Top Ten Reasons Why Yorvit Deal Fell Through

Passport photos reveal remarkable difference...

10. Discovery of forged Venezuelan birth certificate indicating Yorvit's actual date of birth was 1998 meaning he wasn't old enough to legally sign a contract. Met's officials insisted they were "never fooled" by the magic marker goatee Yorvit had drawn in to "make himself look older."

9. A cymnical tactical ploy in the difficult, ongoing negotiations to sign Mike Defelice as the new starting catcher because "two passed balls in 16 games" is a marked sign of defensive improvement.

8. Omar wanted to call him Yorvit Torrealba but Jeff Wilpon insisted he be called Yorman Bazardo.

7. Andrew Mongelluzzi's touching revelation that the Mets never even offered a one year contract to Paulie gave the Mets brass a guilty conscience.

6. Endy Chavez, a fellow Venezuelan, revealed that in Venezuela slang, "Yorvit" means "no arm, no bat" as in "El tiene yorvit"

5. Mets insist that Melvin Roman's demand for a Yorvit personal merchandise tent at spring training and an office for a marketing rep at Shea was a step too far in negotiating demands.

4 Scheduled physical prior to finalising the free agent contract revealed Yorvit Torrealba was pregnant by alients.

3. Mets were unable to convince Ramon Castro that Yorvit's 3 year deal was for 14.4 million Botswana pulas and his 2 year deal was for 4.6 million dollars.

2. Mets insisted on contract clause which would prevent him from moonlighting as Citysearch User Review Monitoring Team Editor

1. Omar realised he couldn't afford to sign Yorvit AND Luis Castillo to monstrously stupid ill-advised and grotesquely hyper-inflated multi-year contracts within the same month and not be considered an easy mark on the Latino free agent circuit.


sanchez said...

I wonder if it's time yet to think about sending Omar on the next raft down the East River and giving John Schuerholz a call.

PS- if you use unauthorised photos of mi hijo to decorate your blog again I'll grind your typing fingers into cachitos.

Itsmetsforme said...

i think #1 nails it.

we got rid of mota! AND picked up that catcher that shuerholtz once traded that pitcher who's name i always forget for, shocking the league. So he must be good.

Jaap said...

scheurholz? why not bring back steve phillips - doesn't he play a fucking baseball GM genius on tv?

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