Psst: Glavine, Don't Pitch Against the Braves

"I certainly have something to work on," - Tom Glavine, following yet another humiliating outing against his former team.

One thing you can say about Tom Glavine is that at least he's consistent.

Since jumping from the Braves to the Mets for more money, Tom Glavine has started seven regular season games for the Mets against the Braves.

His record is 1-6 with an 8.76 ERA, 53 hits and 36 runs, 12 homers and 18 walks surrendered in 37 inglorious innings of ineptitude.

Yesterday, in a Spring Training showdown against the Brave, Glavine, who prior to yesterday had been having a brilliant Spring, reverted back to his faux Braves form, allowing six runs and nine hits in 5 2-3 innings. The lefty gave up two home runs to Wilson Betemit, a utility infielder who has hit .261 during the past three years at Triple-A Richmond, and another to Ryan Langerhans, who is hitting just .176 (6-for-34) this spring.

The Good News is, the rest of the Mets pitchers did not give up a run against the Braves.

Seriously: shouldn't Glavine consider coming up lame on the days he's due to pitch against the Braves? Perhaps we could designate someone like Matt Ginter, who in the wake of the Ishii trade now has nothing better to do, as Tom Glavine's second when the Mets face the Braves. He certainly can't do any worse.

*****

Don't look now, but Cryin Mike Cameron says he's optimistic about being ready to play by Opening Day.

Oh, joy. Cameron had two hits, including a double, and a stolen base in six at-bats against a team comprised of St. Louis minor leaguers and suddenly, he's ready to face major league pitching.

Hopefully, this doesn't mean he'll push Victor Diaz out of the starting lineup. Diaz, who hit a three run homer yesterday, is still hitting .304 this spring.

And hey, if Cameron is a defensive whiz in rightfield and hits .300 and 30 homers, sure, let's have him and perhaps eventually, somewhere during the season he'll redeem himself for his ridiculous behaviour this offseason but really, should he be rewarded with an opening day start if he is ready when we've got an eager young Met in Diaz to take his place?

*****

Ishii threw his first bullpen under the watchful eye of pitching coach Rick Peterson and the first three pitches sailed high and far into the bleachers (relax -- just a joke).

Ishii said he was a little nervous and added that he would try to adapt to what Peterson told him, but that it was too soon to tell how it would all work out.

Did You Know that Ishii is 2-0 with a 1.50 ERA in both his Shea Stadium starts?

Funnier still, Ishii's head shrinks on the days he pitches.

When the Mets equipment manager asked Ishii for his cap size, the pitcher provided two answers -- 7 1/8 and 7 1/4 -- even though he has one head. Matsumoto The Translator subsequently explained that the pitcher prefers the larger cap for everyday wear at the ballpark.

"The smaller one is for games," Matsumoto said. "It helps him concentrate."

If that's the case, why doesn't he wear a size 5 for the games and win the Cy Young award?

*****

Ramon Castro belted the game-winning homer in the 10th, his second in as many days and third of the spring. Maybe he can assault baseballs as well as he assaults women.

"Ramon's doing a nice job," Manager Willie said. "Without Jason [Phillips] here maybe he can relax a little bit. I didn't know a lot about him going in but he showed some pop today. He's been working pretty hard all spring. He's been pretty focused."

Well, Manager Willie better be pretty certain because with Piazza's propensity for getting injured these last few seasons and all his Married Mike talk philosophising about the sunset of his career, whomever it is playing backup is probably going to see alot of playing time.

*****

On Tuesday, they announced a five-year agreement that makes Banco Popular the "official" bank of the Mets.

Now tell me THIS isn't another ploy by Omar to lure the latinos to the Mets...

Yeah, let's get the Spanish bank to sponsor us so all the latino players know we've got mucho dinero to lure them with.

I'd have thought the official bank of the Mets, as if christ only knows why there needed to be one, would have been the Wilpons' bank, wouldn't you?

Anyway, this official bank of the Mets agreement includes substantial advertising and community outreach opportunities for Banco Popular, including the operation of all ATMs at Shea Stadium.

So now you can pay for your chorizos and cervezas in pesos.

By the way:

¡la fiebre del béisbol, lo coge!