Archie Bunker's Army

Congratulations Metsies...You've Put Me Off Of Baseball

2010-04-16T03:43:00.000+01:00

Now dying, now dead.

I love the altruism of supporting losers. I really do.

But that's the beauty of altruisms of others. It can be appreciated from afar.

So that's where I will appreciate the Metsies from henceforth.

Afar.

Very afar.

So far I won't even hear the baseball scores any more.

The Best Thing About Spring Training? No Room For Hope

2010-03-31T08:37:00.000+01:00

I can't imagine people applying for season tickets to see the Mets this year. Not unless they're looking for a rerun of last season tragicomedy.

I can't even imagine stumping up a few American dollars for the MLB.com dodgy video feeds this year. I mean I'll probably break down and do it but at this point, I still can't imagine it. It'll probably happen in a drunken stupor, waxing nostalgic about some sort of nihilistic wonder and inner delusion chancre.

But we have to give the Mets credit. They did, in essence, nothing to make us think 2010 would be any better than 2009's nightmare.

They got Jason Bay, true. But that was the bare minimum requirement. That and waving good riddance to Carlos Delgado. Replaced by the magical middle of the road nobodies, Dan Murphy and Mike Jacobs. Be still my bitter heart. That pair are hitting a combined 17 for 80 or an emblematic .212. Good thing it doesn't count. Yet.

They signed no one else of any significance to bolster a dead rotation or an enfeebled bullpen.

And good thing they didn't because even before Ollie's abysmal outing today, the starting rotation, including both fifth starter burnouts, had a 6.47 ERA and a combined 2-7 record.

Standing pat is almost as good as standing on your head and imagining the change that falls out of your pockets is someone else's money.

Bullpen? No 8th inning guy to get to the star closer. And does it matter? Does anyone think that K-Rod is going to have more than a dozen chances to save a game all season at this rate?

Yes, looking forward to the 2010 season. The Jets' 2010 season that is.

Mets Pre-Preview: Why I Won't Be Holding My Breath

2010-02-15T08:28:00.000Z

It's pitchers and catchers soon.

Ironically, the Mets don't seem to have much of either and those that they do have are full of question marks; Puntos de Interogación Iniciales and Puntos de Interrogación Finales.

In other words, the off season was remarkably similar to the 2009 season; dollops of delusional, wishful thinking.

I think you definitely stand pat with last year's rotation. After all, Santana says he's better and we should always believe what the Mets organisation and willing athletes publically declare about their injuries. That means he'll probably win 30 games this season to avoid being thrown too far off track by last season's premature ending. Of course, he's a year older as well. And can we really believe his physical woes are over with a simple elbow surgery, bone chip removal surgery? His return has been almost too easy. You've got to wonder if the simple surgery was done to put off an inevitable, career-threatening surgery, especially considering he's a Met and that Mets physicians practice their trade playing that game, Operation.

Mets physicians table....

And Pelf, Maine and Oliver Perez?

Look, these are by and large, young guys. This trio combined for 20 wins last season. That's a nice round number for the meat of your rotation. Inspirational. Pelf has lost weight because weight apparently was the reason for all his failings, not his mental incapacities or dropping the mouth guard. So if you consider that he's young, that he probably pitched with sophomoric burnout most of last season you'll see that 10 wins can quite easily become 20 wins, especially with the 5.03 he sported last season. That's 50 wins just for the number one and number two starters. The entire team only won 70 games last year so we're looking at remarkable, tangible improvement and by god, the Mets management was right, there's no need to change anything about this rotation. This is the best rotation in baseball. If you're too senile to think straight or if your mind is already so rotted with drug and alcohol abuse.

As for Maine and Perez, these two combined for 10 wins. There's alot of room for improvement. For one, Perez was fat and injured most of the year and he's had surgery to remove scar tissue from his right knee so expect his win output to at least double from the 3 games he won last season. Or if we're crazy optimistic, we'll say 10 wins. On the other hand, he DIDN'T have any surgery to implant a brain or surgery that would prevent him from frequent bouts of inexplicable wildness so maybe optimism is not the way to lean here. I'll split the difference and say Ollie might be good for 5 wins this season. There will be at least 5 games in 2010 that make you say wow, what a great pitcher, why can't he do that all the time? That's just the way the Rollo Rolls.

Maine? Enigma. Is he healthy? Is he hurt? Probability over the course of his career says he'll be hurt. He's always hurt or recovering from being hurt. So you could say he'll pitch half his starts and win a third of those. Let's say 5 wins.

That's a total of 60 wins from the top four.

No End To The Riches: 36 year old Catalanotto now a Met

2010-02-01T19:47:00.001Z

I like it when the word "intangibles" is the best word you can find to describe a new Mets signing. It makes my heart flutter with excitement.

Who needs Orlando Hudson when you've got intangibles?

I'm reminded of Donald Rumsfeld ruminations on the matter:

"There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don't know we don't know."

Frank Catalanotto is one of those things we don't know we don't know and yet another reason, along with the signing of Fernando Tatis and Josh Fogg that we don't need to know what we don't know because we don't even know that we don't know it yet.

2010 Mets Promotional Poster can finally be revealed

I mean Frank Catalanotto could make a great bench coach for the Buffalo Bisons. Just think how valuable that could be to Buffalo and all the 40 year old Triple AAA detritus that will populate their roster in 2010.

Or maybe Luis Castillo will break his leg falling down the dugout steps in Florida during Spring Training and Frank Catalanotto will become the Mets starting second baseman for 2010.

You just don't know you don't know, do you?

The bigger question is how is Alex Cora going to sleep nights now knowing Frank Catalanotto is breathing down his neck?

Maybe Alex Cora was laughing quietly to himself while Jose Reyes was running his five 90 foot sprints and figuring well, Reyes' hamstrings have probably seen about as much action as they can take and its a matter of hours before he tears one of them stepping out of a cab and he takes his familiar place on the disabled list.

I mean think about it - the Mets could have Alex Cora AND Frank Catalanotto starting in the infield at the same time! If that doesn't strike fear into their NL East opponents, nothing will.

Well ok, maybe seeing Fogg emerging from the bullpen late in the 4th inning after Oliver Perez has walked in 6 runs and hit 8 batters will worry them. Fear the Fogg, that's what they used to say in Pittsburgh. I mean his nickname is "The Dragon Slayer" after all. It's true. You can look it up if you don't believe me.

Josh Fogg is comfortable with his secret life...

Of course, I don't know why he's called the Dragon Slayer. It could be some sexual euphemism for all I know. Surely with a lifetime ERA of 5.03 it's little to do with getting Major League batters out. But look, if he makes the team and if he's doing long relief chances are it won't really matter very often how he fares. And that's what makes these 2010 Mets so interesting.

If all else fails, they'll be the most intangible team in America.

Mets Sign Tatis - World Series Virtually Assured....

2010-01-29T18:24:00.000Z

The key man to Major League Baseball's 2010 season has finally decided on which team is the lucky winner in the Fernando Tatis Sweepstakes.

After months of nail-biting competition, the NY Mets finally emerged as the victors, securing the signature of baseball's most coveted player and virtually guaranteeing their first World Series appearance since 2000.

YES! The man who can walk and somehow balance a batting helmet on his head at the same time is nearly a Met...

Intentional Sabotage Or Crazy Like A Fox?

2010-01-28T08:00:00.001Z

One can only imagine, watching the parade of free agents either ignore the Mets or be ignored by the Mets, that there is an ongoing Free Agent Conspiracy meant to disable any early Spring hope Mets fans might be silly enough to feel inspired by as the doldrums of winter rattle on.

Give me happiness or...Give me Mets...

Granted, each free agent pitching pursuit came with his own set of problems. Ben Sheets is injury-prone. Randy Wolf was overpaid (3 years $30 million to the Brewers who are becoming the Mets of the Midwest having given Willie Randolph and Rick Peterson jobs), Joel Pineiro's name was too confusing too spell plus he wanted to get paid on the basis of a career year he's not likely to repeat (yes, before last season, his ERAs in the previous five seasons: 5.15, 4.33, 6.36, 5.62, 4.67...)

Then you had Jon Garland going to the Padres for pennies which was the signing the Mets are going to regret not making all season. Not that Garland is going to win the Cy Young but what was there about an innings-eater, a durable and reliable starter on the cheap not to like when you're promising a rotation of Johan Santana and a cast of supporting starters who struggle to reach the fifth inning most times out, if they aren't injuring their delicate frames, that is...

The 42 year old John Smoltz remains but he's not really an option. He's not even a white flag of surrender, which almost makes it certain the Mets won't sign him.

Welcome the New MR MET

Most front offices would prefer the pie-in-the-sky Fernando Nieve filling in that fifth slot in the rotation behind Maine and Pelf and Pray For Help as well as pretending it's only a matter of time before Oliver Perez starts to emulate Santana. I mean wouldn't they?

And there's always the argument that it isn't possible for Maine and Pelf and Perez to pitch worse or get injured more than they did in 2009 so there can only be improvement - in which case, why panic buy in a free agent market of over-priced nobodies and has-beens? In which case, you can almost see the point the Mets front office is making by making no point at all.

Yes, yes, I know - defending the Wilpons and Minaya's mockery of his job sounds mad. And it is.

The Princes of Chaos are pretty much number one on everyone's target list of shit hounds and horror stories but for a minute anyway, I'm going to see their crazy and raise them a straight jacket.

It's so crazy it just might work.

Of course it doesn't really explain trading away bullpen stability in Brian Stokes for Team Cancer Junior but look, Omar's off season is not successful unless he's bringing trouble or overpaying for it.

Two years ago it was Luis Castillo's absurdist re-signing at a financial cost so high he is now untradeable and will be lingering like the odour of a watery Mike Francesa beer fart long after Omar has been sacked. Last year it was giving Oliver Perez that completely whacked contract, bidding against himself as though he's subsidising broken down latino players to make up for bad MLB pensions.

And this year Jason Bay, despite a dodgy physical future and even dodgier fielding, was the one to win the Captain Crazy sweepstakes.

But Bay had a perceivable upside so to make up for it, Omar simply HAD to trade for Gary Matthews Jr. Just to make sure.

Now it all might play out as rightly this season as wrongly as it played out last season.

You could argue we MUST have karma on our side by now, what with two late season collapses and the worst injury nightmare season in baseball history last year and conceivably, this is the argument the Mets are making.

The problem is, everyone is already so sick and tired, only Mets players, who don't have any choice in the matter, are buying it.

Heart Attack And Vine

2010-01-21T01:42:00.001Z

Well since there appears to be a day or two pause in the incessant march of incompetence in the Met front office have some Tom Waits instead:

Picking Pineiro to Repopulate Rotation?

2010-01-16T05:20:00.002Z

I've always just assumed Omar was going to sit pat and point out best case scenarios rather than get down to adding some shade and depth to the starting rotation. I mean, not dealing with problems and taking the most impractically optimistic position is his speciality, is it not?

So I wasn't too enamoured with any of the rumours. Until this one.

Actually, it's not even a rumour, it's just an observation. Work horse starter for a rotation that chocka with question marks and guys who rarely pitch very far out of the 5th inning.

For a second, I almost got excited. Then I remembered that Beltran is already going to miss the first month of the season and predictably, the Mets front office fumbled even something as simple as surgery in spectacular fashion. At least they are consistently incompetent. You just know you needn't bother raising your hopes and can instead raise the white flag before the season has even started.

Me Carlos, Me Angry

2010-01-15T03:06:00.004Z

I'm going to enroll in the school of thought that says let's piss off the guy who pretends to be the team leader but bunts with men on base instead of going for the multi-run homer.

Please let Carlos Beltran play mad.

He owes the team some leadership. Being content hasn't worked. maybe being mad will.

What The Hell Will Omar Do About The Pitching?

2010-01-07T23:01:00.004Z

In a weak effort to see what, if any prospects there are to resolve the dismal prospects for the 2010 Mets and in particular, the shambles that is currently the pitching staff, I've unearthed the following:

The Mets, to put in it in the local parlance, are fecked.

Although Chewy hasn't pitched in organised baseball in several years, he is rumoured to be on Omar's radar having recently thrown two innings in the Inter Galactic Winter Leagues this month...

First of all, what they desperately need as you all know, is at minimum, starting pitching, ideally, a strong number two starter and innings eater.

Newsflash: there isn't one available and the one guy, Jon Garland, who at least qualifies as an inning eater (though certainly not a number two starter), is rumoured to want to stay on the West Coast.

What that means is that barring some unforeseen miracle, as in ANY of the Mets starters not named Johan Santana suddenly learning how to pitch more than five or six innings, pitch them effectively and stay injury-free, the Mets rotation will be as big a mess this season as in 2009.

Of course you could make the argument that Punching Bag Perez, Fragility Maine, and Mouthguard Mike cannot POSSIBLY be as ineffective, injured and pathetic as they were last season but those kinds of thoughts should be reserved for the optimistic mewlings of Spring and the last time I looked out the window, even in England, we're still buried in snow.

So we're back to the issue of A)rubbish returning rotation B)no one on the radar who might make a legitimate number two.

Now, on the basis of Omar's track record, I would suggest the likely signings to "bolster" the staff will be Noah Lowry, who hasn't pitched in the Majors since 2007, Odalis Perez, who didn't pitch in the majors at all last season, and Mark Prior, who hasn't pitched in the majors since 2006.

If that doesn't get you excited, how about re-signing Livan Hernandez or asking John Smoltz to come here and perform a season-ending Tom Glavine imitation? Oh right, the Mets won't be close enough in 2010 to have a "must win" Game 162.

Why not Jenny Finch? Unlike any of the usual suspects she would look fantastic in a Mets uniform. She also sometimes plays first base, which, considering the current first base prospects can only be of benefit and let's face it, her chances of succeeding are about as good as any of the other pitchers whose names are being bandied about as potential Met signings. And she'd come for a helluva lot less money.

The only catch? Well, if you go by her blog, it would appear she's a bit wrapped up in motherhood at the moment.

Next stop, huge overpayment for Joel Pineiro....

Good Riddance, 2009

2009-12-31T11:22:00.006Z

You could call the Mets 2009 season a nightmare.

But that would be giving the somnambulant front office more excuses to play with.

The Mets 2009 season was disgusting.

It was disgusting enough to scare yours truly off baseball for the last few months of the season. It was disgusting enough that the disgusting taste is still in our mouths, months later and judging by the fact that Omar is still the GM, Jerry is still the manager and the same heartless, injury-prone core is meant to carry the team despite all the times it failed so miserably in the past, Mets fans had better get used to the taste of shit because shit sandwiches are about all the Mets are going to be serving in 2010.

Can you really get excited about the signing of Jason Bay, the baseball GM equivalent of beans on toast?

Jason Bay would make a reasonable DH or maybe even a first base conversion but left field in the spacious ShittyField is a near-guarantee to a return of the Cosmic Baseball Fielding Clown we watched the Magical Murph master early last season. Losing by 10 runs? How about watching your kazillion dollar past-his-prime Chump Money crown jewel trip over his own feet and let fly balls hit him on the head for a little comic relief?

True, the Mets needed a hard-hitting left fielder but really, does Jason Bay fit this bill? A guy who didn't even seemed enthused about coming to the Mets? A guy who is already over 30? A strikeout king? A defensive liability? A guy whose numbers are bound to diminish in the confines of ShittyField?

Oh, Omar. You never fail to please.

Of course, Jason Bay doesn't play first base. He won't heal Reyes' desperate hammies, he can't keep Castillo's knees sewn together, he can't pitch a 7 or 8 inning gem and he can't manage.

All this means is that the Mets have another over-priced bound-to-be-injury-prone, shitty fielding, diminished batsman to add to their roster. Whoopeeee!

And compounding the sense of despair were Omar's other signings.

Kelvim Escobar, who missed nearly all of the last two seasons as K-Rod's potential set-up man?

Or better still, Ryota Igarashi for bullpen depth?

I mean is this meant to be comedy or sadism? It's Post Modern Omarism is what it is. Out of touch, out of focus and out of time.

And the best part of all this GM buffoonery from Omar is that the Mets still have no starting pitching to speak of unless you're happy to join the Delusional Club and hope Santana will be back to 100% health for 2010. And even if he is, that doesn't resolve the burnout of the pen when no other starter will log more than 5 innings in a start all season.

You want to get us excited Omar? Sign another dozen former starters (at least 38 years of age) who either haven't pitched or played professional baseball in at least two years or are coming off major reconstructive shoulder or elbow surgery.

Then we'll do some cartwheels.

*****

And just when you thought the Mets were the gourmet chefs of the shit sandwiches, have a look at what these jackals are trying to do. Good luck with that one, greedy douchebags.

*****

So as not to end on an entirely sour note, Mets-n-all, Happy New Year to everyone reading and here's hoping (perhaps unrealistically) 2010 will go better for the Mets than 2009, 2008, 2007, 2006, etc.!

2009-12-19T16:59:00.002Z

And now, I've finally found the right term:

2009-12-16T01:32:00.001Z

endless dysfunctionality

I Haven't Given Up Hope Completely (yet)

2009-11-28T05:13:00.003Z

I WILL be back. And so will the Mets. Rah rah with my pig flu pom poms.

With this blood I do rededicate myself to the parody of a Mets fan.

Desperately Seeking Reason

2009-09-13T15:34:00.004+01:00

I suppose it's self-evident; the lack of daily updates or comments are indicative of a general malaise that no young call-up, no veteran return and certainly no series of meaningless games against division rivals can alleviate.

Seriously, are we to get excited about the 10th homer of the season?

David Wright's two homers in one game against the Phillies to reach the big 10 milestone, is nothing but a reminder of how few homers he's hit this season, how little the game itself meant, perhaps a blessing in disguise, sparing us of another September Collapse.

Yes, a come-from-behind victory over the hated Phillies in most seasons and in most circumstances would have been cause for righteous joy, unbridled euphoria and instead, we can only yawn and scratch and think yeah, so what?

Because that is where we are in this miserable season. Not even a pair of homers by Wright, a come-from-behind victory and a homer in the first inning by Carlos Beltran, another too-little-too-late story for the season, could overwhelm the reality that by winning the Mets only forced the Phillies to sweep on Sunday to eliminate the Mets mathematically.

Maybe he'll pitch a no-hitter next time out, hahahaha.

I mean seriously, even if the season wasn't in the crapper, what's more depressing than watching yet another Mike Pelfrey On-Again-Off-Again pitching performance, this one his third outing of the season conceding 8 runs, which ties some kind of Mets record for futility. (8 runs, just think of that! Either this guy is a lousy pitcher and needs to go or the pitching coach who can't wring out an iota of consistency from him (or Oliver Perez for that matter, not that THAT matters but just sayin'...)needs to go.

The time will be ripe for a scapegoat and Dan Warthen is a convenient one. Sure he ripped Ollie early in the season for being fat and out of shape but when you look back at the pitching staff's performance this season do you really see where he's made any difference? If in looking at this realistically you come to the depressing conclusion that I have; (the Mets will retain Manuel AND Minaya and the Wilpons won't be selling the team to spare us another decade of the Idiot Collective) who else but Warthen is left? HoJo won't go. How about sacking Mr Met?

The Mets, now "only" 16 game UNDER .500 won for only the third time in 72 instances this season in which they trailed after eight innings. When you think about it, that's kind of great because it means you don't have to waste time watching the 9th inning if the Mets are behind because the chance of them coming back and winning are almost nil. It's a little gift for fans this season.

And let's be serious, with Mark Sanchez and the Jets along with the rest of the NFL set to kick off the season, waiting around to see if the Mets can avoid mathematical elimination in a pathetic, mewling season hardly seems worthwhile.

Yes, he sucks and he's ugly but he's an invaluable member of the Mets' touch football team

That's right. And you're not going to lure me with promises of John Maine's imminent return or another 30 or 40 minute outing by Tim Redding whose facial hair and pitching are like an infinite sickness one can never cure. No thanks. I've suffered more than enough at the hands of Tim Redding this season.

Mets Win On K-Rod Bobblehead Day

2009-09-07T06:30:00.003+01:00

I suppose if you'd looked at the promotional scheme for the season back in April or even May you might have imagined that even something as exciting K-Rod Bobblehead Day would have taken a back seat to the heat of the pennant race and that maybe K-Rod's 30th save of the season would be the cause for great relief or celebration. Hell, K-Rod probably thought as much himself.

Instead, as we know, a simply meaningless early September game pairing easily the two most disappointing teams in the National League and perhaps in ALL of baseball.

Why isn't this guy a Mets target?

Watching the Cubs is like holding up a mirror to the Mets but for the fact that they didn't lose half their team to injuries this season. And of course, the Cubs are already talking about having someone like Chone Figgins on their radar to sign in the offseason. Who have the Mets got on their radar? Re-signing Carlos Delgado to a long-term contract?

Ok, the Mets won yesterday, whoop. They beat their ugly cousins from the Windy City in a completely meaningless game. (Ok, the Cubs aren't quite mathematically eliminated from the playoffs yet but they are most certainly just as terminal as the Mets.)

Mr Inconsistency, in his first start since his much-mocked lap-running around the Coors Field car park, had his head together for a change which meant his stuff as well, demonstrating that sharp slider everyone loves when watching him, to compliment his fastball and pitching 8 solid innings of 5-hit ball. I mean, if we hadn't already been fooled by this guy a dozen times this season it might be cause for hope for an otherwise hopeless 2010 pitching staff but we've been dreaming about this guy before and this is no different. Let him do it in every start the rest of the season and I'll take a little notice. Otherwise, this is just a blip, a temporary salve.

Homer-Happy?

Same with Mr Can't Hit The Inside Pitches Murphy. Yeah, he drove in all four of the Mets runs yesterday, even a hit a homer and a triple for good measure. Does this make him next season's starting first baseman? Barely keeping his head above .250 all season? Our 2010 first baseman batting clean up? Pshaw.

I don't mean to belittle an event as rare as a Met victory or a sterling pitching performance from our number two starter (or is he now our number one starter with Johan gone?) or a surprising outburst from our former left field clown turned competently fielding first baseman, but it's really hard to get excited about this.

I'm still thinking about Chone Figgins, who can play second base or third base or any outfield position, switch hits, hits for average and plays with speed and is a great potential lead-off hitter. I'm still wondering why there's no speculation about the Mets signing this free agent, why they aren't already bandying about absurdist Yankee-like numbers to make sure he's a Met next season.

What? Jose Reyes is the 2010 lead off hitter for the Mets? G'won. I've wanted to see this guy traded for the last two seasons while he could still fetch something good (like, remember the days back when the allegedly untradable Lastings Milledge could have helped fetch a high-class starter?)

Do we really want another season of high-strung hammies wreaking havoc on the 2010 season? Bonehead running or fielding and a lack of baseball discipline getting in the way of the team's successes next season? His market value is still probably reasonably high, a package deal could fetch something valuable in return if we had a competent GM. But rest assured there will be no Chase for Chone and if his hammies haven't turned to wet linguine by then, Old Crazy Eyes will be back at short, leading off for the Mets next season. And look on the bright side - the fact that he choked in the 2007 and 2008 races in September won't matter because in 2010, the chances of the Mets being in the race by the All Star break are pretty much nil anyway.

Hey, good news! Brian Schneider had two whole hits yesterday which allowed him to inch ever-closer to the .200 batting average he's sought to reach most of the season. Better to give him a chance and playing time than the best hope the Mets have for a future catcher in the system, innit?

Angel Pagan, although hitting over .300 as the lead-off hitter is still a defensive liability in center.

I try to imagine the 2010 Mets and can't help but wonder how much longer Beltran, who is due to return for the Marlins in two days, can patrol centerfield. He's ageing fast, he's always been fragile and while he's a great fielder, surely it's nearly time to reduce his load and swing him over to left field.

Unfortunately, a quick glance at this off-season's potential free agents reveals no clear power-hitting replacement. In fact, when you look at that list, it's clear the Mets are not going to be able to buy their way into contention next season. What's also clear is that they will need a manager who can preach speed, manufacturing runs and great defence. The 2010 Mets, like the 2009 Mets, are not likely to be a power team, rather a team that could have used someone cagey, like Billy Martin, managing them. (Remember "Billy Ball"?) Billy Martin is dead of course but I still can't really say Jerry Manuel will do.

Jerry's avoided alot of criticism because he's managing what is in essence a Triple AAA team against Major League competition. That and his notoriously interesting press room banter.

Is he worth another punt? I'd certainly love to see Bobby V back as the Mets manager. I mean if you look at those 2000 Mets he managed to the World Series you'll see that the 2010 Mets, potentially anyway, could be alot better.

Sure, there's no Mike Piazza to hit 38 homers and .324 but surely even Beltran is an upgrade in centerfield over Jay Payton. And Wright is better than Robin Ventura at third. In theory, Murph could be as good or nearly so as was Todd Zeile at first base. Reyes, if he's healthy but even if he's not, Anderson Hernandez is an upgrade over Mike Bordick. (and you could do up the entire roster like that...)

And the pitching staff? Even a return of this year's starters and bullpen (with a few tweeks, of course) are just as good as the 2000 Mets.

So there's no reason why it couldn't be done.

Jesus, did I really just say that?

Must be time for some more coffee.

Next up - let's knock the Marlins out of their last dying chances for a 2009 post season. A small comeuppance, eh?

Murph Drives In Enough Runs To Beat Cubs

Mets Win First Battle of Mediocrity Against Cubs; Thank God for Grabow!

2009-09-05T06:18:00.006+01:00

It's as though the minute Carlos Zambrano was out of the game the Mets came to life.

Only Super Sully could solve Big Z last night...

Other than a solo homer by Scott Sullivan to give them a 1-0 lead they held until Angel Pagan let a pop up drop in front of him for a double (which was actually an out considering the ump blew the call on Francouer's bullet to 2nd base that should have rendered a slow-moving Milton Bradley out), the Mets' Batting Order of Mediocrity had been predictably silent.

Fortunately, the Cubs, whose own batting order is equally mediocre, were equally silent, even in a bases-loaded nobody out situation in the 7th when Lou pinch hit for Zambrano like a fool and watched the inning dither away.

And by the time Zambrano was gone in the bottom of the 8th, the score was knotted at 1-1 and the Cubs bullpen was ripe for attack. Especially with John Grabow, shattered in every appearance at Shitty Field, on the mound.

Tatis pinch hitting for Murphy, singled a run home, justifying Jerry Manuel's move.

And just like that you could almost feel hey, we suck but here's a team that makes just as many if not more mental mistakes, has just as weak hitting, has an esteemed manager making questionable moves so why not just pour it on and smack the Cubbies or more specifically Grabow, around - Grabow, just to rub in it, faced five batters and got NONE of them out.

And whilst Sullivan was surely the man of the match, let's not forget that Bobby Parnell threw 7 shutout innings, got out of that bases-loaded none out jam and looked in better command as a starter than he has all season. I read a snide remark the other the day that he is nothing more than the new Aaron Heilman which is an reductionist absurdity and perhaps inspired Parnell to something more inspirational. On the other hand, he may get pounded in his next outing. That's just how Mets starters roll.

D'oh!

"He's got to find that middle ground," David Wright was heard mumbling afterwards, demonstrating his team-leader skills at pointing out the obvious, "where the highs aren't so high and the lows aren't so low." Coming from a guy with 110 whiffs in 438 at-bats, that's certainly speaking from experience.

And thanks to the pen, the game was interesting right down to the last few outs. It's not as big a crap shoot as last season but let's face it, this isn't the kind of bullpen that you can be safe feeling will hold a lead for the final three innings, ever.

*****

Now of course, Saturday's game will have to be watched on delay as the Mets hosting the Cubs, palatable as that may be from a prison cell or a desert island, is simply no match for an afternoon of International Football friendlies and the opening weekend of NCAA football.

Catcher of Mets Future Makes Debut In Rare Met Victory

2009-09-04T03:54:00.005+01:00

I can't say as I really care that Pat Misch avoided pitching in a 13th consecutive loss without a victory for his team to avoid a rather ignominious start to his Major League career.

Misch officially ent pisch no more with his first career victory

Sure, it's good to see the guy pitch his second consecutive quality start for the Mets since arriving off the waiver wire from San Francisco but let's face it, watching this Nowhere Man pitch a meaningless game for the Mets in the beginning of September only reminds us all that at least this season there can't be a September collapse.

Nor can I find much comfort in the too-little-too-late news that Carlos Beltran is inching his way back to recovery.

After all, much like David Wright's return from concussion the night before, it only underscores the waste and futility of the hideously injury-prone 2009 season. Even if Wright went 3 for 4 with 3 RBIs and showed encouraging signs that he won't be plate-shy after getting beaned.

And to be honest, whilst it beats bearing witness to yet another disappointing Met loss, a rare victory yesterday over the Rockies hardly shook the rafters of the soul with joy and optimism. The soul of joy and optimism for these Mets died months ago.

The faster this guy develops the faster we can see Schneider out the door...

But I can say that the MLB debut of catcher Josh Thole was indeed an exciting event. At 22, the youngest Met catcher since Todd Hundley, Thole, who only started catching full time last season, went 2 for 5 in his debut after being awarded with a passed ball in the first inning but generated at the very least, the tinniest shred of hope in an otherwise dreary and hopeless Met farm system.

Not that Thole will be the catcher for Johan Santana on Opening Day 2010 - he still needs another year or so of seasoning in the Minors but it's something to hold on to in this miserable season, a faint sign that not everything about the Mets future is as bleak as it appears.

(OH yes it is, don't let the debut of one simple catcher fool you...)

*****

One of the thousands of pitchers the Omar DIDN'T sign this off season out-dueled the Giants top young ace last night.

Even if he's wearing a Phillies uniform, I'm still rooting for Pedro to close out his career with dignity and last night's 5-hit, 9-K, 7 inning performance gives me the impression he still just might.

*****

After concluding a 3 win, 9 game road trip the Mets host the similarly disappointing Chicago Cubs on Friday for a mutual misery meeting to celebrate another meaningless September. Whoop.

Maybe they can have an open reading of an open letter to Mets owner Fred Wilpon to start the festivities.

I mean, over the PA, with a crowd listening as reverently as any national anthem, an perhaps concluded by a Burn Fred Wilpon In Effigy ceremony before the game.

Now THAT would make the game worth watching.

And for an encore on Saturday, a Burn Omar Minaya in Effigy night.

Yeah baby!

Mets Fortunes Finally Turning

2009-08-27T05:28:00.002+01:00

Well it's taken all of a miserable season but it's finally beginning to look like the Mets terrible fortunes are turning the corner.

Two days ago, to great relief the Mets found out there were "only" bone chips to be removed out of Johan Santana's elbow and "only" the rest of the season would be lost.

Time to take the rest of your miserable career off, buddy.

Yesterday, to everyone's vast relief it was revealed that Oliver Perez FINALLY requires season-ending knee surgery. The only caveat of course is that the surgery won't be career-ending but when the doses of good news are finally dripping down I guess we shouldn't get too greedy.

Taking his place on the roster is the venerated Lance Broadway, who if you recall was the fodder we got from the White Sox in return for Ramon Castro. Ramon is hitting a whopping .192 for the White Sox, one of the few players in history who isn't doing better once he left the Mets.

Broadway of course, the logical candidate for recall, was 5-9 with a 6.17 ERA for the Buffalo Bison. Bison fans, if there are any left, will be relieved to see him go no doubt.

And of course you must have stayed up to watch that Chinese water torture of a baseball game, watching the Mets drop another to the Marlins in what would appear to be to the naked eye, an entirely meaningless game for both.

Do you know how many showed up at the idiotically named "Land Shark Stadium" to watch these two Nowhere Teams do battle?

Just over 16,000.

Now from the looks of the stands, half of that number left after the first pitch because god knows there's plenty better to do in Miami on a Wednesday night than watching one squad of minor league losers play what looks at first glance like a semi-pro team.

The Marlins had Mets killah Josh Johnson, now 13-3 with a 3.04 ERA for the season, on the mound and they had the monstrous Hanley Ramirez with his .365 batting average, 19 homers and 85 RBIs.

The Mets had Brian Schneider and his prodigious .179 batting average in the order and Mr Up and Mr Down, Mike Pelfrey on the mound with his 1-3 record for August and his 5.10 ERA in August.

A real battle of heavy weight champions.

The Mets are under arrest for incompetence

Ok, the Marlins are exceedingly better than the Minor League Mets but only just. Well ok, they've got 10 more wins already this season but really, let's face it, this isn't a team to excite you. Not in August 7 games out of first and 4 1/2 behind in the wild card chase.

Now that I think about it, why WERE there so few fans in the stadium? Because nobody wants to watch the Mets, the Laughingstocks of Baseball, suffer another season-ending injury?

The one thing we can say with certainty, so long as the Marlins play in a stadium named after a 1970s Saturday Night Live parody, at least the Mets cannot lay claim to having the absolute dumbest fucking name for a baseball stadium perhaps in the history of baseball. The Marlins have that one nailed.

Nothing But Good News!

2009-08-26T05:12:00.007+01:00

The good news is Johan Santana gets the rest of the season off.

Now he'll have time to find a replacement for that ridiculous pimp coat...

C'mon, we didn't need him any more, the season is lost and the fact that surgery will be to remove bone chips rather than restructure an elbow is the best news the Mets have had all season.

This is a sign the worst is almost over, hurray!

(Ok, the worst is NEVER going to be over with the Mets and this miserable franchise but for a few seconds anyway, hope reared its ugly, predictable head...)

So, despite the good news, this wouldn't be the Mets if there weren't questions raised about whether or not the Mets mismanaged Santana. The question is not a stretch, certainly. The Mets mismanage everything they come into contact with. Any situation is a vulnerability, a potential for mismanagement and if it is associated with the Mets, with the Wilpons or Omar, you can be pretty damned sure if there's a way to cock it up or make the wrong choice, the Mets will find it.

Now, in the face of the Santana news comes also the news that JJ Putz is done for the season. He's already had surgery once this season and now an MRI revealed damage to the ulnar collateral ligament in his elbow.

What's that? Who cares? Just glad it's not Johan?

Have a look at the baseball I'll never throw again....

I'll be honest, I wasn't really following his rehab schedule all that closely. Do the Mets really want a guy on their fabulous new 2010 team of healthy over-achievers who can't get excited because he's the set up guy instead of the closer? Well, the mismanagement Mets probably do, but I don't. As our good friend Sanchez wrote of Ollie's injury misfortunes, Stay down, Putz, stay down. Hurray!

Now, MORE GOOD NEWS, Oliver Perez has been sent back to New York to have his dodgy right knee examined by doctors.

This improves our chances of not having to see Ollie pitch again this season. Hurray! Can't they just pay some back alley doctor the cash to wave his hands and declare that Ollie's season is officially over? He will require season-ending surgery on both knees, both elbows, his neck and back and perhaps even a lobotomy.

Considering what improvements might be made with a little extra elective surgery for Ollie...

And if this wasn't enough good news for one day how about this?

Any irony in trading away a healthy All-Star (or former All-Star) pitcher on the day you announce two perhaps three season-long losses to your pitching staff? Nah.

The good news is that the Mets won't lose The Hillbilly next season for nothing. At least, just in the nick of time, they got something for him.

The Sox will send the Mets outfielder/designated hitter Chris Carter and a low-level prospect to be named later.

Carter's scouting report is encouraging in a all-hit, no-field sort of way. You know, precisely the sort of player a National League team with no DH needs:

Extremely intelligent, Carter is a real student of hitting, and has demonstrated success with the bat at every level. Excellent power with the potential for more. Hits for average and consistently gets on base at a very good clip. Hits lefties and righties well. Below average speed. In the field, Carter has spent much of his career at 1B but was moved to the outfield in 2008. He has always been known as a poor fielder, and still doesn't look particularly comfortable at any position. He has focused on his glove and footwork and has improved slightly, but still not enough.

I'll bet he's happy to be with this Muppet Collective instead of in the Red Sox organisation.

And surely having a Dan Murphy clone is just what the doctor ordered. Murph is hitting .290 this month, by the way.

But fuck it, it's a body anyway, something the Mets are in short supply of these days.

As for last night's game, bah, who cares?

Another loss to the Marlins. This one doesn't knock the Mets out of the post season at least. That they did all on their own this season.

The news was not the game, another loss, it was that Jeff Francoeur is playing despite a torn ligament in his left thumb. Of course he is. Let's make that a career-threatening injury - is he REALLY taking the advice of the Mets medical staff about whether or not he could do more damage by playing?

And yes, that was Sheff you saw leaving the game with dodgy hammies in the 7th.

The Final Penny Drops Into An Anonymous Sea Of Misfortune

2009-08-25T18:03:00.003+01:00

Say what you will about the Mets this season but the predictability of their miraculous injury run has finally reached its zenith with the news we've all been waiting for: even his own teammates predict season-ending surgery for Johan Santana.

And to think, poor Jeff Francoeur and his dodgy season-ending thumb is merely back pages news by comparison. If that doesn't turn him off the Mets, nothing will. This is the guy who never missed a game due to injury in his career before joining the Mets. (and to call them the "injury plagued Mets" is the understatement of the season - if DL casualties were victories, the Mets would have already won the World Series. have a look.

The only two things left are Jerry Manuel to have a heart attack in the dugout and the Omar v Adam Rubin Steel Cage Match wherein Omar is mortally wounded and spurts ketchup from a fake head injury before tearing up that dreadfully unfair Oliver Perez contract and awarding him a new restructured 10 year $100 million one. Oh yeah, and re-signing Moises Alou since letting him go was such a mistake and he's due for Comeback Player of the Year in 2010.

I can't say I've fully given up watching the Mets - who could? Where else are you going to get this kind of drama, this kind of unprecedented skid of bad luck? But I can say I've stopped hoping the Mets are going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. We've gone from comical to cosmic during the course of this season and yet still 13 GAMES AHEAD OF THE GNATS for the ignominious title of Worst in the NL East. (well, actually the entire National League, but who's counting?)

Omar's next big long-term contract signing?

And comically, The Hillbilly, who has been injured nearly the entire season and whose injury in essence destroyed last season's realistic hopes, is back just in time to guarantee the Mets won't get anything for him in a trade for the Red Sox.

You couldn't write a more ironic twist.

Unexpected Offensive Outburst!

2009-08-19T06:00:00.002+01:00

I have to be honest, after Oliver Perez gave up that homer to Adam LaRoche (the solo homer in the 3rd, not the three run homer he gave up to Matt Diaz in the 2nd)that gave the Braves what seemed at the moment, reasonably to be an insurmountable 4-0 lead, I switched it over to watch Pedro pitch. Just for the sake of my own sanity, you see. Oliver Perez has that effect on people.

The familiar post-gopher pose of Perez

Fortunately, after watching Pedro earn the final out of the inning, a rain delay sent me back to the Mets game, just in time to see Angel Pagan rattle that line drive off of Derek Lowe's left hand that signalled the beginning of the unexpected deluge of runs, 8 in all, in the bottom of the 4th inning.

Lowe was not the same after that line drive

Before that of course, it was just plain painful, having our noses rubbed in it like that, Lowe v Ollie, what could have been v what is.

But instead, we were treated to a franchise-record 10 hits in one inning, two each by Luis Castillo and Sheff alone. The Mets finished with 17 hits in all and if you had any inkling of this kind of offensive explosion against Lowe and the Braves, with their Triple A lineup still missing concussed David Wright but also that gaping hole in the lineup called Brian Schneider, you're in the wrong line of work, no matter what it is.

Ironically, Perez won this "battle", earning the victory over 5 mediocre innings pitched and exiting the game complaining about a sore knee he incurred by nearly bumbling an easy toss by Murph to him in the 4th inning.

Ryan Church demonstrating his defensive prowess in the outfield last night.

It was also a match up between former Met, Ryan Church, engaged in a protracted hissy fit with arch-enemy Jerry Manuel, and former Brave Jeff Francoeur, the new face of the franchise. Church went 0 for 4 and made a hash of it in the outfield while Francoeur had 3 hits, an RBI and 2 runs scored.

We all know who wins this battle every time.

After that magical 4th inning that seemed like it would never end, the Braves showed their true character, rolling over like dogs and falling silent with three hits the rest of the game against Ollie, Elmer, Pedro and Stokes.

The other Pedro, the one I'd have missed that outburst to watch, received good run support from his new teammates again but never returned after that rain delay, finishing with no decision after three innings, two hits and one run surrendered. And of course, there's always the chance he'll face the Mets, especially now after such a short start.

For the moment, I'll just be happy with humiliating the Braves and Church and Lowe and hope unreasonably that the Mets will put away both of their NL East rivals, all of them in fact, if not solely to move themselves up in the standings but also just, well, it'd be about time.

Magical Murph Wins It For Mets In 9th

2009-08-16T21:01:00.002+01:00

It's been a long time.

Over two months since the Mets won a walk off game and finally, in honour of the ailing David Wright, the Magical Murph drove the game-winning single after the Giants brought in lefty Jeremy Affeldt special just to face him.

This on the back of an unusually well pitched game from Big Pelf meant that the Mets have now taken two of three from the weak-hitting Giants in this meaningless four game series. (Well, meaningless for the Mets who are now reduced to the role of spoilers.)

The only other runs the Mets scored came in the 4th when Luis Castillo hit a two-run homer, one of the rare occurrences in baseball.

I know, it's only two wins but I couldn't help but think looking out at these Mets today that this team, despite the absurdist run of injuries that have left them with a second string side, still have some marks of a reasonable job by Omar.

Now before you go crazy, think you've got the smart pick-up of Sheffield, the last remaining big bat in the lineup out there. You've got Francoeur, who reasonably, is the Mets new rightfielder of the future, another smart pick up, dumping a previous mistake in Church in the process. And you've got Anderson Hernandez, whose slick fielding is impressing me more each day. Not to mention Castillo who Omar was pilloried for mercilessly (we thought with good cause) - AND Omir Santos, who Omar smartly signed in January this year.

Now, none of these guys are All Stars, true enough but given the fact that core of the Mets are gone, this wasn't such a bad side. Murph, despite today's game winning hit, is still struggling at the plate. Angel Pagan is still a backup outfielder at best and Fernando Tatis has seen his better days long ago.

I'm just thinking...Omar has done a bad job at times, yes, but Hernandez and Francoeur were both smart mid-season pick ups that cost the Mets nothing of value; of course this doesn't excuse the rubbish farm system he's constructed or the horrific lack of foresight and planning but to be fair to Omar, what team realistically, could have withstood the kind of injuries the Mets have suffered this season and still been competitive.

He's done a decent job amid the rightful criticism. Is it good enough to save his job?

Frankie Boy Ruins Mets Chances

2009-08-16T06:09:00.004+01:00

It was shocking to see the Mets come storming back in the 8th inning with three runs to tie the game last night. What were the odds?

I won't say it was shocking to see Frankie Boy surrender that 10th inning lead off homer to Bengie Molina to lead of the 10th last night. Frankie Boy's been slipping so fast it seems inevitable we're going to pick up the paper one of these days and read that he's got some sort of physical ailment that's going to require season-ending surgery. It's just that kind of season and Frankie Boy has been that kind of rubbish since the All Star break and perhaps since the Mets' bottom dropped out. 4.91 ERA in July, 12.79 ERA in August. This is definitely a downward spiral.

And I wouldn't say it was shocking that the last remaining All Star in the Mets every day batting order would get clocked in the skull by a fastball. Wasn't it just a matter of time before something happened to David Wright given how the season has gone?

And how about that nice and classless tip of the cap by assassin Matt Cain as he exited the game last night to a chorus of boos?

Now that Wright has a concussion (thankfully, that's all...)isn't there an away series in Coors Field the Mets can fly Wright to like they did to Ryan Church? Isn't that how Mets management rolls? Lathered in stupidity and incompetence?

Did you realise that Wright has three times as many stolen bases as homeruns? (24-8)?

Of course, all this distracts us from the reality that down to an unexpected comeback by the Mets in the 8th, they had a great chance to win the game an inch another game closer to the Phillies and that unrealistic lead. (thanks to the Braves beating the Phillies bullpen last night...)

Instead, their "star" closer blows the game on one pitch and reminds us all just how bad this season could have been had the Mets been in the running for the NL East or the Wild Card. Our apathy's already set in stone this season. These types of losses are almost painless by now. Just imagine if these games mattered though and how much this would have hurt.

Like Pablo Sandoval blasting one into the stands after Johan threw the retaliatory pitch between Pablo's head in the 7th. And after Johan had already hit Bengie Molina.

Lesson learned? Don't throw at the Giants. They make you pay.

Goofy Uniforms And Green Shoots, Mets Top Giants

2009-08-15T11:20:00.003+01:00

As with nearly every Met victory, the temptation to giddily proclaim a new beginning is tempered by the reality of the season and the roster.

Last night the Mets showed up in strange throw-back uniforms, with a starting pitcher recently converted from the bullpen and sent fans home with a pleasing and fully unexpected 3-0 victory.

In only his second start of the season, Bobby Parnell outdueled former Met target, Barry Zito needing only Angel Pagan's lead-off homer in the bottom of the 1st inning to earn his first win as a starter.

Parnell looked promising - with a high 90s four and two-seam fastball with a hard slider he baffled the Giants for 6 shutout innings allowing only three singles. Of course, the Giants' recent run shortage might have been attributable - they have now scored only 21 runs over their last 8 games and rank ahead of only the Mets in the least amount of homers hit this season.

But a victory is a victory, meaningless as it may be to start off a meaningless 11 game home stand against one of the main competitors for the NL Wild Card slot the Mets have no claim on.

Nothing more than Pagan's homer was needed which was a good thing because other than an RBI double by Francoeur caused by CF Aaron Rowland's misjudgement of a fly ball (Rowland, 3 K's and a misplayed RBI double, whattaya night...), the Mets only had 5 hits all game.

Pagan's homer was only their 70th of the season, still shy of Barry Bonds' one record for homers in a single season by one player. Steroids or not, how pathetic is that?

And without much run support the bullpen needed to do the sterling job that it did; three scoreless innings and only one hit allowed by a combination of the continuously effective Brian Stokes, the one lefty out from Pedro Feliciano and FINALLY a decent outing from Frankie Boy.

surprising the Mets haven't signed this ace yet

Anderson Hernandez who went 3 for 28 as a Gnat against the Mets this season, is hitting .333 with a .467 OBA in his Mets return. He's beginning to grow on me already, looking a better prepared to hit MLB pitching this season, a solid back up to Castillo (or a replacement shortstop should the Mets be able to unload Reyes this off season...) Castillo looked like he was gimping around the bases last night in scoring a pair of runs but so far, no word if he's injured, playing hurt or just generally gimpy-looking. He always has had that half pimp-walk gait but maybe the ankle injury is still painful.

They say, inexplicably and probably lying, that Carlos Beltran is making very encouraging progress and due back soon but really, why? The Mets are out of it and maybe resting him the rest of the season will give his knees plenty of time to recover. The Mets are 9 1/2 games out of the wild card and 12 behind the Phillies. With no sign of Delgado and Reyes, the inclusion of Beltran would help but not enough to merit not resting his knees.

Meanwhile, Billy Wagner continues his free agent audition for 2010. It's very difficult not to think about having the Hillbilly and Frankie Boy as a 1-2 set-up combination next season but enjoy it while you can this season because it's probably not going to happen for several valid reasons. (unless Wagner was satisfied as a set-up guy, for one...)

Expect a total of ZERO runs in support of Johan's start today.

Beautiful Day

2009-08-14T08:40:00.003+01:00

Hey, folley me logic here...

the Mets didn't play thus they didn't lose.

It's a beautiful day.

It could be more beautiful if I read that Omar got sacked or the team in unison was put on waivers but for today, I guess I'll settle for: We didn't play, thus we didn't lose."

I think that was a variation of Descartes but if there's any confusion, two birds making out is a nice image to share on an off day:

It's not Mets but it's pretty, innit?

Mets Avoid Humiliation Of Sweep

2009-08-13T05:22:00.002+01:00

Frankie Boy came awfully close to blowing another save last night, giving up a run in the 9th before striking out Miguel Montero to seal the 6-4 victory.

It didn't "feel" like a victory. It felt more like a loss avoided. A new Mets creation, the victory that feels like a loss. Or maybe it's just the season generally but after a hideous road trip against two crappy NL teams, to be grateful just to avoid a sweep seems like a small consolation. The damage to everyone's psyche has already been done.

Do you realise that Frankie Boy's ERA on the road this season is 4.76?

Do you realise that Frankie Boy's ERA in five appearances in August is 21.60?

How's that for your star closer, number one off season acquisition? It sucks, that's how it is. And let me tell you something, you should be thanking the stars that the Mets are so far out of the playoffs because if they were in the middle of a pennant race or preparing themselves for another September collapse, you can see crystal clear just how it would have all played out. Star closer blowing save after save, Mets playoff dreams diminishing day by day. You remember that kind of heart ache, don't you?

Isn't this sort of aenesthetised indifference, this absence of true pain a nice change of pace for these Mets?

Scott Sullivan, batting leading of the second night in a row hit two triples and made a good grab from centerfield with one out and a man on in the 9th. Does that mean he's a superstar? Should Omar sign him to a three year deal? Of course not. He's still hitting only .269 for the season. Yes, he's got a good glove, we all knew that and if he were coming off the bench as a late inning defensive replacement in a game the Mets were trying to preserve the lead in, great, he'd be perfect. But as a starter, as the Mets lead off hitter, he could hit a pair of triples every night for the rest of the season and you wouldn't convince me this guy is ever going to be anything better than that bench player, that late inning defensive replacement. But bully for Scott Sullivan. If you're going to be out there, at least don't embarrass yourself.

Omir shows why he should be the Mets starting catcher - other than because he hits over .200 unlike someone named Schneider...

The Diamondbacks were foiled by two outs at the plate last night. One was by virtue of a decent field and flip job by Pedro Feliciano in the 7th, combined by a nice plate-blocking job by Omir Santos and the other, more controversial out in the 3rd came down to Ryan Roberts missing the plate which was again, blocked very effectively by Omir.

More evidence why Brian Schneider should be released.

Oliver Perez continued his audition for mediocrity and continued proving Omar a moron for gifting him with a three year deal he never deserved, striking out 7 and giving up only 1 run in a little more than 5 innings of work which saw him walk 6.

Forget about his hideous 5.97 ERA. Take a look at 55 walks issued and 60 hits surrendered in 60 1/3 innings pitched. He's a fucking batter's delight, Ollie is. Opposing batters on base percentage against Ollie? .410! What a loser. Even if he managed to avoid losing this game, he's a loser. A perfect Met. Thanks Omar. I can't wait to watch another two seasons of this jackal. There's your legacy.

And take fucking Sean Green with you when you leave, Omar. He tried to let this game get away from the Mets, he sure did. 9.82 ERA for August. 7.77 ERA at HOME, Jerry, do you see that? If we see this douchebag pitching even ONCE at Shitty Field during this next home stand you should be sacked that night.

So that's why this game felt like a loss even in victory. Only the Mets can do that for you.

You look at what the Brewers GM Doug Melvin had the balls to do yesterday and you just want to retch at Omar's inactivity.

Any reason Schneider, Redding and Sean Green are still on this roster?

And now that I'm thinking about it, why not shut down K-Rod for the season? The season has obviously taken it's toll, especially when you consider how overworked he was by his chump Venezuelan manager in the WBC this Spring. Why not give him the rest of the season off so he can be well-rested for next season's Push For Third Place?

Shocking news, Delgado having a set-back, innit? At this point you should be PRAYING against a comeback this season because if he comes back and hits over .200 Omar's going to sign him to a three year deal and we'll be stuck with a worn out, broken down ailing veteran at first base for the foreseeable future.

Homestand, whoop! A nice weekend of humiliation against the Giants or a bit of nostalgia? (Remember how the Mets whooped them in SF back in May taking three out of four and putting on all those offensive fireworks?)

And look kids, with last night's victory the Mets remain a mere 10 games out of the wild card race.

Wright Rests, B-Mets Drop Another

2009-08-12T05:54:00.003+01:00

What a collection.

Now Ain't This Exciting?!!

Veteran, Future-less Nobody Scott Sullivan leading off and playing centerfield.

Veteran Future-less Has-been Fernando Tatis batting third and playing third base.

Wanna-Be-But-Can't-Hit-MLB-Pitching-Anymore Daniel Murphy playing first base and batting "clean up" (c'mon Jerry, a joke's no good if you beat it to death for crissakes).

Veteran, Future-less Nobody Jeremy Reed batting sixth and playing left field.

Veteran, Future-less Has-been Brian Schneider catching and batting eighth with his .198 batting average just percentage points better than Has-been pitcher, Livan Hernandez, who lasted a mere 4 hideous innings only to give way to Never-Was With The Ugliest Beard In Baseball Tim Redding.

What a collection of losers. What a shining testimony to Omar Minaya's incompetence as a General Manager. And Jerry, if you're going to give the ONLY remaining uninjured All Star a day off to rest, give him the fucking day off, don't bring him on to pinch hit in a meaningless game the Mets have no fucking prayer of winning to begin with, eh?

Oh and the game? Are you surprised the Mets lost? That they were barely ever in it to begin with?

NOPE, still not exciting.

You know, the slogan for selling the Binghamton Mets is Big League Show, Small Town Price. The Mets of course, Superstar Prices for Minor League Players.

Future job prospects for Mets prospects

Seriously, was there a more pathetic lineup fielding by a Major League team last night? The answer is, NO there wasn't.

The team with the worst record in baseball, the Washington Nats, had a centerfield lead off hitter in Nyjer Morgan, who is hitting .366 since joining them from the Pirates. They've got Cristian Guzman, hitting .319 batting second and playing shortstop. They've got an All Star third baseman in Ryan Zimmerman, 24 homers and a .305 batting average hitting third. They've got a first baseman the Mets COULD have had batting clean up in Adam Dunn with THIRTY homers and a .278 batting average. I won't go on, it's simply too painful. This is the team with the worst record in baseball, not the worst team in baseball. That's definitely the Mets right now, losers of 10 of their last 13.

What I really want to know is WHYWHYWHY are the Mets fielding a bunch of has-been losers, second string veterans with absolutely nowhere to go in the future for this team when they could be calling up players from their shitty farm system and giving them a go.

And while I'm on it, here's something the Mets should take care of right now: Put Brian Schneider and Tim Redding on irrevocable waivers. Just them. Now. Wave good bye. Adios and thanks for nothing. Stop playing games with these veteran losers and move on.

Call up Josh Thole from Binghamton to replace Schneider since they clearly don't care about winning any longer. Don't bother with the loser muppets they've got catching for Buffalo - those guys are never going anywhere. Give someone with potential a chance. And christ, I'm sure he can at least equal Schneider's pathetic output.

To replace Redding, give 2007 first round pick Eddie Kunz up from Buffalo another chance before deciding to keep or to dump him.

As for the rest of the Has-Beens in the order, sadly, there isn't much talented youth on the Buffalo Bisons or the B-Mets to bother calling up in the first place. If you think the Mets are bad you should see the collection of wash-outs and veteran nobodies the farm system is riddled with. It's pathetic.

And if that doesn't work, sign Miss Mexico. Who CARES if she can't hit?

Mets Slip Deeper Into An Irreconcilable Abyss

2009-08-11T06:18:00.006+01:00

Loss compounds loss, injury compounds injury and the Mets have seen their season sink to depths they will not recover from.

Even the underwear models are saddened by these Mets

Now we can all know again what it's like to be a Royals fan or a Nats fan; supporters of perennial losers. Oh sure, there were two years when the illusion of not being a loser lasted until September but even that turned into disaster and the franchise has now found its rightful place; the symmetry of an impoverished farm system, rotten luck, poor calibre stars, lack of charisma and vitally, an absolute dearth of leadership from ownership down to the bat boy.

So, after a weekend of lacklustre losses in San Diego the Mets turned their attention to Arizona, to the D'Bags, a team that had inexplicably given them a thumping at home just as easily (losing three of four at Shitty Field), it appears as they would on the road, a team mired in their own baseball hell of mediocrity.

The Padres and Diamondbacks are of course, the meat and potatoes of the Mets remaining schedule. If they can't even beat lousy teams like these there seems little point in playing out the remaining games of the season because there are no high points remaining, just a prison sentence of loss after loss, demoralising the franchise to irrevocable places.

It's a good job there is no demotion in MLB. As I've probably mentioned before, the football team I support in England, Newcastle United, were much like the Mets were: gutted by rotten ownership, overflowing with expensive, injury-prone players, riddled with a new super form of mismanagement and most importantly, flourishing in a culture of losing. In English football a team that finishes in the bottom three of the division is demoted to the next division down (as if the Mets would be sent to play a season in Triple AAA next season) and that is where Newcastle have found themselves.

So if you think it's bad "just" being a Mets fan, think about being a Mets fan AND a Newcastle supporter.

Newcastle have just begun their new season this weekend. This is after an off season where most of their injury prone stars had to be sold off because without the huge payoff the franchise received for being in the Premiership, they could no longer afford the salaries. The owner, who tried desperately to sell the team and recoup his £120+ million investment, found no buyers for anything less than £70 million and so kept the franchise in limbo all off season. No new players came in. The old ones just left, reducing the franchise to embers. The manager, a former star for the team, was left hanging in the ownership uncertainty and returned to the broadcast booth. The team played their first game of the season in this lesser division on Saturday sporting canary yellow kits as opposed to the traditional black and white striped kits. Canary yellow! They managed to eke out a 1-1 draw against a similarly demoted team but their chances of being promoted back to the top league again next season seem dim at best.

So again, watching the Mets suffer yet another road less against yet another struggling, inferior team is small potatoes. Take comfort in knowing it could be worse.

Oof. Is there such a thing as the Iron Glove Award?

As for the game last night, I sure hope Mike Pelfrey didn't dedicate his start to his new son, Chase. I'll skip the obvious punchlines in that one and just unveil his magical numbers: 8 hits and 5 earned runs in 6 pathetic innings. I suppose we should all be writhing in ecstasy that Big Pelf managed to made it out of the 5th inning. Especially with Angel Pagan compounding Pelf's poor pitching with an incredibly misguided failing dive attempt at Diamondback pitcher Doug Davis' sinking fly ball in the second inning which ultimately cost the Mets the game.

Only the second inning you say? Hell, the Mets don't need much to hang their heads. This isn't a battling team. Every team has a few comeback wins during the course of the season but if you remember back to the beginning of the season, BEFORE the convenient excuse of injuries set in, remember how those Mets would take an early one or two run lead, gradually allow the opposing team to come back and then stumble off quietly by games end with another loss in tow?

This of course says nothing of Pagan's comedy of errors - for an encore to his debacle in the second inning he threw some sort of side-armed ball to the infield which of course the brilliant-fielding Anderson Hernandez couldn't handle but hell, the runner advanced to third, big deal, he was already on second anyway and the single that followed him would certainly have scored him anyway.

Or how about Anderson's throw to the ghost on first in the 8th? Where was Murph? Lost somewhere near the pitching mound, of course! The 2009 Mets, as Vin Scully aptly warned us months ago, are really the 1962 Mets in disguise.

The haunted look on Wright's face says it all.

This was a ghastly game in a ghastly season compounded by the usual suspects of mediocrity and failure. "We were a bad team tonight." Jerry admitted disingenuinely. Tonight? What about all the other bloody nights in between? Have you finally narrowed it down Jerry to this one night?

So, look ahead brave Mets fans, down the long road of misery that awaits.

Mets Are Ambidextrous - Capable of Losing On Both Coasts

2009-08-07T05:14:00.005+01:00

Not that it mattered one iota at the end of the day but for feck's sake, is there any reason to keep Tim Reddingg on the roster any more? What good is keeping these toss pot on the team when he can't even close out a simple inning against the Padres without walking home a bases loaded insurance run for them? (Actually, is increasing your lead to 5 really an "insurance" run, especially against the meagre Mets batting order?)

the usual suspects of loserdom.

Yes, the Mets travelled all the way to San Diego just to lose, just to humiliate themselves yet again and there's little more to report about it so I'll keep it necessarily brief.

All one can reasonably hope for is that the MLBTV feed won't include Tony Gwynn commenting on his own son's at-bats again.

Does This Team Come With A Laugh Track?

2009-08-06T00:15:00.001+01:00

Well, you had to like the beginning; Niese looking sharp, David Wright hitting a first inning two-run homer.

going down like he'd been shot by a sniperhot, cold and.....hot again

Of course, an inning later, Wright commits an error at third and Niese hurts himself. He wouldn't be a proper Met if he didn't. That's the way these Mets roll, one debilitating injury after another.

And the funny part of course is Nelson Figueroa and his 10.57 ERA warming up in the bullpen. Why not just take the pistol, point it to the head and fire?

But a two-run triple off the bat of Figueroa, his first RBIs of the season? Wow.

Four and a third shutting innings after that embarassment a few nights ago? Nice comeback.

An improbable 9-0 laughter over the Cardinals, fired by solid pitching (including Bobby Parnell who, if rumour is any indication, may get a chance to start this season) and offensive outbreaks by Angel Pagan and Wright, who combined for 6 hits, 3 runs and 6 RBIs all by themselves all conspiring to erase the image of Niese collapsing like an accordian on the pitching mound after testing out his tragically torn hamstring.

The freakish injury to Niese will cost him his season. Freakish injury and Met are almost becoming synonymous words.

wow, where did my hammies go?

And let's just see about Castillo's "mild" ankle sprain. The Mets front office has a peculiar habit of downgrading injuries until avoiding the ugly truth is simply unavoidable, much as has happened with what appears to be the permanent disappearance of Jose Reyes and hamstring problems of his own which means the chances of trading him for value this offseason is virtually nil. He'll team up well with Delgado, who the Mets are apparently "likely" to re-sign. Of course. Why wouldn't you re-sign a guy who will turn 38 early next season and is coming off major hip surgery?

And, oh yeah, Sheff injured his hamstring again too, just to join the Hamstring Party.

Surreal season gets surrealer. Maybe they should rename Shitty Field as Dali Park. Or Hamstring Heaven Field.

Did D'oh-Mar sign a pact with the devil a few years ago to make those Pedro and Beltran signings that nobody in Metsland thought were possible and is that pact now expiring without a World Championship in hand?

All questions we just don't know the answer to as this unexpected victory is digested.

The only thing we know is that not even the victories are happy occasions any more.

Frankie Boy Blows Rare Chance At Victory

2009-08-05T06:16:00.005+01:00

Sure, you can say that Sean Green surrendered the game-breaking grand slam to Albert Pujols in the top of the 10th last night and blame him but let's face it, in the top of the 9th with a two run lead and your star closer, the guy you signed in the offseason precisely for this kind of situation, coming in, that's a game you win right there or you can forget it.

Tragic, Frankie Boy. Simply tragic.

So Frankie Boy, maybe it's best the Mets are all but mathematically eliminated from the playoffs already. Just think of the heart ache we'd be spared us in September when he gives up a few key runs in vital pennant-losing losses against the Phillies or Marlins or Braves to see the Mets knocked out of the race.

Note to D'oh-Mar (who we all know despite the desire of every Mets fan is going to be back next season whether we like it or not because that's how the Wilpons roll, lathered in stupidity....): better make sure to re-sign Hillybilly Wagner next season to your the typical three year extension you give to wash-outs because this Frankie Boy can't be trusted. Not in big games.

(and forget about the fact Wagner hasn't even wowwed 'em over in Buffalo yet; if Figueroa can tear it up in Buffalo and get shredded like he did against the miserable D'backs two nights ago, statistics in Buffalo DO lie so don't believe them....)

And speaking of people blowing it and people coming back from injury, how about Luis Castillo falling down the bloody dugout steps last night and spraining his ankle for an encore?!

Yes, the same injury-prone Luis Castillo who, in this season of surreal struggle against one decimating injury after another has managed somehow to escape his own tragic fate and who even, dare we say, nearly justified D'oh-Mar's three year contract deal for him this season with the what is still, easily the most surreal moment of the season (the dropped pop-up against the Yankees lest you've forgotten in this haze of forgettable moments) and still managed to hit .297 and get on base (when Jerry had him hitting second where he belongs and not lead-off or batting bloody 8th) at a .393 clip.

So your star closer blows the game and one of your most reliable players injures himself tripping down the dugout steps like a buffoon: quite a night. A typical night in fact, for a Met. Incompetency, injury and buffoonery, the season's highlight reel from the lowliest Buffalo call-up to the top of the managerial food chain. These are your miserable Mets.

But hey, other than that, this was a great game.

You had those two Santana to Wright fielding gems that allowed Wright to show off his tragically unsteady gun; the first when Johan failed to make a spectacular diving catch of a pop up but Wright recovered and gunned down the runner, who'd been standing at the plate thinking it was a fouled pitch back (how very observant) and the second when a ball ricochet'd off of Santana's foot (why not a broken ankle and season ending injury, who knows?), Wright recovered it and gunned down the runner at first. The only two decent Mets left standing and they combined for two superb outs.

You also had Santana's stunning two-run double in the second inning to give himself the lead that he wouldn't hold.

And let's face it, yes, the Cardinals batting order is now formidable in comparison to the Mets' batting order even with Sheffield back from his forced disability (don't think we missed the Mets making him go on the disabled list even though he wasn't disabled) but c'mon Mr Ace Starter, 8 innings or not, is 5 earned runs really that impressive or have our standards just sunk that low?

Ok, you're right - if anyone is above criticism it's Santana who is so good, so competetive and so healthy that he doesn't really seem like a Met. But I'm just saying, low standards or not, is 9 hits and 5 earned runs over 8 innings really a sparkling performance?

And right in the middle of it all you've got Jeff Francoeur's 0 for 5 performance hanging there. Anyone guessing the honeymoon is over yet? Fuck it. Ryan Church has missed the Braves' last 6 games, we're not missing anything.

And of course, the bullpen. That lovable, huggable bullpen everyone was so enamoured with only yesterday after holding the D'Backs to no runs the rest of the game and keeping the Mets in a game they were mathematically eliminated from by the 2nd inning. Sean Green, you lovable, huggable Met, so glad when it counted you showed your true colours.

Last night? 10th inning with the game on the line against a playoff calibre team?

Gack! Hack! Choke! Puke!

Of course.

Listen, just be grateful the Mets suck so bad this season. Just think of how painful this loss would have been had the Mets been in the thick of a playoff race. And remember how very typical it would have been. Then you'll know you're better off this far out of it. You're already anaesthetised to losing.

And look, the season's over already. Why in the HELL is Sheffield not clearing waivers and getting traded to someone for a few prospects? Is it because D'oh-Mar has secret plans to sign HIM to a three year extension as well? Don't be surprised.

Those Beards Aren't Getting Any Shorter; Mets Drop Series To Miserable D'Backs

2009-08-04T02:48:00.003+01:00

First of all, where is David Wright's beard?

I know he's a kid, or looks like a kid and he's got a helium voice and doesn't always hit in the clutch but by crikey, when your team has pledged to grow beards until you reach .500 and you fall 5 games below .500 against one of the worst teams in the league, a team even worse than your own team, you expect a manchild like David Wright to grow a flippin beard in solidarity. I don't even see any peachfuzz on his face.

It ent David Wright's beard, that's for sure.

*****

Now as for the game itself, a bucket to puke in will suffice.

For one, Nelson Figueroa, who was on fire with Buffalo (let that be a lesson, a la Cory Sullivan: being hot in Buffalo don't mean jack in the Major Leagues so the next time in our pathetic yearning for answers we point out what so and so is doing in Buffalo, don't listen. Buffalo doesn't hold any answers for this sad sack collective. Buffalo is a wasteland of talentless wanna-bees.

Six runs and 10 bloody hits in less than two innings work?! Not even Ollie Perez is that bad. Let's say that again in case it isn't clear: Not even Ollie Perez is that bad. Now you KNOW you're bad.

You've got to believe he was tipping his pitches and Arizona scouts were privvy to it.

Or maybe Figueroa just sucks? 2nd pitch of the game, double to leadoff hitter Drew, next guy up, Gerardo Parra, singles the run home, 4 pitches into the game, down 1-0.

And how about Jerry's pep talk post-match mumbling about how the Mets showed character by not quitting after they went down 6-0.

Yup, that's what we want to hear. Little chats about showing character. The kiss of death.

when is this kid a free agent?

Mark Reynolds hit nearly as many homers in 3 games at Shitty Field as any other Met all season. Sad, sick, pathetic lack of power from the Mets. Even Miquel Montero hit a homer, another tee-off off of Figueroa.

Yes, the Mets rallied back, Jerry's right, the team showed character and at least kept the game remotely interesting even if in the back of your mind you knew all along the comeback was doomed. True, I didn't think even the Mets were so pathetic they'd lose three out of four to the Diamondbacks at home but in case you thought the Mets had any prayer in making it to the post-season, this series should have set you straight.

But guess what? Like everyone else, I don't care about moral victories. Can we sneak David Wright in past the waiver wire and trade for someone with some facial hair for crissakes?

Magical Lineup Is A Dud, What Hope Remains?

2009-08-03T05:22:00.003+01:00

Well, the magical lineup is no more.

The perfect summary to the season; rain and hands in your mouth

Jerry went to the well once more with the B-lineup and unlike the previous 6 times, it wasn't sufficient to get the Mets a victory. Instead they watched Jon Garland master them for a complete game victory and another loss dropping them deeper into the oblivion.

Is this misery at knowing his pitched like rubbish or that he's resembled Ollie in doing so?

Pelf pitched much like Ollie the night before; ineffectively, throwing well over 100 pitches in 5 innings of work and whilst not surrendering a ton of runs, the ineffectual, big pitch count outing led to the early appearance of the bullpen and not surprisingly, more runs.

Pelf made way for Sheffield and gave Jerry a hard fist pump in the dugout after he'd taken off his batting helmet to make way for Sheff, who ripped what seemed like an RBI single but ended up in the first baseman's glove to temper the rally.

The non-tag and non-foot-on-the-plate play that kept the game from being uglier

The bullpen, particularly Pat Misch, who disappeared for two weeks following his last unsuccesful outing against the Braves and Tim Redding, who the Mets could only gain from by making him disappear as well, just compounded the misery, both allowing a run, neither looking very much they belong on the roster and, given the silence of the Mets at the plate, sealed the 5-2 victory for the Diamondbacks and leaving the Mets looking at a split of their 4 game home series as a best case scenario.

Should we bother bashing David Wright for grounding into consecutive double plays after Castillo singles? It's hard to say with the entire performance of the team lost in a dreary uninspirational fog.

They had their big moment, or their chance at their big moment in the 5th when Francoeur led off with a homer, Sullivan followed with a triple and Cora with an RBI double, three straight extra base hits to lead off the inning and cut the D'back lead to 3-2 but thereafter, the momentum dribbled away from them, batter by batter and before they knew it the inning was over, their starter was gone and they were still losing. Thereafter, the experience of watching the remainder of the game was handicapped by the inevitability of losing.

And so they slip, further and further from a chance at the post-season, finally a September collapse subplanted by a season-long malaise they keeps even the most optimistic fan from ever hoping, from having their heart broken late in the season again.

Magical Lineup Returns, Mets Win Again

2009-08-02T09:41:00.005+01:00

A batting order with Angel Pagan batting leadoff, Murph batting cleanup, Cory Sullivan hitting 6th followed by Alex Cora, the enemic Brian Schneider followed by the pitcher is hardly frightening. It's laughable. It's minor leagueish. Yet with precisely that batting order the Mets won 5 in a row before this Diamondback series and after two straight losses using a different lineup, Willie wised up and returned to that same order that was so successful earlier.

Pagan's blast kept the Mets undefeated in August, his first homer in two years.

I mean what the hell, the season has already seen its fair share of weird moments. Why shouldn't a batting order like that end up keeping the Mets afloat until all their superstars make their magical comebacks?

Last night that those four banjo hitters (excluding Murph who seems certain to bust out again before the end of the season and prove his great natural hitting skills) combined for 6 hits and 7 RBIs including Pagan's game-winning grand slam homerun in the 8th, the first of his career. In the games where Murph has hit cleanup, coincidentally the Mets have scored 45 runs going 6-0. Why would you mess with that? Especially with the feeble way the Mets have hit most of the season. Who knows why, but it works.

You might say last night's improbable 9-6 victory had little to do with the pitching, especially when Oliver Perez only barely managed to complete five innings in horrific fashion, walking 5, giving up 6 hits and 3 runs, taking 112 pitches just to get that far and confirming for the trillionth time that his potential means nothing in the face of his inconsistency. But other than K-Rod's one out save, his first since the All Star break, and Pedro Feliciano's sparkling showing, the pitching overall, was unimpressive. Stokes and Parnell both dodgy - Parnell all over the place in his inning stint and Stokes having to be pulled to make way for K-Rod with two out in the 9th. Six pitchers to hold a lousy team like the Diamondbacks to six runs. Not very impressive.

But, they won and in a miserable season like this, you've got to be grateful for every win you get. Just so the magical tease, the mad delusion that the Mets might creep up to the wild card lead with all their injured men making magical returns in time to save the franchise...it's silly, really. These Mets aren't going anywhere, not with this cast. It's admirable that they keep fighting on anyway but the reality is .500 is not only far away, but an impossibly long road to maintain.

Not sure what the Mets are thinking, not shaving til they reach .500. They might be unrecognisable by next Spring. Besides, David Wright can't grow a beard yet, can he?

Welcome Back To Reality, Winning Streak Ends In DH Split

2009-07-30T23:32:00.007+01:00

Yeah, I'll admit it. After the Mets won their 5th in a row, battering the Rockies by a 7-0 margin with a lineup that included the likes of not only Alex Cora but Angel Pagan, Scott Sullivan AND Angel Berroa, I allowed myself a modicum of optimism.

Flawless, for a start.

I started getting so drunk with optimism that I'll admit again, I thought gee, maybe now D'oh!-Mar could finish his apologies in time to find a brain in Oz and figure out a way to dupe Indians GM Mark Shapiro into taking F-Mart, Bobby Parnell, Omir Santos and a combination of nobodies who will never amount to nothing for V-Mart.

Angel Prays To The Ump

For one because I want to see the back of F-Mart as soon as possible. If he has any value left now that his 5-tool myth and his flower-like fragility have been exposed once and for all, that is. And for the other because after looking at the batting order Thursday afternoon it's painfully apparent, even if they can somehow manage a 5-run outburst in one inning, that the batting order as current twig-hitters Jerry currently has to choose from, would struggle against Triple AAA pitching let alone MLB pitching in the heat of a wild-card race. They NEED V-Mart like, to quote America, a flower needs the rain. (Yes, I know, nauseating, sickening, you're all retching and puking now at the mere mention of America but it could have been much, much worse, I could have looked for a Bread song to quote, so be grateful, like the Mets, that you've still got David Wright standing, the last regular Met superstar to survive this season even if he will likely reach 100 Ks before he reaches 400 ABs)

Anyway, this has all gone terribly off track. What I meant to say, simply, was that after the 7-0 victory, run support for Santana, Scott Sullivan hitting an RBI single for crissakes, miracle of miracles and even Tim Redding throwing a scoreless inning, so pathetic are these Rockies, that I thought for the splittest of seconds, well, why NOT the Mets going on some absurdist 14 game winning streak into August and inching closer to the top of the Wild Card standings.

And I say Wild Card standings because we all know realistically the Phillies are NOT the Mets and are not going to blow a 10 1/2 game lead, even with two months remaining and especially because four Blue Claws helped them land Cliff Lee - (now there would be the title to a great Phillies Pholk Song if you were a Phillies Phan and you had more than say, two braincells and actually knew how to write and didn't regard a pen as a weapon to stab people with in 7-11 hold-ups...)

Anyway, forget I mentioned anything.

Because more predictable even than Big Papi on drugs, the Mets couldn't finish off the Rockies and the sweep.

(For five innings, money but thereafter, just trying to avoid disaster - you think it was just fatigue or can this guy become trade bait before it's too late?)

They couldn't finish them off even though F-Tat (yes, everyone's bloody name is going to get little military abbreviations from now on because it's the new fad) made that great diving catch in the 7th and then homered in the bottom of the inning for emphasis. They couldn't finish them off even after holding those meagre Rockies scoreless for 27 innings. (27 scoreless innings, isn't that something you'd expect from the Mets? But then again, the Rockies batting order is built much like the Mets'; one MLB hitter and a long stretch of banjo hitters, career .242 hitters, that sort...)

What's worse than getting on base rarely only to gaffe on the base paths once you get there?

Maybe they should be sellers instead of buyers after all, unless Mr Masochist, you believe the one loss is the aberration rather than the five game winning streak.

Or perhaps you're just delusional with excitement now that you've had a chance to download the Arctic Monkeys new CD.

Who knows?

But whatever it is, enjoy the memory of that five game winning streak because it's probably the last realistic moment of pleasure you will have this season.

You can start thinking about 2010 when D'oh-Mar signs Delgado and Hillbilly Wagner to a three year extension because they both made it back before the end of the season. (Isn't it mad that Wagner is going to make it back to the Mets before ANY of the others?)

Oh but for a month of Colorado Rockies.

But wake up, cherry. D'oh-Mar is too engaged in battling his personal stupidities to make a trade and the Mets will close out July hosting the D'backs. Not exactly the recipe to success we were looking for.

And before I forget, just one more thing: can the Mets take down that stupid "Inaugural Season" wall paper on their fucking MLB website already? It's nothing to be proud of. Not that it ever was, but at least, even in the face of one front office cock up after another after another, even Shitty Field starts to look almost normal by comparison. Don't forget to vote - you will note "in tatters" is now the most popular conclusion to the "How Will The Mets Season End?" poll.

Way to go, Mets.

Don't Look Now But That's Four In A Row

2009-07-29T01:16:00.003+01:00

Well, after a fortnight off I returned to these Mets tonight in the midst of an improbable three game winning streak, a former Mets Killah, Jeff Francoeur in a Mets uniform, the sacking of Mets assistant GM Tony Bernazard, public apologies from The Wilpons not, as one might expect for the dysfunctional mismanagement of the Mets rather for outbursts from Omar. No less controversy, no fewer problems. Same auld Mets.

not sorry for Idiotic Management.327 with 14 RBI in 12 games since joining the Mets (while Church malingering for the Braves)Super Douche Egomaniac finally goneSuper Douche Senior may have a hard time bullshitting his way out of the latest controversy

Crikey, if these Mets aren't any good, walking wounded, fundamentally unsound all season long, mismanaged, misowned and crippled by poor planning and a mediocre farm system, these Mets certainly are interesting.

Starting this evening, the incomparable Cory Sullivan in left field with Gary Sheffield on the involuntary disabled list right after declaring himself ready to play and the invisible Jeremy Reed lost forever somewhere on the bench. Leading off and in center field, Angel Pagan has returned from the DL with his stoic and unimpressive .283 on base average while Luis Castillo hitting over .400 in July, bats second.

And of course, Sheffield, Beltran, Reyes and Delgado all still on the DL, crippling the Mets batting order.

And in case you are interested, the betting odds for each crippled Met to return this season.

As for tonight's game, with their fragile three game winning streak and the Mets clinging to a 3-0, Big Pelf induced Barmes to pop up with the bases loaded two innings in a row allowing the Mets to go into the bottom of the 6th with a lead developed by uncharacteristically good situational hitting.

You had to like Pelf's desire to go out into the 7th despite two straight innings of near-disaster and 104 pitches under his belt but would you recognise the wisdom in Jerry allowing him to? By the 115th pitch, Feliciano was being summoned from the pen with a man on second and one out.

And just like that, 9 outs later after nearly two full innings of brilliant relief by Feliciano and another by Sean Green to add insult to injury, the Mets were 4-0 victors, their 4th win in a row. Before you go start thinking that's a big accomplishment, even for the Mets, don't forget firstly that the Phillies too have won four in a row meaning the Mets haven't decreased that 10 1/2 game lead one bit but so too have the Washington Nationals, after knocking down the Brewers again. Given that the Rockies lead the NL Wildcard race, the only realistic prayer the Mets have to the post season, that margin has been reduced to a "mere" five and a half games.

And to think, SI had the Mets winning it all.

Swept By Phillies

2009-07-06T08:20:00.002+01:00

Ok, so much for the myth that the Phillies suck at home. They just hadn't played the Mets yet.

When my MLBTV phizzed out for the ten millionth time already this season in the second inning with the Mets already down by an insurmountable 1-0 margin, I decided, c'est tout pour moi maintenant.

So, for the next fortnight, au revoir les Mets, au revoir MLBTV, two of the season's biggest disappointments before the All-Star break.

I'm off to Paris yet again to scout new talent for the Mets. Hopefully they will find some of their own in the interim but this team, as it is currently, is unwatchable, just like MLBTV.

A la prochain!

If You Think This Is Bad, Just Wait 'Til Ollie Arrives

2009-07-05T04:36:00.002+01:00

"Well, you know Ollie," manager Jerry Manuel said. "Ollie is not a command guy, so to speak. He is a guy that has control, but not necessarily command."

We interrupt a second consecutive humiliating loss to the Phillies to bring you the exciting news that one loser (Tim Redding) is going to be replaced in the starting rotation by one of the more epic losers in recent Mets history, the Jorge Julio of Mets starters, none other than Oliver Perez.

Go ahead and laugh. Laugh out loud. Slap your knee, roll on the floor, hold your side, let your teeth fall out you laugh so hard.

And on 4th of July, the Mets caused more anguish and emotional upset. Not more than ever before, my god, those days have long passed; this is a terminal patient you're now just waiting would die already so you can get on with your life, these Mets.

Yesterday, another defensive debauchery perfectly emblematic of why this team, injuries or not, is going nowhere fast.

You could make the argument, if say, you were the manager and you had no other explanation to save your job, point out that these guys, most of them, are playing out of position because of all the injuries.

But you'd be lying because we aren't talking about being a superstar, we're talking about catching simply fucking pop ups. And since we're being truthful, how was David Wright playing out of position?

The season has again turned another surreal corner, one of many to follow until, as you will certainly see, interest wanes and people simply stop paying attention to the Mets.

And by then of course, the relief will be only in the absence of that pain, no longer having to watch this pathetic collective.

Mercy Killing

2009-07-04T01:03:00.003+01:00

You know, at one point, I dunno, when it was 7-0 or so, I thought fuck, maybe they can lose by more than they lost to the Yankees. I mean why not, it's our second biggest rival, right?

You know what's best about getting crushed by your arch rivals? You don't have to watch two games at once to calculate out how far behind you've fallen in the standings.

Did you see how the Mets failed to cover 2nd base allowing Jimmy Rollins of all people, get there untouched in the 3rd inning after he'd driven those runs home? Sound fundamental baseball those Mets play for us. Fernando Tatis, second baseman, wandering out there like he was lost in the desert.

Perhaps we won't even talk about the 8th, dropped balls, ignored balls, what's the difference? The Mets already knew they were going to lose by then.

Livan did a spot-on imitation of Tim Redding last night.

As for the ugliness of the game itself, wow Livan. Seven runs, 10 hits and four walks in a little more than three innings out there. (I was going to say, a little more than three innings of work out there but is pitching batting practice really considered work?)

Yeah, go out there and get them tomorrow, lads.

Right.

Mets Killah? Why, who isn't?

Didn't you just KNOW before this game not only that the Phillies would turn around their incredibly shitty home record against the Mets but that Rollins, who has hit so poorly this season you'd think he was auditioning for a slot in the Mets batting order, was surely going to find his stride against the Mets as well? Sure enough, the Mets cured him with two hits and two RBIs.

David Wright, on the other hand, 0 for 4, two strikeouts.

And Rodrigo Lopez, a guy getting his first start in the Majors this season turns into Cy Young.

All you can really do is keep the puke bucket close to your telly and wait for the misery to end.

Pirates Out-Met Mets For Ineptitude

2009-07-03T18:10:00.003+01:00

Try as they might, the Mets simply couldn't give this game away but perhaps that's what happens when you meet your Triple AAA match in a Major League game.

Capps could certainly dunk on Tatis, if it ever came up...

Tim Redding, the post-modern Ollie Perez, was absolute rubbish yesterday, an embarrassment to all pitchers, worldwide, lasting only one out into the third inning before giving way to the likes of Nowhereman Misch after nearly blowing the game early, 5 earned runs, 6 hits, two walks and a hit batsman as the Mets fell behind by what in most Met games is an insurmountable 5-0 margin.

It's raining Met victories all the sudden, two in a row...

I don't know about the rest of you but it was about then I was torn between vomiting in disgust and finishing construction of my Tim Redding Urinal Cakes.

But lo and behold, these Pirates, they are determined to stink worse than the Mets and even against a marginal lineup with a semi-pro batting order feel to it, their pitching managed to surrender that lead over the course of the 4th and 5th innings, punctuated in a way, by Murph's improbable pinch hit, two-run double to raise his batting average ALL the way up to .245. Simply dizzying. By the 7th, the Mets were actually WINNING by 3 runs.

Of course, not to be outdone, after three impressive shut out innings of relief, Pedro Feliciano managed to give one of those runs back before Sean Green of all people turned off the faucets to lead the red carpet glory way to Frankie Boy.

Now Frankie Boy, to be fair, hasn't had much to do lately. Over the last 9 days he's seen action only 3 times and if there's any closer who needs work and lots of it to stay warm, it's Frankie Boy. Still, blowing a two-run lead to the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 9th borders on criminal negligence and for the second time in one game, it felt near certain that the Mets were going to lose yet again.

But the incompetence of the Pirates came to the rescue again, as Matt Capps retired the first two Mets (oh, a strikeout by David Wright when it matters - shocking) before mysteriously hitting the Human Bullseye, Fernando Tatis who was then allowed to steal second so Ryan Church could drive in the winning run.

The anti-Wright, drives the winner home...

That's 10 hits in his last 18 at bats for Mr Church who could show David Wright a thing or two about hitting in the clutch.

And then Frankie Boy, out to redeem himself, set them down 1-2-3 in the 10th, 48 pitches later, the victory, by default to the Mets.

*****

In anticipation of nightmares in Philly, here is the Mets All-Nightmare Team. My only quibble is that Rey Ordonez didn't make it as starting shortstop.

And of course, not to be missed: The Metsterpiece Theatre, best show on earth:

What's This? A Victory??!!

2009-07-01T21:11:00.003+01:00

It had to happen sometime.

Surely the Mets couldn't lose every game they played the rest of the season. Not even with that pathetic lineup they roll out every night.

The New Mets Beefcake

And with Big Pelf pitching like he never had before, all the of the sudden the Brewers were beatable.

The big play came in the 7th when Prince Fielder, in his Manny Ramirez baggy, oversized clown uniform ran himself out of the inning - it was almost certain after he was balked over by Pelf that Pelf would immediately see his composure meltdown but a brainy play by David Wright to allow a sure sacrifice bunt roll foul, followed by the pick off of Fielder was a rare moment of Mets competence. Savour it, you might not see such action again for a long while.

Wright, by the way, three exceptionally pathetic flailing strikeouts (two with a man in scoring position) and a weak grounder to go along with another one of his patented "Oh I'll just throw it somewhere in the vicinity of first base but not actually TO first base" throwing errors he's so fond of didn't quite merit Man of the Match honours but let's face it, allowing that bunt to roll foul was the one of the smartest plays he's made all season.

Pelf of course, after pitching by far his best game of the season, left the game after 107 pitches and runners on first and second with two out for the dubious Sidewinder Sean.

Much like the 4th inning, when the Brewers had two men on and none out, you could sense the game, in typical Mets fashion would get away from them. You might have wondered why Jerry didn't have Frankie Boy up and ready to go to get the last four outs. But in the end, there was no need to second guess. Sidewinder Sean prevailed. Now you KNOW this wasn't a normal day.

And after all that, Frankie Boy earned his 21st save of the season and the Mets had a nice and neat little 1-0 victory to take with them for their inevitable beating in Pittsburgh tomorrow.

So after five straight days of hair-pulling hell, the Mets finally get a result. Let's hope we don't have to wait until after leaving Philly to see another.

And maybe Jerry should starting holding meetings every night.

Treading Water? No, These Mets Have Already Drowned

2009-07-01T04:14:00.003+01:00

Let's see, Mets ace Johan Santana against uh, Mike Burns, a guy who had NEVER won a game in the Major Leagues. You're not going to get a much more one-sided pitching match up than that. And to make matters look even more like a laughter, David Wright hit a two-run homer in the first to give Santana all the cushion he'd need.

Yes, Johan. Sadly, it's STILL the Mets you are pitching for...

And yet even still, it wasn't enough for the Mets. Not even close.

You could blame all sorts of people, if you could work your way far enough out of the apathetic malaise to bring yourself to care any more.

Martinez's swan dive in the 4th was almost worth the price of the ticket alone.

Not content with making an out every time he comes to the plate, Fernando Martinez performed a little Daniel Murphy-rodeo clown skit in center field in the 4th inning, falling over his own feet, face-first and letting an easy fly ball land safely over his head.

The fourth inning was filled with comedy, in fact.

After the Martinez debacle, the ever-incompetent Jim Wolf continued to baffle with his absurdist strike zone which saw Santana walk his second batter of the inning before Dan Warthen came out to argue balls and strikes and get tossed from the game on the premise of visiting Santana.

And THEN, as if the inning itself wasn't already maddening enough, Ryan Braun smacked a double over Gary Sheffield's head in left, the relay throw to home skipped past Omir into Santana's waiting glove (who had smartly backed up home plate) but then threw the ball past over Wright's head at third trying to throw out Braun gunning a triple and before you knew it, the 2-1 lead had evaporated into a 5-2 deficit.

The Mets don't just lose games, they fart them up until the smell becomes so unbearable everyone bearing witness is left gagging and puking.

That's where we are today; Mets fans leaving in droves, puking and gagging listening to the sweet sounds of silence from Omar Minaya's office. And I don't care what few prospects the Mets have left or who doesn't want to spend more money, sitting on your hands whilst the Mets season is decimated is simple negligence. If the front office doesn't care any more, what makes any one in their right mind think Mets fans will either?

And if conceding game after game wasn't enough, Jerry says on Wednesday he's going to rest Wright and Sheff, the only two Major Leaguers left in the batting order, in order to field a team against the Brewers that would struggle against a High School team.

Anyone as excited as me for tomorrow?

Nieve and Mets Fall to the Inevitability of Reality

2009-06-30T08:04:00.002+01:00

"We're a below-average team, period. That's all you can say,"

Jerry Manuel reflecting on the team he manages.

Well, well. The cat is finally out of the bag.

The dream stops here.

All it took was a guy who'd been released by the Houston Astros, a guy whom the Mets had a suddenly started to rely upon as their 2nd best starter, coming apart at the seams against the suddenly first place Milwaukee Brewers.

That and 19 hits surrendered. 11 by Nieve alone in less than four innings pitched.

That and the three game sweep by the Yankees.

That and the decimation of the batting order.

That and dropping to third in the NL East.

But let's be fair, the Mets milked as much out of Nieve as was probably possible. Three good starts. Against the Yankees, Rays and Cardinals in order. Next up? Whew, look out on the horizon and there's the Titanic, looking for icebergs; Oliver Perez.

I like that Omar is "trying" to look for a deal. I mean, why should he actually make a deal? What, and spoil all this great malaise and depression?

Ole, Fernando!

Well, little point in belabouring the obvious.

Mets play, Mets lose. But c'mon, batting Argenis Reyes in the lead off spot you kind of had to figure this was grasping at straws at its finest. Argenis Reyes shouldn't even be batting lead off for the Brooklyn Cyclones, let alone in the Major Leagues.

But what's the point? This is what's left to work with.

Swept by the Yankees and Yet Tragically, Not the Low Point of the Season

2009-06-29T06:31:00.003+01:00

You'd think automatically that in most seasons, getting swept by your cross town rivals including a finale on national television and at the hands of Mariano Rivera making history,you'd have hit the low point of the season.

Does it even count as a MLB statistic considering it came against the Mets?

Oh yeah, and before I forget, letting a guy like Chien-Ming Wang, a starter so bad he seems almost tailor-made for a Mets uniform, earn his first win of the season after getting absolutely shelled in every start he'd made prior to this all season.

But when you're fielding a pathetic lineup involving a batting order oozing with mediocrity and inexperience due to injury, when you've already lost to these Yankees by a ridiculous 15-0 margin, the bar for humiliation has already been set pretty high.

You almost want to see these Mets put down, just to put them out of their misery.

It's like watching a half-team take on a full team, amateurs against professionals and whilst for awhile you can watch the valiant effort made, applaud the way these nobodies, has-beens and wanna-bes gamely struggle on, after awhile, the mind screams for a mercy killing.

Last night gave us the rare opp to see a lumbering, speed-less and well, let's face it, nearly hitless Daniel Murphy in the lead off spot. A guy who is hitting .239 for the month. THAT is how desperate and hopeless this team is offensively.

And pitching-wise it barely merits discussion. Does it matter if your starter gives up only three runs over 7 innings? No, of course not. Because you're team is going to need two or three GAMES to outscore that weighty total, not nine innings, so you can forget about winning. Not even Frankie Boy, brought in just to see a little action, can find motivation in this game; walking three and giving up a run in the 9th.

Wunderbar! More Sand Kicked In The Face

2009-06-27T15:46:00.002+01:00

Well now, that's an aggregate of 24-1 in the last two games. We've got the Yank-Mees right where we want them; cocky and over-confident. Just watch these Mets roll now!

Yep, that's right, Mr Rocky Outing himself

Innings Eater Pelf made it through five whole innings last night again, a lasting achievement for a bloke who has averaged almost precisely 5 innings per start this month. To his credit he wasn't abominable in for those 5 innings although it did take him some 93 pitches to make it before the ignominy of being replaced by Pat Misch in the 6th. The minor ignominy of course was being pinch hit for by Argenis Reyes which is like asking your cat to do your calculus homework. Pelf's ERA for June is a sparkling 6.39 demonstrating his growing experience in the Majors is having an impressive effect.

Misch and Elmer Dessens, no shock, were wretched, combining for 3 earned runs and 3 walks over 2.2 innings to help bury the Mets deeper. I told these dumb bastids in my weekly Flushing column that Tim McNab and Edgar Alfonso were the pair to summon up from the minors but did they listen? No, Omar, of course not. He's too busy coming up with redefining the term "Dysfunctional GM" to bother.

Ooof, how about a few free runs to add to the tally?

Shall I prattle on about the errors? Pshaw, why bother? Sure, errors led to two unearned runs but all that means is that the Mets would have lost 7-1 instead of 9-1.

That's because they were hitless until the 5th inning against CC Sabathia, when they unloaded for Sheff's homer and uh, a little sputtering.

On the bright side of the game, Parnell managed to get a guy out without surrendering 12 runs in the process so there's hope for him yet.

Oh yeah, and on the even brighter side, their rapidly decreasing their margin of loss and humiliation. At the current ratio (15 runs the last time compared to a mere 8 this time out) the Mets will only lose by 3 or 4 runs tonight.

I can't wait.

Mets Take Series Against Cards

2009-06-25T20:51:00.003+01:00

The left field warning track got some serious work yesterday, first in the 2nd inning when Albert Pujols' fly ball died out there in the 2nd inning with the bases loaded and then again in the 9th when Yadier Molina's shot off a disconcerting Frankie Boy with two men on died to end the game. Both times, the Mets fragile hold on the game was saved.

And if you think that was close, think about the 4th inning when Nick Evans, the proverbial lightening in a bottle since getting his chance back up from the minors, hit a two run double to give the Mets a lead they wouldn't relinquish. Had it not been for Chris Carpenter deflecting David Wright's certain double play grounder, the rally would never have had wind in its sails to begin with.

F-Mart, showing zero proclivity at the plate, added at least two fielding gems out in centerfield which doesn't in its entirety redeem another O-fer outing which dropped his batting average down to .167, but at least partially justifies (well, that and Beltran's injury) his presence in the lineup. At least to Santana, who must have been ecstatic to get out of the 7th after Fmart's diving grab to end the inning.

And Santana, it should be said, showing himself to be a little dodgy in the first two innings, finally settled down to not only break a personal two-game losing streak, but perhaps putting to rest the concerns of injury that had been whispered around him for the last two weeks.

Just like that again, the Mets shocked themselves and their fans with an improbable series victory over the St Louis Cardinals.

This series victory in the wake of losing yet another every day starter, Carlos Beltran, must surprise everyone - as has often happened several times this season, just when you think the Mets are down and sinking fast, inexplicably, they rise to the occasion and even with lineup obliterated and littered with what appears to the naked eye, mediocre hitters, manage to outscore their opponents.

Sure, there were quibbling little irritants you could focus on, trying not to be drowned by the euphoria of such an improbable outcome, but for a day at least, let's just shrug our shoulders and admire the pluckiness of these Mets who continue to defy logic with another surprising outing from Fernando Nieve the night before, Evans' stunning return from a 7 for 75 start in Buffalo, Fill-in Mets taking turns making inexplicable starts with surprising results.

Of course, just when you start to feel good you need only remember that these sorts of surprising outcomes have been tempered by reality all season and this time around, that reality is the Yankees coming to Citi Field.

On the other hand, a great chance to redeem themselves after the humiliation they suffered in their last meeting at Yankee Stadium.

And if we're very, very lucky, redemption so indisputable that maybe they can even get a manager or a GM sacked, even if its not their own.

*****

Wow, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson down in one day - I wouldn't normally comment on a baseball blog about these two newly dead media icons but well, Jackson in any event, has a Mets link, the auld Mets hat in the "Bad" video and Farrah Fawcett, as everyone knows, was a HUGE Mets fan. (Oh, alright, that's not really true but it beats having to include Ed McMahon in the Pop Culture Mourning....)

Mets Sneak One From Cardinals But Don't Expect Miracles

2009-06-23T05:13:00.005+01:00

Losing Carlos Beltran and gaining Elmer Dessens and Pat Misch is no way to go into a four game series against the well-managed St Louis Cardinals but that's what these miserable, snake-bitten Mets had to face last night.

Alright for one, Omar waking up and bringing some fresh arms into the pen was a relief in and of itself although I can't say as I necessarily agree with the choice of who. Dessens has stumbled in his last few outings in Buffalo (try five earned runs in a total of 2 1/3 closer innings and you might come away unimpressed) and while he has big league experience, experience itself is not sufficient qualities. As for Misch, yeah, a guy with a 6.14 ERA in the minor leagues is not usually high on your list for promotion.

But not if you're Omar, right?

Now bringing Fmart back up straight away after he's obviously not ready, another smart move? Ok yes, Beltran sitting out until what is likely to be after the All Star game if not longer (let Reyes be your guide)is a massive hole but what, Fmart learned how to hit Major League pitching already? Alright, there's no one left in the goodies bag to choose from, that's clear, but that doesn't make the futility of these moves seem any less futile.

But I'm not going to belabour the point. I have a more specific plan, or non-plan, depending on how you look at it, at Flushing University which should be up for reading sometime today.

As for last night, wow, talk about smoke and mirrors. What else can explain a 6-4 victory over the red-hot Cardinals, a team that humiliated them back in April?

Redding, four reasonably good starts in a row means you stick with him, just like you stick with Nieve. Like any reasonable person, Jerry likes sticking with the hot hand and his abuse of the bullpen bears that philosophy out. So for the moment, I'm not worrying about Maine or Ollie bringing bullpen support. The weak link is now Pelf. Is it normal for a young big league pitcher to be "fatigued" after 88 pitches?

Very good to see this kid slowly regaining his stroke while simultaneously establishing himself as a decent fielding first baseman.

But anyway, I'm getting away from the game - Magical Murph shocking with a homer, Omir augmenting the suddenly hot Schneider with four hits turning this into a catcher's duel for the ages, and Alex Cora, my god, playing better, smarter baseball with one good thumb than Reyes ever did with two. (Not that Reyes thinks with his thumbs, clearly he uses his arse for that...) And how about Luis Castillo? Three hits and that brilliant stop in the 7th to help Redding make an early, uncomplicated exit. Keep trying Luis, you're going to have to do that and more for every night for the rest of the season before anyone even begins to forget that dropped pop up.

Lastly, Brian Stokes saving the game by inducing that miraculous double play off the bat of Albert Pujols in the 8th has to be one of the more unexpected moments of the season.

"I can't get myself out?" Pujol asked bitterly afterwards. "He made a good pitch. I'm human. What, am I supposed to hit everything out of the park?" If you're playing in St Louis Albert, yes, you are.

This is precisely like one of those electrical impulses that causes movement in a body that is already dead, this victory.

But let's make it clear that Fernando Tatis is one electrical impulse away from fading fast. Making him the back up 2nd baseman, back up outfielder, back up first baseman is giving a little too much responsibility to a guy who is one season removed from being retired. He's a great clubhouse presence, wonderful. Make him the new third base coach but having his dying bat, Fmart's inexperience and a parade of fill-ins and hangers-on in the every day lineup is going to take its toll, quickly.

In any event, let's give credit where credit is due. For all their flaws, this Mets team is in a weird sort of way, a team to be proud of. What other team could take hit after hit after hit after hit and still keep on going like this?

The Mets are a major league-best 17-7 in the first game of a series.

Don't expect this feel-good story to carry on to the All Star break though.

Last night was a dream you won't want to wake up from.

Mets Continue Sitting Portrait Of Losing

2009-06-21T20:31:00.004+01:00

You have to wonder about Jerry's bullpen acumen, using the same clowns over and over and over again. Or maybe you have to wonder if Omar is on fucking holiday. Maybe you can excuse his hands being tied by their own rubbish farm system in executing a trade for a decent bat or two to take some of the heat off of Wright and Beltran but this slow to the take sort of movement on hitters and pitchers is starting to make the Mets bleed more and more games. The bullpen sucks, they need help. How much more bloody obvious does it have to be?

For about five minutes yesterday, the Mets could be happy. The rest of the time, a miserable foreshadowing to what remains a miserable season.

Stokes came in for only an inning and then, after Scheider's happily unexpected three-run homer gave the Mets a slim one run lead, Jerry calls on Bobby Parnell to hold the lead in the 7th. Bobby Parnell has been crap lately, can't get any body out. So why is he out there trying to hold a one run lead? Who knows, but of course, he doesn't hold the lead. Instead he gives up a two run effing homer into the second deck. Bobby Parnell is not only no longer unhittable, he's a bloody batting practice pitcher. So HELLO Mets front office, stop dithering, drop Bobby Parnell already and call up Tim McNab, who has an 0.79 ERA over his last 10 outings. And why is that wanker Switzer still out there taking up a valid roster spot? Would you use him if you were Jerry?

Big Pelf was busy getting rocked in the 5th for the 2nd consecutive start but was saved by Carl Crawford's idiotic attempt to steal 3rd with no one out, the Rays best hitter at the plate and Big Pelf on the ropes. That kind of stupid aggression on the base paths is what usually kills the Mets, not their opponents. But it didn't do the Mets much good. By the way, Pelf's numbers with first pitch strikes is so daunting you'd think he'd be taking yoga lessons in the bullpen "seeing" the strike zone. Yet there he is out there, throwing first pitch balls over and over again.

Mercifully, a rain delay halted the Rays 4 run inning with two outs and the bases still loaded. Given that the Mets chances of coming back again from a deficit are about nil, you almost had to hope the rain didn't stop. A mercy killing.

The rain delay saw all sorts of interesting methods people used to entertain themselves

But no, the delay ended and the game went on with further humiliation still and in the end, the 10-6 loss, the 12th loss for these Mets in their last 18 games.

So if it feels like the Mets are losing too much to be taken seriously, you're right. And worse still the month isn't going to get any better. Next up, the St Louis Cardinals, who swept the Mets in St Louis back in April the last time these two teams met, totally outclassing and out-baseballing the Mets. And I mean TOTALLY.

So don't expect much but pain heaped upon more pain. One thing for certain is the Phillies won't keep losing. Secondly, Carlos Beltran's knee problems are not going away and sound ominously seriously - the MRI will probably only confirm our worst fears. Hope you enjoyed his play this year.

Lastly, whilst Omar continues sitting on his hands letting wishful thinking do his thinking for him, you can be sure, in light of watching A-Hole's laboured return from hip surgery, that Carlos Delgado is not going to be bouncing back this season as quickly and as optimistically as the Mets are deluding themselves into believing.

That's what sucks about this - watching a crap bullpen maintained, no activity. Watching a batting order of weaknesses continue to flourish and to pin their hopes on the ever-elusive recovery of Carlos Delgado and Who? Jose Reyes? That kid and his mystery hammies are never coming back.

But hey, don't worry the Mets front office chimps tell us like they're feeding us fertiliser and calling it caviar, John Maine and Oliver Perez are supposed to make Single A starts at St Lucie. Pretty soon our bullpen woes will be over.

What?

The only prayer these Mets have is if someone buys out the Wilpons and completely sweeps clean the Idiot Collective of Delusionalists in the front office.

Until then we're going to be left with one mess of bad judgement after another.

The Good News? Johan's Not Injured

2009-06-21T06:22:00.005+01:00

Well now, there's a shocker.

Game on the line, one man on, two out, tying run at the plate and David Wright, the ice cold David Wright, not the red hot David Wright, swings at two consecutive dirt balls to strike out on three pitches and end the game. That's David Wright, Ice Ice Baby:

Look at that ball. It's almost underground.

One good thing, one relief, is seeing confirmation for 7 innings that perhaps Johan Santana isn't suffering from some mysterious ailment after all. Last night was vintage Johan and vintage Mets - Santana gave up only two earned runs over 7 innings and the Mets scored one run in support, just like the old days. Not good but better than 15-0 to your cross town rivals, you have to admit.

New York, the new London?

And where were the Mets tonight? Not at the plate, for certain. After the 3rd inning they went down without so much as a whimper until Beltran's single with two out in the 9th. And even that, as we know, stifled by David Wright's miraculously feeble at-bat to end the game.

You'd like to think this kind of blatant attempt by Jerry to laugh his way into the ump's good graces would have resulted in some dodgy strikes and balls calls against the Rays but no, people like Ice Ice Baby were swinging at pitches beneath home plate making it difficult for the home plate ump to help.

Not going to go long into this one. A loss, ugly in most ways but feeling better at least than if Santana had given up a half dozen runs prompting further questions about his health.

I will say this though, the longer the lack of hitting goes unaddressed by Omar the more this season is going to hurt in the end if they miss out on the playoffs by only a few games. But Nick Evans, yeah, sure, HE'S the answer. Especially getting the call to sit there quietly on the bench all night.

The Bobby Parnell Watch continues. Last night yet another poor outing. That's six earned runs, 11 hits and 4 walks in less than 6 full innings this month. That's a disaster and lends more questions still to the bullpen issue of WHO is going to set up K-Rod's fantastic saves? Will we have to wait for Billygoat Wagner to rehab and get up to Queens by August?

Lastly, another little slice of good news; the Phillies bullpen AGAIN blowing a lead, this time giving the "mighty" O's three runs in the top of the 9th to give the Phillies yet another loss. Sadly, although their losing continues, the Mets aren't able to make much if any headway on the lead. They will live to regret it, no doubt.

Weekend Series Begins Nicely But We Know Where It All Will Lead

2009-06-20T19:41:00.004+01:00

Hands together for Fernando Nieve. Two unexpected starts, two unexpectedly effective performances. Victories even. Good news what with Maine disappearing for longer than the front office had unrealistically expected.

Another King of Obscurity rises to the challenge

You have to admit, as much fun as it is propping up Omar as the punching bag for our collective frustrations, Nieve is another one of the occasional gems that surface stocking up the farm club with rejects and has-beens and nobody-wants-to-bes. He was plucked from obscurity but emerges not once, but twice to save the Mets after gutting performances with a brilliantly pitched victory. That's what an ace on the staff does.

The ace will back out there today trying to prove he hasn't lost his stuff already.

Big night for Mr Nowhere Man.

As for Friday night's victory, led in part by Brian Schneider's unexpected three-run blast, which may be indicative that perhaps like Church and The Magical Murph, the dry spell is almost over and a miraculous little burst of hitting competence is in foreshadowed.

That would be remarkably good timing considering we're now clearly in the David Wright low tide right now - three Ks last night, each one as inept as the last. I think when he senses that Wright is spinning off into another one of his spells of somnambulism, Jerry should drop him down to 9th in the order, firstly because he's absolutely useless at the plate during these spells and secondly, perhaps for comedic value, recognising how pathetic Wright becomes, worse than a pitcher, when he's off. Seriously though, I'm ready to predict that once he rides out this most recent slump, the homerun stroke will finally be regained and he'll go back to a little more consistency. How's that for wishful thinking?

Bobby Parnell, our hero of yesteryear, our set-up saviour, where the fuck have you gone? How about 0-2 and a 9.53 ERA in June, that's where! I'm wondering what the issue is here, too much too soon, burn out, injury?

Well, shock of shocks, Feliciano managed to get his one guy out and Sean Green struck out the side in the 8th after some painful deliberation. You get those two miraculous events happening in one night and chances for victory are good.

excitement for the relief was justified

And Frankie Boy eliminated the aftershocks of that first legit blown save with a quiet 9th.

Not a bad go for the Mets - of course the last time Nieve saved the Mets with a glorious outing they went out the next day and let the Yankees beat the piss out of them 15-0, with Johan on the mound so well, surprise, Johan is on the mound again tonight so we can finally see if there's anything to his ruckus about a devastating injury or if we can all exhale and wait for the victory to be brought to us.

For one night anyway, one night only folks, nothing to get excited about all the stars aligning properly not only for a Mets victory but the Phillies getting bitch-slapped by the O's even worse than they did to us.

The best you can hope for with these clowns is one night.

Lastly, bye bye, Fmart, hope to see you back up here again in September ready to sizzle. Hello Nick Evans after a long pause and concerns you'd lost your hitting stroke forever. Now it feels like 2008 all over again.

just don't give him the bat with the hole in it, David.

Huff's The Hero Again, Mets Suffer Further Humiliations

2009-06-19T03:00:00.003+01:00

If the Mets were ever going to make a trade for first baseman Aubrey Huff they should have done so BEFORE this series.

Huff had his second game-winning hit in a row last night, this time a bases loaded single in the bottom of the 9th off Frankie Boy and let's face it, if you can't rely on Frankie Boy, who CAN you rely on? And the sad part is that you have to spend time emphasising this is the first "legitimate" blown save of the season for Frankie Boy because this wasn't caused by Luis Castillo dropping a simple game-ending pop up.

Hey Metsies, why not lose two of three to the bottom-dwelling Orioles?

If Felix Pie is this happy there must be something seriously wrong in the world.

After all, the fact that the Phillies were swept at home by the Blue Jays giving you a great opportunity to narrow their NL East lead shouldn't be taken advantage of. That should be ignored since you have no interest in climbing up in the standings. Now the Phillies are going to come to Baltimore and crush these same O's while you are going to roll like dogs on your backs against the Rays, right? Isn't that how this stuff works?

Let's see what excuses do we have in the magical excuses-for-losing hat tonight, kids?

Well, there's the usual moan about injuries of course; the fact that Fmart and Murph still form part of the every day batting order.

Then there's always the old how-could-we-ever-hope-to-score-on Jason Berken excuse. Ok, they did manage four runs off him officially, but those didn't come until the 6th and 7th innings. And that was only after the David-Wright-Strikes-Out-Swinging chorus kicked in. We are now entering the David Wright Ice Age again apparently wherein he will strike out mysteriously or ground out weekly in nearly every at-bat. One infield hit in the first five innings against Jason Berken? Why not just stay in your hotel rooms, getting your packing done a day early?

I not the guy, I not the guy...

Finally, there's the how-can-we-hope-to-win-with-Pedro-Feliciano-pitching-for-us excuse, perhaps the best one of them all.

As an encore to giving up the game-losing 2-run homer to Huff last night, Super Stink came in tonight and gave up a one-out double to Huff in the bottom of the 8th. Let's not forget that El Stinko is the lefty specialist, the guy whose only job, whose only exhibited major league characteristic is getting out lefties and who for the second night running, failed even in that tiny little job.

And because watching Feliciano fail again apparently wasn't funny enough, Jerry summoned in Sean Green to send us rolling in the aisles with side splitting humour. Sean Green? Major League pitcher? Heeheehee, Hohoho, Hahaha.

I mean why NOT Sean Green, right? Who else are you going to find who can give up a single and then a run so quickly?

And after all, if your closer is going to remain spooked by some Yank-Mees wanna be relief pitcher and give up two walks and two runs in the bottom of the 9th before even getting the second out of the inning, what difference does it really make who you parade out there the inning before. They're just target practice, that's all.

FMART AND MURPH WATCH

If this series was supposed to be Fmart's big chance to prove he belongs in the Major Leagues then I guess going 2 for 11 with 3 strikeouts is pretty much a plea to be get bussed to Binghamton. Those aren't even good enough for Buffalo numbers. Up in Buffalo, I guess lefty Cory Sullivan is starting to hear his own footsteps. He's hitting .364 over the last week. And he hasn't done anything since tripling twice in the same inning back in the Spring of 2006 so he's do for a hot streak. If you aren't reading about Fmart's demotion over your morning coffee on Friday it must be because Omar is lying in his bed with his throat slit. Or maybe he's still trying to find out where Jerry's buried The Indelible Mr Reed.

As for Murph well, 4 for 12 with an RBI double is hardly a memorable audition tape over three games but you if you're feeling hopeful you can point out that after hitting .176 in May, Murph is hitting a sizzling .229 in June so the trend is upward for this kid. At this rate, by August he could be hitting like, .350. And if you consider by August, just maybe Reyes' hamstrings might be located and Delgado will up and get out of his wheel chair you can just sense a late season Mets juggernaut appearing. Either that or you're simply delusional from the mini-aneurysm you just suffered watching Frankie Boy cough up his first legitimate blown save of the season.

And look, as rubbish as the Mets are, at least they didn't lose two out of three AT HOME to the Washington Nationals, did they? Noooo, that's the domain of the Yank-Mees, that is. And they weren't swept at home like the Phillies, were they?

No, this was simply a lousy, stinky, miraculously feeble two losses out of three in Baltimore wherein the only victory was in essence only because those O's gave the game to them with errors to begin with. The Mets are two horrific O's errors from having gotten swept themselves.

Happy Return To Loserville!

2009-06-18T00:37:00.005+01:00

What can you say really?

What do you expect from this team who have thus far had a lamentable June with no relief in sight?

A victory on Tuesday, owed in large part to mistakes by their opponent translates into a loss on Wednesday when the opponent makes no errors, this time a 6-4 loss to the pathetic O's.

A second victory in a row? Eeeeew? No, we don't want that!

The usual conundrum of inexplicable malaise were the chief suspects; poor hitting in key moments and a brief but important breakdown when it mattered.

You could also point out that Beltran and Wright were only 1 for 10 on the night which in most cases you can infer to mean the Mets were certain to lose.

With the bases loaded and one out in the 6th and the O's bullpen on the ropes resulted only in a lone run to tie the game you knew the chance had been lost, especially considering that lone run was due to a walk, not a key hit.

Even Obama's had enough

The Mets of course lived to regret that when Pedro Feliciano came in to give up a two-run homer to Aubrey Huff and bloooooow the game irrevocably in the 7th. Way to get those lefties out Mr Specialisation. Saved only from greater disaster by a miraculous little diving stop and shuffle pass by Alex Cora. After mocking the trade rumours for Mr Huff yesterday I see 2 hits and 3 RBIs. Still, he's more of a late-season-push sort of trade than a mid June trade and even then, only if you can get rid of some baggage rather than up and coming stars in the doing. Oops, forgot, the Mets don't have any up and coming stars in their Minor League system.

They said David Wright was hitting .361 with runners in scoring position yet in his first two opportunities last night, a K and a weak pop up. I think they've fiddled with the numbers somehow. In fact, his night at the plate as a whole was one to forget. 0 for 5 on the night.

Murph and Martinez Watch

Murph had an rbi single in the 2nd wherein his stroke looked like the stroke of old. They failed to pitch him inside again in the 4th and again, he singled. He got a third single, this one up the middle, in the 6th. Of course in the 8th, with none out and Sheff on first, down by two runs, he manages only a useless fly out.

After striking out in his first at-bat, FMart's elevation on Wieter's first career homer just over the left field wall 366 feet away in the 2nd inning made me think momentarily it was the 40 year old Sheffield out there. He appeared to jump all of about a 1/10th of an inch above the ground to try and catch the homerun ball. In the 6th, his future is so bright he was pinch hit for by Fernando Tatis with one out and the bases loaded. Tatis, unfortunately, was no improvement and ground into an inning-ending double play.

That Tim Redding didn't allow the game to get out of hand early is hardly anything worthy of even cheap applause. I couldn't help but spitting out my disgust with only one out in the 6th. Why can't this tosser make himself more useful by at least eating a few bloody innings and rest the pen? 95 pitches later and his ERA is still a pathetic 6.27. Not to mention the fact he gives goatees a bad name. Shave it, muppet! You look like a displaced biker-wanna-be in a baseball uniform.

The only good news is the bad news of others: The Phillies were beaten senseless by the Blue Jays again meaning their lead remains stuck on three.

For One Night, Lowly O's Are Good Medicine

2009-06-17T05:14:00.004+01:00

While it didn't end as prettily as Big Pelf had set it up through the first five innings, he did, in the end, earn his first victory in over a month and the Mets, just barely, managed to defeat the Baltimore Orioles and momentarily ease the pain of that humiliating loss to the Yankees two days ago.

Finally, a victory.

Of course, you might point out that the Orioles lost this game every much as the Mets won it but given the state of the Mets these days, considering the number of victories they've given away themselves this season, it's nice for a change for the other side to be just that much more inept than you.

The highlight of an otherwise snooze was the umpires 10 year conference on whether or not Melvin Mora swung at a ball that hit him in the hand. In the end, even hurt, he was called out on strikes, adding insult to injury, literally and after that, well, you knew which this game was going to swing. Or thought you did at least.

Even the O's catcher got into the fielding baffoon act in honour of playing the Mets

In the 4th inning the Mets were able to "break open" the game (which is sort of like pointing out that it doesn't matter if you're blind when you're playing piñata because every is blindfolded anyway)after Brian Roberts booted what should have been a simple double play ball, allowing consecutive singles by Wright and Church to net the Mets a pair of runs with none out and Sheffield coming to the plate.

And then in the 7th, Aubrey Huff, a man who in some wishfully-thinking minds would be auditioning for the Mets this week, dropped a simple bases-loaded pop fly along the right field line which led to the two insurance runs the Mets would eventually need to eke out this precious victory.

Way to go to play like a Met, Aubrey. Omar, did you see that? I can smell a Murph and F-Mart for Huff and Guthrie trade like a smelly beer fart floating into the room. Dropping pop-ups to blow games is what these Mets are all about Aubrey, but you'd have known that already going in, wouldn't you?

The Mets were walking on eggshells last night trying to escape defeat (that's right, those are EGGSHELLS on the floor in that photo, stay focused...and by the way, this is a Sandy Skoglund piece so if you like it, check out her other works)

But for those two errors, the Mets might not have even escaped this game with a victory.

And just to add typical, needless drama, Bobby Parnell did his best JJ Putz impersonation, giving up singles to the first to batters to lead off the 9th and forcing Jerry to turn to Frankie Boy despite a 4 run lead.

Frankie Boy was of course, a bit of a car crash himself last night, still seething no doubt at the comments of a certain Nowhere Man Yank-Me relief pitcher, sandwiching two walks around a strike out to give the O's one run before finally shutting it all down on a ground ball and a game-ending K.

Careful how you celebrate, Frankie Boy, some Orioles reliever on the DL might take offence.

So there you go, a victory. Savour it because knowing these Mets it'll be their turn to play Laurel and Hardy in the field tomorrow night and by Thursday morning we'll all be sadly shaking our heads again. That would be about par for Jerry's one year anniversary, wouldn't it?

Murph and Martinez Watch

Given the noises the Mets front office has been making about this series being the final proving ground for this pair (as if there are other viable alternatives) you'd think they'd have launched themselves into offensive juggernauts. No chance.

Martinez got on base twice and scored both times. He struck out once. He's batting .200. Murphy was officially hitless in three at-bats however he did manage to drive in a run with a long fly ball to right field. He's hitting .234. Not a great audition for either.

If they're watching over their collective shoulders, Wily Mo Pena is hitting .333 over his last 10 games for Buffalo but no one else over would appear to be a potential replacement; yet another sad commentary on the Mets farm system. For the B-Mets, left fielder DJ "Silly" Wabick is hitting .357 over this last 10 games and believe it or not, Nick Evans, playing first base, has regained to some degree, his hitting stroke which had abandoned him horrifically earlier this season after the disappointment of not making the Mets in the Spring (and perhaps the sadder, unspoken commentary here is that one is put in the position of scouring a feeble farm system to seek replacements to begin with...)

In short, with nothing on the horizon, neither need fear someone is leaping up from the minors to take their place. They'll have to earn their demotions the right way and last night, well, no gaffes and very quite plate appearances. It's like watching the Sitzkrieg all over again.

15-0!

2009-06-15T18:11:00.003+01:00

Well I don't know about the rest of you but once the carnage reached 9-0, that was it for me. Turned it off in disgust. Not just because the ace was getting bitch-slapped. Not just because it was the Yankees. Not just because it was less than two days after a sure victory was dropped by Castillo. But because of the disgust at the futility of watching. The Mets and colossal disappointment all over again.

The season on a thread...

And let's face it, most worrying of all, the final nail in the coffin on the 2009 season still hasn't been hammered; there's still the inevitability of Santana disappearing down the DL with a long or season-ending injury. That 6.50 ERA over the last six starts is no mirage rather a familiar set of circumstances; mysterious, horrific outings generally seem to lead directly to the DL for Mets pitchers this season. Not to mention the injury bug they've already experienced to date. This just seems like it will happen any day and you can be sure the Mets front office will keep horrific news like that hush hush for as long as humanly possible. I hope I'm wrong but with Mets, always choose the worst of all options and you've got a pretty good shot at being right.

And of course there's Sheffield's impending MRI, another disaster waiting to happen.

It's not looking good for the lads, to say the least.

And oddly, there's no anger left. Just resignation, no Wow.

Nieve Helps Save The Day, Mets Bounce Back Again

2009-06-13T21:48:00.005+01:00

After the sort of stupidity that lost the game on Friday night the Mets were probably one loss away from seeing the season slip through their fingers from seeing one act of stupidity too many finally break the proverbial camel's back.

Nieve pitched the kind of Who The Hell Is He? game that the Mets usually see - instead, today it's the Yankees who apparently have a history of flailing against nobodies this season...sound familiar?

But these Mets are, if anything, resilient and after Fernando Nieve's unexpected yet superb outing, they live another day to torture us.

Of course it won't make up for all the stupid losses already gone this season, losses which will no doubt come back to haunt these Mets later in this season, especially if they end up missing out on the post season by two or three games, but for a day anyway, they showed resilience, they showed an unexpected grit and best of all, they showed this Yankee team once again for the paper lions that they are; a day later than we'd have preferred, but nonetheless, the Yankees have been defeated as they should have been on Friday night.

Captain Steroid looked weak and vulnerable and maybe a bit like John Travolta

In addition to Nieve's magical outing Omir Santos yet again showed his equally magical and inexplicable ability to lift the Mets (that granny against the Marlins and the game-ender off Papelbon in Boston come immediately to mind...) with not only his two-run homer to give the Mets the early lead in the 2nd they would never relinquish but also a run-scoring double in the 5th when the wheels came off entirely for Andy Pettitte who, had it not been for Jeter's ridiculous play, would have been bloodied and through the ropes as early as that 2nd inning.

Has any Met had as many important home runs this season? (Or as many home runs at all for that matter...?

In essence, without the dropped fly ball on Friday, these Yankees would still be in their post-Boston free fall and at the risk of sounding crazy, I'd have to say I'd rather be rooting for these frustrating Mets than those sad sack Yankees in any event.

And let's make no mistake: say what you will about Citi Field, this new Yankee Stadium sucks. The odd winds, the ridiculously short right field porch, the chip shot, band box stadium and the terrible team they field.

No goat's soup for this clown tonight.

As for Castillo, a pair of hits and a couple of decent plays in the field ease the nightmares for a night, not just for himself but for everyone.

The victory does not prove the Mets are over the hump or ready to go on their own hot streak or aren't terribly flawed, weak, shallow - any other day Martinez is not going to have three hits to pad his average, Murph won't be sitting it out, Wright won't be on a hot streak, rather the polar opposite, Sheff will look older and more vulnerable and of course, someone like Schneider will be behind the plate instead of Omir and the Mets will look like the Mets again.

None of it solves the bad base running, terrible fielding, the hole in the starting rotation, first base and in at least one of the outfield corners but for one godforsaken night at least, a reprieve.

By the way, this MLB TV package is a piece of shit. First, the bad news was getting the Fox feed and being forced to listen to those pair of jackals and thereafter, a dodgy reception led to frequent and frustrating failures; "media error" eventually forced me to switch to the WFAN broadcast in the end. Douchebags. Makes me thinks the Wilpons are running the MLB website.

Welcome to Idiot Land

2009-06-13T01:06:00.008+01:00

Bottom of the 9th, two outs, two on, K-Rod against A-Rod, Subway Series, I mean jaysus, it couldn't get much better. A-Rod pops up, end of the ballgame. I mean, A-Rod threw his bat in anger, knowing he'd choked. Knowing he's A-Rod, Choking King, another failed effort.

Or, pop up to Castillo who tries to catch it with one hand AND DROPS IT! Game over.

This is the Mets season in a nut shell.

Pretty much everyone's reaction to the conclusion of the game the Yankees tried their best to give away to the Mets, mediocre starter, rubbish bullpen, lack of clutch hitting - the Mets just weren't interested in winning..."It's hard to believe," Yankees manager Joe Girardi said. "We kind of got a gift tonight."

"I still don't believe it," A-Rod said. "I couldn't believe what I saw. I've never seen that before." When even A-Rod is making fun of you, it's truly a low point.

In fact, it's the Mets franchise over the last half dozen seasons in a nut shell.

Although I missed the first two the Mets didn't allow me to miss a third heart-breaking loss in a row.

And worse still, against the Yankees, sure victory, just close the bloody glove, a routine fly ball to end the game. I just can't believe it.

Epileptic dogs. That's our Mutts.

David Wright's double off Mariano Rivera to score Beltran was massive and although you could get as excited as you want, a one-run lead in Yankee Stadium is hardly formidable.

Especially when your second baseman is going to drop an easy pop up, drop a Mets victory, get the Mets to the second lowest point of the season after LA.

"I feel bad, I feel bad and tomorrow I gonna be ready for the next game", said Castillo afterwards. Get ready all you want, Luis but unless you've got a game-winning hit in your bat for the next two days, you are NEVER going to make up for this idiocy. Open glove, close glove, Luis? Feckin hell.

Not even Sheffield blast was sufficient to settle fears of the usual, unfathomable Mets loss.

Surely it's only going to get better what with Astros-reject Fernando Nieve taking John Maine's spot in the rotation tomorrow.

John Switzer, great début. 3-run homer to Matsui. Nice seeing you, now get lost. And maybe you should take that idiot manager with you, that one who put you in such a spot for your début, sticks you in there to "test" you - you failed. The manager failed for putting you in there to fail.

Well, not much more to say. Gutting loss.

It's clear at this point that Fernando Martinez and Daniel Murphy (the post-left field debaucheries Magical Murph in any event...) are clearly in over their heads, out of their element.

But what else is there to say about this, really?

I don't know why but I can't bring myself to hate Castillo for his stupidity any more, his failure to catch the ball with two hands. How many times have I had that thought watching Beltran in centerfield, casually sticking his glove up for what looks like an easy out?

There's something morbid about watching this team, watching them invent new ways, new fantastic, unbelievable ways to lose games. Maybe we should just start calling them the Anti-Phillies.

Post Number 800

2009-06-09T07:38:00.002+01:00

Well sadly, my booking agent has effed up my calendar and accordingly, I will be missing the Phillies series whilst in Paris.

However, for those who cannot wait until my return for the Subway Series at week's end, you can find my most recent column on Flushing University sometime on Tuesday.

Let's go Mets!

By the Skin Of Their Teeth

2009-06-06T14:08:00.002+01:00

You know the Mets are struggling when it takes 10 innings to dispose of the lowly Nats.

On the other hand, at least they didn't lose. Quite a consolation prize.

And I've come up with the idea that David Wright is the Ollie Perez of hitting.

Just like the Jekyll and Hyde act of Good Ollie, Evil Ollie, Wright's absurd inconsistency; unbelievably hot, as in .500 on the road before finding a massive hole in his bat and now, back on the road again, it appears he may have discovered his bat again. Last night his two-run double in the 10th sealed it for them.

Then again, when he tried to steal 3rd right after that hit, well, Jerry says he could have strangled Boy Blunder.

*****

Do you care that Putz is now lost for the foreseeable months to elbow surgery? I mean, other than wondering who the Mets can find to blow leads in the later innings of games, of course.

Were you impressed by Redding surviving the first 4 innings last night? Now we've got our answer for a 5th starter so long as the 5th starter only pitches against Minor League teams the rest of the year.

*****

I'd like to write volumes; a victory, even over the Nats, after that debacle in Pittsburgh is welcomed but I'm worn out by the incessant theatrics; the injuries, the mysterious illnesses, the mysteriously horrific performances by some players followed by their disappearances with sudden injuries. The overaggressive running leading to stupid outs, not just Wright, but even Beltran, in the beginning of last night's game. What is it proving? The Mets have a big heart? That they care? That they're trying hard? Or that in lieu of baseball intelligence they try sheer force of will, no matter how ill-advised, to push the game forward?

You can tell yourself a win is a win but 3 runs in 10 innings against the lowly Nats is indicative of a deep, deep malaise that not even injuries can explain.

Psst: Wanna Hear A Good Joke? It's Called The Mets

2009-06-04T17:40:00.004+01:00

"The reality of this is coming here to Pittsburgh and getting swept, me, I feel embarrassed, I don't think it's fun. I think we should find a way to play better and to focus more on what we need to accomplish."

--Carlos Beltran, proving that in fact it was his own teammates making him sick these last three days, not some mystery not-swine flu.

Mets fan tries to drown her sorrows as quickly as possible...

Ok, my patience for making excuses for the Mets losing to the Pirates is officially exhausted now that the Mets have lost all three games to the Pirates that weren't mercifully rained out.

I mean when the only way you can avoid a loss is praying for heavy downpours, your team has hit new lows. Huh? What's that? Nothing gets lower than the ass clown circus we saw in LA? Nothing more repulsive than losing a game because one of your players fails to touch third and another makes a child's error in the outfield before another throws the ballgame a hundred yards over the catcher's head? Well ok, maybe this isn't the season's lowest moment but getting swept by the Pirates, a Pirate team only the night before gutted by the callous fire sale of one of it's best players (sold to the Braves, no less!), is certainly one of the low moments of this young season.

I'm tired of listening to how so and so is hurt, or puking his guts out or pissing out of his arse every five seconds in the team clubhouse or watching Minor League players, rubbish Minor League players no less, we aren't talking superstars-in-the-making for crissakes. Tired of hearing about how the farm system sucks so bad we can't even dream about making a trade for a few decent players because nobody wants our Triple A roster of veteran castaways and over-hyped kids who can't even hit Triple A pitching or get out other Triple A batters even when their careers depend upon it.

Or funnier still, after hearing how rubbish our farm system is, how there is no hope in the future and no chips to bargain with, listening to the Mets Brainwash Collective try to sweet talk us into thinking no first round pick in the draft is no big deal - sure it's not a big deal, even if they had the first pick in the draft the Mets would find a way to cock it up, I mean LOOK at the farm system now - where is the evidence that the Mets have any proclivity at all for evaluating young talent? And what has that farm system produced on this team anyway? David Wright, the streakiest hitter on Earth who inexplicably strikes out more than 20 times more than he homers? Mr Puppy Face Poster Boy who has mastered the language of clichés and disappointment? How about Jose Reyes whose enthusiasm and speed is watered down by his inability to focus and the fact that he's got the baseball IQ of a carrier pigeon and the body with the fragility of a china doll? Good, young talent indeed.

O yea glory days of rant and rave...

And to think, this was one of those rare Mets games I didn't have to watch into the pre-dawn hours, a game I could enjoy during tea, a game I was looking forward to figuring surely the Mets wouldn't lose three in a row to these second-raters before realising about 10 pitches into Pelf's start hey, the Mets are a team of second-raters themselves, where's the advantage?

Shall we scratch our heads bald wondering what in the hell Pelf was doing out there today?

What's Pelf's excuse going to be after this one? Stomach flu? Cat got his tongue? Dog ate his book on Minor League hitters? Couldn't get his pitches down? Only missing by inches? Too sunny? Too cloudy? Too windy? Just trying to get my ERA back up near 5.00 where it deserves to be? What, can't a guy try and perfect his Ollie Perez imitation?

Why doesn't this tit have the bloody keys to Jerry's Dog House?

And Daniel Murphy? How about booting ball in the 5th like Pelf needed help giving up runs today, and THEN making us all gag with concern when you nearly booted another showing us some first class first base fielding yips? Or how about getting picked off first (ok, the Blind Ump at first base who basically blew every call he made all day, equally inept favouring both teams, called you safe, but you were clearly out, bonehead...)then pretty much not getting called out when you were pretty much thrown out at 3rd that same inning before finally getting called out at home another batter later only when you were so blatantly out even Helen Keller could have seen you were out by a half mile? I mean you had Keef pissing himself in hysterics with the futility of it all. He couldn't help himself, laughing at you and these Mets to the point of tears. And sure, Danny Boy, you had an RBI single but how much longer is Jerry going to give you to play your way out of the lineup?

Sick, sick, sick.

I'm trying to remain optimistic. Really, I am.

I think to myself well, FMart is starting to show a little more promise, Beltran is angry, that must be a good thing, David Wright didn't strike out in every at-bat so maybe his Hot-n-Cold O-meter is swinging back to lukewarm. Alex Cora is back, bandaged thumb and all. Putz looks like a candidate for elbow surgery so at least he won't be torturing us with his mediocrity much longer. (Speaking of which, is this the new Mets MO for crappy players, make them disappear on to the DL or force season-ending surgery upon them?)

We've got Emil Brown coming off the bench to pinch hit for us for crissakes, how bad can it be, right?

Santana Start Spoiled; Mets Drop Another

2009-06-03T02:16:00.004+01:00

Although he might whinge about the typical lack of run support from his teammates, truth be told, Johan Santana kind of lost this game on his own.

D'oh! The uncharacteristic error didn't prove to be his downfall but might as well have

I mean these were only the Pirates and staked to a 1-0 lead in the 5th, he promptly surrendered an inexplicable game-tying homerun to Jason Jaramillo, who had never hit a homerun before in his Major League career.

And then compounded the problem, he had, by his own standards, a complete meltdown in the 6th surrendering a single, throwing a wild pitch and then allowing back-to-back doubles to give the Pirates what for the Mets is, an insurmountable two run lead.

That was it in a nut shell. Eight singles by the Mets, another 0-fer night for David Wright, (2 for his last 22) another night another injury, this time a pinky dislocation to Ramon Martinez which entirely demonstrates the futility of this stretch for the Mets; the pinky injury came as a result of a slide across home plate that gave the Mets the early lead.

You might also say insult is added to injury by the fact that the Pirates beating the Mets was not even the biggest sports news in Pittsburgh tonight given the Penguins' Stanley Cup match which slimmed an already typically small Pirate crowd to an incredibly fat guy sitting a few rows back up behind home plate and a handful of other die-hards.

And admittedly, with the French Open full of upsets, perhaps my attention too, was slightly distracted.

Sorta like Razor Shines trying to figure out why he's still the third base coach.

Thanks, Razor

Game 50: Pirates Putz Mets Away

2009-06-02T05:06:00.007+01:00

So much chaos while I was away: injuries, stomach bugs causing people to leave in mid-game, the long-awaiting goodbye to Ramon Castro, the addition of two more reclamation projects in the organisation...(right, Emil Brown solves everything...)

Anyone looking for a punching bag?

And yet through it all, the Mets, for the most part, kept winning.

But not last night.

If Sunday's near-disaster wasn't sufficient warning, last night's horrific, embarrassing crash and burn against the Pirates, an 8th inning meltdown so reminiscent of last season's 9th innings that everyone immediately began to suffer G-Force Face from the speed with which we returned to nightmares, was the final warning to Jerry and his Gang of Painful Optimists that JJ Putz is no longer a viable 8th inning option.

I'm not saying Putz can't sort out his elbow, his waning confidence, his mechanisms over the course of time. I'm saying the Mets cannot have late inning ~~embarrassments~~ games like Sunday and Monday any more if they want to be taken seriously.

And until Jerry announces Bobby Parnell is K-Rod's new set-up man,the situation is only going to become more inflamed.

Putz is not going to magically improve himself overnight. I don't care how much mechanical work he puts in, these are serious blow outs indicative of a serious problem. Maybe it requires a stint on the DL, a seat on the Ollie Perez Bus To Oblivion, relocation to a witness protection programme, weeks of intense pitching mechanics review or even relegation to the Russian Front softball team but one thing it does NOT require is another one of those patented Mets front office responses, you know, the one where Omar or Jerry or sometimes both in unison, chirp about how rosy and wonderful the existing problem really is and how this problem is not a problem and if we all ignore it long enough, it will eventually go away on its own.

And another fresh wound is whywhywhy when you KNOW your set up guy is having problems, whywhywhy do you stick him out there and NOT have someone already warmed up in the pen to come in once the inevitable meltdown approaches? Why wait until disaster has already struck, when the damage is irreversible? Is it stupidity? Naïvité? Ignorance? Unreasonable Optimism? Why wasn't Stokes already ready before Putz even threw his first pitch?

It's been admirable watching the Mets fighting injury and stomach bug, playing with practical joke line ups day in and day out yet still struggling on, still fighting for victories.

Yet this kind of farce; throwing away a perfectly good victory against a 2nd-rate team was entirely unnecessary. What was running through Jerry's mind? How many stupid bullpen decisions can I make in one night? Why Parnell so early? Why is Putz coming in when that very day he's still working on his mechanics?

Why, Jerry, why?

And what the hell is going on in David Wright's head?

How do you hit over .500 on a road trip one week then strike out in nearly every at-bat the next? What psychological conundrum allows for such radical swings? Does he too suffer from delicate mechanical flustering which requires daily or weekly adjustments? Does he suffer from temporary blindness? Or is it the curse of having Jeremy Reed hitting behind you? How do you build a franchise around a player like this? First inning, straight away, he strikes out swinging with two men on base. Third inning? Sheffield on first, weak fly out.

Whaddaya say David, shall we order a pizza?

It's not Wright's fault the Mets lost of course, that's down to Putz and Jerry. And surely with the injuries and excuses, the Mets can be forgiven for not winning every game they play, even against losers like the Pirates.

But this game was a win.

Simple mechanics. A 5-0 lead against the Pittsburgh Pirates is as close to money in the bag as you can get. Especially when you've got K-Rod.

Instead? A painful loss and more controversy; the Mets' favourite home away from home.

My contribution this week to Flushing University is The Bridge To K-Rod. Enjoy.

Hello, First Place: Mets Sweep Nats

2009-05-28T06:58:00.004+01:00

Ok, it's not earth-shattering news, neither sweeping the lowly Nats nor dropping the Phillies to second place but it's progress. Slow, arduous progress.

A homer, a free bevvie and sarnie advert or just an oasis from the Charley Chaplin impression at first base?

Another excruciating video replay whose reversal gave The Magical Murph a 2 run homer off the Pissup Porch* in the 6th instead of a double and Sheff getting thrown out at the plate. That's quite a reversal in fact and the Mets are now five for five in replay decisions. That's better than Murph's fielding chances at first last night.

(* No, I won't make you scroll all the way down the bloody page to see what I'm on about - just because the marketing muppets want to advertise a shitty carbonated sugary water bevvie doesn't mean I'm going to - every time someone hits a homer off the overhang I've got to give them a free advert? I don't think so. So on this blog anyway, there will be no referrals to it's proper name. It will be called Piss Up Porch instead cause the Army doesn't bow to corporate whoredom - not unless there's something it in for the Army, of course...)

Murph was a bit troubling at first base last night. In the first inning he failed to scoop up (first hint from the broadcast booth; you've got to open your glove when trying to scoop the ball, d'oh, it ent bloody lacrosse!) a ball thrown by Ramon Martinez after a spectacular diving play that would have been a big first inning lift. He didn't get busted for the error, I dunno why because if he'd have scooped that with an open glove, the runner would have been out.

He also made an error in the 9th that prolonged the game and Frankie Boy's work load for the night, a big no-no considering Frankie Boy is out there to get the game done and dusted without creating prolonged work for his work-of-art arm.

Fortunately for Murph he also had 5 RBIs, a career high (in case you hadn't already heard) so his defensive liability was somewhat alleviated by his offensive asset. For now anyway but the Mets are quickly running out of places on the field to hide him. Let's hope for his sake this isn't the beginnings of a first base YIPS problem like his left field Yips problem otherwise the Mets are going to have to seriously consider trading him to an AL team where he could be a DH. Yips, such a great explanation. I think that should be the name of the Mets jug band that should be sat in those empty seats behind home plate, The Yips. Damn! Looks like someone already has it, might have to see who they root for and how good they are at writing theme songs not sung by Rick Astley.

FMart plunges into the oblivion of Ferdy No Hustle...

FMart, the new boy blunder, showed he's been studying Reyes all the way from Buffalo. How do you not run out a bloody pop up in front of the plate in only your second game? Sure, he apologised but big deal, this isn't about skill it's about attitude. With Beltran due to come back on Friday I reckon FMart should go back to Buffalo to relearn attitude. Good gawd, the Lastings Milledge posters are coming out already. Warning: This Kid Doesn't Run Out Pop Ups. Good christ, if you aren't going to hustle every second you're up for a cup of coffee for a few weeks to make an impression, when ARE you going to hustle? And have the nerve to go 0 for 4? He should definitely go back down to Buffalo. Today. Just to make sure he gets the point. I don't want to hear Jerry apologising for him talking about how unrepresentative it is of Fmart's character. He did it once, he'll do it again. Nip it in the bud now. In fact crush that little blossom of insolence and arrogance right now with a giant boot. A giant Buffalo-sized boot. Here's your buffalo wings, Fernando, now fuck off and go learn how to hustle on EVERY play, not just the ones you feel like hustling on.

Now, here's some food for thought:

Is it time to worry about Johan yet?

Are the days of utter domination waning already?

Last three outings these are his mere mortal numbers: 20 innings pitched, 21 hits, 9 earned runs, and 7 walks. That's an ERA slightly over 4.00.

Perhaps it's not time to worry. Maybe someone should just send a little friendly reminder to plate Chumpire Sam Holbrook about what the strike zone is supposed to look like by framing his head with one.

Last night they were on about how in Delgado's absence, new leadership has had to emerge in the clubhouse. Here you go boys, here's how you strike out four times in a game. Anyone else want to try? Bah, I'm going to cut the Boy Wright a little slack, he's not choking as much yet. Probably resting his throat for September.

I still wonder whether the Nats would go for a straight up trade, Wright for Zimmerman. When was the last time baseball had a good one for one trade like that? Now that Ramon Martinez's batting average is all the way up to .121 and Angel Pagan is the new lead off hitter, can we start contemplating about the massive compensation package we could score trading Reyes after the All Star break?

Team RISP: 3 for 16.

That you can win a game with those kind of numbers means either you paid off the umpires or the other team simply sucks so bad you can't lose to them no matter how hard you try.

But let's have a little golf clap for these second string Mets. They got the job done, however. The sweep of the Nats is nothing to sneeze at. The first string mates often fail to do that.

And finally, a glorious off day or in the Army's case, a travel weekend thus, the last you'll likely hear from me for a few days.

How about that porch?!

Busy Day and Complete Game Victory

2009-05-27T03:10:00.003+01:00

What a day.

It was as though the Mets front office suddenly woke up from a slumber and realised the season has begun.

Good moves, putting Reyes and Church on the DL.

Although Ramon Martinez just might begin to show more convincing form(RBI double, nice play in the field, batting average all the way up to .100) eventually, just in case, they acquired Wilson Valdez from the Indians for cash. You know when you can buy a player for cash he's not that good and Valdez can't hit his way through a wet paper bag but he's got a decent glove and it's a brilliant way to add to Omar's sky-high pile of mediocre player signings.

But perhaps the biggest of the roster news of the day was Fernando Martinez getting called up and immediately inserted into right field and 6 slot in the batting order. Nothing not to like about this, getting sight of the brightest and certainly most publicised prospect in the farm system.

Not as poetic as a grand slam of course, but grounding into a force out with the bases loaded in the 3rd at least netted FMart his first RBI. He was rather quiet at the plate, striking out on a foul tip in his first at-bat before getting hit by a pitch in the 5th.

All you need to know...

As for the game itself, Livan Hernandez pitched the full nine innings, giving the bullpen its first rest of the season; about all the news you need to know about the game other than Sheffield hitting another three-run homer for the second night in a row. Gary Sheffield...Nats killah.

Irony? How about Church and Schneider being on the Mets DL whilst Lasting Milledge gets a screw inserted into his broken finger?

Overall, a hopeful day and evening for the Mets. A little fresh blood on the roster, a complete game by the number five starter, an easy victory over a team they should get an easy victory over. No one made any stupid errors, nobody got hurt and everyone touched the bags. What more can you ask for really? A season of Nats on the schedule?

First Order Of Business: Beat Nats

2009-05-26T07:04:00.004+01:00

First of all, I have to get this off of my chest:

I don't care whatever hair-brained scheme The Baseball Czar has thought up to justify it - making the Mets wear red caps instead of their normal ones is daft. Isn't there a more dignified way of honouring the war dead than a hideous Nats-red baseball cap?

Hey kid, get on the DL where you belong...

The whole thing gave the game a sort of charity game feel to it, like the result wouldn't count in the standings or something, not to be taken seriously which, given that their opponents were the Nats was probably what it felt like anyway. Pink bats and pink arm bands is one thing but red caps, woa. I draw the line there.

And the Mets win the game on another instant replay wherein the umps took like half the night to make a simple decision.

Yeah, it's all good that in the end, like the two days previous, the decision was in the Mets favour. But red caps and instant replays and suddenly I feel like the game's been hijacked by cyber monkeys hell-bent on ruining the game's integrity.

Still, Sheffield's three-run homer counted at the end of the day. You couldn't tell one way or the other if it should have been a homer. Two out of the three replays the Mets were involved in, that was the case - you simply couldn't tell but you could easily waste 5-10 minutes trying to make sure you couldn't tell.

Why stop there? Why not make every player run around the bases twice before it counts? Why not stop the game in between every pitch to forensically review the location where it crossed the plate lest they get a ball or strike call wrong. (And believe me, you could catch about 50% of these balls and strikes calls by the umps as wrong.) Think that doesn't effect a pitcher? Doesn't effect a game?

Doesn't Maine look like he's harbouring some painful secret about himself?

Ok, it was only the Nats, but John Maine managed to pinch out another victory and allow only one run over six innings of work. That makes him 3-1 with a 3.30 ERA for May.

Inexplicably, Bobby Parnell followed up his 100 mph on the radar gun show by walking three batters in the 7th, giving up a run and forcing Pedro Feliciano and Double J to clean up his mess for him and save the Mets from suffering from a humiliating game-tying rally by the Nats.

It was a forgettable game for most which is likely the case when Angel Pagan is your lead off hitter and Ramon Martinez mocks the starting batting order with his .088 batting average.

It's time for the Mets to make decisions. I know the front office, led by Omar, like to sugar coat everything and put everything in its most optimistic light but that sort of optimism is stupid and costly. They need to get Church AND Reyes on the DL and release Martinez. Then call up a shortstop/second baseman to fill Martinez and Reyes slots on the team and call up F-Mart and give him the chance to fill the outfield rotation. I'm sorry Angel Pagan is an accident waiting to happen out there - did you see how he charged through into Beltran's territory to take that fly ball last night?

Should Beltran and his dodgy knee by out there sliding?

The Mets need to be ruthless during this run of fluff they'll be facing while they recover from that road trip. They need to use this to propel them to a good streak of wins, maintain or hopefully improve their position in the NL East and by the time Reyes and Church are back, they'll be returning to a first place team.

Courtsey of Flushing University, My latest piece...

No Sweep But No Disasters

2009-05-25T08:36:00.003+01:00

Yeah, it's disappointing the Mets didn't sweep the Red Sox but after the debacle of LA, if you'd have been told the Mets could take two out of three in Fenway you'd have been more than happy enough to take it.

Was it his amazing speed on the basepaths that made Jerry choose The Magical Murph as his lead off hitter?

And Angel Pagan hitting behind him?

A distinct B-Mets look to their lineup.

And yet they set the table for Beltran in the first, who thanked them by grounding into a double play. That kind of day for the Mets.

Hail delay and a loss.

Why does it take longer for these chimp umpires to even DECIDE whether or not they're going to look at the instant replay?

Inviting Shawn Green into the game is like inviting a carload of destructive punk hooligans into your home and inviting them to vandalise and destroy as much as they'd like.

Come to think of it, the rest of the bullpen didn't do any better either.

I reckon if Big Papi weren't suffering through his steroid hangover (0 for 12 with 7 strikeouts in the series), would the Mets have even taken one of these games?

But he was and the Mets did take two out of three to leave them 5 out of 10 on the biggest road trip of the season. Survived, but only just.

"I'm glad we got out of here alive," Jerry joked now that the open wound of that series against the Dodgers was no longer bleeding freely.

On a sad note, the football team that I support here in England, Newcastle United, lost their battle to avoid relegation yesterday.

In essence, it's like the Mets being demoted to Triple A.

Even by their eccentric standards, Newcastle's season has been chaotic both on and off the field.
Kevin Keegan, who returned last season as a Messiah after the sacking of Sam Allardyce, left in September after falling out with owner Mike Ashley -- a split that provoked bitter hostility towards Ashley from the fans.
The abuse meant Ashley stayed away from St James' Park in the aftermath of Keegan's exit and he put the club up for sale with little success.
His popularity was not helped by the surprise choice of Joe Kinnear to steady the ship but he was beset by health problems, leaving assistant Chris Hughton at the helm before Shearer took over with relegation looming.
Add to that a squad desperately lacking balance and quality and littered with players whose careers appear in terminal decline and relegation always looked on the cards.

So take heart, it could be worse. You could be a Newcastle United supporter as well.

Mets Win Replay For Another Shocking Victory In Fenway

2009-05-24T07:08:00.004+01:00

Omir Santos pounded a shocking two-run blast with two out in the 9th inning and the Mets down by a run over the red line near the top of the Green Monster after the usually-perfect Papelbon had blown away Wright and Reed with heat.

Simply Stunning

A two-run, Fenway-silencing homerun off a 97 mph fastball that took the idiot ump a good five minutes to confirm was in fact a homer, plenty of time to wonder how what in the hell J J Putz was doing warming up in the bullpen instead of Frankie Boy to save what was in essence a mouth-dropping shocking game ? Well sadly, Frankie Boy had back spasms so severe he had to be stretchered to the hospital and was unable to pitch but still - Putz?

Why not Parnell, who has been nothing short of fantastic? Why a guy who's coming off a stick neck, a series of shite outings?

And although Wright made a nice play in the bottom of the 9th off what looked like might be a game-tying double, he nearly threw the ball away into the outfield instead of second base and it was only a superb save by Castillo that prevented it.

And what the hell do you know - whipping boy Ramon Martinez came up with a superb back-handed grab and throw to first to end the game. As quickly as their winning streak fell to shite and the Mets' Little League fielding appeared to spell their doom, one of the main fielding goats in essence, saves the game for Putz and before what has happened can even register, the Mets have their second game in a row off the Red Sox in Fenway. Unbelievable.

Before the 9th, this game appeared to have been decided in the 1st inning.

Other than that difficult first inning when he gave up the only two runs he would surrender all night and needed 34 valuable pitches to escape, Big Pelf pitched a superb game through seven innings.

But in the first, Josh Beckett was just slightly better and that made the difference as both pitchers settled down thereafter to throw goose eggs over the next 6 innings.

So it came down to the Red Sox closer and Omir Santos in the top of the 9th.

Minutes after seeing it, I'm still stunned as you can imagine the Mets are as well, disbelieving of their good fortune over the last two nights.

Jerry made a few questionable moves he's sure to justify in the post-victory locker room but had the Mets lost this game (can you imagine, Putz blowing it in the bottom of the 9th?! Of course you can, it nearly happened...)

One nice thing out of Delgado's hip surgery is that the Mets may have solved The Magical Murph's left field yips AND found Delgado's heir who looks like he shape up to be a slightly shorter verson of John Olerud. Given Murph's absence of power however in the future, the Mets are going to need another dangerous bat in one of the corner outfield positions to compensate for Delgado's loss.

But that's another day's worries.

For one day anyway, the Mets are a team to be proud of.

Mets Beat Red Sox Despite Themselves

2009-05-23T06:16:00.005+01:00

Ah, but for a team of 8 more Johan Santanas the Mets would be the best team in baseball.

Missing only Superman's cape...

Arguably the best pitcher in baseball, Santana's starts with the Mets this season have always clouded by the mediocrity of his teammates. Few, if any runs scored in support, terrible, Little League-style fielding and the stigma of pitching for a team that simply never seems to match the calibre and quality of Johan Santana.

One cheap hit and an error starts off your game in Fenway? No problem, just strike out David Ortiz and Kevin Youkilis (which apparently in Greek means Big Douchebag) sending them back to the dugout shaking their heads.

Handicapped by the erratic fielding of Ramon "Fielding Chimp" Martinez inning after inning alone? No problem. He did cost Johan a pair of runs but the second error might have cost the Mets the game had a mere mortal been on the mound.

Youkilis staring you down in the 5th after getting hit in the elbow? No problem. On your bike, Youkilis - you tell him to shut his gob and get on with it to first base.

Johan Santana is the epitome of everything his teammates are not.

For one night anyway, Johan Santana was enough.

Unfortunately, he won't be pitching the rest of the series.

******

I was thinking before the game how strange it is that I had no idea who'd be starting at shortstop, first base, left field, right field and who would be catching. (as it turns out, got centerfield wrong as well...) How many contending teams can you think of whose starting lineup is such a complete mystery day to day? Sure, there's a few injuries but the fact that no one knows who is playing where from one night to the next could be called flexibility or uh....disarray?

They say with Big Pelf the "ground ball specialist" on the mound they can't risk using Fernando Tatis at short because he's only played the position a few times in his career but like most of Jerry's conclusions, this one doesn't wash. Sticking Martinez back out there to play the clown again appears to be a decision based on comedic value rather than the desire to win another game against the Sox.

Arguably you could put a scare crow out there in the shortstop dirt and still be at an advantage over having Martinez out there. And the scare crow would probably hit better too.

It's nothing short of miraculous that the Mets were able to win this game, the kind of game the Mets usually lose but don't count on a repeat with Beckett taking the mound tonight.

Offensive Donkey Cart Stalls, Mets Lose 4th In A Row

2009-05-21T05:53:00.008+01:00

Whilst it's been easy for the last several days to be made physically ill by watching the Mets (whose broadcasts perhaps should come with their own Surgeon General's Warning label) and whilst the loss seemed almost inevitable, the loss tonight wasn't quite as sickening as the first two. So if you're one of those people who want to look for sprouts of hope in an otherwise horrifically miserable three game series in LA, here it is:

The Magical Murph's debut was a success. He had several fielding gems and never once had that deer-in-the-headlights look so familiar in his eyes when playing in left field. Of course his confidence at the plate has now gone spiralling downwards as a result of his nightly humiliations but he's a good hitter and if he can settle in at first base, his hitting will come around. Not power hitting, mind. No replacement for Delgado at the plate but matching Delgado's often lethargic fielding at first should certainly be no stretch.

Livan Hernandez's outing was encouraging and he's now 2-0 with a 3.33 ERA in May, eating those innings, as his portly figure would suggest.

And that's it for the good news.

Now, the stuff to worry about is enough to drown in, even considering the futile efforts at optimism.

Most importantly is absence of hitting.

With Jose Reyes limping out of the game, verifying that the injury is for real, not a secret benching or a secret pout, the top of the order is now shot. In fact, the only hitters remaining in the Mets lineup who can be counted on are Beltran and Wright.

Let's face it having Castro, Pagan and the pitcher closing out your order and with Tatis, Church, Sheffield and Murph all struggling, opposing teams will likely walk Beltran and Wright every time they're up and watch the rest of the Mets team pop up or ground into double plays or strike out to end innings, one after another.

Worse still, there is nothing on the horizon to allow yourself the fantasy that relief is on the corner.

There is no quick fix.

So yes, bemoaning the lack of foresight in putting together a roster of minor league migrants and free agent hopefuls is valid but other than Orlando Hudson who would you really have wanted Omar to sign? Another ageing outfield in Raul Ibanez? Sure, he's hot now but he'll be 37 with a fat contract in a week or so and the Mets have enough of that already. Manny? Pshaw.

Should the Mets have signed Adam Dunn instead of Delgado, knowing Delgado's diminishing body? Maybe, but let's not forget Dunn strikes out more than he hits. (True: 43 Ks, 39 hits this season).

If Alex Cora hadn't gotten hurt, Martinez wouldn't be seeing the light of day and there'd be at least one more reasonable bat and leadership in the lineup.

Can Jonathan Malo or Argenis Reyes possibly play short and hit worse than Martinez? And good god, why didn't Jerry pinch hit for him even if there wasn't a shortstop to replace him?! Why not toss Sheffield out there as a 40 year old return to short for an inning or two? Even at half strength with food poisoning, Sheffield has more promise than Martinez. Hell, even Rey Ordonez would be a welcomed sight over Martinez!

Is all the bellowing for Nick Johnson valid given his injury-prone career?

For a change, I'm going to get off the Hate Wagon.

Yes, the fielding stupidities and the mental fuck ups on the base paths are inexcusable.

But it's nobody's fault that Reyes, Cora and Delgado got hurt. In seriousness, even though they've got flaws, out of Murphy, Church, Sheffield and Tatis, one of these guys is going to going to get hot again - they're all decent hitters, so rather than panicking, perhaps it's best to ride this shite storm out, recognise the season is still in its infancy and hope for the best. There aren't any reasonable remedies to fix this at the moment.

And to be fair, this has to be the most unimpressive sweep registered by a team in a while. The Mets gave the first game away, the Dodgers didn't really win it. And again in the second game their mental and physical errors, whilst not the sole source of the loss, certainly contributed to that loss and tonight it was the matter of one hit with runners in scoring position. Sure, the Mets suck with runners in scoring position but believe it or not, in this series, the Dodgers were even worse.

So even though they've lost four in a row and might well see that expanded to five or six in a row before they leave Boston this weekend, for a change, I'm not going to throw up my hands and go running down the road screaming.

Not until JJ Putz gets another chance to lose another game, anyway. Do you really want your set-up guy, even if there are no leads to hold, letting runners get on base against him at a .320 clip?

Lastly, as much as Scott Schoeneweis disappointed as a Met, the sudden, shocking death of his missus is a sad occasion.

Bye Bye First Place. Next Stop, Loserville

2009-05-20T17:17:00.006+01:00

The Mets let us know straight away last night they had no intention of employing intelligent base running or competent fielding as a means of winning baseball games.

Actually, it was The Magical Murph who let us know that right away in the first inning, sparing us any suspense.

What? Pay attention on the bases? Nah, it's too much to concentrate on at once, I'm too busy imagining what creative new way I can drop another fly ball in left field...

He managed not only to get picked off first base with David Wright at the plate, (and go'wan it's not "caught stealing" so much as caught napping, playing typical Mets baseball,) but supplemented one buffoonery for another, dropping another fly ball, this time in the bottom of the first to help the Dodgers to an early lead.

I have to admit, yesterday I felt kind of bad for the way Jerry's been jerking him around lately and busting his confidence down further but really, it's pretty much impossible to excuse this. He's a professional athlete, presumably coordinated. Sure, left field isn't his natural position but all we're talking about is catching a fecking fly ball here kids. Certainly this doesn't require a thousand years of practice does it?

More and more whenever I see Murph out there I'm starting to think he's doing some sort of Todd Hundley impersonation out there in left field these days. Every fly ball is a terror. Yeah it was funny a few weeks ago when you tripped and fell on your arse Murph but we're two months into the season now. Are you a professional athlete or a rodeo clown?

And next off, will someone please get Ramon Martinez on the next bus to Buffalo? Not happy with a pair of errors in his début on Monday night, he struck out three times and left four men on base last night. What's left to excuse his presence on a Major League Baseball team, even if it is only the Mets? "Geez, Jerry, he might not be able to field and he sure can't hit but he's a fucking champion with that remote control on the clubhouse giant screen tv. We gotta keep him Jer, we just gotta!"

As bad as Monday night was, as pathetic and humiliating as their performance was, national laughingstocks, they could have immediately eased some of the pressure by I dunno, getting out of the first bloody inning without looking like fools?

Nope.

Instead, this was a regurgitation of the Mets modus operandi of earlier this season - take a lead, let the starting pitcher tire and let the other team tie or take the lead then succumb meekly to the inevitable loss. That's how you end up wasting Frankie Boy pitching a meaningless outing to hold the lead to a mere two runs.

Nice half an outing John.

What difference did it make? Was there really any hope, once that three run homer off Maine was deposited that the Mets were going to stage some miraculous rally to save the game? Not really. That little spurt of a week or two is over and the Mets are back to bowing their heads in shame, apologising for their existence, the butt of jokes around the Major Leagues.

We can say with relief that at least we won't have a September lead to blow this season.

Only a few days ago we repeated the observation that the only team that can really beat the Mets are themselves. And by christ, they are certainly good at that.

******

late Update: It looks like The Magical Murph is getting one last chance, this time, to play 1B tonight. If he doesn't shine at 1B that could be the conclusion of his Mets career. If he does, whoopdeedoo, the Mets problems will be over. (ha!)

I have to admit to feeling a little calmer after listening to Jerry talk his way out of danger with Fat Mike F. on WFAN this evening.

Bad News Mets; Baseball Infants

2009-05-19T06:52:00.005+01:00

G'won then. Bring me a bucket, I've got to puke.

Even by the Mets' low standards, this game was absolute S-H-I-T-E.

For most of you lucky folks, you can go to bed now, have your nightmares and wake up to a new day.

For me, it's nearly 7 in the morning and this is how my day starts; the inexcusably stupid failure by Ryan Church to touch third on his way to scoring the go ahead run in the 11th which not only removed that go ahead run but ended the inning in mid-rally snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

And it only got worse - Angel Pagan in the Bermuda Triangle (which is my new name for the Mets left field position: batting sixth and playing the Bermuda Triangle, Mr Another Incompetent Fielder...), ignored Carlos Beltran's calls for the ball, failed to move out of the way and caused the ball to glance off Beltran's glove for what was frighteningly close to the game-losing play.

But no, that wasn't the game losing play at all, the Mets had more fun in store for us.

With the bases chucked and one out, the admirable Brian Stokes miraculously induced Orlando Hudson into what should have been an inning-ending/rally-killing double play hopper to new first baseman Jeremy Reed....hang on, First Baseman Jeremy Reed??! The guy Omar signed to spell Beltran in center field from time to time during the season playing first base in the 11th inning of a tie game?

Right. And Reed, as we all know, instead of throwing to the catcher, threw the ball into the stands somewhere near the visitor's dugout and that was it. Game over. Another loss. Another humiliation. Another embarrassment. Even Vin Scully was laughing at these idiots, comparing them to the '62 Mets.

The shine of that brief outburst in San Francisco, the glory of being in sole possession of first place in the NL East, the abject delusions of league domination, are all gone. We can put any crazy ideas about going anywhere in 2009 to rest. Officially.

To be fair, I did think the game was already over once Sean Green entered in the bottom of the 9th and the score tied. I was imagining the punchlines whilst he was warming up. And yet, the Mets managed to last two more innings before finally succumbing to their ultimate destiny - losing.

In fact, I don't feel too compelled to bother even talking about Tim Redding's admirable Met debut.

I mean what difference does it make?

What difference does anything these Mets do make when their mental incompetence, their physical inability to field their positions and their stodgy infatuation with finding new and original ways to lose is always going to be standing there in the way like a big, fat bouncer at the door of a nightclub who won't let you in.

As a small consolation prize, my latest weekly piece at Flushing University.

Giddy Streak Grinds To A Halt

2009-05-18T07:13:00.005+01:00

An emotional Giants team, pumped up to try and avoid a first-ever four game sweep at home to the Mets held the Mets to their first shut out of the season just to make sure.

On the bright side, the Mets won three of four on the first leg of their West Coast trip and showed signs of being an offensive juggernaut.

Pelf balked his way to defeat

On the not-so-bright side, the winning streak came to a halt, Big Pelf made a fool of himself with a bizarre psychological National television audience meltdown, balking three times, once nearly tripping over and falling down and being removed for a pinch hitter finally, mercifully, after only 78 pitches in the 7th inning.

You could say that Matt Cain, one of the better pitchers on the Giants staff and now 4-1 with a 2.65 ERA, was simply a superior pitcher waiting to cool the Mets off.

The haunted look in David Wright's eyes returned...

But that wouldn't fully explain why the Mets hit into double plays twice with the bases loaded, first time in the 2nd inning when Cain walked three batters in the inning to load them with none out.

In essence, that was the Mets big chance to break the game open early and finish their sweep of the Giants but instead, Jeremy Reed grounded into a double play and Big Pelf grounded out to end the inning.

Nor does it explain why the Giants bullpen, humiliated for the last three days, were suddenly capable of throwing three shut out inning and preserving the slim two run margin.

Nor does it fully explain why the only recently healthy Angel Pagan pinch hit for The Magical Murph with the bases loaded in the 8th. "I don't think Murphy is swinging quite as well right now," Jerry tried to explain. No shit Jerry, he's made an idiot of himself in the outfield and no looks to have been benched for a 40 year old only to get sporadic starts. Of course he isn't swinging well, he isn't playing enough and his confidence is getting punctured at every turn. Pinch hitting for him in a key situation isn't going to help him either.

The temptation to raise one's hands up to the heavens and moan about a lack of clutch hitting is somewhat tempered by the previous three games when the Mets were exploding runs out of every orifice.

A four game sweep of the Giants in San Francisco is a tall order and even though Pelf made a fool of himself on national television he still pitched decently enough to win most games. Just not yesterday. Yesterday was not the Mets' day.

Not only did they lose but Alex Cora, the successor to Jose Reyes, still suffering from the mysterious "calf" ailment, jammed his thumb sliding into second base leaving Jerry Manual to move Fernando Tatis to shortstop for the first time since 1998 and Jeremy Reed to first base.

After stealing stealing stealing for three games, the Go Go Mets were held without a steal and their lone attempt, by David Wright in the 7th, ended up in an out.

So really just a rubbish game all around.

Delgado looks like he might have to be put down like a horse with that dodgy hip, Reyes' ~~benching~~ calf injury lingers on mysteriously (the Army theory is that once the point had been proved by Jerry, Reyes played a little game of his own called Sulk and screw the Manager by saying that if his calf was allegedly injured it was still injured, even after Jerry said it was ok to end his benching/injury). Reyes will probably suck the rest of the season now. Remember how much he sucked after getting benched by Willie? Pouting and sulking are two of Reyes' strengths. That and showing the baseball acumen of an 8 year old.

Now Cora, who batted lead off yesterday instead of Castillo (why? why ruin a good thing? if it ain't broke don't fix it) isn't available, The Magical Murph's confidence is shattered after a prolonged absence, Sheffield looked his age yesterday at the plate and about the only good thing you could say was despite these defensive musical chairs the Mets managed to get through a game without making any stupid errors - any errors at all in fact which is, for these fielding buffoons, nothing short of a miracle.

So now, after the inevitable blip following a near-sweep, the Mets move down to LA and give Nats reject Tim Redding his first start of the season. Redding of course, was the "insurance" in case Omar failed to sign either Ollie Perez or Randy Wolf during the offseason.

We all know Ollie has a "knee injury", is psychologically unstable and pitches as if he were just learning case declinations in Latin instead of just throwing a bloody baseball.

But Wolf? Why he's starting for the Dodgers on Monday, of course. And unlike Ollie, Wolf actually looks like a pitcher. He has given up just 10 hits and three runs over his last three starts and 17 1/3 innings.

So brace yourselves for another of those ironic little twists of the knife as the feel good vibe fades further.

Paranormal Mets Continue Hot Streak

2009-05-17T06:16:00.004+01:00

Interesting observation from one of the Fox announcers during the Mets' 9-6 reduction of the Giants.

The biggest competition in the NL East is going to be themselves.

Carlos shows he's now happy to get his trousers dirty, even when he doesn't need to slide, like in the 9th inning yesterday.

And when you watch them play like they've played so far in San Francisco you realise that when they ARE playing to their potential offensively, when the top of the order is getting on base as you would expect, creating terror and excitement on the base paths, and the middle of the order is hitting with those men on base as they should, this is in essence, an offensive juggernaut.

Beltran, Sheffield and Wright combined for 9 hits, 6 runs and 6 RBIs all by themselves.

When you see Santana bunting runners forward in the 5th, even with a 3-run lead, you see what is different about these new Mets - they keep applying the pressure over and over and over again. And that is the primary reason they are winning as they are: aggression.

The Mets had scored 11 runs for Santana whilst he was in the game, over his first 7 starts. Yesterday they had 7 by the 5th inning alone.

No pitcher's duel on Saturday

Perhaps the biggest story yesterday was the three runs the Mets tagged Randy Johnson for in the first inning. Not that they scored the runs off Johnson necessarily (although that was impressive) but that they SCORED runs and scored them early in support of Johan Santana, something they haven't done all season.

And when they Mets played their usual wretched defence in support of Santana to help him give up three runs and let the Giants back in the game did the Mets hang their heads or yell at Santana for not throwing a complete game shut out? No, they just put their heads down and scored more runs for him.

In San Francisco, the Mets are baseball gods.

How smart does Omar look now (despite the battering he's taken during the slow start) for signing Gary Sheffield. Remember what a head-scratcher that was? And whilst Omar wouldn't have known that The Magical Murph would field left field like a circus clown and he wouldn't have known the Carlos Delgado was going to end up with major hip problems, Sheffield's presence in the batting order is massive right now.

Come to think of it, like Sheffield, the guy who is banging away as he has replaced Delgado, Fernando Tatis was another old gem re-polished by Omar and brought from obscurity to excel.

Bottom line, the Mets have been fun, fun, fun to watch lately.

Not even Castillo can cool himself off - the Mets have stolen 13 bases in 3 games.

Remember Jerry Manuel's little game in Spring Training, contemplating using Luis Castillo as the lead off hitter in lieu of Jose Reyes? In Castillo, who magically no longer moves like a pensioner and may well be a co-contestant with Sheffield for NL Comeback Player of the Year, the Mets no only have a competent lead off hitter to replace the "injured" Reyes, but one who runs with intelligence, who doesn't seem like he's out of control and too stupid to grasp the game.

And whilst Reyes' "calf" is still dodgy and he missed another game the question must be ringing in Jerry's head about what to do about Reyes' baseball stupidity. After all, a dodgy calf won't allow you to sit him forever so hopefully this time off has calmed him down a bit. You can't put him on the DL for "stupid", can you now?

How ironic that whilst the Kenny Albert and Eric Karros, the broadcast team are in the middle of Hall of Fame accolades for Santana, he gives up a homer run to Aaron Rowand in the 6th? Or that Alex Cora dropped a fly ball to let the Giant's rally continue? What happened to Santana yesterday? Clearly the shock of the level of run support was destabilising.

The Mets won yesterday DESPITE themselves.

How many errors yesterday ladies and gentlemen? Too many errors, that's right.

You'd have to have an awfully limited post season pool to envision the Mets winning a World Series with a Little League defence.

Sure, they're hot now at the plate but once they cool down the defence is still going to be rubbish, the starting pitching and middle relief questionable and the same old woes will likely return.

So enjoy it now, this little run, whilst the Mets batters are hot. When they cool, you'll probably see the same old version of the same old Mets all over again.

Mets Discover In Themselves An Offensive Juggernaut in San Francisco

2009-05-16T15:53:00.005+01:00

It's been quite a fascinating pair of evenings in San Francisco watching the Mets grow as a team, applying relentless pressure on the base paths with hits and aggressive base running to the point that each night the Giants pitchers have wilted under that pressure resulting in two come-from-behind victories which demonstrate a kind of character the team has been missing in the past.

"That team is playing to win a World Series," Giants catcher Benji Molina said after having been incessantly harassed by aggression on the bases by these Mets. "They are not just playing to be in the playoffs."

Playoffs? World Series? Why just a few weeks ago, these Mets were Mutts. Now look at them. 10 wins in their last 12 games. Rallying from four run deficits to victory.

the tongue of desire.

For the second night in a row David Wright proved his mettle with a clutch hit that helped the Mets to victory.

David Wright? Clutch hit? Are these two suddenly synonymous?

Well, it's still early days and there's still a long September looming ahead in the far distance.

Livan Hernandez was disappointing against the oft-amazing Tim Lincecum, allowing 8 hits and 5 earned runs over 5 innings but the Mets were surprisingly effective against Lincecum, getting 10 hits and 5 runs of their own to keep the game close until the late innings.

Sean Green inflated his already bloated Buffalo ERA to 8.80, giving up a pair of hits and a run in one inning of work but Feliciano, Stokes and Frankie Boy spun three scoreless innings to close the game and the victory out.

Tonight we'll see just how serious these Mets are about scoring runs when Johan takes the mound against Randy Johnson.

I believe, time willing, such an attractive match up is worthy of another LIVE BLOGGING SESSION this evening. Stay tuned, kids.

Mets Overcome Disappointment and Mileage to Open West Coast Trip With A Victory

2009-05-15T04:26:00.008+01:00

The Road Trip Of The Season that began when the Mets left from an extra inning loss in New York last night to fly to San Francisco for tonight's game, will see them off to LaLa in four days and then all the way over to Boston thereafter commenced with a 7-4 victory characterised by early sloppy pitching, a long lull in the middle innings, a bullpen failing to hold a lead and a comeback in the 9th.

John Maine's perfect bunt in the 4th more than made up for his sloppy start to the game and added to an insurance run to give the Mets a 4-2 they carried into the 8th. To that point, Giants announcers had shown more replays of a dropped foul ball by a fan with a glove and the subsequent mocking from the fans surrounding him than they had any play of the actual game.

It was rather surprising to see Maine go back out for the 7th inning having thrown over 100 pitches. He managed to get the first two batters of the 7th but when he walked the Benji Molina on 4 pitches, time was up.

After a slow start Maine ultimately pitched well. Over his last 4 starts he's pitched a total of 24 2/3 innings, allowing 16 hits and 6 earned runs. He won three of those starts, doing it all with smoke and mirrors and the only reason he didn't win all four was because of Bobby Parnell.

Brian Stokes was again the picture of success out of the pen, closing out the 7th without a worry but was removed for a pinch hitter (the suddenly hitless Magical Murph, spinning downwards, hitless in his previous 12 at-bats and then out standing there with the bat on his shoulder for strike three).

Bobby Parnell, who hadn't given up a run in May let the Giants drip runs home in the 8th, was nearly rescued by a beautiful hard slider to strike out Aurelio with men on the corners and only one out, but then allowed the Giants to tie the game having nibbled at the lead like those pedicure-giving, flesh-eating fish.

Not good news for the Mets considering Parnell is the logical replacement for JJ should that shot in the elbow not do the trick and frankly, even if the shot allows him some relief, how effective is he going to be as a set up guy the rest of the season? Worries, worries.

Reminiscent of the other night against Atlanta, Carlos Beltran doubled in the 9th and then stole third, again saved by a questionable call - (is Beltran making contributions to the Umpire Retirement Fund?). The Mets end up with an amazing 7 stolen bases on the night.

One batter later, with two men on, one out, the game on the line David Wright singles Beltran home. 3 for 3 on the night with 2 walks and one very clutch hit. As much as Wright has been disparaged this season for meaningless hits, choking in key game situations and failing to make simple throws to first base he's on the books in this game as coming through when it mattered. Now do that for the rest of the season and maybe we'll forget about the uncountable lost opportunities of the past.

But even that clutch hit is drown out by Ramon Castro's two-run single to split the lead back open to 7-4. Just over two weeks ago the Mets couldn't buy a late inning run but of late, during this stretch that has seen them jump into first place, they are no longer daunted by the spector of late inning runs or losing leads or falling behind. Even without Reyes or Delgado the offence is not afraid to score. (Or the Giants bullpen is rubbish, you decide).

Anyone else wonder if the mysterious "calf" problem that Reyes was alleged to suffer is really a benching by the manager in disguise for that pitiful base running display Wednesday night against the Braves?

Sorry kids, no game photos so soon after the game. The dark room is too light.

As a means of compensation, I offer the Fred Lewis blog a certain, infinite source of fascination and entertainment.

K-Rod puts the sleeper hold on the Giants and the game is over.

Well done, lads.

******

Not all the news is good news. The Mets are being slowly decimated by injury. Other than Reyes' mysterious injury and Putz's elbow, Delgado might need surgery. That Sheffield signing is looking better and smarter by the minute, innit?

test LIVE AND UNCUT INTIMATE CANDLELIT BLOGGING

2009-05-13T17:47:00.001+01:00

Mets/Braves Live Blog

Giddy Extra Inning Win Keeps Mets In First

2009-05-13T03:15:00.004+01:00

The victory was everything that the loss the night before, wasn't.

The game culminated on a someone else walking home the winning run for a change. Beltran is finally making a claim for NL MVP. Early, yes, but he is carrying the team on his back.

Down 3-0 in the 8th the Mets staged a brilliant comeback to complete a 4-3 10 inning victory, their first victory when trailing after 8 innings ALL SEASON. That was 13 straight games without a victory when trailing after 8. A big milestone crossed.

Of course, it helped that the ump blew the call with Carlos Beltran boldly stealing 3rd in the 9th inning still trailing by a run. Had the ump gotten the call right no doubt the Mets would have gone down meekly. Instead, they took advantage of a call going their way, played aggressively (not only Beltran's steal, but Reyes' steal of 2nd in the 10th inning which ultimately proved to be the winning run).

Larry wasn't happy his tag out of Beltran was missed. “Let’s just say the baseball gods owe us one,” Larry cried. “The game came down to one play, and the umpire got it wrong. Why he got it wrong, I don’t know.” But that wasn't enough for Larry, he still had more tears to cry: “I never had a guy slide into my glove and be safe,” Jones cried like a school girl. “That’s the whole game. … We played a perfect game and got it taken away from us.”

Thereafter perhaps it was only a matter of time in the bottom of the 10th before the Mets made it official.

So there you have it, a team's win, perhaps the best of the season to date. Come-from-behind, daring, dangerous and of course helped by an inept Braves bullpen who walked home the winning run but a gutty win, the kind of a win from a team with heart. Finally.

*****

Big Pelf showing growing strength

As for the rest of the game leading up to this magical moment, you begin with a very encouraging outing from Big Pelf who threw 7 strong innings of 6 hit, 2 run ball and kept the Mets in the game even as they were being completely shut down by Jair Jurrjens, who held the Mets in check until the 8th inning when he clearly began to tire.

Now, before we get into a huff about the ineffectiveness of the Mets batting order it's important to remember that when it truly counted, they did the job and second, Jurrgens is a great young pitcher.

*****

“Good hitting and stupid base running,” Reyes said. Indeed.

So it was Reyes' massive two-run double off of Jurrgens in the 8th that brought the Mets to the verge yet when he tried like a madman, a greedy, stupid man, to turn the double into a triple, he ended the rally leaving it to Beltran's heroics; the lead off double in the 9th, the dodgy steal of 3rd and then getting sacrificed home by Luis Castillo to tie the game.

The less about J J Putz tonight, the better.

And the more said about K-Rod's two-inning outing last night, his first win as a Met, the better.

*****

In lieu of yet another photo of Wright failing in the clutch how about one of him getting thrown out trying to steal, just for a change of pace, eh?

As for David Wright, a night of mostly bad news: striking out looking in the 4th with two men on for shame and getting thrown out at the plate in the 7th after tripling and trying to score on a shallow fly ball.

You might like the Mets aggressive behaviour on the base paths. It helped win the game last night in a sense but just as easily, it could have lost it for the Mets so whilst aggression is applauded, stupid aggression isn't. Let's see if Jerry's lads can figure out the difference.

And there's still a little trouble fielding that left field position

Might wonder if Delgado needs to go the DH how much it might mess up Murphy's head to platoon with Tatis at first base. Naaah. It's messed up enough already out there.

Could we package Wright and Ollie to the Nats for Zimmerman? Well, after his hitting streak ends, of course. Say, July or August....

Lowe And Behold: The Staff The Mets Could Have Had

2009-05-12T05:11:00.003+01:00

All I can say is that it's a damned good thing this loss came on the heels of a seven game winning streak.

No, didn't QUITE get the ball thrown properly to first yet Mr Wrong...

Otherwise there'd be all sorts of recriminations, finger-pointing and bile spilling from every corner about our ace, Johan Santana, losing to the ace in Derek Lowe the Mets COULD have signed but decided to decide the shit-canned Ollie Perez instead.

Yes, a rotation of Santana, Lowe, Pelf, Maine and Livan would have been one of the best in baseball and instead of signing Lowe to that exhausting contract and making that rotation come to life, the Mets signed Perez and the instead of greatness they continue to struggle to find the strong and consistent Number Two starter in their rotation.

But it wasn't the starting rotation that ailed the Mets last night. Both pitchers did their jobs and the game was knotted at 1 each after 6 innings.

Sort of the way you might have expected it. Ace and against ace.

Sort of the way you might have even hoped for, given that ace against ace was going to lead to the bullpen and the bullpen, by god, is what Omar spent all his bloody budget on this winter in lieu of starting pitching and the bullpen at least, even if the starting rotation can't always be relied upon, is the bloody anchor of this great vessel of a baseball team.

So where were JJ Putz and Frankie Boy, the transcendent set-up man and closer whilst the Mets bullpen was busy putting the game out of reach looking very much like the Mets bullpen of 2007?

Did Jerry Manuel fall asleep in the 7th?

D'oh!

Why wasn't Jose Reyes facilitating Pedro Feliciano's tepid foray into the sublime by allowing that grounder Pedro had induced Brian McCann into, what should have been an inning-ending double play, to be played with style and competence and should have ended the god-damned inning before it had a chance to get worse?

And why for that matter, once Reyes blew it, WHY was the lefty Feliciano still out there to face the righty Diaz with the entirety of the bullpen available to stem the bleeding?

(I'm sure Jerry will have an answer, like the lefty Kotchman due up after Diaz and no more lefties in the bullpen...)

But forget about all that.

Johan contemplates Wright's wrong throw in the first

What is disquieting about this loss is that is like so many others that Johan has started in and that these losses are the games the Mets are supposed to be winning, the ones with their ace, the best pitcher in the National League, on the mound.

Instead, and perhaps eerily reminiscent of the candor of Jose Reyes' admission the other day that they don't always try their hardest or give their most, the Mets seem to stop playing when Johan is pitching, content to stand or sit there watching him in action, not hitting to give him run support and not fielding to give him defensive support.

These are all games, with their ace on the mound, that the Mets should be winning and they add up instead to losses that might, as the season wears on, mean the difference between winning the NL East again finally and finishing yet again as also-rans.

*****

Another Mets article from yours truly up today on Flushing University. Thanks, chaps.

Metsamorphosis Is Complete: Series Sweep, Seven Game Streak and First Place

2009-05-11T05:38:00.004+01:00

It's no big mystery, is it?

Sliding home is just a game

Starting pitching, solid defence, timely hitting, the baseball triad for success.

So often and for so long this has eluded the Mets but during this neat little seven game package that have seen seven wins catapult the Mets into sole possession of first place in the NL East, this is precisely what is propelling the Mets forward.

Yesterday, Mother's Day, Pink Bat Day, it doesn't matter what day right now or the opponent. The Mets are going through their schedule like a knife through hot butter.

Starting pitching: Livan Hernandez tossed 6 solid innings after a sluggish start and other than Sean Green surrendering a two-run homer in the top of the 9th, the bullpen suffocated the Pirates in the later innings. Ever since Ollie shat the bed and was demoted to the "dodgy knee" status and made to disappear, Met starters have had quality starts; 7 in a row to end with 6-0 record and a 2.44 ERA.

Solid defence: other than Reyes' error in the 4th inning on Friday night, the Mets sailed through this series not only without any errors but with the outfield, both corners, and plays like Reyes' run-saving, back-handed stab on the outfield's edge in the 4th, twisting to throw out the Pirate batter on one hop to first.

The Pirate bullpen was like a buffet table of runs in this series

And finally, timely hitting. Over the course of this streak the Mets are no longer falling asleep after jumping to an early lead. They were even behind in this game and rallied from a two run deficit to take the lead in the 4th before padding that lead with a run in the 7th and three more runs in the 8th. A week ago this was unheard of, the Mets scoring late in the game to build on a lead, the Mets coming from behind to take the lead and keep it. This is a new Mets-amorphosis from the gutless, scrawny kids they looked like a week ago. And you can't just blame it all on the Pirates. The Mets have also faced two of their biggest nemesis during this streak in the Braves and Phillies.

No end in sight to Beltran's push for a career-year

During the streak Beltran has 4 homers, 10 RBIs, 22 total bases and a .321 batting average in seven games. The other Carlos, Delgado, is hitting .423 with a .500 on base percentage. Omir Santos has hit .364 and even Reyes has a .412 on base percentage and 6 stolen bases in 6 tries over the last 7 games.

Despite a sluggish start, even David Wright is hitting with runners in scoring position - he's now hitting .302 in such situations and although he's struck out 14 times in 43 such at bats, he's also driven in 16 runners. Only Beltran and Delgado have knocked in more under pressure.

So call this what you will, a blip of surreality in an otherwise unending streak of failure and misery beginning its third season, a sudden burst of awareness that the Mets need to close out precisely these kinds of sweeps against mediocre teams and score even when they think they don't need to any more. There isn't a finite number of runs the Mets will score all season yet they some times play as though there is and they want to conserve those runs until they really need them.

It's taken them a month and a half but if you're letting the warm air get to your head you might just see this 7 game winning streak as the beginning of a season-long run in the NL East.

Or, they tumble back to reality.

For the moment though, these 7 games seem real. These new Mets, without the Ollie Curse, look at though they are ready to stop disappointing us every night.

*****

And Look! They've made it all the way up to 6th in the power rankings

Without Their Manager Mets Smash 17 Hits, Win 6th In A Row And Reach First Place

2009-05-10T06:37:00.006+01:00

You see, it must have been manager Jerry Manuel holding them back all along.

They won't do this for me, why not, oh why not?

You know the games a laughter when Brian Stokes is closing it out.

With Jerry suspended for a game for allowing the tip of his cap to make contact with an ump during a spittle-flying tirade, with Jerry in civvies, laughing it up with Omar's in Jeff Wilopon's suite, the Mets pounded 17 hits and 10 runs, (both season highs) against the laughable Pirates in a rare game where it all comes together, a 10-1 victory, the Mets 6th in a row and a win which, coupled with the Phillies loss to the Braves, moves the Mets back into a tie for first place in the NL East with the Marlins.

That's quite a distance to fly without your manager. I suppose they will now be calling for a longer suspension by tomorrow at this rate. Ask Jerry to punch the ump in the face next time.

You could logically point to a free-falling Pirate team as the source for this sudden Mets inspiration. It isn't easy being a Pirate fan these days. They've lost seven in a row now while the Mets have won six in a row.

Bench players, everyone but the bat boy scored for the Mets yesterday...

And in essence, that's how this game fell with one hot and one ice cold.

In the 4th the Mets had five singles from their first six hitters, hits dropping, bloops falling where they weren't, one after another after another culminating with the suddenly red-hot Jose Reyes' two-run single and the Mets finished with 5 runs in the inning, blowing the game wide open.

What's this you say, the Mets actually BUILDING on a lead? The Mets actually showing a killer instinct? The Mets coasting, cruising, laughing like a team that is ready to now put the rest of the NL East behind them? Whoa.

The first three innings of course, you could see anything happening.

John Maine was pitching as adequately as you can be throwing 102 pitches in six innings despite walking only two and allowing three hits. It seemed like every Pirate fly out to Carlos Beltran in centerfield.

But after Reyes' quick run in the top of the first, nothing much was happening against the Pirates' ace.

(No doubt we were all prepared for the malaise, listening to the same song again as the Mets struggled to hold that 1-0 lead for 4 or 5 innings then saw Maine lose focus, surrender a bunch of walks and eventually the ice cold Pirates inexplicably getting hot, scoring a few runs, enough to see the Mets in some sort of hitless 3-1 hole they wouldn't emerge from all game. This is what we've come to expect by conditioning after all. Not a laughter. Not the Mets piling on runs.)

But that IS what happened. The Mets DID produce 17 hits. They DID add on runs in the 7th and 8th innings, even with a big lead. When was the last time you saw the Mets do that? Not fade as soon as they'd scored a couple of runs and leave it all up to the pitching?

This is the kind of performance you build a new stadium to see.

Even Gary Sheffield got into the act with his first multi-hit game as a Met and a nice, sliding catch in right field in the 7th. Given Ryan Church's struggles at the plate of late, Sheffield might be seeing some regular playing time again which in turn, could see him rejuvenated at the plate. Someone's gotta win, someone's gotta lose.

If you want a little bad news (other than if you're Ryan Church) you can start getting in some early worrying about J J Putz and Jerry working him to death so early in the season that he's "not injured" but "generally fatigued" after appearing in 16 of the Mets first 28 games. He's struggled in two of his last three outings but perhaps a few days off will see him bounce back. You just don't want to see your set up guy endangered by fatigue or injury with so few candidates behind him should he falter. Bobby Parnell is the only other reliable, competent arm should Putz go down. But not to worry. Not today anyway.

Yes, the hits are falling but look at these Mets starters. Six straight quality starts since they ended the Ollie Perez Nightmare. Think that's a mere coincidence? That Perez wasn't like some contagious disease of incompetence? 6 starts without him in the rotation, 6 quality starts, allowing just 10 earned runs in 38-1/3 innings for a 2.35 ERA. That's the backbone of this little streak. Getting the pen some rest, quality starts and a few hits after the first inning when it matters.

This is a Mets team you could grow to like real quickly.

The question is will they show up again today?

After all the Mets might just be in their annual teasing stage.

Edge? Mets Add Late Inning Rally To Their Repertoire

2009-05-09T06:30:00.004+01:00

Suddenly the Mets aren't looking quite like laughingstocks any more.

Although only five games worth of a winning streak, the Mets have not only swept their two chief rivals in the NL East but have now added an uncharacteristic late-inning rally to their growing list of achievements.

Sure, the first week in May is a little late to be getting your first late inning rally but finally you have to like what looks to be the Mets beginning warm up to the 2009 season.

Old Man River Keeps Rolling

Carlos Delgado, a one-man wrecking crew with 5 RBIs (just passing Mickey Mantle on the All-Time RBI list)has proven the cortisone shot to the hip was enough to keep him blasting away a little longer as he continues to edge towards the 500 homer mark. His three-run shot last in the 8th last night was the catalyst to the Mets win.

Castillo shows Beltran how to slide at home.

The Magical Murphy, continuing to establish himself as perhaps one of the game's better young hitters, showed off his improved defensive skills with some fine catches in left field.

The Future Is Here?

And perhaps most importantly, Jonathon Niese, in his first MLB start of the season, seized the opportunity for a permanent starting role in the rotation by tossing 6 fine innings of two-run, seven hit ball while striking out five and walking none. One of those runs was the direct result of an outfield blunder/miscommunication between Carlos Beltran and Ryan Church.

It was by no means perfect baseball from the Mets and probably more a result of facing the rubbish Pirates, losers of 10 of their last 11 than a great game. In addition to the outfield gaffe, Reyes had an error and Niese threw a wild pickoff play. The bullpen, spewing forth Sean Green, Tagahashi, Bobby Parnell and Putz, gave up a run put was generally effective over the final three innings of the game, especially compared to the Pirates pen, which collapsed by surrendering 5 earned runs over only 2 2/3 innings.

Be glad you aren't stuck supporting the Pirates, even if they do have several young, talented players. There is a clear pattern to their losing which, with a better bullpen would almost mirror the Mets previous woes:

1. Starting pitcher does well.

2. Offense does next to nothing.

3. Bullpen gives it up late.

So, whilst we could easily bemoan why a stiff like Jeff Karstens was able to hold the Mets to two runs and seven hits over six innings, bemoan the absence of lead-building until the 8th or bemoan the slow start until now, we could equally rejoice for the moment because for the moment anyway, the Mets look like they might possibly know what they're doing.

The funny thing is, if it holds, we might look back on the GM's statements as the ignition point, the snap of the fingers that snapped these Mets out of their somnambulism.

Moyer's Batting Practice Outing Lets Mets Jump Ahead Early And For Good

2009-05-08T06:59:00.004+01:00

The Mets beat up Jamie Moyer with a pair of two-run homers, one from Beltran and one from David Wright in the first inning to turn an early 1-0 deficit into a 4-1 lead. (Yes, the same Beltran who hadn't had a homer against Moyer in 50 some odd at-bats and the same Wright whose infrequent dalliances into clutch hitting with men on base has been wanting to say the least...)

BaddaBing

BaddaBang

But are these the new Mets or the same auld Mets with a brief little giddy-up in the stride at the moment?

A three-run lead after the first inning is the first hint. All season to date the Mets have jumped to early leads only to see those leads wither.

Last night, with Big Pelf on the mound steadying the ship and keeping the Phillies quiet, the Mets meticulously added to their lead to make sure there was enough space in there to keep the Phillies' inevitable rally falling short.

Reyes pounded a solo shot in the 2nd to increase the Mets lead to 4; the first three-homer outing from the Mets at Citi Field ever.

Castro's insurance runs interrupt Keef's observations...

Keef's rare appearance with his security crew out of the booth and at the Taqueria queue in the 3rd inning created a rock-star-like scene and saw the Mets load the bases for Castro with only one out and a chance to break the game open for good. Despite hitting .182 as a team with the bases loaded this season, Castro hits a two-run double to expand the Mets lead to an obese 7-1 to finally knock Moyer out of the ~~batting practice~~ game.

From thereafter, with the Mets having laid the ground rules for yet another atypical victory, Keef was followed throughout the stadium, place to place making observations like how good a spot the Acela dining area by the foul pole would be for anti aircraft fire.

Combined with Ron Darling's earlier observations of the grips of Santana and Doc Gooden, an A-One night for the broadcast booth as well. Or maybe it's just the feel good vibe of the Mets bitch-slapping the Phillies.

Hey Ump, how about trying not to be such an incompetent douchebag?!

And by the 8th, circus tactics by the new scumbag extraordinaire Victorino with his forearm shiver to Reyes in the basepaths which ultimately got Jerry ejected as well. His first of the season. Interesting in that you don't often see managers ejected from games where they hold a commanding lead. Just goes to show you these Mets are taking things perhaps a little more seriously than they've looked like they were taking things early on. Does this team have some balls, some street guts, some meanness in them yet?

Then again, with Pedro Feliciano negating whatever good vibes he put out last night by letting this game shrink from 7-2 to 7-5, Jerry must have known innately how desperate the Mets would become in later innings. 11 of the 24 homers Pedro has given up has been against the Phillies. Pedro is not the Phillies Killah but the Phillies Lap Dog. Sure the runs were unearned and certainly undeserved, given that they arose from an ump's idiot call, but the ump didn't give up that homer, innit?

Wonder if it's time to give Church his regular job back in right field until he gets his swing back?

Anyway, K-Rod Kloses 'Em Out yet again to FINALLY move the Mets over .500.

It's clear the Mets

Manny, Busted

2009-05-07T18:13:00.002+01:00

Well anyone else still think we should have signed Manny now that he's been suspended for 50 games?

Mets Squeak Out Another Victory Taking Advantage of Phillie Mistakes

2009-05-07T02:47:00.003+01:00

It was tense.

It was compelling.

It was a victory.

The Mets third victory in a row coming against the Braves and Phillies.

Superman!!!

This evening it was a dominating Johan Santana facing an inexplicably dominant Chan Ho Park with the Mets getting a breather only when Park was foolishly lifted for a pinch hitter in the 7th.

The Chan Ho of a Decade Ago.

Once Park was gone, so was the Phillie magic.

In the bottom half of the inning Carlos Delgado led off with a walk and eventually scored the lone run of the game, dodgy hip and all, galloping around the bases after Pedro "Happy" Feliz inexplicably threw the ball over first base and right fielder Jayson Werth inexplicably held on to the ball rather throwing home immediately. A sliding Delgado just beat the eventual throw home for the lone run of the game.

In fact, inexplicable all around. It was almost as though the Phillies had conspired to give the Mets a run. Just so they could kick them in the shins in the 9th.

Then came Pedro Feliciano, pitching beautifully and surprise-surprise, K-Rod to close it out despite a lengthy outing the night before in Atlanta.

Just like that, a third victory in a row and a nice clean victory over the Phillies at home.

If you want to moan, perhaps wonder why only the Mets couldn't a single hit off Park until Murphy's double with two out in the 5th.

But that's splitting hairs. This was a satisfying win to inch back to .500.

Now let's see 90 more.

Mets Win Again, But Only Just

2009-05-06T06:41:00.006+01:00

You might have expected a loss out of this. Bone head fielding in the 8th and 9th innings by Castillo and Delgado but miraculously, the Mets escaped.

So many chances.

Is Kawakami the new Santa? Nope, Daniel Murphy swings at ball four with the bases loaded and two outs in the second to end what should have been a game-breaking rally early on.

In the 3rd, a slow curve David Wright laces for an RBI double. Meaning Wright, for the second night in a row has a base hit to drive in a run when a man was in scoring position. And it was Wright who bristled most publically at Omar Minaya's characterisations of team character. Connecting flight to Clutchville, Mr Wright?

In the 3rd, the Braves run themselves out of an early rally on a good play following a rubbish bunt by Livan Hernandez. When Livvy gives up a single right after that it turns out a run was saved.

If the Mets had batting averages with RISP like the Braves do they'd be undefeated so far this season.

5th starter puts most of the rest of the rotation to shame. Are you watching, Ollie?

Nonetheless, in that same 3rd, Livvy has worked himself into a bases loaded situation with Laaaaarrrrry to the plate.

Double play line-out. More base running blunders costs the Braves. You see? THIS is how to enjoy the Mets, taking greater and greater schadenfreude from the blunders of the opponents! Now if only it would happen more frequently than those committed by the Mets...

In the 4th we can play a little game. Two men on, one out, meat of the order to the plate. Will the Mets take the opportunity to increase their lead or will their will slowly funnel down the drain? Delgado gives us a good idea with two horrific swings on two consecutive changeups to strike out. Still, Wright to follow, all sorts of disasters are possible.

Just the usual, Wright strike three with the bat on his shoulders, end of rally. Looks like the good old days never left. And when he's up again in the 7th, nobody on, one out, nothing matters, of course he gets a base hit. Pressure's off. Gak!

Livan rolling through the innings inducing what seems like inning-ending double play after inning-ending double play to keep the Mets' slim lead.

This is not the usual way to go about it for the Mets. Yes, the early two run lead but by now, most Met starters other than Johan have had their period of inexplicable wildness allowing the opponents to claw the lead back. By now it should be 4-2, Braves ahead, if we were following the normal pattern but instead the Braves run themselves out of innings or ground into double plays.

But, by the 7th, Livan is tiring, two men on, one out, he's pulled, logically, to let the bullpen do their stuff. Amazing how much better the Number 5 starter performs than the rest of the rotation. Sad, really.

Bobby Parnell doesn't care. He gives up a run-scoring single after blowing away Greg Norton. 2-1. The Braves have an NL-best 59 runs scored with two outs. But he's left in there to try and redeem himself. And Parnell gets it done.

Now logically, after coming so perilously close to losing your lead, seeing it cut to a mere run, even with your gob-smacking bullpen to close it out, you're going to want some insurance runs. Two or three runs here would break the spirit of your opponent. The Killer Instinct. The one the Mets don't have.

Mets go down, 1-2-3. Puppies. Whimpering little puppies.

And in the bottom of the 8th? Luis Castillo, jackal, boots an easy ground ball opening the door for a Braves rally. Putz gets his gut check. Is he easily distracted? Coughing up an easy out like that is enough to spoil anyone's appetite but Putz gets Garrett Anderson to pop out. Brilliant job by Putz.

And on the heels of that brilliant outing from Putz, it is the Braves that gak and choke. Costly errors bloat the Mets lead to a demoralising three runs in the 9th.

But wait! Just when you thought it was safe to breath, the Mets holding on to a nice three run lead, two outs in the 9th, your closer to close it out for you and what happens? Delgado lets a game-ending pop out pop out of his glove!

Pssst, Jerry. You did well getting these Mets to practice hitting to opposite fields but how about some extra training on catching a simply bloody pop up?! How many times have we seen this? The Murphy and Sheffield in left field have done it two or three times between them. Delgado nearly blows the game because he can't close his glove in time. Is this difficult stuff? Basic baseball?! Jaysus, did they give you that cortisone shot in your hand?

And how about K-Rod's Armando Benitez impression? Did you watch him continue to feed that Brave scrub fastball after fastball when it was clear the scrub had his number? As if K-Rod's "manhood" was being challenged? Jaysus, remember how Armando used to go mad with that bloody fastball, challenging and challenging until the batter got their measure and bam! Out of the park.

But K-Rod's breaking ball, to be fair, wasn't going for strikes. He doesn't have much choice. Heat, heat, heat.

So it all comes down to K-Rod versus Chipper, clinging to a one run lead. THE moment of the game.

Phew.

Chalk up another notch in the belt of internal fortitude for the Mets. This was a game they should have won easily and then, because of gaffes left and right and the closer's inefficiency, it could well have been yet another heart-breaking loss.

Instead, the Mets sweep the two game series at Turner Field and prepare to host the Phillies with K-Rod probably cashed for at least a game after that inefficient but effective save.

AntiMets, Like Antimatter, A Perplexing Cosmic Conundrum

2009-05-05T17:46:00.003+01:00

Last night ladies and gentlemen, you feasted on what we like to call here the "AntiMets" which are the Mets doing everything the opposite of what they usually do, let's say for example, as their opponents would do, in order to win the game.

Why go all the way to Afghanistan to kill when there are still so many good targets in Atlanta?

Early Lead Disappears: Whilst normally one of the predominant qualities of a typical Met loss, establishing an early lead and watching it frittered away, last night it was the Atlanta Braves who established a 3-0 lead after five innings only to watch it evaporate mysteriously.

Late Inning Scoring: One of the more serious offences the Mets have committed throughout the April schedule was an abject failure to score in the late innings, the general rule being if you were ahead of the Mets by even a tiny little run after 6 innings you could be pretty much guaranteed their Choking Dog Lineup would fail to generate any offence. Oh, they'd get men on base, usually by virtue of opponent error or opposing pitcher walks or hit batsmen but as far as generating late inning hits with runners in scoring position, forget it. The Mets don't do late inning rallies. Until last night. Four runs in the 6th, another pair in the 7th. Baddabing, baddabang. That notorious Met bullpen can HOLD a lead most of the time, they just can't create one, see?

Dire, Humiliating Performances Against the Braves: In this case, the pattern has not been set in the first month of this season rather by a clear case history, lasting at least a generation, of failing, choking, losing to the Braves when it mattered. Especially in Atlanta. The Mets winning in Atlanta is so rare it is not even listed on the 2009 Calendar of Celestial Events. If you expect it to happen again tonight, get back on the meds, kiddies!

Nah, not REALLY the first clutch hit he's had since Team America, is it?

David Wright Up With Men On Base Doesn't Choke When It Matters: This of course is the most astonishing of all the events leading to the this sighting of the AntiMets. It happened in the 6th inning with the Mets down 3-2. Man on base, the perfect opportunity for David to strike out swinging feebly or to ground into a weak double play. Instead? Whammo, home run and a 4-3 lead the Mets would never relinquish. Let's hope this rare event is what was needed to shake Mr Wright out of his batting stupor.

There were many other occurrences last night that nearly defied belief but for now, let's allow these to suffice. Let's stick a nice dollop of humble pie on the barbie and relish how very wrong we were, for one night anyway, to ever disbelieve in the possibility, like The Great Pumpkin, that the AntiMets can not only resurface but prevail against their evil counterpart, the Mets.

*****

Also for your reading pleasure, I do appear in Creating Olliestein thanks to Flushing University.

Was There Ever Any Doubt In Your Mind?

2009-05-03T06:45:00.006+01:00

Be honest now...

Not only does he slide, but now he dances!

After Pedro Feliciano blew the Mets' fragile one-run lead in the 6th inning by allowing Raul Ibanez to homer on one pitch, you knew it was just a matter of time, great bullpen or no great bullpen, before the Mets found a way to lose this one, dinchya?

Is this the Joe Smith Walk of Shame or the Scott Schoeneweis Walk of Shame?

I will admit myself that I expected the Phillies to win this game in regulation. It was rather shocking that they didn't pull it off until the 10th inning and even then, only after Sean Green gave up a single, hit a guy and walked two more to allow the winning run to walk home.

Why is it accepted baseball logic that your closer sits in the pen with the game tied on the road and you are only one pitch from losing the game? I mean the entire premise, that you will score a run, have a lead to protect in what, say the 12th or 13th inning, is rather convoluted. If you have a lead, it will take at least two runs to beat you. If the game is tied, only one run will beat you. Wouldn't it make more sense having your best reliever out there NOT GIVING UP THE ONE RUN THAT CAN BEAT YOU rather than worrying about the outside chance your choking dog team that hasn't scored after the 5th inning in like 3 years is magically going to score in the late innings and have a lead for the closer to protect?

It's stupid, stupid adherence to ideas that simply aren't applicable to the Mets. It demonstrates Manuel is an idiot. An idiot who follows baseball logic in lieu of reality. He might as well as have pitched the 10th himself. Sean Green has an 8.76 ERA for crissakes. He gave up FOUR runs in one inning in his last outing against the Marlins a few days ago and the only reason he didn't give up twice that amount against the Phillies last night is that the won the game as soon as he gave up the first run!

Well, at least K-Rod is rested. For that late run in September, hahahahahahahaha.

Are you wondering where the rabid spittle-laden diatribe on Ollie Perez is?

I'm not going to bother, that's where. I believe at this point there isn't a human on earth who thinks Perez is mentally or physically fit enough to pitch in the Major Leagues.

Buffalo? You think they want this tosser? (And I mean "tosser" in the sense of what it means in England, not some baseball short hand for pitcher....)

Where are you hiding now, scumbag?

Is Buffalo realistically a deep enough demotion? Why don't we go and find Vinny Castillo, who abused Ollie in his stint for Team Mexico and leave him on the front door?

Better still, ship him to St Lucie and have him change places with Jenrry Mejia, who has allowed one earned run or fewer in four of his five starts?

Bah, what difference does it make?

This is not a team that should be taken seriously, despite its payroll, a team that can't come from behind or win in the late innings. Yes, they did come back a time or two yesterday, cut deficits, showed they don't ALWAYS just roll over and play dead but these were tentative little moments. Even when the Mets went ahead in the fifth by a run EVERYONE knew that lead wouldn't hold, right? What does that tell you about the Mets?

In an unrelated query, does any one know why Jose Reyes, 0 for 5 last night, is hitting only .213 on the road this season?

******

Well, today, lucky day. We face Joe Blanton.

This is a joke, really. If you look at the quality of starting pitchers the Mets have faced in this series against the Phillies you'd think we could have swept this series easily. I mean, Chan Ho Park, Jamie Moyer and Blanton. You think WE have problems? Try making these three chumps the core of your rotation.

Sure, none of them are Ollie Perez but do they have to be? This trio has combined to give up 57 runs in just 70 cumulative innings pitched. Is there a good reason the Mets are not scoring double digits every game in this series?

Shake your head and spit. It's the Mets, 2009. Shake your head and spit.

Omar Finally Sees the Light And Mets Actually Win A Game

2009-05-01T20:16:00.003+01:00

One game is just that, one game.

Often a good performance in the Mets catalogue of seasonal performances is followed by an equally bad one. That is their M.O. (in addition to choking and failing in the clutch generally,) inconsistency.

So while I won't fall all over myself with praise for what was perhaps one of the more promising performances of this young season, one simple 7-4 victory over the hated Phillies in Philadephia is not going to erase much of the growing scepticism about this team.

Omar: I know NuhZink!

I thought more significant was Omar Minaya opening up with some honest words about the team he constructed:

"We have good guys, solid professionals," Minaya told Fox on Thursday. "There is a smile on David Wright's face, a smile on Jose Reyes' face. But there is not an edge to them. Some people see edge as leadership. Sometimes you need a little meanness to your game.

"Some people perceive leadership as meanness. I couldn't tell you that we have that type of guy. We have leaders. But everyone's perception of leadership is different."

Of course, he didn't stick by these words. After all, even though the two examples he provided weren't players he acquired this is in essence, HIS team, his faulty construction of smiling faces hiding what has been evidenced for two years running as a team built on charm rather than grit.

But the fact that he would even say the words, single out the golden boys of the franchise, The Core, is evidence enough that everyone is fully aware of just how sick and tired Mets fans are of being baseball's laughingstocks.

So yes, redemption for one night and let's enjoy it.

Wooooo! This is so fun I might try it again

I mean it isn't every day that Carlos Beltran slides and gets his pants dirty, is it?

And no, the Mets haven't changed their colours in winning - they still failed to score a single run to pad their lead after the 5th inning and whilst they almost lost their 5 run lead entirely, for one night anyway, the lead didn't disappear entirely and they managed to outlast even this Phillies team, famous for their come-from-behind victories which in and of itself is a victory albeit a minimal one, for the Mets.

After all, if you look at what Lennon wrote the other day about the Mets lacking heart you see the stunning yet hardly surprising point:

Often, it's hard to pin down the intangibles with numbers, but not in this case. With Wednesday's loss to the Marlins, the Mets (9-12) stumbled to 1-10 when trailing after six innings. After seven, they are 0-11.

As for the Phillies, they have come from behind in nine of their 11 wins and are 5-6 when down after six innings. They also were the best in the majors after the sixth inning with 56 runs, a .320 batting average and 15 homers before Wednesday's loss to the Nationals.

*****

Still, a nice timely homer early from The Magical Murph who continues to let his hitting drown out the howls of protest of his glove, combined with the appearance of Chan Ho Park as the Philly's starter should have guaranteed the Mets victory despite Big Pelf's 0-8 lifetime record in May before last night.

******

I can tell you something I would almost guarantee: unless there is a serious problem with Ollie other than his mental weakness and lack of focus, I mean a physical problem, you can be sure he is going to be masterful this afternoon.

You know why? Not because he's a Philly Killah, which he has been, but because after all these rubbish starts, these horrific, embarrassing outings, just when the Mets are sick to death of him and ready to send him on the next slow bus to Buffalo, of course he's going to pull a gem out of his arse and postpone for another season his ultimate destination to doom.

I mean, isn't that how it works? Pitch badly enough that everyone wants you dead and then just before you get your final cigarette and you're standing in front of the firing squad, like magic, you remember how to focus and pitch properly.

That's Ollie. Pitching just enough to avoid demotion.

But if it nets the Mets a second victory, eff it. I'm all for it. Go Ollie, go.

Mets An Ever-Flowing Fountain Of Losing

2009-04-29T19:58:00.005+01:00

Nothing changes but the new ways the Mets find to lose.

Last night, a blown four run lead in the 7th, today, a blown one run lead in the 8th.

Different goats every night. A veritable smorgasbord of goats, losers and chokers.

Nothing changes but the new ways the Mets find to lose.

How about a nice strikeout by David Wright with two on and none out in the 9th? By god, gone for a few days and what happens when I return? Mr Wright continues a season-long audition for Mr Wrong, Mr Can't Hit When It Matters. Not unless it's another rally-killing double play in the third inning.

Why not strand base runners, 14 of them, for good measure including 3 in the bottom of the 9th today when Omir Santos popped up to end the game? Santos of course, knackered no doubt running back from the bullpen to pinch hit for Ramon Castro, was afforded the opportunity to win the game on his birthday but why should he be any different from his higher paid, more respected team mates who fade in late innings day in and day out like cheap sun bed tan?

I won't harp on it. I'm sure anyone reading this is already sick watching the Mets fumble their way through a pathetic April of disappointment.

Instead, how about harping on the bloody instant replay?

Or the idiots who can't keep their hands away from interfering, or in the case of today's muppet, trying to interfere on balls which are in play but making an arse of himself intead.

Can you imagine if interference discounted a Fernando Tatis homerun? Lifetime ban from the Food Court should be the punishment. Or a one way trip to Mexico.

Sing it together with me fans, "9 and 12, 9 and 12!" Whoooop! What a great start to the season.

And now, yes indeed, the Phillies up next. Cover your eyes for this one...

The Game By Game Guide To Public Humiliation

2009-04-23T18:55:00.003+01:00

If increasing their stature as League Laughingstocks was their goal, the Mets have certainly seen great success in getting swept by the Cardinals, each game a progressively bigger, demoralising disaster.

Pobrecitos.

If Santana had pitched in this series he'd probably have been hit in the head by an errant throw to first by David Wright.

Maybe the Mets are the anti-Cardinals.

NOTES
Oh goody, Sheff in Left. Omir behind the plate.

Am I the only one who still thinks "PITCHER" every time I see Rick Ankiel's name in the batting order?

(Or at least he made that diving, fully extended catch to steal Sheffield's extra base hit and then hit that homer.)

You know what the best thing about this mlb.com tv thing? No bloody commercials. Not a peep about watery American lagers. Just silence. It's wonderful.

In the 5th, bases loaded, 1 out for David Wright. Whattaya think?

4 base hits in one inning. Result, 1 run. Met Inefficiency at it's finest.

Cardinals open the 5th with 2 hits. Result, 2 runs.

Even the Cardinals telly broadcast team are inoffensive. Is everyone on soma in St Louis?

Hernandez joins the conga line of Met starters who pitch batting practice during games.

Whattaya know, the Mets are folding again.

No chance that K-Rod is going to break his own save record this season. He's getting more time off than Pedro.

I'm going to go on strike now from Mets blogging until the Mets win another game.

Actually, I'm going to the FÉNYÍRÓK FESZTIVÁLJA in Győr for a few days. Hopefully the Mets will have won again by the time I return and the repugnant start to the season will magically disappear. Ha.

Mets Roll Over And Whimper To Have Their Bellies Scratched

2009-04-23T06:16:00.004+01:00

This is what you call a baseball game devoid of any inspiration.

You know what words of encouragement and hope the genius manager had to say after the game, a third consecutive Mets loss?

“We can’t continue to perform and pitch in this manner and expect to be champions of this division.”

Jeez Jerry, are you sure about that?

Are you absolutely certain that the Mets can't expect to be champions of the division if three of their five starting pitchers look like they'd struggle in Triple AAA let alone the Major Leagues? No doubts slinking around in the back of that clever little mind of yours that a continued streak of clutchless hitting and meek capitulation night in and night out is precisely the formula that will win the NL East?

Captain Mediocre fell to 0-2 with a 7.47 ERA in three starts to open the season.

John Maine, you aren't ready to come back yet.

You belong in Buffalo with Ollie and Pelf learning how to be pitchers instead of clubhouse furniture. Among this trio, nearly 37 innings pitched, 32 earned runs surrendered. That's not pitching, that's squandering. That's malingering.

No Jerry, as you so cleverly pointed out, you are not going to win the NL East with these three pitching like they're being paid by the earned run rather than the out.

And of course, it's not just the rotation.

This is the second night in a row the Mets batters floundered in the late innings. Of course, this time they didn't even have a lead to lose so instead of watching the Cardinals come back, they watched the Cardinals build a bigger lead. That's what you call diversity. Never lose the same way twice. Keep us guessing...

Let's see, will it be the horrific pitching or the lack of clutch hits that is our downfall tonight? How about Little League errors in the outfield? How about a team superstar who thinks Jesus won't love him back if he gets his pants dirty? How about that gagging sound that drowns out any stadium of fans whenever the Mets realise they have to score after the first inning to win games?

It is demoralising, considering the absurdist moments of Tuesday night's game, that the Mets had no answer to being knocked down and kicked. Didn't even dust themselves off. Just lie there, waiting to be kicked again. And again.

What you see with the Cardinals is a well-disciplined, well-coached team that knows how to execute. What you see with the Mets is a lack of direction, an inability to execute, a blasé dysfunctional group of players, floundering.

Yes, we hear you. It's not even May yet. Two games under .500. Still plenty of time, 148 games to turn it all around, blablabla. I don't care what the Phillies record is or that the Marlins are cooling off.

You're right Jerry, these Mets are not going anywhere with the way they've been playing but down.

So, Mr Manager, do your job. Don't explain the obvious to us. Sort the team out and get them rolling or frankly, you'll be gone on the first midnight telephone call on a West Coast trip after the All Star break.

Meet The Mets, A Baseball Team With No Balls

2009-04-22T18:29:00.004+01:00

You'd be hard pressed to find someone who looked less like a Major League baseball player last night than The Magical Murph tripping over his own feet out in left field in the 8th, falling on his arse, lamely reaching up to try and catch it but letting yet another easy fly ball to fall safely to ruin another game.

Sure, left field is not his normal position but jaysus, it's not like he was chasing a sinking line drive, is it then? This was pretty much a routine fly ball, easy out.

Nonetheless whilst he will no doubt absorb most of the blame for last night's 6-4 loss make no mistake, the loss was a collective effort, a farcical adventure of miscues, weird plays and the usual incompetence.

But whatever percentage of blame Murphy deserves is irrelevant. There is now clearly a problem with his fielding and despite his gorgeous swing and precocious bat, he may well have to be removed from the lineup. There's simply nowhere out there to hide him.

Don't wanna get my uniform dirty by sliding home with the go ahead run...

"I was too close to slide into home plate," Beltran said later of his ridiculous lack of effort. "I was running, looking at the ball, and I didn't realize how close I was."

Hmmm, I dunno, you're making a break for home plate and you aren't thinking about possibly having to slide to make it there safely? I think even Little Leaguers are aware of these scenarios, aren't they?

Play it safe, Carlos, especially with your fragile little body. Play it safe and just kind of walk into the tag, minimising fuss. We didn't really need the run anyway, no sense putting yourself out.

You know what the problem is? The same problem he had in Game 6 against these Cardinals a few years ago. The same problem he has when he thinks he should bunt instead of swinging away. The same problem this whole team has had, the core, rotten as it is with fear.

They have no balls.

A player with balls would have reached around or run through the catcher if for some crazy reason he couldn't slide. He wouldn't have just passively allowed himself to be tagged out like the Mets passively allowed themselves to be overtaken in September by the Phillies the last two seasons.

No don't get me wrong, I didn't say the team doesn't have heart. They all want to win, sure. They all try very hard. But they've got no killer instinct, no street fighting sense.

They're too bloody meek which is why instead of building on early leads they let the other team, time and time again, fight and claw their way back to even the score or even take the lead themselves.

The pattern is crystal clear, for more than two years running now and as much as Jerry Manuel talks tough about cutting people and comes up with clever little inventions which despite myself, I find endearing, Jerry Manuel is not the kind of manager the Mets need.

They need a manager who is going to terrify them. They need a manager who is going to instill a killer instinct in them. Not one who scratches his head with the same bewilderment that his players do but a manager who is going to go ballistic about these kinds of mistakes, this kind of choking, break shit in the clubhouse, through colossal tantrums, epic tirades. A man the Mets will be too afraid to lose under.

But there is none on the horizon.

So limping along, squandering leads, choking with runners in scoring position, losing and generally affirming their position as the laughingstocks of all of baseball looks like the only option left available.

So laugh along with the Mets this season. The Captains of Underachievement.

Or, we can just shrug and say That's How It Goes, a perfect slogan for the Mets if I've ever seen one.

Citi Field, The World's Greatest Food Court

2009-04-21T17:24:00.002+01:00

Thanks to the good lads at Flushing University, you can now read my most recent column here and which is excerpted below:

Although I wasn't around when Teatro all Scala opened in Milan in 1778, something tells me the reviews of the Salieri's opening performance of Europa riconosciuta in the world's greatest opera house weren't overrun with laudatory verses about the spaghetti alle vongole being sold during intermission.
Yet after a week's opening run of official baseball at Citi Field the recurrent observation by the media and even fans seems to focus more on the ponderous abundance of quality nosh than it does on the quality of play on the field.

Happy reading and let's hope the change of venue does the Mets some good.

Sticking With The New Recipe

2009-04-20T06:27:00.003+01:00

Although Jerry Manuel didn't reveal this is in the post-loss press conference he found so hilarious, the Mets have indeed discovered a three star recipe for losing they find agreeable.

You start with an opposing pitcher who doesn't have his right stuff, at least early on, and you fill up the bases with Mets. Oh, you'll also need a mediocre club behind them on the one side and of course on the other side an absurdly talented and well paid team of 9 players on the other side who you will need to be able to put up gaudy numbers for at-bats that don't matter, just so the expectation is raised high enough.

Then, instead of driving all those runners home like the normal chef would do, (here is the secret for those of your trying this at home), you leave those runners on base so that even if you do manage to squeak out a run or even two, the lead isn't so insurmountable that the opposing team becomes demoralised.

Next you allow whatever slim you have to slowly drizzle away, inning by inning until either the score is tied or you've actually managed to fall behind by a run or two.

Simultaneously, in your own at-bats in the middle innings you will again put numerous runners on base and in scoring position and make sure that each of your hitters, no matter how famous or how well he hits with nobody on base, fails in that key moment to deliver anything but a weak bouncer back to the pitcher, a double play grounder or better still, strikes out weakly.

This is the key ingredient folks, and whilst the temptation to drive runners in to take the lead might be there, ignore that temptation and stick closely to the recipe because it is proven to work.

Then, once you're down to oh, let's say the final inning or two, once again you've got to put runners on base and again, make sure at least one is in scoring position, then strikeout or ground out into a rally-killing double play. This way the game remains exciting but the result, a loss, is easily achievable.

And that is how you make a Mets Typical Loss.

And voila, Brewers 4 Mets 2.

1-0

2009-04-18T18:25:00.008+01:00

I suppose we shouldn't be picky.

A win is a win, right?

Maybe Santana should be developing secret handshakes with the Mets bats rather than the players who swing them since that seems to be getting him no where.

A brilliant Johan Santana start, seven innings worth of it, and flowed by the intimidating precision of the Mets 1-2 knock out punch from the bullpen in the form of Putz and K-Rod saw the Mets shut Brewers batters down for the day. Completely.

Shhhh, we're trying to enjoy this.

Don't ask aloud why the Mets only scored one run and even that, barely so.

Don't spoil the party by bemoaning more pathetic plate performances - that the Mets for example, went 0 for 5 with runners in scoring position.

Sorry, I'm not buying the Yovani Gallardo as the Mexican Cy Young comparison just yet

After all, Santana doesn't complain. Look how they treat him: four runs in support in three starts.

Is that taking the piss or what? Four runs in three starts? That's not support. That's standing around and watching. Closing your eyes in the dugout and imagining support.

Not that he's needed it. Have you memorised the statistic yet? Say it with me:

In 19 2/3 innings this season, Santana has allowed one earned run — for a 0.46 earned run average.

So it's not like he's asking much out of these Met batters.

And Mets batters failing in clutch situations is no surprise but seeing The Magical Murph get benched in favour of a very dodgy Gary Sheffield in left field raised more than a few eyebrows.

Clearly Santana has put the word out; he doesn't want that kid out there dropping fly balls. After all, it was Murph's fault that Santana had to withstand a lost against Josh Johnson and the Marlins his last time out.

I tried to send Santana an email after the game since I haven't got access to the exclusive Shitty Field interview room. I tried to intercept some post-game twittering from the players car park.

Did you really have Murphy benched because you were so sickened by that fly ball cock up that blew the game for you against the Marlins, Johan? That's cold.

Was Danny Boy the sacrificial lamb for Santana's victory yesterday?

From Santana, nothing but silence. He can feed the boys in the interview room those fat quotes in two languages but when it comes to answering real questions, he's nowhere to be found.

"Hey Johan, buen juego. Are you ever going to let Murphy start in left field in a game you start the rest of the season?"

More silence.

But that's not even the biggest mystery. The biggest mystery is why did Keef have the day off from the broadcast booth? You think we like to be subjected to listening to Gary Cohen and Ron Darling try to out nerd themselves all afternoon with a bunch of bad puns?

Sure Keef said he had to clean out his garage and he was going to Tivo the game but who in their right mind really believes that? What kind of broadcaster takes the day off less than a dozen games into the season? Can the Mets not AFFORD to pay three announcers every game? They've got to give Keef a few days off?

Hell, to distract me from nattering on about the Mets lack of clutch hitting, I'll even discuss why MLB has a lede on the opening of Alyssa Milano's Touch Boutique at Shitty Field. Is this baseball news, a clothing line?

And not only that, perhaps a directive from whatever MLB executive she's had off in the car park, but they also forced Kevin Burkhardt to listen to a stream of banal prattle about clothes and her childhood memories. Basically, the kind of rubbish Burkhardt would have been forced to pretend to be interested in if the two of them were having dinner out somewhere and Burkhardt were trying to get her back to his hotel room.

I mean come on, do we really need to be forced fed some shitty clothing line from the woman who brought us that fascinating acting performance in Embrace of the Vampire, the "erotic" thriller?

But look, Alyssa Milano's fashion sense is as prolific as the Mets' ability to score runs in the clutch so rather than dig deeper into these mysteries, I'll just leave you with an oversized reminder of the bombardment of Touch, it's subsidiaries and of course, the futility of the Mets generally, even in victory.

At the end of of a 162 game season this is going to be a victory, nothing more, nothing less. Probably a forgotten win, one which we won't remember to bitch and complain about the Mets only scoring one run. At least the a nice strike-em-out-throw-em-out finale almost made the day bearable.

Game over!