Mets Win A Game (Start Stocking Up On Canned Goods)

Well yes, the Army nearly marched off the face of the earth recently. But, having returned from the annual pilgrimage during which it is always been hoped the Mets turn around their fortunes and go on an unprecedented hot tear (which has yet to happen in the near last half dozen UK seasons running) I see the Mets won, hmmm, one hell, let's be crazy, mebbe even TWO games in my absence.

Aye, well, success is always short-lived for these Metsies so I shant be holding me breath that they will take the series from the (gulp) still division-leading Marlins.

Having reviewed the press clippings of recent doings in the absence of the Army I would humbly present the following observations at the Game 50 mark:

"Here awa, there awa, wandering Willie,
Here awa, there awa, haud awa hame!
Come to my bosom, my ae only dearie,
And tell me thou bring'st me my Willie the same."

Robert Burns, Wandering Willie

1. Wandering Willie, aka Mr "It has to start somewhere" is still hanging on to this team by a thread. I can't help but think this is baaaaad news. Of course, the half vote of confidence is a bit disappointing but realistically it is difficult to imagine Omar fessing up to his biggest decision to date as a GM (the manager) is back-firing in his face like a bomb-maker's device exploding in a restaurant whilst the author was still on the terlet". Nooo. Yet whenever I feel certain he should be sacked I get the strange feeling that just when you're ready to give him a final kick, he's going to rise from the floor, Pedro and Johan leading the charge with a bunch of no-names following in their wake and whilst the Marlins and Braves and Phillies flail, the Mets suddenly find their ritmo and finish strong to win the NL East. Well, ok, not really. But it's a nice change of pace from idle speculation about who might be a worthy successor.

2. Give up on Mike Pelfrey already: like a girlfriend gives you hot sex once a fortnight but makes your life a living he11 in between, it's time to reassess the commitment. 0-5 6.08 ERA for May makes you think he's back to square one which was us last season wondering if he would break the Mets' consecutive losses by a pitcher record. Is really no other arm, either in the minors or amongst the free agents, capable of filling these pigeon-toed shoes?

Please, no more Perez!

3. Oliver Perez will never win NL Pitcher of the Month. That would require at least three decent starts in a row and frankly, that ent gonna happen. Quick quiz: Which is more likely, Olly putting together three consecutive quality starts or El Duque slinging off that protective boot and winning 10 games for the Mets this season? Answer is: None of the Above.

One more magical moment...

4. Pedro's Return: Yes, like the rest of the remaining faithful hordes, I too dream childishly of seeing Pedro's return, Pedro's resurrection, Pedro's swan song before retirement leading the Mets to the postseason. Quick Quiz #2: who is more likely to spend the rest of the season dancing on and off the DL; Pedro, El Duque or Moises Alou? Gotcha. Answer is: All of the Above.

Unsung heroes

5. Raise your hand, you who had Nick Evans in your Fantasy League because you knew Moises was going to be on the DL most of the season as well as his replacements and well, Double AA is sometimes such a fortuitous leap. Still, the resurgence of Evans, plus the unsung Fernando Tatis, the unexpected success of Ryan Church before the untimely concussion sends him back to reality, these are all tiny hints of the kind of unexpected contributions from unexpected sources that lead one to believe rather fantastically that the Mets are destined to overcome this malaise and rise to the occasion. Quick Quiz #3: which is more likely: Evans, Tatis or Church (any of them) continue their unexpected success or each take a miserable plunge back to reality a la Brian Schneider?
PS: Can you blame the Mets for rushing Ryan back despite all his dizziness and lethargy when he's the only guy in the lineup who consistently hits his weight? (Jose Reyes doesn't count because he doesn't weigh enough soaking wet to qualify)Answer is: The miserable plunge to reality.

Welcome back Carlos

6. Carlos Delgado Benching: About effin' time. Not only to bench him but for Wandering Willie to show that when pushed to the very edge, he's now ready to jump. Quick Quiz #4: Which is more likely, the benching/platooning of Carlos Delgado causes Carlos to rethink his apathy on the field and his incompetence at the plate and sparks a magical comeback from the dead with a massive 2nd half of the season OR, the benching/platooning merely induces more brooding and bad attitude until someone finally wises up and gives him his unconditional release? Answer is: at his present pace he will still hit 24 homers and drive in 75 but that sinking abysmal batting average and on-base average is just the sort of albatross to keep the Mets batting order in its constant state of slow, internal bleeding.

6. Food For Thought: David Wright and Carlos Beltran are still do to heat up massively at least one month this season. If they spread it out between them who knows, maybe they can inch towards third place....


sanchez said...

these random bursts of optimism juxtaposed against the usual pessimisms...is this more evidence of your bipolarity or have you switched from beer to orangina?

Jaap said...

well, it's this gnawing need to find hope where others find shit, sanchez. It isn't working very well, I assure you.

Itsmetsforme said...

epic post. and this time the team actually achieved an epic win, putting as much effort into winning as you do chronicling the disappointment. Two cheers for letting scrubs win games for you. Willie.
let the inching towards third place begin!!

Jaap said...

IMFM, yes! Let's sing to the unsung heroes. Maybe we should field only Wright, Beltran and Reyes and stick with Triple AAA and Double AA call-ups with the odd free agent everyone has forgotten about now and then...