Heeheehee Hohoho Hahaha, 8-1

The long anticipated debut of the much heralded Fatty Garcia, the saviour of the Team To Beat pitching staff and pitching piñata to Mets hitters last night ended to the sour tune of 8 hits and 3 runs over a meagre 4 2/3 innings.



Team to Beat or Beaten Team, one must wonder given the Phillies 3-9 start, worst since 1997 when they finished with a mere 68 victories - Last night at home they managed as many hits (8) as the Mets did runs.

But good news, sportsfans. Not all the starting pitching was bad last night.

Tom Glavine managed a nearly impermeable 6 innings of 6 hit, one run pitching albeit to the choppy tune of 5 walks surrendered on the way to gaining his 293rd career victory.

Plucky. If Glavine pitches like this (4 starts, 3 victories, 2.73 ERA) when it's 46 degrees or colder and with a relentless 25 mph gusting wind in his gob, just imagine what he's going to pitch like in the humid summer months when he can firmly grip the ball without his fingers freezing to it. And for that matter, with victory 293 in hand can we peek 7 starts ahead and guess which team he will handcuff for number 300? Dare we suggest in Atlanta on 24th May? Oh my, we are getting giddy. However, that's probably unrealistic. How about against Barry Zero and the Giants at Shea on the last day of May?

Aye but funnier still is the collective romp through the Philly subconscious.



Four games played, three victories and having outscored the Team To Beat (to a shell-shocked and stumbling, perhaps even bloodied, pulp) by a collective 26-14 margin it would be hilarious if not a bit premature to suggest the Phillies are already in the rearview mirror because look 5 ½ games behind despite having played only 12 is hardly insurmountable. Just pathetic.

You like that Phillies Phunny Boyz? Team To Bloody Beat? Is that the tune you like to sing? (sung to the tune of Three Blind Mice...)

Team To Beat,
Team To Beat,
See how they lose,
See how they lose!

They all ran after
The first place spot
The Phillies blew it
from the very start
Did you ever see
Such a sight in your life
The Team To Beat?

(admittedly not as funny as Phillies manager challenging a radio "personality" to fight but then again, I'm not the one losing 9 out of my first 12 games of the season, am I then?)

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And how about auldman Moises last night, eh? His first two homers of the season and a fantastic stab at Jayson Werth's fly ball to end the 6th and final inning for Tom Glavine. Three runs and three RBIs in three at-bats. Batting average up to .341, tops among regulars.



"The length of my contract does not really matter at this point in my career," Alou said this winter after signing the one-year deal with the Mets. "I wanted to come here because this year I wanted to win."

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But those were only headliners. More intricate pieces in the team to beat puzzle was the Mets' bullpen act, growing headier by the day.

Pedro Feliciano and Joe Smith remain unscored upon this season, 13 scoreless innings combined after last night's 7th and 8th zero spinning. 13 scoreless innings and a grand total of 7 hits surrendered.

And who was that closing the 9th with a scoreless caper of his own?

Ambiorix Burgos, that's who. And no, I'm not going to reduce myself to reducing him, due to his name, to some cheap second-rate McDonald's character. I will make the effort, for he is my Met, to learn the 8 simple letters of his forename: Ambio Rex Burgos Burgos, the new secretary of late batting plate disfunction, author of the Triple Digit Express, Bullpen Cheese Burgos, Number 40, Ambiorix "Wayne" Burgos...


statue of Ambiorix in Tongeren

"Ambiorix became a Belgian national hero because of his resistance against Julius Caesar, as written down in Caesar's Commentarii de Bello Gallico."

no kidding.

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Paul LoDuca took a nasty Chase Muttley foul tip off the auld digitus secundus last night but the good news is it's "only" a bone bruise.