life insurance door-to-door than sticking himself in incomphrensible jams like this with over 37,000 people screaming for his failure?

And then somehow, perhaps the ump taking pity, the next two pitches were called strikes. It made sense that Delgado wasn't going to swing unless Wuertz made him do it by throwing in the strike zone. So the tension, my god, the tension!

And then a fouled pitch. And then Delgado fouled off pitch number 6 and Wuertz lost it for a moment, throwing ball 3 with pitch number 7. Ohhh, just one sweet ball out of the strike zone and steady plate discipline by Delgado and this game was over!

Then with the runners going, Delgado fouled off pitch number 8. More tension building...how long could this last?

"I'm going to find out if there are some kids down in Triple-A throwing the ball," Piniella also threatened. "Maybe that's the answer -- get some different kids up here who can throw the ball. I don't know what else to say. I've tried everybody out there. You keep hoping it comes around, but we're getting into the middle of May now."

Then with the runners going, Delgado fouled off pitch number 9 and you're thinking to yourself sweet jesus, can you imagine if this were Carlos Beltran in Game 7 last year? I mean, can you imagine?

And as we now know, pitch number 10 came up over Delgado's head almost and that was the game. Did you notice Delgado subtly clapping the barrel of his bat as Shea danced and celebrated?

*****

Do we even remember that Tom Glavine failed to get a decision for the 4th time in his last 9 games? Oh right, the Mets were dug into a 4-0 hole by the bottom of the 2nd inning and it wasn't looking good, I recall.

It wasn't really all his fault though, if we can remember back that far. But there's no point in pointing fingers on a night they won anyway. It just wasn't Glavine's night, really. Not like the 5th inning where he walked Soriano, Ramirez and Matt Murton in order to load the bases with two outs. Fortunately for Glavine the Cubbies are 0-15 with the bases loaded this month.

And forget about David Wright's April. He is hitting .435 (10-for-23) with four homers and 11 RBIs in 13 games this month. His two-run homer brought a little life back into the game.

*****

Cliffy, We Hardly Missed Yea...

Hey, we did the maths. Subtract one outspoken injury-prone left fielder.
Add one soft-spoken injury prone left fielder.
It's a zero sum game, baby.

Tonight Carlos Zambrano will face the thus undefeated right-hander John Maine. I don't want to jinx anybody but here's my fix: Maine shaves his head despite his undefeated record and the following outing pitches like crap only to be saved by miraculous Mets bats.

Tonight, not so lucky, Joe. Best hope is a Zambrano meltdown and a massive Met attack...on the other hand, this is Zambrano's first game back after they've been tinkering with his delivery, trying to right the wrongs...could spell trouble.

*****

Lastly but not leastly - the goddamned Braves finally lost and you'd never believe it but it was the bloody Nats who beat them! With John Smoltz on the mound, no less!

Regardless of the improbability, there are the Mets sat in first, a half game ahead of the Braves. Well done, lads.

Mets Walk Into First Place

It might not be the most heroic of stories. Poets won't recreate Carlos Delgado's 10 pitch, tension-filled walk with the bases loaded last night to squeeze home the winning run in the Mets' 5-4 win over the Cubs. But it was still the Night A Walk Moved The Mets Into First.


A comparatively mild regular season homeplate walk-off victory celebration even by It's Mets For Me standards.

Forget about the entirety of the game leading up to the bottom of the 9th for a moment.

Point is, the stage was set for a loss. The Mets were one out away from losing to the Cubs and Michael Wuertz, who has not had a save opportunity all season, was in to save the game for the Cubs.

But then Jose Reyes, the second-to-last Met to shave his head and the single most exciting player in baseball singled to exhale a gasp of hope. Reyes then distracted Wuertz from first causing him to throw innumberable times over to first, over to first, over to first for what? To keep the fastest man on the basepaths from doing the inevitable?

Ha. The entire stadium knew what was coming. Even those poor little Cub fans glued to their transister radios and WGN plasma screens knew what was coming.

When Wuertz finally threw home instead of first, it was a pitch-out, the sort of thing that's supposed to catch runners trying to steal second but not Reyes. No sir. Wuertz could have spun and thrown directly to second instead of home and Reyes still would have beaten the throw.

You remember what they used to say about Cool Papa Bell?

The same applies to Reyes. He's so fast he can turn off the light and be in bed before the room gets dark!

So now Wuertz is rattled. There's the winning run dancing off of second ready to run like the wind and naturally, Wuertz proceeds to walk Endy Chavez on four straight pitches. I mean, naturally. Shea is going crazy and Wuertz is seeing his life flash before his eyes stuck all alone out there on the mound with Carlos Beltran and Carlos Delgado to follow.


Life isn't over, it just feels that way for a few hours...

Now we all remember a little too bitterly perhaps, how Beltran stood there with the bat on his shoulders in Game 7 of the NLCS. He did the same again only this time, the pitcher on the mound wasn't made of ice and stone and this time the first three pitches weren't strikes, but balls. One pitch later Beltran had his Ball Four to load the bases.

And then came Carlos Delgado.

Frankly, if your Wuertz you've got to be almost happy to see this guy. Delgado is sort of the weak link in the lineup these days. If there was anyone lumbering to the plate that might have picked up Wuertz's spirit, it would have been the .212-hitting Carlos Delgado, even if he had managed to get weekly hit already that night.

But here was where Delgado showed his years of experience, his irreproachable character, his courage, his charms even for a man struggling to hit his own weight which, according to mlb is 265 pounds and would be a struggle for quite alot of players...

"The bullpen -- we thought that would be the strong point of our pitching staff," Piniella muttered prophetically, "I haven't seen it."

10 pitches, let me count the ways...(and let's not forget here that Wuertz is STILL on the mound, Loooooou is still motionless in the visitor's dugout...)

Two balls to start it rolling. Couldn't you just sense that Wuertz's career was flashing before his eyes, that this might be his moment of zen when he realised he'd be better suited selling life insurance door-to-door than sticking himself in incomphrensible jams like this with over 37,000 people screaming for his failure?

And then somehow, perhaps the ump taking pity, the next two pitches were called strikes. It made sense that Delgado wasn't going to swing unless Wuertz made him do it by throwing in the strike zone. So the tension, my god, the tension!

And then a fouled pitch. And then Delgado fouled off pitch number 6 and Wuertz lost it for a moment, throwing ball 3 with pitch number 7. Ohhh, just one sweet ball out of the strike zone and steady plate discipline by Delgado and this game was over!

Then with the runners going, Delgado fouled off pitch number 8. More tension building...how long could this last?

"I'm going to find out if there are some kids down in Triple-A throwing the ball," Piniella also threatened. "Maybe that's the answer -- get some different kids up here who can throw the ball. I don't know what else to say. I've tried everybody out there. You keep hoping it comes around, but we're getting into the middle of May now."

Then with the runners going, Delgado fouled off pitch number 9 and you're thinking to yourself sweet jesus, can you imagine if this were Carlos Beltran in Game 7 last year? I mean, can you imagine?

And as we now know, pitch number 10 came up over Delgado's head almost and that was the game.

*****

Do we even remember that Tom Glavine failed to get a decision for the 4th time in his last 9 games? Oh right, the Mets were dug into a 4-0 hole by the bottom of the 2nd inning and it wasn't looking good, I recall.

It wasn't really all his fault though, if we can remember back that far. But there's no point in pointing fingers on a night they won anyway. It just wasn't Glavine's night, really. Not like the 5th inning where he walked Soriano, Ramirez and Matt Murton in order to load the bases with two outs. Fortunately for Glavine the Cubbies are 0-15 with the bases loaded this month.

And forget about David Wright's April. He is hitting .435 (10-for-23) with four homers and 11 RBIs in 13 games this month. His two-run homer brought a little life back into the game.

*****

Cliffy, We Hardly Missed Yea...

Hey, we did the maths. Subtract one outspoken injury-prone left fielder.
Add one soft-spoke injury prone left fielder.

Carlos Zambrano will face the thus undefeated right-hander John Maine on Tuesday night. I don't want to jinx anybody but here's my fix: Maine shaves his head despite his undefeated record and the following outing pitches like crap only to be saved by miraculous Mets bats.

Tonight, not so lucky, Joe. Best hope is a Zambrano meltdown and a massive Met attack...on the other hand, this is Zambrano's first game back after they've been tinkering with his delivery, trying to right the wrongs...could spell trouble.

*****

Lastly but not leastly - the goddamned Braves finally lost and you'd never believe it but it was the bloody Nats who beat them! With John Smoltz on the mound, no less!

Regardless of the improbability, there are the Mets sat in first, a half game ahead of the Braves. Well done, lads.

Mets Take Series Over NL's "Best"

Ok, maybe nobody really believed the Brewers were the best in the National League, despite their record. After all, they're such disbelievers in Milwaukee they've set up a Pee Your Pants for the Brewers website inclusive a list of people ready to do just that if the Brewers make the playoffs.

Well on Mother's Day, another absurdist's day of Pink Bats, they did not look like the NL's best or even playoff contenders. Sure they had a moment of grand delusion on Saturday afternoon but Sunday they came crashing back down to reality. Not even their undefeated starting pitcher Chris Capuano could save them as the Mets won convincingly, 9-1.

But rather than spend an entire column bashing the Brewers, (that they did not submit weakly to a sweep is to their credit,) we can allow Billy Wags to do it for us:

"Did you see us? Did you see all the talent we had on the field at one time?" Billy Wagner asked with his hillbilly twang. "I mean we kicked their butts with straight talent -- Ollie, the kid in right field, Reyes. Straight talent. That's how you say it: We out-talented them."

Indeed, on the heels of a minor meltdown due to defensive self-destruction behind him in San Francisco, Oliver Perez pitched brilliantly against a Brewer batting order that had shocked and awed the Mets' bullpen only the day before. The only hits Perez allowed in his 8 1/3 innings a bloop single Capuano in the third and Bill Hall's second Mother's Day home run in two years, a solo shot in the ninth. Sadly, because of that homer or because he already had thrown 109 pitches, he didn't finish the game. Aaron Heilman managed to do that without throwing any gopher balls.


See what a little defence behind him can do?

For one, the Mets played three centerfielders in the outfield to give speed and agility heretofore unknown with the likes of Shawn Green patrolling the turf.

There was Beltran of course, (who hit a two-run homer) then the ever-brilliant Endy Chavez filling in indefinately for the brittle and breaking down Moises Alou and then some kid just brought up on Saturday night to fill in for Green. Carlos Gomez.

Apparently the virtually unknown 21 year old made it up only because Lastings Milledge is on the disabled list. Gomez only hit .222 (in 10 spring training games for the Mets and was hitting .286 with the Zephyrs, so don't expect much save for speed as he leads his league in stolen bases this season. But for a stop-gap measure, his two hits and flawless fielding weren't bad.

And perhaps the management was just too excited about sending Mike Pelfrey down they didn't really care who they brought up.

In any event, Damion Easley continues to atone for last week's error in San Francisco which he has by all means already atoned for but hey, let's not tell him that since he's on a little tear of guilt; three hits and four RBIs including a two-run homer in the 3-run bottom of the first inning. Then again, he was hitting in the second slot in the order which seems to be the magical spot, sandwiched there between Jose Reyes and Beltran where, it seems, even the likes of Anderson Hernandez might be able to pull out a hit on occasion...

Yes, as though the Mets wanted to make up straight away for Saturday's embarassment they went to work on the Brewers by scoring 4 in the first two innings, 9 for the game and collecting 14 hits along the way. In fact every starting Met, save for Julio Franco, filling in for the often hitless Carlos Delgado, had a hit yesterday, including Oliver Perez.


The tail-end of another Reyes' signature triple

David Wright had two hits and a career-high three stolen bases, perhaps running faster now that his head has been shaven like swimmer's who shave off body hair to trim their event times. It hasn't helped his fielding at all however as Sunday bore witness to his 6th error of the season but hey, he was probably knackered from doing all that running.

*****



Shea is not so unfriendly any more for Carlos Beltran who appears to have finally eased into hitting there. Currently he's hitting .338 at Shea which is better than he's hitting on the road. Only Endy Chavez, (smacking a mind-boggling .435) and Damon Easley (hitting .375) have out-hit Beltran at Shea.

Next up: Looooooou and the Chicago Cubs who avoided a sweep at the hands of the lowly Phillies this weekend. Keep an eye out on the Cubbies bullpen which blew four of their last five losses. Monday's starter Jason Marquis has a long history against the Mets. He has a 5-4 career mark against them, with a 3.96 ERA in 18 games and 11 starts. Both Alfonso Soriano and Derek Lee, if playing, will be playing banged up against the Mets.

The Mets inched back to a half-game behind the Braves following Pittsburgh's surprising 13-2 victory to avoid a sweep at home.

Gloves Off, NL's "Best" Punch Back

Ouch.

JJ Hardy isn't kidding around is he?

Sure, only Saturday morning I was questioning the source of his unprecedented surge not only in hitting but in power, (slight elbow to the ribs, kid, wink, wink, no steroids here, just great coaching...)

And then he goes off on Saturday and hits a bloody grand slam and drives in 5 runs over the last two innings of the game as though he were personally insulted by the proposition that his rise this season might not be entirely on the up and up.


What's his secret? Protein Supplements? Carrot juice smoothies? Jim Skaalen?

You see, years ago, a kid would suddenly gush forth new and unprecedented numbers and you'd stand there with big eyes going wow and figuring that it must have taken alot of glasses of milk and millions of hours of batting practice to make such strident improvements in such a short period of time. Youth after all, is about improvement and back in the early days, a transformation like Hardy's would be the stuff of inspiration.

Of course nowadays someone undergoes such a transformation and the first thought in this steroid-tainted weltschmerz of a baseball world is that he must be doing something that although not quite illegal, might just place him somewhere higher in the choir of whiter-than-white paens and in fact, might see his face splashed some day on the cover of Steroid Man Monthly or amid the annual cattle call of shamed steroid stars littering the road to Cooperstown.

But Hardy's power at least appears to have been foretold. In googling Hardy and Steroids I came across someone else wondering about this magical source of power albeit not mentioning that taboo word...apparently he had big numbers in the minor leagues, foreshadowing this recent outburst.

But that's absolute rubbish. Myths created by Brewers fans trying to deflect attention away from this suspicious behaviour. He played 302 minor league games in his life, hit .272 and had a measely 25 homers to show for it.

Forget about the medical records of Sammy Sosa and Rafael Palmeiro, Mr George Mitchell, witch-hunter. Why don't you ask JJ Hardy to piss on Moises Alou's palms and see if it turns them green?

And all of this, every word, a vast conspiracy you see, ladies and gentleman, a smoke screen of sorts to obscure the blatant butchery of the Mets pitching staff in Saturday's ridiculous 12-3 drubbing by Hardy and the Brewers at Shea.

Ok, I've tired of leading off summaries of Mike Pelfrey starts with some absurdist, optimistic screed about how much potential this kid has. He has now learned to do that all by himself:

"The thing is, I thought I made progress. Paulie [Lo Duca] said I threw great. I feel like I'm getting better. I threw breaking balls for strikes when I was behind and... You know, it'd have been real nice to have something to show for it."

Whatever.


Let's talk about that season-long first-inning ERA of 14.40, shall we? Or the overall 6.53 ERA. Or the 0-5 record this season.

Well, let's just say your starts haven't been magical this season and leave it at that for the time being, shall we?

Just because Oliver Perez seems to have found himself and Jorge Sosa looks like too may have regained his aura of auld doesn't mean you won't find yourself on the next bus to New Orleans if you don't speed up the learning process...

But in truth, this wasn't really Pelfrey's fault, this loss. The Mets were only down 4-3 when he left the game.

For once, the bullpen let the Mets down and hey, that happens sometimes.


Perfection is gone...

Joe Smith, heretofore unscored upon all season, broke his trance over NL batters with great zeal by surrendering Hardy's grand slam in the 8th. Maybe his parents were the curse. Smith's parents, Lee and Mike, were in town for the first time. Next time, tell them to stay home.

Pedro Feliciano and Scott Schoeneweis also surrendered themselves to the demythification of the NL's finest pen as the Brewers scored 8 runs over the final two innings to emphatically restate their current title as NL's best.

12 runs and 16 hits in all.

Further ugly details, we'll spare you this time around.

For one afternoon at Shea anyway, perhaps even just a pair of late innings, the Brewers showed the Mets why they have the best record. But hell, these things happen from time to time. (Maybe not to the Braves who won yet again against the Pirates and increased their margin over the Mets in the NL East).

So it's one of those games you can just forget about. "Not a pretty day," Willie Randolph commented.

No, Willie. Not a pretty day at all.

Not even for Jose Reyes, who joined the shaved-head cult.

Funny thing is, he still went 0-4.

In the rubber match this afternoon the Mets will face undefeated (5-0) Chris Capuano who is 0-2 with a 5.40 ERA in three starts against the Mets.

Pitching for the Mets, mystery man: Oliver Perez.