Archie Bunker's Army

Say what you will about the Mets this season but the predictability of their miraculous injury run has finally reached its zenith with the news we've all been waiting for: even his own teammates predict season-ending surgery for Johan Santana . And to think, poor Jeff Francoeur and his dodgy season-ending thumb is merely back pages news by comparison. If that doesn't turn him off the Mets, nothing will. This is the guy who never missed a game due to injury in his career before joining the Mets. (and to call them the "injury plagued Mets" is the understatement of the season - if DL casualties were victories, the Mets would have already won the World Series. have a look . The only two things left are Jerry Manuel to have a heart attack in the dugout and the Omar v Adam Rubin Steel Cage Match wherein Omar is mortally wounded and spurts ketchup from a fake head injury before tearing up that dreadfully unfair Oliver Perez contract and awarding him a new restructu...

I have to be honest, after Oliver Perez gave up that homer to Adam LaRoche (the solo homer in the 3rd, not the three run homer he gave up to Matt Diaz in the 2nd)that gave the Braves what seemed at the moment, reasonably to be an insurmountable 4-0 lead, I switched it over to watch Pedro pitch. Just for the sake of my own sanity, you see. Oliver Perez has that effect on people. The familiar post-gopher pose of Perez Fortunately, after watching Pedro earn the final out of the inning, a rain delay sent me back to the Mets game, just in time to see Angel Pagan rattle that line drive off of Derek Lowe's left hand that signalled the beginning of the unexpected deluge of runs, 8 in all, in the bottom of the 4th inning. Lowe was not the same after that line drive Before that of course, it was just plain painful, having our noses rubbed in it like that, Lowe v Ollie, what could have been v what is. But instead, we were treated to a franchise-record 10 hits in one inning, two each b...

It's been a long time. Over two months since the Mets won a walk off game and finally, in honour of the ailing David Wright , the Magical Murph drove the game-winning single after the Giants brought in lefty Jeremy Affeldt special just to face him. This on the back of an unusually well pitched game from Big Pelf meant that the Mets have now taken two of three from the weak-hitting Giants in this meaningless four game series. (Well, meaningless for the Mets who are now reduced to the role of spoilers.) The only other runs the Mets scored came in the 4th when Luis Castillo hit a two-run homer, one of the rare occurrences in baseball. I know, it's only two wins but I couldn't help but think looking out at these Mets today that this team, despite the absurdist run of injuries that have left them with a second string side, still have some marks of a reasonable job by Omar. Now before you go crazy, think you've got the smart pick-up of Sheffield , the last remaining big...

It was shocking to see the Mets come storming back in the 8th inning with three runs to tie the game last night. What were the odds? I won't say it was shocking to see Frankie Boy surrender that 10th inning lead off homer to Bengie Molina to lead of the 10th last night. Frankie Boy's been slipping so fast it seems inevitable we're going to pick up the paper one of these days and read that he's got some sort of physical ailment that's going to require season-ending surgery. It's just that kind of season and Frankie Boy has been that kind of rubbish since the All Star break and perhaps since the Mets' bottom dropped out. 4.91 ERA in July, 12.79 ERA in August. This is definitely a downward spiral. And I wouldn't say it was shocking that the last remaining All Star in the Mets every day batting order would get clocked in the skull by a fastball. Wasn't it just a matter of time before something happened to David Wright given how the season has go...

As with nearly every Met victory, the temptation to giddily proclaim a new beginning is tempered by the reality of the season and the roster. Last night the Mets showed up in strange throw-back uniforms, with a starting pitcher recently converted from the bullpen and sent fans home with a pleasing and fully unexpected 3-0 victory. In only his second start of the season, Bobby Parnell outdueled former Met target, Barry Zito needing only Angel Pagan's lead-off homer in the bottom of the 1st inning to earn his first win as a starter. Parnell looked promising - with a high 90s four and two-seam fastball with a hard slider he baffled the Giants for 6 shutout innings allowing only three singles. Of course, the Giants' recent run shortage might have been attributable - they have now scored only 21 runs over their last 8 games and rank ahead of only the Mets in the least amount of homers hit this season. But a victory is a victory, meaningless as it may be to start off a meaningles...

Hey, folley me logic here... the Mets didn't play thus they didn't lose. It's a beautiful day. It could be more beautiful if I read that Omar got sacked or the team in unison was put on waivers but for today, I guess I'll settle for: We didn't play, thus we didn't lose." I think that was a variation of Descartes but if there's any confusion, two birds making out is a nice image to share on an off day: It's not Mets but it's pretty, innit?

Frankie Boy came awfully close to blowing another save last night, giving up a run in the 9th before striking out Miguel Montero to seal the 6-4 victory. It didn't "feel" like a victory. It felt more like a loss avoided. A new Mets creation, the victory that feels like a loss. Or maybe it's just the season generally but after a hideous road trip against two crappy NL teams, to be grateful just to avoid a sweep seems like a small consolation. The damage to everyone's psyche has already been done. Do you realise that Frankie Boy's ERA on the road this season is 4.76? Do you realise that Frankie Boy's ERA in five appearances in August is 21.60? How's that for your star closer, number one off season acquisition? It sucks, that's how it is. And let me tell you something, you should be thanking the stars that the Mets are so far out of the playoffs because if they were in the middle of a pennant race or preparing themselves for another September c...

What a collection. Now Ain't This Exciting?!! Veteran, Future-less Nobody Scott Sullivan leading off and playing centerfield. Veteran Future-less Has-been Fernando Tatis batting third and playing third base. Wanna-Be-But-Can't-Hit-MLB-Pitching-Anymore Daniel Murphy playing first base and batting "clean up" (c'mon Jerry, a joke's no good if you beat it to death for crissakes). Veteran, Future-less Nobody Jeremy Reed batting sixth and playing left field. Veteran, Future-less Has-been Brian Schneider catching and batting eighth with his .198 batting average just percentage points better than Has-been pitcher, Livan Hernandez , who lasted a mere 4 hideous innings only to give way to Never-Was With The Ugliest Beard In Baseball Tim Redding . What a collection of losers. What a shining testimony to Omar Minaya's incompetence as a General Manager. And Jerry, if you're going to give the ONLY remaining uninjured All Star a day off to rest, give him the ...

Loss compounds loss, injury compounds injury and the Mets have seen their season sink to depths they will not recover from. Even the underwear models are saddened by these Mets Now we can all know again what it's like to be a Royals fan or a Nats fan; supporters of perennial losers. Oh sure, there were two years when the illusion of not being a loser lasted until September but even that turned into disaster and the franchise has now found its rightful place; the symmetry of an impoverished farm system, rotten luck, poor calibre stars, lack of charisma and vitally, an absolute dearth of leadership from ownership down to the bat boy. So, after a weekend of lacklustre losses in San Diego the Mets turned their attention to Arizona, to the D'Bags, a team that had inexplicably given them a thumping at home just as easily (losing three of four at Shitty Field), it appears as they would on the road, a team mired in their own baseball hell of mediocrity. The Padres and Diamondbacks are...

Not that it mattered one iota at the end of the day but for feck's sake, is there any reason to keep Tim Redding g on the roster any more? What good is keeping these toss pot on the team when he can't even close out a simple inning against the Padres without walking home a bases loaded insurance run for them? (Actually, is increasing your lead to 5 really an "insurance" run, especially against the meagre Mets batting order?) the usual suspects of loserdom. Yes, the Mets travelled all the way to San Diego just to lose, just to humiliate themselves yet again and there's little more to report about it so I'll keep it necessarily brief. All one can reasonably hope for is that the MLBTV feed won't include Tony Gwynn commenting on his own son's at-bats again.

Well, you had to like the beginning; Niese looking sharp, David Wright hitting a first inning two-run homer. going down like he'd been shot by a sniper hot, cold and.....hot again Of course, an inning later, Wright commits an error at third and Niese hurts himself. He wouldn't be a proper Met if he didn't. That's the way these Mets roll, one debilitating injury after another. And the funny part of course is Nelson Figueroa and his 10.57 ERA warming up in the bullpen. Why not just take the pistol, point it to the head and fire? But a two-run triple off the bat of Figueroa, his first RBIs of the season? Wow. Four and a third shutting innings after that embarassment a few nights ago? Nice comeback. An improbable 9-0 laughter over the Cardinals, fired by solid pitching (including Bobby Parnell who, if rumour is any indication, may get a chance to start this season) and offensive outbreaks by Angel Pagan and Wright, who combined for 6 hits, 3 runs and 6 RBIs all by...

Sure, you can say that Sean Green surrendered the game-breaking grand slam to Albert Pujols in the top of the 10th last night and blame him but let's face it, in the top of the 9th with a two run lead and your star closer, the guy you signed in the offseason precisely for this kind of situation, coming in, that's a game you win right there or you can forget it. Tragic, Frankie Boy. Simply tragic. So Frankie Boy , maybe it's best the Mets are all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs already. Just think of the heart ache we'd be spared us in September when he gives up a few key runs in vital pennant-losing losses against the Phillies or Marlins or Braves to see the Mets knocked out of the race. Note to D'oh-Mar (who we all know despite the desire of every Mets fan is going to be back next season whether we like it or not because that's how the Wilpons roll, lathered in stupidity....): better make sure to re-sign Hillybilly Wagner next season to you...

First of all, where is David Wright's beard? I know he's a kid, or looks like a kid and he's got a helium voice and doesn't always hit in the clutch but by crikey, when your team has pledged to grow beards until you reach .500 and you fall 5 games below .500 against one of the worst teams in the league, a team even worse than your own team, you expect a manchild like David Wright to grow a flippin beard in solidarity. I don't even see any peachfuzz on his face. It ent David Wright's beard, that's for sure. ***** Now as for the game itself, a bucket to puke in will suffice. For one, Nelson Figueroa, who was on fire with Buffalo (let that be a lesson, a la Cory Sullivan: being hot in Buffalo don't mean jack in the Major Leagues so the next time in our pathetic yearning for answers we point out what so and so is doing in Buffalo, don't listen. Buffalo doesn't hold any answers for this sad sack collective. Buffalo is a wasteland of talentless wan...

Well, the magical lineup is no more. The perfect summary to the season; rain and hands in your mouth Jerry went to the well once more with the B-lineup and unlike the previous 6 times, it wasn't sufficient to get the Mets a victory. Instead they watched Jon Garland master them for a complete game victory and another loss dropping them deeper into the oblivion. Is this misery at knowing his pitched like rubbish or that he's resembled Ollie in doing so? Pelf pitched much like Ollie the night before; ineffectively, throwing well over 100 pitches in 5 innings of work and whilst not surrendering a ton of runs, the ineffectual, big pitch count outing led to the early appearance of the bullpen and not surprisingly, more runs. Pelf made way for Sheffield and gave Jerry a hard fist pump in the dugout after he'd taken off his batting helmet to make way for Sheff, who ripped what seemed like an RBI single but ended up in the first baseman's glove to temper the rally. The no...

A batting order with Angel Pagan batting leadoff, Murph batting cleanup, Cory Sullivan hitting 6th followed by Alex Cora , the enemic Brian Schneider followed by the pitcher is hardly frightening. It's laughable. It's minor leagueish. Yet with precisely that batting order the Mets won 5 in a row before this Diamondback series and after two straight losses using a different lineup, Willie wised up and returned to that same order that was so successful earlier. Pagan's blast kept the Mets undefeated in August, his first homer in two years. I mean what the hell, the season has already seen its fair share of weird moments. Why shouldn't a batting order like that end up keeping the Mets afloat until all their superstars make their magical comebacks? Last night that those four banjo hitters (excluding Murph who seems certain to bust out again before the end of the season and prove his great natural hitting skills) combined for 6 hits and 7 RBIs including Pagan's ...

Yeah, I'll admit it. After the Mets won their 5th in a row, battering the Rockies by a 7-0 margin with a lineup that included the likes of not only Alex Cora but Angel Pagan , Scott Sullivan AND Angel Berroa , I allowed myself a modicum of optimism. Flawless, for a start. I started getting so drunk with optimism that I'll admit again, I thought gee, maybe now D'oh!-Mar could finish his apologies in time to find a brain in Oz and figure out a way to dupe Indians GM Mark Shapiro into taking F-Mart , Bobby Parnell , Omir Santos and a combination of nobodies who will never amount to nothing for V-Mart . Angel Prays To The Ump For one because I want to see the back of F-Mart as soon as possible. If he has any value left now that his 5-tool myth and his flower-like fragility have been exposed once and for all, that is. And for the other because after looking at the batting order Thursday afternoon it's painfully apparent, even if they can somehow manage a 5-run outbur...

Well, after a fortnight off I returned to these Mets tonight in the midst of an improbable three game winning streak, a former Mets Killah, Jeff Francoeur in a Mets uniform, the sacking of Mets assistant GM Tony Bernazard , public apologies from The Wilpons not, as one might expect for the dysfunctional mismanagement of the Mets rather for outbursts from Omar . No less controversy, no fewer problems. Same auld Mets. not sorry for Idiotic Management .327 with 14 RBI in 12 games since joining the Mets (while Church malingering for the Braves) Super Douche Egomaniac finally gone Super Douche Senior may have a hard time bullshitting his way out of the latest controversy Crikey, if these Mets aren't any good, walking wounded, fundamentally unsound all season long, mismanaged, misowned and crippled by poor planning and a mediocre farm system, these Mets certainly are interesting. Starting this evening, the incomparable Cory Sullivan in left field with Gary Sheffield on the involun...